My apologies if there are mistakes, English is not my first language, so even if I verify, some might escape. Please feel free to point them out for me!

Ignores the events of Season 3.

Disclaimer: TVD show and books belong to their respective owners.

My world…

Damon had received the unfortunately blessed blood of Klaus thanks to Elena but it still took him a full day before being coherent enough for the questions to come up. He was still very weak but his fever had gone down and his mind was running around in circles trying to answer some of his interrogations which as always mostly centered on Stefan.

He had noticed they were all very careful to not mention his name, too much careful. He was already annoyed – even hurt, not that he would admit it – that his little brother was not here, and there was another drama surrounding him.

So, it was no surprise when, as Elena and Caroline came to bring him blood clearly after a dispute, he finally exploded.

That's why two days after his cure he demanded an explanation to the both of them.

"Will any of you finally tell me why everyone is walking on eggshells around me? Why is no one mentioning Stefan? By the way, where is that annoying self-centered prick?"

As soon as his last sentence came out he knew he should not have said it. While Elena was obviously struggling to settle on a definite emotion, Caroline's face clearly expressed her feelings: pure unaltered fury.

"Self-centered prick?" she asked in a dangerous whisper.

"The self-centered prick is currently discovering what tortures Klaus has in mind for him in the next 10 years.
The self-centered prick went to Klaus and put all his beliefs, all his hard earned control and ideals behind him in order to Klaus to give a bit of his blood.
The self-centered prick has willingly left all he had built to cure you.
The self-centered prick has given up his very life for yours.
You, the older brother who has sworn an eternity of misery, who has not taken care of him for over a century, who is the embodiment of selfishness."

As she rounded into him she had advanced little by little toward him, and now she was just in front of his face, her eyes black and her face changed in her anger.

"You do not get the right to criticize him.
I do not know why Stefan wanted to save you because you certainly don't deserve it, but the least you could do is to respect his courage."

Caroline then left without looking back, reigning obviously her temper to not destroy everything in her wake.

Damon was stumped. His brain had simply shut down. The very idea that all Caroline said was true was mind-boggling, confusing, frightening and despairing all at once. He almost didn't notice Elena leaving his alone.

After an uncountable amount of time, Damon felt the need to go to Stefan's room in the hopes it would help him understand his decision better.
Caroline was right, there was no reason for Stefan to feel that strongly the need to save him, he certainly didn't deserve it, neither as his brother, nor as a person. And both thoughts currently lacked their usual appeal.

Upon his arrival in Stefan's room, it was almost shocking to find it unchanged. Right now he felt like the world had been turned upside down and to see this refuge of his little brother untouched added to the insecurity he felt.

Walking around he noticed the desk was suspiciously clear of papers save one of Stefan's diaries.

Unconsciously he picked it up and opened it at the last entry;

Imagine his surprise when he discovered it was a letter addressed to him.

"Damon,

Knowing you, when you will have realized what I have done you will look for answers and come to my room in the hopes it would help, especially since you probably managed to piss off Caroline, Bonnie or Elena (possibly all three of them?). That's why I decided to give you my farewells in my diary on my way to take some things from home.

I just saw you and even if you're not out of the woods yet I can sense the cure is acting up. I cannot say if I'm thankful you are sleeping or not, although with our tendency to argue it's probably better that I tell you my thoughts in this diary instead of verbally.

I cannot begin to explain all that went through my head since you have shown me the werewolf bite. Along my life you have always been my constant, the one unchanging component. Imagining my existence without having to wait for the moment when you will decide my life has to be messed up, it is simply not possible.
I really can not envisage not waiting for you to appear out of thin air (yes brother I was always waiting for you to come).

I know our relationship is a mess, because of both of us, of Katherine, of Father and of Mother's death.
Mother died giving birth to me, leaving you in the process.
Father, among other faults, used me to rile you up, making me seemingly a favorite while he could never stop to look in my eyes, which I know are the same shade as mother, to hurt you, the one with mother's face and who had all my love while he lost his quite soon.

Katherine… a mess on a whole higher level, wasn't she? You know that I feel guilty for what happened with her, but you do not really know what made me feel that way.

I cannot begin to comprehend how I let myself be enticed in her little games. I still remember how I could not understand my attitude toward you. You had just come back from war, and I was supposed to be ecstatic and to not lose your side for at least a weak! And I did feel that but I… forgot my thoughts when she was in the vicinity…

Even when I learned what she was and the possibility of compulsions, which certainly explained my behavior, I made a major mistake. I simply didn't imagine that you could be willing. I thought she was compelling you too, which is why I acted in your back.
My seventeen years old mind couldn't create the possibility that you had given up our relationship willingly for this little… crane, that you were genuinely in love with her. It was impossible to me as the only person I have ever loved (not in the same way! Breathe brother!) was you.

That's right, I love you grande fratello! I did at the time, did all along our 145 years of vampirism and still do. This brings me to one important part of this letter.
I know you will beat yourself up because you needed to be saved, because I sacrificed myself, because I played hero again, etc, etc, etc… I'll say it once and you better be attentive!

You are worthy of anything from me, is that clear? There is absolutely no one in the universe who is more important than you, and yes it does include Elena.

You are my big brother and despite what father delighted in making you believe, you are not beneath love, and certainly not mine.

Damon, you have been my world since I have memories. Father could not change that (why did you think he was so angered when we spent time together?), Katherine couldn't change that, and you couldn't change it either. Not for lack of trying mind you; I admit you have tested my patience A LOT along the years, but well, a Damon who is not insufferable… it doesn't exist!

I know I will change a lot in my time with Klaus, I know he will make me a ripper, but I want you know that I'll hold onto the notion that you will find me, and that even if too much gone, you'll find a way to bring me back from my insanity.

You may not know what a ripper is inside his head, but there is always a key to unlock the real personality. Until a short while ago Lexi was the only one to know and have my key. It's not something we give to anyone as when it is used we are weak for some time.
However, I think it's time for you to have it.
You will find in the basement, a box in a hole under the cell's mattress. Inside is my very first diary, the one you gave me when you went to college and I was left alone at home. It is impregnated by your human blood from a time when you had hurt yourself and I was a little obsessed with Blood Magick.

When you find me, alone, you just have to present me the book and my real personality will be unlocked. Choose you moment well because I will be completely useless for several months afterward.

I trust you, fratello.

Your little brother, and hopefully a part of your world.

Stefan Salvatore."

It was only when he finished reading that Damon realized he had sunk to the ground and was openly crying.

His baby brother was gone?...!

No, he was not gone. He would bring him back to his old self, to his human friends… to him.

"Anch'io ti amo fratellino"

Translations in Italian:

"grande fratello" = big brother

"Anch'io ti amo fratellino" = I love you too little brother

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