Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Brothers. The game series is owned by Nintendo with it developed by Sora, HAL Laboratory, and/or Bandai Namco. Please support the original games by purchasing and play them for what they are and the enjoyment they bring.
Author's Note: Good day, folks. I am ForgottenBeastI used to make fan fictions here years ago until I lost the need to do them. I've decided to return under a new name and have a new fan fiction ready. Keep in mind that while this fan fiction does refer to an individual who played a character that's not supposed to be taken seriously, this piece of literature is also not meant to be taken seriously and is not supposed to attack the individual but rather parodies the response videos that were negative to said character. Other than that, please enjoy reading this fan fiction.
Master Hand responds to Chad Warden
Special Guest appearance: Tabuu
Written by ForgottenBeast
*Cue "We Fly High" by 'Ballin' Jim Jones.
A MASTER HAND PRODUCTION
Inside an old building, we see Master Hand, the chairman of the fighting institution known as Smash Quarters, staying afloat over a giant desk, browsing through the internet. He was shaking his entire body in disbelief until he noticed the cameras were rolling, He quickly got himself prepped up for his long speech.
"Hello. My name is Master Hand, the manifestation of creation in the very universe of Super Smash Brothers. The video I'm making now is for this one individual who calls himself Chad Warden, or C-Wizzy or whatever the hell his name is." He began before cracking his knuckles. His entire body float across the room so he can rest in front of the table.
"The gentleman in question made these videos about the PS3 and why he thinks the system is awesome. Frankly, what I saw...was funny at first but as the videos go on, it would eventually become what I considered to be the biggest load of trash I ever saw in my entire life! How can anyone even find this video remotely interesting in the slightest?! Everything he says in the video defies logic and it's also very offensive now that I think about it. Okay, I think everyone gets the picture..." Master Hand ranted on until he hear a knock on the door.
"Oh? I wonder who that is?" Master Hand asked.
Suddenly, the room was slowly getting dark until the windows behind Master Hand breaks, causing him to take cover. Emerging from the broken window is a blue transparent humanoid figure with a ring for a heart and have strange wings on his back. This figure would be one of Master Hand's most hated enemy.
"Did someone say...Chad Warden in here?" The figure speaks. Master Hand recovered from the window wreckage, saw the figure, and "glared" at him.
"It's you… Tabuu!" Master Hand exclaims while pointing at him dramatically.
"Oh please… Don't start with that now. I'm here because I heard someone is talking about this Chad Warden person." Tabuu explained.
"Yeah, that will be me. There! You got your answer. Now beat it!" Master Hand said in an angry fashion.
"Why can't I join you?" Tabuu asked curiously.
"Because...I haven't forgotten what you did to me in the Subspace Emissary. Now fuck off!" Master Hand exclaimed.
"You're still bitter over that? Really? You're too much."
Tabuu's wings started to disappear and he decided to sit on Master Hand's favorite chair. Master Hand didn't like that and started a row with Tabuu.
"Hey! Get your ass out of the chair! It's mine!" He exclaimed.
"Oh hush now! You have no ass so why bother?" Tabuu defended his actions.
Master Hand was about to come out with a response but he stopped as he realize that Tabuu had a point. He looked down in defeat.
"I see your point." He said.
"Besides, we have something in common here and that's the dilemma with this Chad Warden feller. So what do you say? Should we team up?" Tabuu asked.
"...Very well. Just this once, I suppose." Master hand said.
"So where do we begin?" Tabuu asked.
"Let's start off with the points Chad Warden is trying to make in his video." Master Hand said while turning back to the camera.
"I know what some of his points are; he said the PS3 will get people girls, girls are only good for sucking dick, and that he and Sony always wins." Tabuu said in an unenthusiastic tone.
"That's the problem I have here; first off, how does owning a video game will allow you to get the attraction of the female population? I don't understand that; I know that there are girl gamers but do all of the female population really have an interest in the system? Not trying to be sexist here but everyone has their own tastes, you know. And secondly, girls are only good for sucking dick?! Are you kidding me?! Not only is that the most disgusting and the most degrading thing I ever heard but you obviously haven't played Super Smash Bros at all. What about Peach, Samus, and Zelda?" Master Hand exclaimed.
"Yeah. I agree. Samus, Peach and Zelda have proved their worth from time to time and they were even major parts of the Subspace Emissary. They've managed to get past my traps and managed to face me in my hideout, but you're so full of yourself that you can't even think straight. Even though Peach can be a bit of an airhead, she knows how to get the job done when the time arises for her to fight for her life." Tabuu said while spinning around Master Hand's chair, an act that said individual choose to ignore.
"And you even diss Brawl. We don't even need a 'brother' in this series because while I love mayhem, I don't need chaos that is deemed uncontrollable. I got enough of that with my crazy brother who I locked up in the asylum in the meantime and I already got that with Mr. Game and Watch who decided to play Mr. Drug Dealer in this town so...yeah, I don't really need a 'brother' up in here." Master Hand roared in anger.
"Not to mention that you think Sony will always win? By the time you made that video and the PS3 and the Wii came out, the PS3 only had like two games and that's about it. For a launch day, that's not a very good number of games since the purpose of those launch titles was to get the interest of consumers. And the PS3 had little momentum due to its ridiculous price tag at the time so chances are the system might not sell well unless there's a reasonable price drop. So you screwed up big time by simply saying that since that $600 price tag can scare people from buying it. In other words, lack of sales. Even with the PS3 now kicking ass, you should have never said that in the first place." Master Hand pointed out before stopping once more to speak again.
"Oh wait! That reminds me! Do you even HAVE a PS3, Chad? No, I don't think so because you never even showed it in the first place. All you did was show that fake wad of cash around and that big car of yours like you're some hot shot. The only thing relevant out of the two would be the former since you could have use that shit to buy you a PS3 and show it off in the camera, but you didn't. So before you can even talk about the PS3, show it off first and talk about it in a more direct fashion. Along with that, provide factual information along with conclusive evidence to back your shit up." Master Hand said while flying away but not before he was stopped by Tabuu.
"And didn't he also made a comment about Final Fantasy?" Tabuu asked.
"I think he did. Why? What's that got to to do with anything we're saying?" Master Hand answered.
"He said something about the PS1 having Final Fantasy VII...even though the Nintendo consoles had Final Fantasy I through VI." Tabuu pressed on.
"You screwed up there as well, Chad Daddy, because even though Final Fantasy VII is considered one of most popular games in the series of all time, Nintendo had the series first and the many games that came out on their consoles made numerous changes and edits in order to give the birth to your beloved and overrated Final Fantasy VII. Besides, what does Final Fantasy VII have to do with the PS3? All of the stuff you're mentioning barely had anything to do with the console itself so your comments are not even valid to say the least. How about you do your research before you comment about the PS3 and give valid reasons on why the system is good? Oh wait, I said that before but I'm saying it again because of your follow up videos which you haven't learned a damn thing from the previous. Get an education, will ya?" said Master Hand before going to the right wall.
"What are you doing?" Tabuu asked.
Master Hand didn't reply as he was knocking the wall a couple of times. When he did that, one of the walls move to the left to reveal a safe. The safe is lovely and had a combination lock. Master Hand inputted the combination lock and removed the door to find a Nintendo Wii inside of it along with the Wii Remote hanging on the side. Master Hand picked up the items and faced towards the camera while holding it.
"It had also come to my attention that you also dissed the Nintendo Wii for its controller. You said the Wii Remote is like a dildo and that you won't play your game on it because of that." Master Hand pointed out.
"...Actually, I kind of agree with Chad Warden on this one." Tabuu said, causing Master Hand to be somewhat shocked.
"What are you saying?! The Wii Remote practically designed to be like a TV remote or even a DVD remote!" Master Hand yelled.
"Yeah but look at it carefully. Not only is it small, but the fact it can also vibrate drives the dildo part right at home, dude. There's also the fact that there are erotic pictures of Samus using it to tease viewers as such. Think about it." Tabuu spoke in a blunt fashion.
Master Hand was somewhat outraged since Tabuu wished to team up with him regarding the issue of the world's most ballin' PS3 fanatic. Now all of a sudden, the ruler of Subspace is siding with the enemy. Master Hand wanted to give Tabuu a piece of his mind but he couldn't because of two things. Number one would be that Tabuu overpowered him once and control him for his nefarious purposes in the Subspace Emissary which thankfully ended on a high note after the production studio finished the last take of the game's final cutscenes with little problems. Number two would be the fact that now that he thought about it, he realized that Tabuu brought up a very interesting point so he can't really say anything to counter it, especially the part about Samus using it for erotic purposes. He can relate to something similar to that with one of the mini-games from Mario Party 8 where you have to shake the can (by shaking the Wii Remote) in order to make it spray further than the opponents, giving a rather negative impression of masturbation.
"Okay, Tabuu. You made your point. Very well, I'll give you that one, Chad Warden...even though I still think it's twisted." Master Hand sighed.
"Uh, we're already twisted enough as is." Tabuu said bluntly.
"Uh, not really. The most twisted part comes from something that he said which actually made me laugh not too long ago. You see when I was discussing with Wario who was one of our new members for the roster in Brawl, he brought up something about Chad Warden mentioning that he will only get a Wii to play some 'Wario Ware: Shove It Up Yo Own Ass Game' which actually left Wario laughing due to how ludicrous it sounds." Master Hand said while trying to stop himself from laughing.
Tabuu looked at Master Hand weirdly and said, "...I'm sorry. Wario Ware what?"
"Wario Ware: Shove It Up Yo Own Ass Game. He did say something like that. It is funny that he would say something like that. Imagine if he would play something like that!" Master Hand laughed.
Tabuu didn't find it funny at all. He found it stupid since Chad is basically insulting himself in the process. But the kicker comes when he said, "What about his comment towards Devil May Cry?"
"Oh that?" Master Hand began while recovering from his laughter. "Screw it! I don't care what happened"
Tabuu looked at Master Hand as if he's crazy...though not as crazy as Crazy Hand perhaps. Master Hand looked away out to the window and saw a broken Xbox 360 on the grass found within his field. He was tempted to fetch it but then a random Koopa Troopa came out with a leaf blower and sucked the remains of the system inside and went off to continue doing his business. With a sigh, Master Hand turned back to the camera and being once more.
"To be honest, I don't really care about what happen to the Xbox 360. I know we're not playing 'geometry' but that's not the point of these consoles including the PS3 or the PS Triple as you like to call it. The point is that every system has their own characteristics and ups and downs. It's not about you; it's about every gamer or anyone who is interested in these products. Not these fake sexist gangster wannabes who have these spiked hairs. Okay, maybe it's about the people who got a lot of cash to get them but you're not doing anyone any favors by making those videos." Master Hand spoke in a matter of fact tone.
"Come to think of it, the only favor he'll be doing is for people who are getting some laughs. Whether if it's at him or with him, I don't know." Tabuu said.
"Hmm...I see. But...to tell the truth, I do have to admit that it was Nintendo's fault that Sony entered the gaming market and possibly screwing themselves over." Master Hand began while getting the attention of Tabuu. "You see, I think long ago, Nintendo wanted to create a CD add-on for the Super Nintendo but they later severed the agreement when it was later discovered that Sony will have the rights to make the games for it and some of the officials didn't like that agreement."
Tabuu looked at Master Hand with a questioning face and said, "So let me guess; they took what remained of that work and recreate it to the PS1?"
"Yeah...and Nintendo suffered their first major defeat so in that regards, Sony won and it carried over to the PS2 as well." Master Hand answered.
"And now your saying that the PS3 might be their downfall?" Tabuu asked.
"It could be. Nothing's ever final until the very end but these systems are still young. Which is another reason why I'm irritated with Chad here...despite the fact that we're no better." Master Hand said.
"Hmm...I see." Tabuu said.
"So Chad, I'm not gonna say you're full of shit...because quite frankly, other people who reacted to you already said that but I realized that we are more alike in some ways. I'm not gonna call you names...I'm gonna say that next time you want to prove a point, try to back it up with evidence and that's all I want to say. Because there's a part of me that actually liked some of your twisted ways of thinking. So...with that said, I want to end this video by saying...want to go for a drink one day?" Master Hand asked.
"Why you're asking him over? And why for a drink?" Tabuu asked once more.
"There was another video which shows him eating sushi with what I think are his friends and in there, he seemed like a swell guy. This leads me to believe that there may be more to Chad Warden than what he let on in his other videos...and that's another part of him that makes me interested in him in the first place. What if the Chad Warden we're seeing is not the real one but rather the one that's hiding within a facade? I don't know the answer...but I do want to seek him out one day. And who knows, since he considers himself to be a ballin' individual, maybe one day I can make him my successor?" Master Hand said.
"So wait? Despite the videos regarding his ridiculous reasons to own a PS3, you would be willing hand over the keys to the Smash universe to him?! Not to mention, did you know that you've basically contradicted yourself?!" Tabuu asked in fear.
"Damn straight and of course I do! Despite all of that, I feel that he has a lot of potential and if he can be steered in the right direction, he might be able to take my place here." Master Hand said with finality before pressing on. "Besides, you supported him earlier!"
"I...well...I...to hell with you!" Tabuu exclaimed before disappearing back into his Subspace dimension. Master Hand chuckled as he looked back at the camera and said one familiar word.
"BALLIN'!"
*Cue "We Fly High" by 'Ballin' Jim Jones.
Don't hate cuz Master Hand be….BALLIN'!
THE END
And that's the end for now. Sorry if I cut it too abrupt but it's been a long time since I've written fan fiction so I had to make this one as short as possible. Anyways, despite transition from one college to another, I'm hoping to write more fan fiction in this site and hoping that others can enjoy my work. With that said, I'll see you guys later. Ciao!