This isn't a smut in the sense that sex isn't involved, but there is topless cuddling, mostly focused on Mike's toplessness. I'd rank it the same way I'd rank "Sweet Tooth". Sweet fluff ahead!
She held him in the dimness of the outside light, both of them sharing her bed like so many times before. Mike's light breathing would have been inaudible over any other sound, but the rest of the room kept its silence, allowing Zoey to hear every little sound he made. He rested his head on her shoulder and held her torso tight, while she gently stroked his back through his pajama shirt beneath both her palms. Her thick blanket weighed down on both of them, shielding them from the cold of the impending Canadian winter.
Zoey never wanted to wake up. Not if it meant leaving that spot.
The pair had slept together plenty of times; literally, of course. Nothing much more than actual sleeping ever took place in that bed. They'd talked about sleeping together in a figurative sense, but Mike claimed disinterest, and Zoey wasn't sure if she was ready for that step, either. Instead, they'd use the bed to make out, doing nothing more scandalous than kissing, before finally relaxing into a comforting sleep. Zoey's bed wasn't all that big, requiring them both to keep close to fit in it, but she didn't exactly see that as a downside. She'd take any excuse she could get to hold him this tight. To savor his warmth, to melt into his embrace... to be there for him as immediately as she could when he began thrashing with nightmares...
"Zoey..." he mumbled, nuzzling his cheek against her shoulder. "You awake?"
"Kind of..." she replied with a yawn. "Are you all right? Do you need something?"
"Hm..." He withdrew his arms from her body and gripped her pillow on either side of her head to push himself up. Shy brown eyes peered down at Zoey, only vaguely visible by the outside street lamps. "There is something I'd like... but only if you're awake. I'm sorry if I woke you up..."
"It's fine," Zoey said with a smile, rubbing his back for good measure. "If you need something from me, then I want to do it for you."
"Well... I got to thinking," Mike said. "I want you to know... I trust you. I trust you a lot."
Trust... Zoey's gut reaction told her this was a very odd sentence, right out of nowhere. But then, she remembered his hesitance to tell anyone anything about himself when she first met him, his belief that everyone wanted to use his secrets to hurt him. Trust... from someone like Mike, it really meant a lot.
"I'm glad you do," she said.
"I feel safe with you," he continued, still staring down at her.
"That's good. I want to protect you..."
He reached down and gently kissed her forehead with a low moan. His current position lined up his throat with her mouth, and despite knowing quite obviously that she shouldn't surprise him with something like that, she had to suppress the base instinct that demanded she go in for a kiss right on his sensitive neck, to lick and suckle his skin until he shuddered, to feel his trembling fingers wrapping around her hair...
"Give me your hand?" Mike asked. Zoey followed along, placing her delicate hand inside his long, tan fingers. He placed her hand over his heart, allowing her to feel its steady beating. "I... I really like having my bare chest touched," he admitted. "But only by certain people. If I'm not with someone I really like, it can really hurt. But... I really like you. I trust you. So..." Mike slid her hand over so that it covered the button on his shirt. "Maybe we could...?"
Zoey flattened her hand against him. "I think I'd really like that... but what do you mean by hurt? You mean, Vito might come out?" Zoey had never thought too much about DID, simply taking everything he told her about it at face value, so she never stopped to consider what switching might feel like for him. Did it actually hurt him?
"Vito coming out is actually one of the better options," Mike said, his eyes drifting away from Zoey's gaze.
"How is that-"
"I don't want to talk about it," Mike said, not cruelly, but shortly enough to stop that line of conversation in its tracks. "It just hurts sometimes, that's all."
"If it hurts you, then I won't touch you," Zoey said as she withdrew her hand from his chest.
"I don't want it to hurt," Mike said, gripping her hand tighter and pulling her back toward him.. "It was nice thinking about it... I want to be able to live it, too. You'd stop if I said it hurt, right?"
"Of course I would!" Zoey said. "I'd never keep hurting you!"
"See? That's why I trust you," Mike said. "So, please? For me?"
Zoey hesitated. Could she really risk doing this to him? What if this went wrong?
But in that moment, he smiled so sweetly at her as his fingers massaged the back of her hand. She could make him so happy if this went right...
"If it's what you want... then I'll try. Lay on your back?" Zoey suggested. Mike obliged, resting his head on her pillow, and Zoey rolled onto his shoulder, switching their earlier positions. "Can I ask something about this, though? You don't need to answer."
"Hm..." Mike hummed an agreement as Zoey gently pet his chest, not yet ready to go underneath his shirt.
"You seemed fine whenever your shirt got ripped off on Wawanakwa," Zoey said.
"How did I seem fine?" Mike asked. "Vito always came out."
"But then he'd go back in, and you'd be okay," Zoey said. "That's why I didn't think you'd be hurt by something like this. You didn't seem that way back then."
"The reason Vito comes out is complicated. I don't wanna talk about that part," Mike said, turning his head away from her.
"I understand."
"But whenever I came back without getting my chest covered again, it was for you. Your voice is what brought me back. That was my main thought in those moments – you needed me, and I couldn't let anything stop me from getting to you. And even when things calmed down... I don't know what helped then, exactly, but it was probably a lot of things. Broad daylight, open area, no one really focused on my position... I don't like it, exactly, but I can handle something like that for a while once the shock wears off. But... something like this? A dark room with just one person focused on me... it's so personal, and I don't know if I can handle it." Mike turned his head back toward Zoey, and both of his hands came up to squeeze hers once more. "But I want to handle it. And if anyone can help me with that, if there's anyone I trust that much, it's you."
"Wait... I touched you when you confessed to me," Zoey said. "Did... did I hurt you back then?" She bit into her lower lip, flooded with retroactive guilt.
"It's okay! You didn't know!" Mike assured her. "Besides, your touch didn't last long at all. It felt weird, but I was so happy that you accepted me that I looked past it, I guess. It wore off eventually."
"Still... I wish I knew. I'm sorry."
"It's all right. That was months ago."
Zoey wasn't quite sure how all of this worked, but asking would have only earned his withdrawal again, so she kept her mouth shut. He could explain later, if he wanted to. For now, he had a simple request, one she'd have no issues with delivering.
May as well get started, then.
Zoey pinched the top button of his shirt in her fingers, and with a bit of fumbling, slid the button out of its fastener. Without wasting any time, she moved down to the second, then the third. The third button brought her halfway down the shirt, so she took that moment to pull the sides of the shirt away and expose what she could. Mike closed his eyes and panted, but his hands never left hers, no matter how much she moved it.
"You all right?" she asked.
"I'm fine," he said, his voice strained.
"Mike-"
"Really. I'm fine." He inhaled a long, deep breath through his nose, then exhaled just as slowly from his mouth. "I'm fine, just... give me a second... I need Vito to stand down..."
"Just tell him you're trying to do something with a pretty girl," Zoey said, smiling. "He'd understand that, right?"
Mike laughed, then took another deep breath. "You hear that, Vito? Zoey's the one taking my shirt off. We're alone, so can you let us stay that way, please? ...Vito says, that's fine, but he doesn't think a girl like you is gonna be much fun. I know he's wrong, though." After some silence, Mike's eyes widened. "No! No, I'm not asking her for that! Not now!"
Zoey giggled, then briefly kissed Mike's lips. "Your tastes are way different from his, huh?"
"Definitely. I have no idea where he came from."
After shaking off one of the more unique aspects of her relationship with her boyfriend, Zoey sat up to get a better look at what she'd exposed. Her breath hitched at the sight of his chest muscles, just as strong as she remembered.
"Oh gosh..." she said. "Mike, you're so handsome..."
"Th-thanks," Mike replied. "Sorry... knowing you're looking at me is a little... I gotta get used to it..." Despite his words, he still smiled and rubbed her hand. "It's okay. I'll be okay. Keep going."
With a nod, Zoey resumed unbuttoning his shirt and attempted to calm her fears about hurting him. He's okay, he wants this, he'll tell you if he doesn't want this... you're making him happy, you're helping him out... this isn't just for you, this is for him, too... it's for both of you, so it's okay...
As she continued to undress him, she took a closer look at his chest than she'd ever taken before. Yes, he was definitely handsome; possibly the most handsome boy in the world, as biased as she may have been in making that decision. But lines crossed over his chest without any sort of pattern. Scars? Were they scars? What else could they be, if not scars? She pulled his shirt open further, exposing built abs she would have died to kiss. Tthe scars continued downward, some of them low enough that his pants hid their end. The lines were faint in color, so probably years old... but why were they there? They didn't detract from his beauty at all, but why were they there?
She couldn't ask him about this, but maybe this was why he was so self-conscious...
"Can I kiss you?" Mike asked, his breathing still heavy. It wasn't to the point of the panic attacks she'd witnessed before, but it was still enough to have her worried. "Please let me kiss you..."
Zoey's mouth met his, and their lips softly caressed each other as her hand passed over his chest and down to his stomach. She rubbed him back and forth, pressing his hard muscles underneath her palm.
"You feel really good..." she murmured against his mouth before kissing him again. After the last kiss, she pulled her head back so she could gauge his facial expressions. "How am I doing?"
"Nice," he said, though a hiss through his teeth after his response made Zoey stop her hand. "Really, really nice..."
"Are you sure?" she asked. "I really don't want to hurt you. Are you really, 100% all right?"
"I still feel weird," Mike admitted. "But I also feel good... it's like... have you ever been so scared about doing something... but you knew something good would happen if you did, so you go ahead with it, and it's worth it? That's what's going on now... I want you to touch me... I like that you're doing this. I'm still awake, I'm still breathing... so I'm doing great."
"You're always free to stop," she assured him before kissing his cheek. "I love this, but I don't want you pushing it for my sake."
"I'm pushing it for mine."
"Can I kiss you lower?" Zoey asked. "I know you like having your neck kissed... and maybe I could try..." During her pause, she drummed her fingers against his skin.
"Just my neck for now," Mike said. "That much sounds good."
As usual, Mike gasped once Zoey latched her lips onto his throat.
"Yeah..." he murmured as he stroked her hair. "Oh, Zoey..."
She put all of her focus into the act, sucking at his skin and lightly scraping her teeth. His massaging of her scalp and pleasant groans showed her his appreciation and encouraged her to continue this display of affection. Her fingertips ran over the bumps of his abs, studying every single centimeter of flesh. So strong and firm... she could tell how strong he was when he hugged her, and now she got to feel more evidence of that strength so directly. He wasn't built enough to show through his clothes, but this was exactly how she liked it; not buff, just strong enough to give her something to touch, to provide a safe hug for her to lose herself in. As her thoughts drowned in how much she loved the body underneath her, her hand slid low enough to touch the waistband of his pants.
"No," he wheezed.
"Sorry!" she yelped as she pulled back both her mouth and hand, the swirling dreams in her mind now shattered like a snow globe. He didn't seem particularly distressed now, but that call gave a message as clear as it could. "Did I do something wrong? Have you had enough? Please tell me you'll be okay..." Conflicting desires clashed in Zoey's mind; her first instinct was to coddle him, to hug him and kiss him and tell him she'd fix it, but given what had set him off, that would have been the worst thing.
"You went a little low with your hand," Mike said. "I'm sorry, but I can't... not there..." His voice came weakly, as if he'd just run a marathon.
"Mike, don't apologize! I'm sorry! I wasn't paying attention! Of course I should ask before touching you like that! Anyone would want to be asked!"
Mike remained silent, still breathing heavily. Was he even Mike anymore...?
"I'm so sorry..." she mumbled one last time before lying back down. "I should have been more careful..." She curled herself into a ball and slowly closed her eyes, so sure the night was as good as over. Mike, or whoever this was, seemed to need to be alone right now... it hurt, but she'd leave him be. It's not like it was his fault... maybe she could make it up to him tomorrow...
Strong arms wrapped around her from behind and pulled her close. He buried his face into the back of her neck and inhaled deeply, and his fingers rubbed her stomach, seemingly unaware that the cold meant that she no longer wore pajamas that exposed much flesh. He still lovingly stroked her, taking as much pleasure from her silk top as he did from her bare skin.
"Mike?" she asked. "Is that you?" Even before getting a response, she leaned back into his embrace. No one else in there would ever hold her like this, would they?
"It's okay," he said. "I'm okay. I'm me. I still want this."
"You're sure?" she asked. She moved to turn around, but he held her too tightly for that to be an option.
"I'm sure. It was an accident, right? It won't happen again." He kissed the top of her spine, then let her go so she could flip over. Both of them turned so that she faced his back rather than the other way around. She rubbed his back through his shirt, and his breaths picked up, but nothing indicated that those breaths were certainly in anxiety.
"Would you be okay with taking your shirt off?" Zoey asked. "Not if you don't want to!"
It took him a few seconds to decide, but he soon sat up. "Yeah, that sounds nice. I take my shirt off, and you spoon me? How does that sound?"
"Yeah, that sounds good," she said. As soon as he suggested it, a further idea crossed her mind. "Hey... if you're gonna take your shirt off..." Her fingers shook even more than when she undressed him as she wrapped them around the button of her own shirt. "Do you want me to? Cuddling like that sounds really cozy..."
"If you want to, go ahead," Mike said. "I promise I won't look."
You can look if you want.
She left that thought unvoiced as she sat up unbuttoned her shirt. As she removed her own clothes, he shrugged his shirt off, exposing his muscled shoulders... and even more ancient scars marring his back, running just as low as the ones on his stomach.
Mike, what happened to you?
She ignored that thought as well as she let her shirt drop off the side of her bed. She wrapped her arms around herself, possibly to shield herself from the room's chill, although covering up her breasts was a nice side effect of that. Maybe she wasn't ready to show him that part of herself yet after all. Not that he was looking anyway, but even facing his back made her feel much too exposed. Excited, but exposed.
No matter how much she thought about that, she couldn't imagine it in reality... maybe these were the same kinds of nerves that Mike wanted to fight through now?
Mike dropped his own shirt to the floor on his own side of the bed, then lied down and pulled the blanket back over himself. "It's cold in here..."
"Can I keep you warm?" Zoey asked as she joined him under the blanket.
"I'd love that."
At his word, Zoey hugged him tight, holding him in a familiar position, although with nothing separating them this time. Both of them moaned softly as her breasts pressed against his bare back, a sensation Zoey wasn't sure whether to revel in or pull back from.
Just let it be, don't focus on it, hope he doesn't mention it...
I wonder if he likes how they feel...
Aware that he'd never tell her even if he did, she returned her focus to the task at hand. This time she focused on his upper torso, far away from where she upset him earlier. Her fingers traced the curves of his pecs, circling his nipples but never actually touching them. Up to his shoulders, down to the top of his abs, back and forth in what she now considered a safe area for him. He didn't speak, but his moans and gasps served well enough at letting her know how he felt about this.
"You're so handsome," she whispered, her fingers rubbing into the area over his heart. "I can't tell you that enough... I like having you here with me like this..."
"I..." He gasped, louder than his pleasured ones, and jerked within her arms. "I like being with you, too..." Despite his words, his breaths shuddered again, driving her to stop moving and simply squeeze him instead.
"Mike?"
"Mm..." He rested his hands over hers and pressed. "That was great, but... I think I just want to be held right now..."
"Did I hurt you again?" Zoey asked.
"No, it's just getting to be too much. But I like when you hold me. You're really soft..."
Smiling, Zoey rested her head against his and closed her eyes. He kept her so warm... she could fall asleep just like this...
In her embrace, his breaths mellowed out, returning to their pace from before this experiment started.
Maybe he'll be able to handle more of this next time... for his own sake, of course...
"Really soft..." he repeated as he leaned back against her. "We should cuddle like this next time, too. I can handle this much. I like it better this way..."
Really soft... better this way... oh. Is that what he meant by soft?
Oh.
Zoey squirmed her upper half against him, eliciting a laugh from her boyfriend. Yes, that was exactly what he meant by soft. She'd take it as a compliment. Knowing he liked that part of her caused a bigger ego boost than she expected, and she couldn't complain about that.
"You're great, Zoey... thank you..."
"You're great, too." Another phrase entered Zoey's mind, one she hadn't said too much yet, but she didn't want to hold this one back. He deserved to hear it. He deserved to know. "Hey, Mike?"
"Hm?" Mike replied.
She took a few seconds to compose herself, then finally spoke. "I love you."
As soon as the words tumbled from her mouth, she regretted them. Why didn't he respond? Was this not a good time? Had she said it too often recently? Did he just respond in the past because he was supposed to, did he not really-
"I love you too," he finally answered. She didn't want to move from this spot, but she still wished he could see his face when he said that. She bet that he smiled, that wide, genuine smile that always brightened his face, usually accompanied by a short, quiet laugh, and maybe a tighter hug or a few kisses to go along with that smile...
She loved him, and she loved that he loved that she loved him.
"Sleep well, okay, princess?"
The darkness and position prevented him from seeing her blush, which was probably for the best. He'd just call her blush adorable and she'd blush even deeper. Maybe she could handle that someday, but not right now.
"I will because you're here, my prince," she said, accompanying that cheesy line with a kiss to the back of his neck.
The pair both drifted into sleep, with Zoey hoping with everything she had that tonight made Mike feel better about whatever he needed than ever before. Whatever peace he needed to find, she'd do anything to grant it, and if tonight helped that goal, it'd be more than worth it.