Hypothetical
Summary: Simmons has a conversation with May. Fitz has one with Coulson. But it's all hypothetical, of course.
Disclaimer: Anything pertaining to Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. does not belong to me.
A/N: This stands alone, and does not share the same headcanon as any of my other stories. And it won't follow the events of any of the episodes. But there is one something that was mentioned in T.R.A.C.K.S. that I also added here.
"You're doing it again, Simmons. Stop leaning forward. Tighten your abs. Strong center, remember?"
It was the fifth time May had to correct her stance since the start of their one-hour training session. A week ago, both Skye and Simmons had approached the stoic woman while she was piloting the BUS (Skye's idea since there was no way May would walk away from them if she was stuck in the pilot's seat) and asked to be trained. Later that same day, May had come up to them with a daily training schedule that alternated between kickboxing, jiu-jitsu, weapons training, and tai chi. Today's training consisted of tai chi.
"Let's start from the top. We're going to keep doing this until all of us get this sequence right."
Skye groaned and turned to her friend.
"Okay, what is up with you, Simmons? You got this sequence down by the end of our last tai chi session!"
"I know! I'm sorry!" Simmons looked at her sheepishly. Then she walked towards to SUV, grabbed her water bottle that sat atop it, and drank. "I'm just a bit distracted today." Skye sighed then joined the biochemist where she leaned against the front of the SUV.
"I supposed we're taking a break," May said with a roll of her eyes. Then she too grabbed her water bottle for a drink.
"So…you going to tell us what's distracting you?" Skye asked after downing half her water.
"It's just…." Simmons was hesitant. But she needed to talk her thoughts out loud to someone—someone not Fitz—and this was her chance. "Well….This is all hypothetical, of course." She paused, turned her head to the side to give Skye and May an insistent look, and waited for one of them to respond.
"Of course," Skye gave the response Simmons was looking for, but her voice was full of amusement. Simmons turned her head forward again, her face slightly flushed in embarrassment.
"Let's say that an agent has romantic feelings for another agent—and those two agents have been friends for a long, long time—what should that first agent do? I mean, that agent knows that even though there aren't any rules against two agents being involved together romantically, it's highly frowned upon. But, that agent also knows that if the other agent reciprocated the feelings, then what they'd have would be…real and incredible. It would be something backed up by years of friendship and trust and love. But they'd also risk being reassigned and separated. Or be forced to leave S.H.I.E.L.D., and neither of them would ever dream of abandoning their team. What should the agent do?" She turned towards her teammates again. "Hypothetically speaking, of course."
Fitz was nervous as he stood before the door leading to Coulson's office. But if he was going to do this, he had to do it now while Simmons was at her daily training session with May and Skye. He took a deep breath to gather up all the courage he possessed, lifted his fisted right hand, and knocked on the door.
"Come in," he heard Coulson's voice commanded from the other side. Fitz hesitated for a second, wondering if he should just turn around and pretend this didn't happen. But in the next second, his hand turned the doorknob before his brain could decide if he should flee. Having already opened the door, Fitz felt he had no choice but to enter the office.
Coulson was at his desk going over some paperwork. He looked up when he heard footsteps stop a few feet away from his desk, and was surprised to find Fitz. Only Fitz. Usually, he was accompanied by Simmons.
"Have a seat." He waited until the younger man—looking far more nervous than he's ever seen him—sat down. "What can I do for you?" He gave a smile, hoping it would put the engineer at ease.
"I, uh, I actually have a question, sir. A personal question. If you don't mind, that is." Coulson laid the pen and paper he was holding on the desk and leaned back in his chair.
"You may ask. But I won't guarantee an answer." Fitz nodded.
"Fair enough." Fitz took another deep breath to calm himself. Then he looked directly into Coulson's eyes. "Being in S.H.I.E.L.D.—is it worth it, sir?" Coulson quirked an eyebrow.
"How do you mean?" Fitz shifted his eyes down towards Coulson's desk unable to maintain eye contact.
"You gave up any chance of a normal life—gave up your chance in finding love. Would you say it was worth it?" It was silent for a long time, and Fitz raised his eyes to Coulson in panic. "I'm so sorry, sir. I know I've overstepped my bounds—
"It's fine, Fitz. Calm down," Coulson said, raising a hand in a placating manner. He watched as Fitz ran both hands through is hair and leaned forward, hanging his head as if in defeat. "Why do you want to know?" Fitz raised his head, and Coulson saw in his features how stressed and conflicted he was. "Just spit it out, Fitz. This will be off the record. We're just two friends talking. I'm not your superior officer right now." Those words seemed to have succeeded in calming Fitz down, and he sunk low in his chair but his eyes focused on Coulson.
"Hypothetically speaking, what would happen if I were to pursue a romantic relationship with another agent?"
"Is she on this plane?" There was a hint of a teasing note in Coulson's voice. Fitz dropped his head back to rest on the chair.
"You know that she is."
"If I were your superior officer right now, I'd tell you that even though fraternization is not officially forbidden, there is an unwritten rule against it." Fitz sighed and rose up straighter in his seat to look at Coulson. He nodded looking utterly defeated. "But I'm not your superior officer right now, so I'm going to tell you a story instead."
"Hah!" Skye suddenly exclaimed in glee, startling the biochemist. "You finally realized you're in love with Fitz!"
"It—it was a hypothetical situation, and I did not say any names!" Simmons looked so flustered that Skye couldn't not help but laugh good-naturedly at her friend.
"You did not have to give names. And I'm right, aren't I?" Simmons sighed in defeat.
"In this hypothetical situation, let's say that I am. What should I do?" She sounded so pathetic that most of the humor left Skye.
"Awww, Jemma…." Skye gave her friend a hug from the side and rested her head on Simmons' shoulder.
"It's just, what if he doesn't reciprocate? It would complicate our friendship and partnership." Skye raised her head and looked incredulously at Simmons.
"Of course he reciprocates! I've seen the way he looks and acts around you."
"But then what? We get together? It could possibly change the dynamics of the team." She sighed. "It would probably be easier and better for everybody if we just ignored our feelings."
Skye just gave her friend another squeeze since she didn't know what to say. It's not like she'd ever been in love with a best friend before. Sure, it was easy to say that they should just get together and all would be okay. But they were agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Their lives were on the line in every mission. And if the agency deemed their relationship a liability, they could be separated. And if it came down to it, FitzSimmons would rather quit S.H.I.E.L.D. than be split up. Those thoughts scared Skye, for she didn't want to lose them—either of them. They were more than her friends. They were part of her family. Fitz, Simmons, May, Ward, and Coulson were her family; and she hated the mere thought of her family breaking apart.
"Since we're speaking hypothetically, let me give you another hypothetical situation," May stated suddenly. Skye stepped away from Simmons so they could both face her. "Agent A and Agent B were best friends. They went to academy together. They graduated together at the top of their class. They were even put on the same team together. They knew everything about each other. Over time, they started to develop feelings for one another."
Simmons wondered if May was just summarizing her and Fitz's situation. But then her hypothetical situation took a turn.
"One day, Agent A confessed his feelings for Agent B. But Agent B denied any feelings for him. They were the best in their field, and she did not want to do anything that would ruin that."
"I'm sorry, sir." Coulson gave a rueful smile.
"Don't be. I'll never regret confessing, even though it ended in heartbreak for me."
"So what happened between you and this agent? Did you remain friends?" The smile Coulson gave this time was more genuine.
"Of course. She was still my best friend. She avoided me for a few days. But eventually, she visited my home and asked to talk. Even if she didn't return my feelings, I didn't want to loose my best friend. And she wholeheartedly agreed. She didn't want to loose me as a best friend either. It was awkward for weeks. But eventually, we both got things back almost to what they used to be." Coulson paused and his demeanor turned solemn. "But then, an event occurred—a mission went terribly wrong. She was forced to do something she didn't want to. She saved a lot of people. But she ended up loosing herself. I tried to help her in any way I could. But she wouldn't let me. She pushed me away. She even requested a transfer, leaving field work for a desk job at headquarters.
"My greatest regret is that I let her push me away. I lost my best friend, and I was distraught over it. So I threw myself into my work. I got promoted and made a name for myself. I even found myself one of Director Fury's favorites. I got to work with people who would later make up the Avengers."
"Agent B was so proud of him. He was rising through the ranks and making a name for himself. But Agent B also felt a little saddened because she felt he didn't need her anymore. Why would he when he was working with people like Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, and Clint Barton and was on speaking terms with Director Fury and Deputy Director Hill? She knew it was her own fault for pushing him away in the first place. But it still hurt."
May broke out of her reverie to look at Skye and Simmons. Both had expressions of sadness. Skye even looked close to tears.
"Then Agent B found out through a mutual friend that he started dating a cellist."
"Oh, poor Agent B." Now Skye really was tearing, but she quickly wiped the fallen tears away.
"Yeah," May said with a sigh. "But as much as hearing that he'd moved on hurt Agent B, it hurt her a million times more when she heard the news that he was killed in action."
Both younger women gasped. And Simmons gripped her water bottle tighter. As May weaved her hypothetical tale, she'd imagine herself as Agent B and Fitz as Agent A. The thought of him being killed…she shook her head vigorously to clear that thought away. She had to remind herself that Fitz was all right—that he was upstairs in his bunk sleeping in since they were given the day off. Otherwise, she'd give herself a panic attack.
"But days later, all agents that were of Agent B's level and above were given a briefing. They were informed that Agent A had survived. S.H.I.E.L.D. physicians were able to revive him and repair all damages to his person."
"That's great! So then what happened? Did Agent B finally tell Agent A that she did love him all that time?" Skye looked at May with such hope, urging the field agent to say yes. May was actually regretful that she'd had to disappoint her.
"Sadly, no."
"Oh," the hacker said dejectedly.
"But they renewed their friendship. They're even working together on the same team again. It wasn't like it was before, but Agent B was just happy Agent A was alive and was her friend again."
"I'm so sorry, sir. First your best friend rejects you. Then your civilian girlfriend can't even know you're alive. I guess I shouldn't be complaining about my non-existent love life."
"It's not a competition on who's hurting more, Fitz. And I don't want you undermining your pain. It's still yours, just as my pain is mine alone. Don't think that just because I've been heartbroken more times means you have less of a right to complain about your heartache."
"Thank you, sir." Fitz smiled at him gratefully. "So you've had your heart broken twice by two different women. That sucks, sir."
"I've had my heart broken three times, actually."
"There's a third woman? Frankly, sir, I'm feeling in awe of you at the moment." Coulson chuckled.
"No third woman. The first one broke my heart again."
"How so?"
"When I was dying in New York, the one regret I had was that I allowed her to push me away and lost touch with her. After I was revived, one of the first things I wanted to do was meet up with her. She's Level 7; she'd have been given the briefing about my survival so I knew she wouldn't be shocked if I suddenly showed up. And seeing her again was great. We even rekindled our friendship. I never realized how much I missed her until I saw her. Then one day, she admitted she'd been having sexual relations with another agent. I didn't expect that news to hurt me as much as it did."
"Bloody hell," the Scot cursed under his breath, but loud enough for Coulson to hear. "Do you know who with?"
"Yes." Coulson actually grimaced. "I know the guy. Same Level 7 as her. I kind of acted unprofessionally. Basically told him that if he ever hurt her, I'd have him transferred to a bunker in Alaska."
"Good for you, sir!"
"Good for Agent B!" Skye exclaimed. "If Agent A's allowed to be happy in a romantic relationship, then so should Agent B."
"But Skye," Simmons interjected. "It's purely physical. No romance or love involved."
"So what! Let Agent B have her fun, Simmons. She deserves it."
"But don't you think it's unfair of Agent B to use her new beau like that. Especially if he's starting to develop feelings for her. She should end it."
"She should have her fun!"
Skye and Simmons glared at one another in silence, and May merely rolled her eyes.
"Simmons is right," she said. Simmons gave Skye a smug smile, and Skye shot Simmons another glare. "It is unfair to the new guy. Agent B enjoys his company, but in her eyes, no one will ever measure up to Agent A. She should end it.
"Back to your original, Simmons, you asked what you should do—
"Hypothetically, though. It was a hypothetical situation—
"Oh give it up, Simmons," Skye interrupted. "We all know it isn't hypothetical. Please continue May." This time, Simmons shot Skye glare, while Skye gave a smug smile.
"If you and Fitz decided to turn your relationship to a romantic one, I can guarantee Coulson wouldn't try and split you up. As long your relationship does not affect your work, that is. But if you decided to keep your relationship platonic, then imagine this, Simmons: You ignore your feelings for Fitz. You even reject him when he confesses to you. But like Agent A and Agent B, you still remain friends. But Fitz is a great guy, Simmons. He's good-looking, intelligent, funny, and has a British accent. Other women will notice him, Simmons. And one of those women may even capture his attention. Would you be all right with that? With Fitz dating another woman? With him falling in love her? Leaving your side to be with her? Then eventually leaving S.H.I.E.L.D. to marry her? Having children with her? His children calling you 'Auntie Jemma?' He'd probably even ask you to be Godmother of his children."
Simmons did as was told and imagined. With each scenario, she felt her heart break more and more. Her breath had gotten shorter and shorter. By the end of May's speech, she was bent over and started hyperventilating.
"Shit, Simmons!" Skye started rubbing her back. "It's not real! Breathe!"
"Slow, deep breaths, Simmons," May said soothingly. "Slow, deep breaths." After a few minutes, Simmons was able to calm down. Then she turned to the other two ladies with a determined look on her face.
"Fitz is mine."
"Fitz, you asked me if being in S.H.I.E.L.D. was worth is. And, in a way, it is. I get to save the world. Avenge it even. I get to work with extraordinary people. I get to meet beings from another planet. But then there are times when the loneliness gets to me. And I'd think that if only I had my best friend by my side in all aspects of my life, everything would be perfect."
"What about the unwritten rule?"
"As long as a romantic relationship between you and Simmons doesn't jeopardize the team and any of our missions, I have no problem with it. Plus, I don't want to be known as the idiot who split up FitzSimmons."
Fitz stood up, a determined look on his face.
"Thank you for your time, sir. If you would excuse me, I need to find Simmons." Coulson smiled at him.
"You are dismissed." Fitz returned the smile and made his way towards the door. Before he stepped out, he turned once more towards his superior officer.
"It's not too late, sir. You were given a second chance at life. Why not use it to take a second chance at love?"
After May cut their training short and dismissed them, Skye showered and dressed. Then she walked a few bunks down and knocked at his door. He didn't answer.
"Ward, I know you're in there." Still no answer. "I'm coming in." With that, she typed in the code to his bunk and slid open the door after it unlocked. As soon as he saw her, he greeted her with a glare.
"You're not supposed to know our bunk codes, you know. These are our private quarters."
"Oh, hush up and scooch over." Skye slid the door shut and sat beside him on his bed. "So…you and May?" He was silent again. "It wasn't nice to eavesdrop on our girl talk, you know? You're lucky the others didn't see you lurking by the door." He still refused to talk. "Did it mean something to you?" Ward sighed, finally accepting that she wasn't going anywhere.
"I didn't want it to. But I couldn't help it." He sounded so dejected that Skye put an arm around him and forced his head down on her shoulder. She was surprised that he actually let her.
"I'm sorry about what I said about her having her fun. I didn't know it was about you until I saw the look on your face. Simmons was right. May should have ended it as soon as she felt you were getting attached. She shouldn't have used you like that."
"But I wanted to be used."
"You deserve so much more than that, Ward. You deserve to be more than someone's back up plan."
"And where do you suppose I'll meet this worthy person, huh? When?" Skye sighed.
"I don't know, Ward. We're kind of in the same boat…er plane here. I'm looking for that someone, too." They were silent for a beat. "Do you want some, I don't know, iced cream or something? We can watch Dirty Dancing or whatever?"
Ward sat up and gave her an unamused look.
"Do I look like a teenaged girl?"
"Hey! I never had to comfort a friend who's been dumped before," she defended. "It's what they do on tv, okay?" Then he broke out into a smile.
"I'm just kidding, Rookie. Iced cream would be great. But not Dirty Dancing. Let's watch something action. How about Fast 6?"
After being dismissed, Simmons hurriedly showered and dressed. Then she made her way into the lab. She was surprised to find Fitz already there recalibrating a spare Night-Night pistol.
"I didn't expect you until later. Thought you'd sleep in a little more." She walked up to him and stopped when she was directly in front of him.
"Woke up early. Had something important to do this morning."
"Before you tell me what you were up to, I have something to ask you." She looked at him with an expression so serious that Fitz placed the Night-Night pistol on top of the table and faced Simmons to give her his full attention.
"What is it?"
"What would your children call me?"
Fitz blushed and looked away.
"You don't want me to answer that."
"Yes, I do," she said with so much conviction that he turned to look at her again.
"If I had it my way, my children would call you 'mum.'"
Slowly, her lips curved itself into a dazzling smile.
"Good. Because if I had it my way, my children would call you 'dad.'"
May knocked twice on Coulson's door then entered the office without waiting for an answer.
"May? You need anything?" Coulson was actually surprised to see her in his office. Part of him was even fearful that she'd found out that he'd told Fitz about their story. He was careful about not using names, but Fitz was a genius and could have figured it out.
"I just wanted to tell you that I'm ending it with Ward," she said impassively. Whatever Coulson was expecting her to say, it was not that.
"Did he hurt you?" She wouldn't meet his eyes at that question.
"No. But I believe I hurt him. He was starting to get attached. So I ended it before his feelings grew deeper." Coulson did his best to be nonchalant when he asked his next question.
"And were you getting attached to him?"
"Of course not." Coulson did his best to hide his relief.
"Have you had breakfast yet? I'm about to go downstairs myself for some omelet and coffee. You're free to join me if you want." He tried to not look too heartbroken when she didn't answer, turned on her heel, and started for the door. But just as she was about to step out of the office, she turned her head.
"I'll get the coffee started."