Disclaimer: I only own Eva and the disgruntled BK employee.
A/N: If you're having a bad day, I hope this makes you laugh just a little bit. Just a silly little one shot I threw together from a writing prompt I came across. Enjoy!
"God damn it, Dean!" Roman slammed one of his hands against the steering wheel. "That's not what its called. No one in history has ever called it that!"
Eva glanced at Seth, wondering if he was listening to this stupid conversation anymore. Dean and Roman had been arguing ever since Seth had questioned where they were going to stop for food. Eva stupidly opened her mouth and suggested Burger King, thus beginning the stupidest argument she ever had the misfortune of witnessing.
"Never make a food suggestion again." Seth muttered as he dug his headphones out of his bag. "You know they're prone to fighting about stupid stuff."
The blonde huffed in annoyance, suddenly tempted to rip Seth's headphones out of his ears and chuck them out the window. If she had to suffer through this, then he had to suffer with her.
"Fuck." Seth cursed, tossing his headphones to the floor. "My battery is dead."
Eva smiled at him, thanking whatever God there was for Seth's misfortune.
"Wipe that smile off your face." He muttered, glaring at her.
She patted him on knee, politely telling him to fuck off.
"Dean, I'm telling you its Whopper with cheese!" Roman's grip on the steering wheel tightened. "Not Cheese Whoppers. Nobody says that!"
"Roman, bro, they're fucking called Cheese Whoppers! I can't tell you how many times I've gone to Burger King and ordered them like that and no one has ever said anything!"
"Its because they're paid to be nice and can't call you a dumb ass to your face." Roman glanced at him. "Eva, tell your boyfriend he's an idiot."
Eva sat forward and pushed herself so that her head was poking between Dean and Roman. She looked from one to the other and just shook her head. Did she really want to partake in such a stupid fight?
"Just stop somewhere for food." She said instead. "My fucking stomach is eating itself."
Dean turned in his seat some so he can get a better look at Eva. "Babe, just tell him that its Cheese Whoppers and the argument will end right there."
"For the love of God, Eva, just fucking agree with him." Seth called from behind her. "This is why I hate traveling with you guys sometimes."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Champ, did we peasants offend you with our lowly dining standards?" Dean joked, looking over Eva's head to glance at his friend. "Chill the fuck out. Just say that I'm right and this will all end."
"I'm not getting in the middle of this." Eva remarked. "If you want to be annoying shits about this, then be annoying shits about it."
"Eva!" Seth groaned. "Don't prolong this! Have I taught you nothing about traveling with these two?"
Eva rubbed her temples with her thumb and index fingers, trying to will away the headache she felt coming on. Between Seth acting like a child and Dean and Roman fussing over something so stupid, she wanted to jump out the moving car.
"I regret getting into the car with you three." She muttered. "I should have rode with the Usos and Naomi."
"But then you wouldn't be here for this fantastical debate." Seth sarcastically remarked.
She whacked Seth against the chest with the back of her hand. He groaned in pain, remarking how Big Show had done repeated chops to his chest because the fans kept requesting it.
"Whoppers with cheese."
"Cheese Whoppers."
"Whoppers with cheese."
"Cheese Whoppers."
Eva was starting to feel like she was in that episode of Bugs Bunny where Bugs and Daffy were arguing over which hunting season it was.
"Wanna bet?" Roman smirked, glancing at Dean from the corner of his eye.
"Okay, fine." Dean said with no hesitation.
Intrigued, Eva and Seth sat forward, giving their full attention to the two idiots in the front. In all the times they've driven somewhere together, never had there been a wager.
"We're going to stop at the next Burger King..."
"Finally!" Seth and Eva exclaimed in unison.
Roman continued on as if he hadn't heard them. "...and we're going to ask an employee there if its Whopper with cheese or Cheese Whopper."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Seth pouted.
"Fair enough." Dean shrugged. "What's the bet?"
"If I win, you and Eva can't have sex for a week."
She knew there was no shot that Dean would win this argument. He was going to lose and in the process she was going to lose too. Why should she be penalized because her boyfriend is a doofus and doesn't know the correct way to order a Whopper?
"Dean, for the love of god, do not agree to this." She said, then turned to Roman. She slapped him on his arm. "You. What the hell did I do to you that I'm being dragged into this nonsense?"
Roman smirked, thinking back to the week before when Eva had ditched him at the arena, citing she forgot him. He knew she didn't forget him, but rather she was in a hurry to meet up with Dean so she could mount him. He accepted her apology, silently vowing to get back at her. Knowing that her and Dean were like rabbits, what better time than now to get back at them both at once? Judging by Eva's reaction, he knew she knew Dean was wrong.
"When I win?" Dean asked, ignoring Eva's comments.
"You decide." The Samoan wrestler shrugged, indicating he had no worries.
Dean sat back for a moment, bringing his hands together and cradling them under his chin as he thought about his friend's punishment. Despite Roman's end being juvenile, it was going to be hard to top his. No sex for a week with Eva? The thought made Dean turn to his girlfriend and sigh. How could he go that long without touching her or vice versa? It made him almost want to back out the bet, but the part of his brain that wanted him to be right refused to.
"Okay. When I win, during tomorrow's house show you have to run around backstage naked."
"Fine." Roman said, as he turned into the Burger King lot. "You ready to lose, brother?"
"Okay. That's officially the new record for stupidest bet ever accepted." Seth commented from the backseat.
"Dean, babe, I love you, but you are a moron." Eva sighed, resting a hand on his shoulder. "For the record, we won't be rooming together for the next week."
"What?" He asked, shocked.
Before Eva could further comment, Roman had pulled up to the drive through and explained the situation to a rather annoyed Burger King employee. When he refused to answer, Roman told them they just needed the bet settled and then they would order food.
"Don't answer the question!" Eva shouted from the backseat. "Just refuse!"
"Shut up, Eva!" Roman turned to her. "We're trying to settle this. Then we'll order."
Eva sat back, folded her arms across her chest and pouted. She really hadn't wanted this to happen, not with what was at stake. Its not like either of them could lie about it either. Eva couldn't lie to save her life and Dean wore the utmost stupidest grin on his face after having sex that anybody within a thirty mile radius would know.
"Sir, is it Whopper with cheese or Cheese Whoppers?" Roman asked, speaking into the box again.
"Man, it sucks to be you two." Seth laughed, looking at Eva and Dean.
"Says the guy with no girlfriend." Dean shot back with.
Eva looked at Seth, just shrugging. She loved Seth and considered him a good friend, but when he was hangry, he was a total ass and she hated that side of him. She was always tempted to throw a Snickers at him when he was like that.
"Its a Whopper with cheese." The annoyed employee replied. "Now order or leave."
"Ha!" Roman laughed in his face. "Dean, Eva, enjoy a sexless week!"
Even Seth had to laugh while Dean growled in annoyance and Eva popped him upside the head.
"Matter settled. Now get me a Whopper with cheese." Seth laughed.
"Fuck you, Rollins."
A few minutes later they were back on the road, everyone eating their food. A mellowed out Seth was now laughing about the entire situation with Roman as they kept poking fun at Eva and Dean's situation.
Dean shifted in the front seat again so that he was able to see Eva better. "Now I see why you don't want to room together for the next week."
Eva opened her mouth to reply, but snapped her lips shut again. An idea came to her. While this would torture them both, she knew she would be able to hold out better than Dean would. He wanted to play a smart ass and think he knew what was he talking about, regardless of how asinine the argument was, then fine, he could, but she would endlessly tease him knowing he couldn't do anything about it.
"On second thought, we're rooming together." She smirked, then went back to eating.
Seth hissed in pain, feeling for his friend. "Dude, Dean, its going to be an even longer week for you."
"Damn right it is." Eva promised.
Dean inhaled deeply, worried about the week ahead.
A/N: Oh Dean, you silly idiot.