A/N: This is the newest collaboration between myself (M3535) and Zayhad. The raw material is the result of a long RP between the two of us. It will be processed and edited as we go along. So although the RP is already written, it will take a while rewriting it as a fanfiction. We will publish a new chapter every Thursday, and rest assured that the story will not be abandoned (unless we both die in a plane crash or something). We hope very much you will like it!

No romance/pairings. Rating is for abuse and violence.

Zayhad will make an illustration for some of the chapters. To see them, go to deviantart dot com and look up Zayhad. She has a folder in her gallery with the story's name on it. I will make a notice at the bottom of the chapters that have an illustration. And if you would like to leave a comment on the art but don't have a Deviantart account, you're welcome to make the comment it in a review here. Zayhad will be most pleased. Also, comments on her art will motivate her to make more. During our previous stories she has made art for every single chapter, but because comments were sparse she kind of lost motivation, and this time she will only draw for some of the chapters. But as I said, the more motivation you give her, the more chapters will get an illustration ?

Disclaimer: Although we have done quite a lot of researched and both have personal experience with mental illness, we are not professionals, and we know some conditions better than others. We will also remind you that this is a work of fiction – not a textbook – so we have taken certain liberties along the way. Although there is a good deal of humour in the story, we have great respect for everybody with a mental illness and know that no condition is fun to have.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to J. K. Rowling.

WARNINGS: Violence, death, suicide/suicide attempts, mentions of abuse (physical, emotional, and sexual)

Chapter 1 – What Made You Want to Get into Mental Health?

The wind blew cold in his hair and rain hit his face like small bullets of ice. He stood on the rail of the bridge, faintly aware of people shouting behind him. Not that he cared. He had made up his mind. He was going to jump. His long fringe hung into his eyes and his frail body was trembling from the cold. He was only wearing a dirty t-shirt and boxer shorts. His icy hands could barely hold onto the rail.

"Lad -" a voice sounded from behind. "Lad, I'm going to move up beside you. Don't move..."

He loosened his grip on the rail. He would fly for a moment and then it would all end.

"No!" several voices sounded, and he was grabbed by the arm and pulled back over the rail. They held him down on the cold pavement, talking to him with words he barely registered. He struggled to get free but they were much too strong for him. All he could think was, why? Why wouldn't they just let him die?

o0o0o

St Mungo's Psychiatric Hospital lay on the outskirts of Greater London. It was a big hospital with many wards and many patients. A young woman in her early twenties came walking up the path leading to the main entrance. She had flaming red hair and bright green eyes. She stopped for a moment to study the building before going into the entrance hall. At the information desk she gave her name and stated her business.

"Just a moment," said the clerk and picked up a phone. "Hello? A Lily Evans is here. A new nurse in training." She put down the phone a moment later and looked up. "Someone will be right down to get you."

Moments later a woman with long dirty-blond hair came walking towards the front desk. She stopped in front of Lily, offering her hand. "Hello," she beamed. "I'm Doctor Lovegood, one of two psychiatrists at the adolescent ward. Please call me Pandora instead of Doctor Lovegood, I prefer that, even with the patients. I believe it makes them feel more on a level with me, if you know what I mean. Well, I've been asked to show you around and get you settled in before you meet with Doctor Dumbledore. He's our chief psychiatrist, and I can tell you he's one of the best in the country. He has loads of experience and we're lucky to have him on our ward. He's been here a few years now, and the overall improvement is evident. You will like him."

"Lily Evans," Lily smiled when Doctor Lovegood finally stopped talking. "I'm looking forward to seeing the ward!"

They headed down the long hallway and Doctor Lovegood started explaining. "Here is the adolescent ward," she said as she unlocked a big glass door. We usually have around twenty patients here. Everyone a sad soul with their own problems, but I believe we are making a difference for them."

A teenage boy came running down the hallway and stopped right in front of them. His face split into a grin. "Hi, Pandora! Who is this? Is she new? She's wicked pretty! Don't you think? Love your hair! What's your name?"

"I'm Lily," smiled Lily. "Lovely to meet you."

Doctor Lovegood fished out a small ball from her pocket and handed it to the boy who immediately started bouncing it up and down. "This is James. He's having a hypomanic episode, but he's a real charmer."

"I am!" James beamed. "A charmer, that is. But I'm not manic – I just love life!" He then stuck out his arms out like an airplane and raced back the way he had come. "I can flyyyyyy."

"Is he bipolar? asked Lily.

Doctor Lovegood nodded. "We haven't seen one of his depressive episodes yet. This manic episode has lasted three months so far. A long one. It's what landed him in here. He was picked up playing chicken with a train." She sent Lily a smile and changed the subject. "So – what made you want to get into mental health?"

"Well, I always found the psychiatry lessons in nursing school the most exciting. Also, I have experience with depression in my family, so I know how hard it can be to live with a mental illness. And I have always been good at talking with people – especially those who are shy or troubled. So, I thought I could put that to good use in a place like this."

An elderly man with lively blue eyes and a kind face stepped out of an office just as they passed. "Ah, Pandora – is this Miss Evans?" He reached out his hand to Lily when Doctor Lovegood confirmed his question. "Albus Dumbledore, chief psychiatrist. Lovely to meet you, Miss Evans."

"Likewise," smiled Lily as she shook his hand. "I'm looking forward to my stay and hope I can be of some use."

"I am sure you can," smiled the doctor. "We can always use another caring hand at the ward. Our patients need all the compassion and understanding they can get. Pandora, if you don't mind, I will steal away Miss Evans for a moment."

Doctor Lovegood nodded. "I have a session in twenty minutes, but I will ask Molly to continue the tour when you are done."

"We received a new patient last night," said Doctor Dumbledore as he started walking down the corridor, Lily following. "I was just about to go welcome and evaluate him, and I thought it would be interesting for you to come along. The police brought him in last night, having prevented him jumping off a bridge. We don't know who he is. He hasn't spoken a word neither to the police nor us. He was very upset when they brought him in, so the night crew sedated him, but he should be clear now."

He stopped in front of a door and unlocked it. Inside, a small fragile looking boy was sitting on a bed with his legs pulled up to his chest. When he saw them he pushed himself back against the wall as if trying to vanish into it. Doctor Dumbledore sat down a good three metres away from the boy, clearly to not make him feel cornered. Lily sat down by the window.

The old doctor smiled kindly. "Welcome to St Mungo's. It is a hospital, but I like to think of it as more of a hotel. We do everything we can to make our guests feel welcome and comfortable. Sometimes I wish I were a guest myself, instead of one of the staff," he chuckled. When the boy showed no sign of loosening up, the doctor continued," I'm Doctor Dumbledore and I'm only here to help you. Whatever made you get up on that bridge, I'm sure we can help you deal with. What is your name, my boy?""

The boy said nothing. Instead, his breathing picked up and he hugged his legs even closer to his chest. He was still wearing the dirty clothes he came in with even though clean clothes had been laid out for him.

"This is Lily," said Dumbledore. "She's a new nurse, just arrived. She's a very nice young lady – I could tell that the moment I met her. I'm a quite good judge of character, I will have you know."

"Hi," smiled Lily.

The boy's eyes fell on Lily and he seemed to calm down a little.

"Well, I hope you will open up to us eventually," said Doctor Dumbledore, the smile still on his face. "We will let you get some rest now. You can change into the clean clothes and even take a shower if you wish. The bathroom is right there." When Dumbledore raised his arm to point at the door to the bathroom on the other side of the room, the boy flew off the bed and scrambled into the far corner. The doctor quickly retreated. "I am sorry if I invaded your personal space," he apologised. "We will leave and give you some peace. Lily will look in on you later, all right?"

They left the room and Doctor Dumbledore locked the door. "I would like for you to look in on him later. He seemed to not fear you."

"Sure," agreed Lily. "So it's fine on my own?"

"Oh, yes. This boy is not likely to be dangerous. And in any case, you will have your alarm. Did you get one yet? Else, ask Molly to give you one."

They walked down to the common room where they were met by a stout woman with hair as red as Lily's. She greeted them with a smile and took Lily's hand in both of hers. "I'm Molly," she said and waved over another nurse. "This is Arthur, my husband, and you must be Lily."

Lily introduced herself. She immediately liked Molly with her apple-red cheeks and welcoming smile. She seemed the definition of motherly.

Molly gave her an alarm and told her to wear it at all times, although she shouldn't fear for her safety. "The staff is rarely attacked. The patients do, however, fight amongst themselves sometimes. We have a few with tempers." They came to a stop as they reached the common room. "Evan over there –" she pointed at a brown-haired young man sprawled on one of the couches – "and Sirius" – she pointed out an extremely good looking boy of about 18 – "they both get into fights quite often, mostly with each other. Sirius likes to smash things as well when he gets angry, which he easily does. He's actually a good lad, but he has so much anger inside that he doesn't know how to control. But when you think about his history it's not that strange."

"And who is that?" Lily asked and nodded towards a much smaller boy who sat with a book. He looked a lot like Sirius, but he looked younger than the ward's minimum age of 15.

"That's Regulus, Sirius' brother. He's such a darling." Molly sighed. "Poor boy. You've heard of the Knights of Walpurgis? Well, of course you have. It's been all over the news for the past four months. Well, Regulus lived in it. His brother too, but he ran away when he was Regulus' age. The cult is all poor Regulus has ever known."

"That cult the police raided?" Lily looked at Molly in surprise and then back at the small boy, who seemed to have withdrawn to his own little world. "Terrible, what they did."

"Poor boy," Molly sighed again. "First he tried to run away like his brother had done four years earlier. Then he tried to kill himself."

A girl with blond cork screw curls came over and interrupted. "Hey, who's that?"

"I'm Lily – the new nurse in training," Lily smiled.

"I'm Rita," the girl said and looked Lily up and down. "I don't know if you know, but I'm the pretty girl of the ward. Just so you know."

Lily smiled. "I'll remember."

"Come," said Molly. "We best hurry up if we are to catch Doctor Crouch before lunch."

o0o0o

St Mungo's chief of staff didn't even bother to get up from his chair as they entered. "So – you're the new nurse in training. Well... welcome to St Mungo's. I am Doctor Bartemius Crouch." He finally got up from his seat and shook Lily's hand in a firm grip. "Take a seat and I will run you through our rules. First rule: do not attempt to stop a violent patient on your own. We have some fine guards for that. Rule number two: don't get too personal with the patients. You need to keep a professional distance. And rule number three: don't trust the patients. They are ill and will use whatever tricks they can against you." Doctor Crouch leaned back in his chair and fixed Lily with hard eyes. "Is that clear? We are not their friends. Our job is to keep the community safe from them, and of course cure who can be cured. Some of these patients are dangerous, so keep that in mind."

Lily was more than a little taken aback at the coldness of the doctor. How could anyone succeed in getting a patient better with that kind of attitude? She chose to not say anything, however, and just nodded. She was new, and it was probably not a good idea to criticise the chief of staff as one of the first things.

"Good. You may leave and get to work," he said and waved both of them out.

"It's a good thing you didn't ask questions," Molly said as they walked down the back to the ward. "He doesn't like that. And he doesn't listen, anyway."

"I could sense that," said Lily, still a little shocked.

"He has a certain amount of respect for Dumbledore and his opinions, but that's about it. The good thing is that he gives him quite free reins to run the adolescent ward, so we don't have to deal with him too much. If you ask me, the man is more concerned with the power of his position than the patients. But I suppose that's a trait you often find in top leaders, isn't it?" Molly sighed. "Well, let's introduce you to the rest of the staff!"

The first person they met as they re-entered the adolescent ward was a tall, broad-shouldered black man. He shook Lily's hand and introduced himself. "Kingsley Shacklebolt, senior guard. If a situation gets out of control, I'm here to help you. As well as my colleagues – John Dawlish and Thorfinn Rowle. The three of us work at this ward full time, but we get assistance from a few guards who serve at different wards when needed. There is always at least one guard on duty, and most of the time two."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Shacklebolt," said Lily. At first glance, the large man looked a little intimidating with his muscular built and serious expression, but when his face broke in a smile, Lily liked him immediately.

"Call me Kingsley," the big guard smiled. "We all go by first name here, except for the doctors. Well, with the exception of Doctor Lovegood – she insists on going by her first name."

"Yes, I've already met her," smiled Lily.

"Well, then you know. Oh, and then there's Dawlish: we used to have two Johns here, so we called them by their last names, and 'Dawlish' just stuck even though the other John is long gone."

Lily was introduced to three more nurses: Antonin, a grim looking man with a faint Russian accent; Pomona, a squat woman with a friendly, smiling face; and Horace, a portly man in his sixties.

Molly walked Lily through the common room and into the kitchen where a giant of a man stood stirring a pot with something that smelled delicious. "This is Hagrid."

Hagrid turned around and sent Lily a cheerful grin. "Nice ter meet yeh, miss?"

"Lily Evans," said Lily and shook his hand.

"Lily... pretty name. Yeh come see me if yeh get hungry," he boomed. He prepared a tray of food and handed it to Lily. "Doctor Dumbledore asked if yeh would give this to the new patient."

"Oh, of course," said Lily.

Hagrid handed Molly a plate with a very small portion on. "For sweet Emmeline."

o0o0o

Lily knocked softly on the door and slowly opened it as to not spook the boy. "Hi," she smiled as she closed the door behind her with her free arm. "I brought you lunch," she said as she put the bowl of soup down on the small table next to the bed. Then she seated herself a few yards away to give the boy space.

He eyed her warily but did not seem scared of her. He bit his lip nervously and looked at the bowl of soup but did not touch it. Lily thought he looked awfully pale and malnourished. It was hard to determine how old he was. He didn't look older than fourteen, but Lily suspected he was older. She eyed the glass of water that had been placed on the table sometime earlier. "Do you want something more exciting? Juice? Coke?"

The boy tilted his head as if he didn't understand what she meant. Slowly he let his legs slide down so his feet touched the ground, but he didn't get up.

"It's okay that you're nervous," she said. "I'm a bit nervous too, being my first day here. Like you." When the boy still didn't say anything, she asked, "What's your name, love?"

He looked down and gulped as he rubbed his hands nervously in his lap. It was easy to see that he was very uncomfortable.

"Can you write it?" she asked and found some paper and clicked open a pen for him.

He looked at the paper and then started writing slowly in childish letters:

reMuS

"Remus?" Lily read and smiled. "What a lovely name. And very unique."

Remus peeked shyly at her from the corner of his eye. He tugged at his dirty shirt and tried to pull it down over his knees. The fabric was so worn out that it tore a little.

"Why don't you change into the clean clothes they put out for you? I think it would make you feel better. It's nice and fresh. I won't look, I promise," Lily smiled. "Do you want me to leave so you can get some privacy?"

Remus shook his head quickly. He didn't like to be alone in this place. Slowly he moved over and pulled the clothes off the chair they lay on.

"Why don't you take a shower, Remus?" asked Lily, noticing how dirty the boy was. He looked like he hadn't had a shower in a long time. "I promise I'll wait right out here so no one will walk in."

Remus bit his lip and then finally nodded. He took the clothes and went into the bathroom. As he got undressed he looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes falling on his many scars. He wrapped his arms around his frail body and closed his eyes tightly as he tried to suppress bad memories. He fumbled with the showerhead for a while until he finally figured out how it worked, and he stepped under the hot water and let it wash away the dirt from his hair and body. He came out after about fifteen minutes, clean and dressed.

"You look great," Lily smiled. "But we might have to get your hair combed."

Remus backed a little away from her and ran his fingers though his hair to straighten it out.

"Alright," said Lily, not wanting to push the boy. "I'll find you a comb and you can do it yourself, okay? Of course you'll be more comfortable that way. I also prefer combing my own hair."

o0o0o

Lily found Dumbledore after having tended to Remus. "I got him to shower and dress. And I got his name. His first name, anyway. It's Remus. He still didn't speak but he wrote it down."

Dumbledore smiled at Lily. "Well done. I'm glad you had him shower and dress. I just hope he will eat something as well. The poor lad is severely underweight."

"I left the food. I hope he will eat some now he has peace and quiet."

"I hope so too," smiled the doctor. "Well – lunch is served in a few minutes – why not join? You can introduce yourself to the rest of the patients."

The patients were already seated when Lily walked into the dining room. James eagerly patted a seat next to himself for her to sit on and he beamed when she accepted the invitation.

A moody looking boy with black greasy hair sitting a few seats away mumbled to the empty chair next to him. "Yes... yes, I saw her," he mumbled and looked briefly at Lily before returning to eating his food.

"Regulus!" barked a voice and Lily jumped in surprise when Sirius slammed a fist into the table in front of his brother. "I'm the one in here who cares most about you, and you won't even look at me!"

Kingsley walked over to Sirius and put a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you sit at the other end? Regulus doesn't want to talk to you right now."

"Fuck off, Kingsley!" spat Sirius but followed the guard's suggestion anyway, sitting down at the other end of the table, looking extremely moody.

Lily studied the younger boy who looked like nothing had happened at all. Why was he ignoring his brother?

Most of the patients were eying Lily curiously. Dumbledore introduced her. "Let's all make Lily feel welcome, shall we? I think a name round is in order. Would you be so kind as to start, Severus?"

The grim looking boy scowled at Dumbledore. "You just said my name. Why should I repeat it?"

"I'm James!" James broke in before Dumbledore could answer Severus. "I like your hair," he continued, eying Lily intensely. "It's very red, like fire. I like your eyes too, they're very green, I like green, it's my favourite colour. At least it is now!" The teen ruffled up his hair and sent Lily a grin.

"Why don't you pack it in, Potter? She's not into you," said Sirius and put up his feet on the table even though everyone was sitting with their lunch.

Molly sent him a stern look. "Get those shoes off the table and tell Lily your name."

Sirius sighed, letting his feet slide down to the floor. "I'm Sirius," he muttered.

"Why so serioussss?" James laughed. "Lighten up!"

"Sod off, four-eyes!"

"Now, now – let's continue the name round," said Doctor Dumbledore.

A handsome blond young man put a hand to his chest and cleared his throat. "I am Gandalf the Grey," he announced and Lily had to take a moment to let that one sink in.

"He's Gilderoy the idiot," said one of the girls.

"Yeah, he's bonkers, that one," grinned another.

"Dorothy - what have I said about talking that way?" it sounded sternly from Molly.

"I do not need defending, my lady," said Gilderoy. "I am much too wise to be daunted by someone so insignificant."

There were a few patients who didn't introduce themselves, so Lily decided to get their names later from one of the nurses.

o0o0o

After lunch she sat down at one of the coffee tables along with several curious patients who wanted to know more about her.

"You seem nice," smiled Marlene, a girl with wavy blond hair.

A very thin girl who had not been there at the lunch table had joined them, sitting down next to Marlene. Lily deducted that she must be Emmeline – the girl Molly had taken the plate of food to. Clearly, she was anorectic, and Lily knew that it was common practice for staff to sit with such patients in the privacy of their room to eat. Emmeline tugged at her way too big sweatshirt and sent Lily a weak smile. Lily was about to ask her how she was, when the doors to the common room were opened and Antonin came in, dragging a terrified Remus along. The boy was struggling in his grip but Antonin was much too strong for him.

Lily was dumbstruck. Molly had told her that it was important that the patients spend time socialising in the common room every day, but she couldn't believe that it was Dumbledore's plan that Remus, who had just arrived and was terrified, be forced in here already. She jumped to her feet as she could see the boy was close to full blown panic. "Let go!" she said to Antonin. "What are you doing? Can't you see he's terrified?"

Antonin sent her a cold look, still holding onto Remus' arm. "He doesn't learn anything from sitting in his room all day. And don't question my methods in front of patients!"

"He just came in!" said Lily. "Let him go!"

"Antonin!" sounded Molly's voice, to Lily's relief. "Let Lily take Remus back. Of course we aren't going to force him in here today!"

Antonin let go of the boy and turned his attention to Molly. Lily put a gentle arm around Remus' shoulders and quickly escorted him out of the common room, leaving the two nurses to argue.

Remus was breathing quickly and shaking violently as they walked down the corridor. "It's alright," Lily said and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Molly is going to give him a telling off."

The boy fled into a corner of the room as she opened the door.

"It's alright, Remus. Do you want me to stay a bit?"

Remus slid down the wall and then nodded slowly.

Twenty minutes later Doctor Dumbledore knocked on the door and stepped in. When he saw the frightened look on Remus' face he stopped and asked Lily to come outside for a minute. "I had a talk with Antonin," he told her. "I asked him to leave Remus alone, so he will not have to fear him. Of course Remus is not expected to go to the common room until he has settled in."

"That's good," said Lily, relieved.

Dumbledore eyed her with a smile. "I was thinking that, since Remus obviously feels most comfortable around you, I should give you the task of looking after him for now. Not your responsibility, of course, but you should be his contact person, so to speak. I will tell the others, if that's okay with you?"

"Yes," smiled Lily. "I would very much like that! And I think I can get Remus to be less frightened. He has already started to warm up to me."

"Well, that's settled, then," smiled the old Doctor.

When Lily came back into the room, Remus had crawled onto the bed and hid under the covers. As she opened the door, Remus' head shot up but when he saw it was her he seemed to be relieved and he settled his head on the pillow.

"Are you tired?" she asked in a gentle voice, sitting down on the edge of the bed. The boy nodded. "I talked to Dumbledore. Antonin – the man who dragged you out – isn't allowed to attend to you. I will be the one taking care of you now."

A small smile appeared on Remus' lips before he pulled the covers up under his nose.

o0o0o

After sitting with Remus for an hour Lily went back to the common room to talk to more of the patients. She saw Regulus sitting on his own, again with a book, so she decided to sit down next to him. "Hi," she smiled.

Regulus froze for a second, then peeked up at her. "Hi," he said, his eyes back in the book.

"What are you reading?"

"It's about World War II," said the boy in a soft voice.

"Oh? A historian?" smiled Lily. "Well, even though it was horrific, it's still some interesting reading."

"It's important to know history," said Regulus, still not looking up. "Even the bad things."

"That's true, Regulus," she nodded. "How else are we going to learn from it?"

"They killed 10 million Jews, gypsies, homosexuals and mentally ill…" said Regulus, in a voice so soft that Lily could barely hear him.

"Yes… Yes, that's incredibly sad. It's hard to understand how evil the world can be."

"Mm," hummed Regulus. He peeked up at her again. "Why are you talking to me? Is it because you want to hear about the cult?"

"What? No, I just thought you looked a bit lonely sitting by yourself. And I thought I would get to know you a little better," she smiled and rested her arm on the back of the sofa.

"You don't have to feel sorry for me," said Regulus. "Everybody feels like that when they find out who I am. I can tell by the way they look at me. But you shouldn't feel sorry for me. I'm not a poor victim. I killed my best friend, so in a way I should be in prison with the rest of them." He looked back down and turned a page.

Lily eyed him in shock, trying to let the words sink in. The boy had killed someone? She decided to leave him alone for now and walked over to where a few of the other staff members stood talking.

"I see you met Regulus," said Arthur. "A sweet kid, but very troubled."

"Well, that's understandable, but... he said he had killed someone. I wouldn't have imagined a little boy like him... I mean, he looks so innocent."

Arthur shook his head. "Regulus didn't kill anyone. His friend was killed by the cult leader or one of his disciples."

"I told you earlier that Regulus tried to run away and when that failed he tried to kill himself," said Molly. "Well, Voldemort, the cult leader, killed Regulus' friend in front of him as punishment, and told him that the blood was on his hands."

Lily clapped a hand to her mouth, horrified.

"And it doesn't help that Regulus has quite severe obsessive-compulsive disorder," continued Molly. "He's obsessed with death – terrified that people around him will die and that it's his fault. You can imagine how his condition got much, much worse after this happened. You would almost think that horrid man knew of Regulus' fear and used it."

"But..." Lily was lost for words. "How can someone be so cruel to a little boy?"

"I know," sighed Molly and looked at her watch. "Oh, I have to get going. I have a session with Linda."

"Dumbledore tells me you've gained the trust of the new boy?" said Arthur to Lily.

"Yes. He seems fairly comfortable around me. He had fallen asleep when I left his room. He was exhausted."

Arthur smiled. "Well, the plan is that we move Remus in with Regulus. Dumbledore thinks they will go well together, and I'm sure he's right. Perhaps you could help me and fetch Remus? I will just have to talk to Regulus about it first."

"Okay," said Lily. "You want to do it now?"

As Arthur nodded, Lily saw Regulus slipping by them and disappearing into his room.

"He doesn't like sitting out here," said Arthur. "If we let him, he would isolate himself in his room. I certainly hope Remus can do him some good. And vice versa."

A/N: And that's the first chapter! Hope your interest was sparked and will continue to read Thursday :)