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Dean knew what he was, what he had become. But he didn't care. The freedom was, exhilarating. He had never felt this free before, not since he could remember, and it felt so good! Dean took a deep breath. Earth was beautiful, and yet ugly. The life and death cycle that most people hid from stretched before his eyes. There was no good, there was no bad, there just, was.
Dean laughed out loud into the night. The stars, beacons of worlds and stars that mankind would never reach laughed with him. He so loved the night, because it held no fantasy. The night was to be feared. It hid all the colors that made the world lovely. The world was dark and Dean felt so good. Felt so free.
John could never understand the night. He fought it and fought the creatures that dwelled in it. John taught Dean to fight the night. But now? Dean absorbed it and embraced him. He had become what he fought against all his life. It felt good.
Sam could never understand the night, could never understand Dean. Hell, Sam could barely understand himself. Sam tied himself to the daytime, to the fantasy that if he lived in a normal life, it would all go away, all the evil, all the bad. But Sam was a fool. Nothing would hold the evil back. Dean understood this now. Nothing would hold the good back either. This was not something that Sam, Bobby or John understood. They never would have. But Dean understood now. Ying and Yang. One could not be without the other and Dean realized that he had always been both, all his life. He fought the good fight, but he had embraced his darkness, even while he hid it from his family.
However John had rejected him and Sam had rejected him and in the end Dean had rejected himself. So, here he was. He had fought so hard, but he had lost, or won, he guessed it all depended on how someone would look at it.
The demon that had become Dean laughed. The weight of the world, the weight of Sam was gone. For the first time he felt that he didn't have to grovel at his brother's feet just to feel accepted. Dean had given up on being loved and cherished by Sam a long time ago. He had fooled himself for years thinking that Sam cared, but really, Sam never had.
That pretty speech at the end about Sam lying? Really? For years Sam had told Dean what a loser he was. No, Sam hadn't lied. He didn't care about Dean and now? Dean didn't care about Sam. And it felt good.
It was the third, fourth? bar that Dean had been to and gotten kicked out of for starting a fight. Dean walked in the darkened alley, not caring. He was, after all, a demon now. A being he had hated, but hey, Fate was a bitch.
Stumbling along Dean stopped short when he saw Cas in front of him. Oh yeah, Cas, the angel that had saved him from hell only for the saved soul to have turned into a demon after all. How ironic.
Dean laughed and Cas looked askance at Dean.
"Never mind Cas, it's humor you wouldn't understand" Dean said, and the evil smirk told Cas everything he needed to know.
"Dean, there is a way to save you" Cas said.
"Yeah? And what's that?" Dean asked, looking at Cas with curiosity. There was no animosity in Dean's question or demeanor.
"The key lies within you Dean." Cas spoke sofly.
Dean laughed, "oh yeah, the great love will save you speech. Thanks, but I'll pass."
"No." Cas replied. "But I know you Dean, and I know the true you. You forget, I plucked you from hell and have stared at your bare soul. It was bright, so very bright. That is the soul that is still shining, I can see it. "
With these words, Cas disappeard.
Dean stared into the darkness. The bright stars stared back, each asking the question. Will Dean give up or will Dean fight to be the man he is?
Zachariah had once told Dean to be what he was meant to be. Zach was a fucking lying asshole. But Dean knew who he was, he knew it then and it gave him the strength to say no.
Walking silently in the night, the demon that was Dean became introspective and remembered the man he was. Maybe there was hope, and maybe not all was lost.