Friday nights are not meant for studying!! So I decided to write another oneshot! Just my musings on snow- these are my views of some of Max's thoughts during Saving The World and Other Extreme Sports when they 'break-up'. Sad- but I'm in the middle of exams so can you really blame me?? Lol =] Let me know what you think as always, it will cheer me up while I 'study' (cough-fanfiction-cough!) ;)
Dusty darkness still settled heavily over the world. Flecks of glitter begin to tumble from the sky, the next fall of snow. It changes everything it touches- no more emerald grass, just a soft, white blanket. And as I sit on the roof, I watch it cover up all the footprints until I can make myself believe that they never existed. It whites-out all the mistakes, erases them and makes them disappear until everything is a smooth, perfect blanket once more. I wished desperately that I could get rid of my own errors that easily.
Inside the vacation home, sit two girls, a dog and an unwanted guest. Unwanted by everyone but me. And that was the reason I was sitting on the roof with icy tears sliding down my nose. I shouldn't be crying- I left him… but that doesn't make the pain any more bearable. I haven't just lost him, I've lost half my family- half my spirit and half of my life. Was it worth it? For a person that had tried to kill me, who was going to die soon… was that worth losing half of my family to be left crying silently in the snow? Maybe not… but it was cold outside. Bitterly cold, and snowing. Without me he would have been left alone in the frozen world where no one cared.
I clenched my hands together and balled my fists into my brimming eyes. Why couldn't he understand? I wasn't doing this to hurt him, I wasn't choosing anyone over him. Not really. I wouldn't be able to choose anyone over him, it was all him. It always was. He was my right-hand man and I needed him- despite what I led him to believe. But now he was gone and I couldn't breathe right.
There was an attic window to my left in the roof. A frosted over piece of glass. The pane of glass itself was an image of beauty. Swirls of ice decorated the window like spiralling plumes of smoke trapped in time and pasted to a transparent backdrop. Angel would say that Jack Frost had been leaping about during the night, beneath the ethereal glow of the moon suspended up high with all the silvery stars. A sprightly man that bounded through the dew-dropped fields with his paintbrush in hand, pausing to spread wonderful works of glistening art on every available surface as he went. Illuminating and highlighting the magnificence already present, such as the glistening web decorated with raindrop diamonds. He signs each artistic feat with a frosty flourish. But I don't think he is real. It all sounds too perfect and idyllic. Perfect didn't exist in my world- not by a long-shot. The artistic masterpiece was just the weather, the bitter coldness that chilled my body- not an elfish man who painted swirling graffiti.
"You're making your worst mistake, and it's going to cost you."
Was I making a mistake? I had just split up my inseparable family… H-E- Double Hockey Sticks, I had screwed up. Mistake was a slight understatement. Big mistake. Horrible, awful, irreparable mistake. The only way to fix it would be to apologise… but I was too stubborn for that- and they were long gone. All my boys. My brothers and comrades. My friends and family. All gone- like the footprints in the faded snow. I was angry with him… but I was angrier with myself. My insides felt like they were tearing me up and acid churned in my stomach. I wanted to hurl up my canned ravioli behind one of the frosted trees. The ones that glimmered under the moonlight with their diamond-like drops of solid water.
Drops of wet snow fell lightly onto my cheek- melting instantly on my skin. Small smatterings of hailstones landed briefly with clinking sounds against the slate before fading away to make room for the snow once more. Was he looking up at the sky too, wishing he could turn back the clock? Were they safe and warm? Did they miss me, did their hearts ache and shiver as much as mine? I wanted them to come back, I wasn't whole without them. Not at all, I was empty and incomplete. I needed them back, I needed him back. But he was just as stubborn as I was- and he had more reason to stay away then he had to come back to me.
My thoughts were desperate- I would do anything. Because this was wrong- people obeyed me, I was the one that always ran away. So why was I the one left out in the cold in trickles of tears and unconquerable pain. All the words played over in my head- all the confrontations, the arguments, the reassuring sentiments. All the images of his face ingrained in my mind. All the feelings of his skin on mine- soothing circles being rubbed on my back, soft lips pressed against my own as soft as the gentle landing of snow. He was everywhere… but nowhere near me.
The cold sent a shiver down my spine and my teeth chattered uncontrollably. The others would be worried and if I didn't get off this roof I would get pneumonia… or bird-flu. I had to go inside- to the small remainder of my family. And the man who chased away the rest of it at my insistence and acceptance. It was my fault, it was my worst mistake and it would truly cost me. It had already started, my tears and the empty vacuum in my chest told me that. The stars twinkled around the moon, as though coyly winking. They taunted me with their bright happiness. The snow keeps falling- beautiful and magical… but all I feel is the cold.
I wondered if he felt it too. If he could see the same heartbreaking beauty and feel my unending sense of loss. The snow masked up the footprints that had spoiled the flawless white blanket of unmarked perfection. Erasing all the blunders. Getting rid of the minor indiscretions. But it couldn't cover up my major mistakes… and he wouldn't come back.
Maybe he was staring up at those tumbling, glittering snowflakes too. Maybe he felt empty and alone. But I had made the mistake, and he was gone.
Fang was sitting under a different sky, looking at different stars and watching different snow flakes… without me. My mistake was costing me and no amount of snow could gloss over it or cover my pain.
Fang was gone and all I could feel was the cold.