I don't own Harry Potter, obviously. I just wrote this for fun.
PARRY
HOTTER:
And The Disturbing Smell From Down Under
By: Erin Sanchez
Chapter 1
Parry Hotter was a small boy, he
was 15 years old and very fragile. His parents had abandoned him when
he was only 6 months old, and to this day he lives in fear that
eventually everyone will leave him. He lives with his Aunt Detunia
and Uncle Dernon PeVursley on Drivit Prive. They had one son, his
stupid cousin Pudgley. Pudgley was a fat slob; he had no manners and
no respect for anyone or anything.
He laughed like a hyena, and
he spit on people whenever he used the letter "S", and he always
smelled like Chocolate and cake, because that's all he ever ate.
One day last week, Parry caught his fat cousin Pudgley in the
pathetically small closet they called his bedroom, pulling all the
feathers off his pet owl, Wighead.
"Let him go!" Parry
demanded. Pudgley just laughed and continued
pulling the feathers out.
"Or what? You'll wave your little
wand around and mutter some stupid magic words? Turn me into a pig,
will you? You know my father would whip you silly if you even tried!"
Parry was enraged now. He knew doing magic outside of Warthogs
was against the rules, but Pudgley needed to be taught a lesson.
Parry pulled his wand out from under his dresser and aimed it at
Pudgley, speaking these terribly awful words.
"Urntay isthay
atfay obslay intoway away igpay!" he chanted over and over
again, until fat little Pudgley was wiggling his little curly tail,
and oinking in protest.
Pudgley, now a fat pig, ran from the room
and when he came upon the stairs, he suddenly forgot how to use his
stumpy legs, and fell all the way down to the cold tile floor below.
Once he hit the floor, he passed out, because he was a pig and pigs
did stupid things like that. Parry had watched this spectacle,
laughing with delight! He returned to his room and put his pet owl
back in his cage, apologizing profusely on behalf of his stupid
cousin.
One week later, on the day he was to leave for another year at Warthogs School of Wizardcraft and Witchery, he told his Aunt and Uncle that he would not change Pudgley back until the day he returned from Warthogs. And he would only do it, if when he returned they had prepared a real bedroom for him, complete with a nice soft bed, two pillows, a warm blanket, windows, and a door without locks. He also requested that the bed be a bunk bed, so he could have his best friend, Won Reasley, spend the night occasionally.
As he
settled into his cabin on the Warthogs Express, he remembered the
horrified expressions on his Aunt and Uncles faces as he gave his
orders and left for the station. He wasn't 100 sure, but as the
cab pulled out of the driveway and down the street, he could have
sworn that he heard his Uncle screaming at the top of his lungs,
"WE'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS, YOU FREAK!" while his Aunt
wailed over and over again, "MY POOR PUDGY-KINS!".
Germione Hranger was sitting in the dining car on the Warthogs
Express doing some light reading and snacking on some oddly colored
jelly beans, when Won Reasley sat down across from her.
"You do
know you're eating poop flavored jelly beans, right?" He said,
extremely amused.
Germione looked up from her book and glared at
Won. "It's not very polite to come in here, invite yourself to
sit at MY table, and then insult me and what I'm eating! Besides,
it's no worse than that Fizzy Bat Urine you're drinking."
Won's
eyes nearly popped out of his head. He stared at the pint; his face
started changing colors. First it went bright red, like his hair, and
then it turned green, Won was about to be sick all over Germione and
the dining car.
"Oh gosh, let me help you." Germione sighed,
pulling out her wand and aiming it at him, she muttered the words
'Icknesssay Egonebay'. Instantly, Won's face returned to it's
normal color, and he looked much better.
"Thanks, I really
needed that one." He said, tossing the pint of Fizzy Bat Urine
behind him.
Just then, Mraco Dalfoy, chose that moment to enter
the dining car and grace the inhabitants with his so-called glorious
presence. He had just finished stepping through the door and flashing
his trademarked Dalfoy smirk to the room, when Won's pint landed on
his head. As usual, Mraco's overweight sidekicks, Coyle and
Grabbe, were right behind him, prepared to cover his stuck-up butt.
By the time they noticed the bat urine all over the floor, it was
already too late, and they slipped and slid, right into Mraco. The
three collapsed in a not-so intimidating heap onto the floor…right
at the feet of Won and Germione.
Mraco
touched two of his fingers to the fizzy yellow liquid on the floor,
and brought them to his lips to taste it. He spit it out and began to
curse.
"FIZZY BAT URINE?! Think it's funny, do you?!" He
glared at Won and Germione, as if he knew it was their fault he was
covered in bat urine.
Picking himself up off the floor, Mraco
reached into his cloak and pulled out his wand.
"I'll teach
you a thing or two, you'll never mess with me again Reasley!"
Won
and Germione looked at each other, then at Mraco. They knew he would
take every opportunity he could to do something awful to either one
of them. As fast as they could, they pushed past him, knocking him to
the ground once more, stumbled over his sidekicks and ran out of the
dining car.
Once they were a safe distance away (in the
seating area, 4 cars down from the dining car) Won and Germione
stopped to catch their breath.
"I swear, every time we run
into him, he's trying to turn us into some kind of animal, or blow us
to pieces all together!" Won said.
Germione flipped her hair
behind her shoulders, and stuck her nose into the air.
"He
would never have come close, I had my hand on my wand the whole time,
I knew exactly what spell I would have used too, but you ran off so
fast, I figured I would follow you."
"Yeah right, you
were as scared as I was!" Won was laughing at her now.
Germione
glared at him. "Let's go find Parry. He should be here
somewhere."
They started down the small corridor, peeking
into each sitting room, hoping to find their friend in one of them.
They reached the end of the corridor, the last room was for the
prefects only. They knew he would not be allowed in there, but they
had to look anyway. They stared through the small glass window on the
door, indeed Parry was not in there, but what they found was almost
10 times better.
Inside the prefect sitting room Wercy Reasley,
Won's older brother, and Cenelope Plearwater were too busy heavily
making out to even notice the two youngsters standing there.
Germione giggled to herself, and Won watched with a disgusted
look on his face.
"How can he do that?! He's a prefect! He's
making out with another prefect in the prefect sitting room! Ah,
that's disgusting!" Won looked as sick as he had when he found
out he was drinking bat urine.
"Well,
if it bothers you that much, we can either stop them or have some fun
with it."
Won watched Germione pull out her wand. After a
moment, a smile spread across her face. "I've got the perfect
spell."
She pushed the door to the prefect sitting room open,
just wide enough so she could put her hand inside and wave her wand.
Germione waved her wand and whispered 'Izardlay Onguetay Anifestmay'
as quietly as she could and then backed out of the room to
watch.
Just then, Cenelope began to choke and gag. She pushed
Wercy away and stood up, looking furious.
"What was that all
about, Wercy!?"
"What?" It was then that he noticed
his extra long, thin tongue. He stood up and began searching for a
mirror frantically. "What isss thisss?! Who'sss done it?!"
Wercy
was furious now, and if he knew Won had anything to do with it…
well… we won't go there ;-)
Cenelope sat down and began to think
of a counter spell, but nothing came to mind.
"I suppose
you'll just have to live with it till we get to Warthogs. In the
meantime, maybe we shouldn't kiss like that again."
Wercy
just about cried.
Outside the room, Won and Germione were
thoroughly enjoying this.
"Did you see the look on her face?
It was priceless! I wish I had a camera!" Won exclaimed.
Germione nodded, "We should go now, they might come out, and
we haven't found Par-"
"Are you looking for me?" A
familiar voice said from behind Germione.
Won and Germione looked
up and saw Parry standing there, watching with an amused look on his
face.
"Parry, we were just looking for you. What a
coincidence!" Won said.
"I know. What are you two doing
out here, anyway?" Parry eyed the pair suspiciously.
"Well,
we weren't sure where you were. So we checked all the rooms, and when
we found Wercy and Cenelope making out in the prefect sitting room,
we couldn't help ourselves. I've been itching to do some magic since
school ended last year, and I just learned this new spell over summer
vacation, it will tur-"
"I understand, Germione."
Parry seemed to be a little more annoyed today then usual. Ever since
school ended last year, Parry had been uptight and irritable. Mraco
Dalfoy had cast a spell on Professor Snarpe that turned him into a
spit covered, smelly baby for a whole day. Nobody knew about it
because nobody suspected the baby would turn out to be Professor
Snarpe, they all thought someone had abandoned him there. It is
Warthogs after all, stranger things have happened.
Dumbledoofus
had questioned everyone, and they all said Parry had done it because
he failed his Potions class, but it was really Mraco. He paid off the
entire school to tell Dumbledoofus that Parry had done it, and they
did, because Mraco was filthy rich and everyone wanted some of his
money. Parry swore he would never be taken like that ever again, he
had decided last year that he would come back with a new badass
attitude and get revenge on Mraco.
Parry sighed and
started to walk out of the seating car, Germione and Won were right
behind him.
"So Parry, what should we do to kill some time?
We could go find Mraco and turn him into a slug. Oh, you should have
been there! In the dining car, Mraco slipped on some fizzy bat urine
and those stupid sidekicks, Coyle and Grabbe, fell over right on top
of him. Funny sight, really." Won said.
Parry stopped walking
and turned to face Won, and spoke with a sternness in his voice that
they had never heard before.
"Let's not talk about Mraco."