Voldemort and the Cassette Tape Menace!
(Wouldn't it be great if his capture were this easy? Lol!)
Voldy had just finished feeding his giant snake Nagini her nightly meal of rodents, unmentionable snacks from Knockturn Alley and his latest failed Deatheater. Unfortunately, that Deatheater was not Lucius Malfoy or his son....or that insufferable Harry Potter.
"Yes, my sweetness, you shall snack on the exquisite flesh of Harry Potter all too soon." he promised, patting her bulging sides before she slithered out the door of his current hideout. He was just settling down for a nightcap of malice and menace when there was a noise at his door. He whipped out his wand, ready for a deadly curse. But even he was unprepared for what towered over him in the room.
It was a giant loose cassette tape, snaking its way across the floor in a noise of garbled voices. At present, they were medium pitched.
"Ajlfjd;jlk;ur309erjo jle ijoikmlkdjfoirjorj pjfa';jiarjpgk!!!"
If Voldie had of known it, the voices were his little known victims from past years, their recorded voices talking backwards. More tape started bunching up in the room, and Voldemort wasted no time in waving his wand on whatever this menace was. "AVADA KE -!!!"
He never got to finish. The voices raised to the pitch of crazed chipmunks. "ALDJFJDKFJDKJFDFJ JEIV,MV.CMXCMJOEWIUJLKJFKJFLJfffff!!!!"
The tape was winding and sliding closer. Voldie ran. He actually ran. "Cursed wand!"
Without warning, his wand was snatched from him by the advancing tape, which was growing longer and more vine-like by the second as it poured into the room. He ran thorugh a back door with the tape chasing him. It seemed to have no end. Instead of spending a relaxing evening plotting the demise of the world, he was running like a frightened schoolboy from a .... tape. A Muggle invention at that! It curled around his ankles and tripped him to sprawl facedown on the cold ground. Now the voices were a deep unnatural bass: ";LKJFAJKLJDKFJDKFJYOUSUCKVOLDEMORT!LKJADJKMKMMMMFKJFFFFFJLJKLLLL;L!!!"
Shrieking, he tried to rip through the tape encircling him like a mummy, but his long fingernails were useless. The voices went high pitched again and he screamed as his ears rung like sirens. The bunches of tape that weren't holding him carried him right to George and Fred's Joke Shop, where they were currently setting off an array of their famous fireworks.
"BLIMEY!" they both chorused, seeing the unmistakable red eyes of the dark lord as they glared out at them through the encasing tape. One of their rockets shot out and carried Voldemort with it before he could so much as mutter a curse at either of them, and shot straight into the yard of Azkaban Prison. The dementors didn't even take him in. They just leaned over him and...let loose with a round of hearty laughter. Voldemort died of a heart attack.
THE END!!!
(Wouldn't it be great if his capture were this easy? Lol!)
Voldy had just finished feeding his giant snake Nagini her nightly meal of rodents, unmentionable snacks from Knockturn Alley and his latest failed Deatheater. Unfortunately, that Deatheater was not Lucius Malfoy or his son....or that insufferable Harry Potter.
"Yes, my sweetness, you shall snack on the exquisite flesh of Harry Potter all too soon." he promised, patting her bulging sides before she slithered out the door of his current hideout. He was just settling down for a nightcap of malice and menace when there was a noise at his door. He whipped out his wand, ready for a deadly curse. But even he was unprepared for what towered over him in the room.
It was a giant loose cassette tape, snaking its way across the floor in a noise of garbled voices. At present, they were medium pitched.
"Ajlfjd;jlk;ur309erjo jle ijoikmlkdjfoirjorj pjfa';jiarjpgk!!!"
If Voldie had of known it, the voices were his little known victims from past years, their recorded voices talking backwards. More tape started bunching up in the room, and Voldemort wasted no time in waving his wand on whatever this menace was. "AVADA KE -!!!"
He never got to finish. The voices raised to the pitch of crazed chipmunks. "ALDJFJDKFJDKJFDFJ JEIV,MV.CMXCMJOEWIUJLKJFKJFLJfffff!!!!"
The tape was winding and sliding closer. Voldie ran. He actually ran. "Cursed wand!"
Without warning, his wand was snatched from him by the advancing tape, which was growing longer and more vine-like by the second as it poured into the room. He ran thorugh a back door with the tape chasing him. It seemed to have no end. Instead of spending a relaxing evening plotting the demise of the world, he was running like a frightened schoolboy from a .... tape. A Muggle invention at that! It curled around his ankles and tripped him to sprawl facedown on the cold ground. Now the voices were a deep unnatural bass: ";LKJFAJKLJDKFJDKFJYOUSUCKVOLDEMORT!LKJADJKMKMMMMFKJFFFFFJLJKLLLL;L!!!"
Shrieking, he tried to rip through the tape encircling him like a mummy, but his long fingernails were useless. The voices went high pitched again and he screamed as his ears rung like sirens. The bunches of tape that weren't holding him carried him right to George and Fred's Joke Shop, where they were currently setting off an array of their famous fireworks.
"BLIMEY!" they both chorused, seeing the unmistakable red eyes of the dark lord as they glared out at them through the encasing tape. One of their rockets shot out and carried Voldemort with it before he could so much as mutter a curse at either of them, and shot straight into the yard of Azkaban Prison. The dementors didn't even take him in. They just leaned over him and...let loose with a round of hearty laughter. Voldemort died of a heart attack.
THE END!!!