A/N - And here I am again, writing another random story for a random thing after approximately half a year of absence. This time, it will be very causal, so no action.
So, long story short, I've been playing old games like Super Mario Bros. and Donkey Kong, and now I want to write about them. I've been self-teaching myself Japanese as well, so wish me luck on that too.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters or settings or any other misc. things in this story. The real question is...do YOU own the items listed previously? Do you?
Donkey Kong: The Short Story
A long time ago, maybe like, twenty years or so, there was a land that contained ladders, platforms, and barrels. This land was known as one of the many countries of ArcadeWorld Inc., and take my word for it, it was really lame.
Here's some brief history about this specific arcade machine: so there's this bigass gorilla thing, he's called Donkey Kong. Yeah, I know, weird name. And there's some kind of creepy Italian plumber guy with the 'stache of power, we'll call him Jumpman. Or Mario, whichever sounds better.
These two sentient beings have been in conflict with each other since their home became coin-operated. Why, you ask? Simple; that Kong guy has been stealing his potential piece of ass-I mean lover for far too long. And almost as if a group of people wanted to screw Mario (it sounded better) many times over, Kong has got an indefinite amount of barrels that gets in his way when he's trying to climb up the mysteriously placed ladders and platforms.
History lesson over.
Mario climbed up a ladder and jumped over a barrel. He then waited for the barrel to roll down before he climbed up another ladder. It was then that another barrel just happened to be storing a gallon of jackass juice, and decided to roll down the ladder Mario was climbing. Game over.
"AAAAAHHH!" the plumber roared out in anger. "I'm done with this shit!" He threw his hat to the ground and stomped on it. Not once, not twice, but eight times. Unfathomable, I know, but somehow, he managed to do it.
The princess was taking one of those damned beauty sleeps, and gave absolutely no fucks for anything that was happening. How disappointing.
Donkey Kong swung down from his perch from high above everything else.
"And I was just about to get to the good part..." he whined.
"Man...", began Mario, "you've been doing the same damn thing for more times than I've bothered to count. In 10 minutes. What do you mean you were about to get to the 'good part'?"
"Well, I was thinking about sending down a barrel filled with some of my man milk just for fun, but..."
"You're WHAT?!" Mario shouted.
"My man m-"
"I know what you said..."
Donkey Kong and Mario sat down to have a talk about life. Things have been extremely boring recently. Everyone's stopped playing their game in favor of that new doohickey they call "Pac-Man". It sounds boring anyway.
It was very ironic, if you take into account the fact Pac-Man has been out about a year earlier than them.
"Don't you ever wonder what's outside this arcade cabinets?" asked Donkey Kong.
"Oh, geez, I don't know, maybe...MORE arcade cabinets?" Durr.
"How can we know for sure?", he asked, He was determined to get an answer. "How do we know that there aren't a whole bunch of hot anime girls-scrap that, a whole bunch of hot anime schoolgirls just beyond our reach?"
Mario thought he needed a reality check. "Are you high? We're, like, twenty years before the creation of the moe anime chick. Right now, they're all...different." An image of the girls from Dragon Ball Z flashed across his mind. He shuttered for a brief moment.
They discussed ideas of what to do while waiting for those twenty years to pass by.
"Well, we have hands for a reason." said Kong. "At least, we have our right hand." He raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
Mario was perplexed. "I think you mean we have our left hand for a reason." Wink. Wink.
Now the ape was confused. "I thought you were right-handed?"
"I am."
"So why with your left hand?"
"Well, I could switch tabs much quicker when holding the mouse with my right hand."
"What are you talking about? Computers aren't supposed to be mainstream until, say, ten years from now. Even then, there won't be that much porn on the internet like there will be in 2011."
Mario cleared some things up for his primitive brethren. "You wouldn't understand the concept of internet browser tabs unless you were a futurist. Which you aren't." King-I mean Donkey Kong, not knowing what the hell a futurist was, could only nod his head in agreement.
The two let out a deep sigh.
"Hey", said Mario, "why don't we ever just rape the princess? I mean, we could easily overpower her-"
"That's dangerous thinking. It'll get really awkward between the three of us if we ever did that. Also, you're forgetting the fact that rape is illegal."
"But what about...never mind." It was futile; Mario knew he was never gonna get the chance to do this unless a hentai artist could draw him doing that in the 21st century. Of course, no one would dare to illustrate that, because tentacles are so much more mainstream.
They don't usually talk about such weird things, but, you know, what else are you supposed to talk about when you're a testosterone-filled character in a game that contains absolutely no pr0n to jack off to? It gets very boring very quickly.
"So...how 'bout dat Bruce Lee..." Mario questioned.
"Yeah...he's a badass..."
How boring. I feel like just ending it here, but I want to continue fooling around for just a little bit longer.
"Hey, let's play a game.", suggested Mario, "How about shiritori?"
"I don't speak Japanese."
"No, I mean an American version. I'll start:"
M: Crocodile.
DK: Elephant.
M: Tank.
DK: Key.
M: Yard.
DK: Dragon.
M: Notes.
DK: Schoolgirl
"You son of a bitch." Mario uttered.
"What did I do?"
"I knew you were gonna say that." The duo looked at each other, and released another deep sigh.
"I'm so bored." said Kong. "I'm just gonna take a nap." He stood up and climbed back up to his bed of barrels.
"Good afternoon!" he shouted down to Mario, and took a not-so-well deserved siesta. Left alone with nothing else to do, Mario brought out his old risqué magazines and began putting his left hand to good use.
And thus concludes another boring-as-hell day with Donkey Kong, Mario, and the Princess, who had absolutely no lines in this story whatsoever. Peace out, have a good one.
The End
A/N - I know, this was a very boring story, but I wrote it on a whim because I write about casual situations better than any other. Why? Because I can't exactly evoke any strong emotions from my readers. Well, as the ending of the story states, have a good one.
I'll see you in another half year or so. So long and farewell., friends. Oh! And review. ^_^