A/N: This odd little story is based on a prompt by DeathlyHallows123. I've only got the first few chapters written, so bear with me, but I was too excited to hold off until I finished writing it lol. Let me know what you think!

Disclaimers: I do not own and am not making any profit from the use of these characters. Also, I'm planning to steal a bunch of movie quotes lol.

Here's Looking at You, Kid

"Okay, class." Miss Tutweiller said brightly, clapping her hands to get everyone's attention. It was Monday morning and most of her first period students were on the darker side of conscious. "I'd love to let you sleep, believe me, but, I am getting paid to rain misery on your lives." she joked.

When no one laughed, she smoothed her skirt and carried on with business. "We're going to be doing something a little different this week. The Tipton Educational Programming Board was not satisfied with our last 'life skills' exercise, so they've added some new requirements to the curriculum, and, yippee, our homeroom gets to be the guinea pigs!"

There were a few muffled groans from the class.

"I know, I know." Miss Tutweiller said. "But on the bright side, we'll do it, have it over with, and return to Geography and World Cultures before you know it." She frowned as her subject elicited more groans from the students than the unannounced project. "Okay then! This week we will be practicing the art of childrearing."

"Child-what-now?" Woody repeated, sitting up straight.

Miss Tutweiller reached into a box behind her desk, producing a plastic doll. "Childrearing, Woody. Parenting."

"Well why didn't you just say so?"

The class erupted into conversation, moaning and chatting to their neighbors.

"Stupid baby project!" London fumed. "I already did one of these back in Boston with Maddie!"

Miss Tutweiller raised her voice to talk over the students. "Since this is an extension of the marriage project, you will each be working with your old partner. Each couple will be assigned a baby simulator, which you will have to feed, change, and care for as if it were a real child."

Bailey's head snapped up. Working with their old partners! But her old partner was Cody, and they had since broken up... this was going to be a nightmare. She looked tentatively over at Cody, who was busy looking anywhere but at her. "Uh, Miss Tutweiller?" she raised her hand.

"Sorry Bailey, no partner switching." Miss Tutweiller said, anticipating her question. One of Bailey's confidantes in the miserable period after the breakup, Miss Tutweiller did look genuinely sorry about putting the ex-couple in this situation. "Besides, there's no one else to pair you with. With Marcus gone, and Maya here, we're already short one boy as it is."

"I'm a single mother?" Maya complained. "How did that happen?"

"I'll figure something out." Miss Tutweiller assured her.

"Ooh, ooh!" London's hand shot into the air. "I already did this project at my old high school! I got an A!"

"That's very good, London." Miss Tutweiller said encouragingly. "I'm sure you'll do just as well on this one."

"Oh, no, I ain't doing this one." London said. "I barely ever do projects once, I'm not doing it twice. Maya can have my partner."

Zack grinned widely as Maya turned around in her seat, realized who London's old partner was, and quickly spoke up. "You know, lots of women are single mothers these days, it's really no big-"

Miss Tutweiller was torn between requiring that Zack stay with London and the almost-certainty that London would blow off the project anyway. "Well, all right, I suppose. Zack, you're with Maya."

"Yes!" London hissed, grabbing her things and running out of the classroom. For a moment Miss Tutweiller seemed like she wanted to call her back... but she didn't.

"But Miss Tutweiller!" Maya protested.

"Sorry, Maya. All partners are final. Besides, could I in good conscience leave a child in the care of London and Zack?" the teacher joked.

"If it's fake." Maya argued.

"Still..." Miss Tutweiller said.

Cody raised his hand. "How are we getting graded on this project?"

"Good question, Cody." Miss Tutweiller held the baby doll up again. "Each baby simulator is equipped with a voice recorder so I will know if you're caring for it properly. The simulators are very lifelike, and are programmed to require food, diaper-changing, and gentle handling, just like a real baby." She set the doll down on her desk and its head fell off and rolled across the surface of the table.

"Yep, just like a real baby." Zack said.

Rolling her eyes, Miss Tutweiller picked up the doll and screwed its head back on. "They are also very delicate, just like a real baby..." she said sheepishly. "You will be graded on parenting, responsibility, and teamwork. At the end of the week you will return the babies as well as a two-page report on what you learned. All right?"

No one in the class seemed particularly enthusiastic, but there was a general mumble of "All right."

"Everybody please sit by your partner, and I will pass around a jar. Each couple take a slip of paper which will tell you your baby's gender. Then, together, decide on his or her name and fill out a birth certificate."

She held the jar out to Addison, who took a slip and read it. "Girl."

Miss Tutweiller took the doll from her desk and handed it to Addison. "Congratulations, Addison and Woody. You've just had a baby girl."

Addison accepted the doll, smiling at it and cooing, as Woody looked on in dismay. "How come we have to have the baby whose head just fell off?"

"Woody, look, isn't she cute? I think she's adorable. What should we name her?" Addison questioned at her normal level of fast-paced enthusiasm. "I can't believe we had a baby- my sister is going to be so jealous. I've got so many great baby names. What do you think of Ingrid? Oh! Or Poughkeepsie! Or, oh, oh, I've got it, Linka!"

"Linka Fink? Really?" Woody groaned. "I think I preferred Poughkeepsie."

The jar went around the class and every couple picked their baby's gender. "I got a boy." Maya said, holding up her slip. "What did you get, Bailey?"

Bailey was looking at her slip in dismay. "Twins."

"What?" Cody asked in disbelief. She handed him the slip and laid her head down on her desk. "Twin boys. Huh. Guess it runs in the family."

Miss Tutweiller handed him two babies. "Good luck, you two."

Maya cradled the doll she'd just been given, smiling despite herself when it cooed in contentment. "He's kind of cute."

"Well duh," Zack winked at her. "I mean, look at his parents."

Maya scowled at him, holding the baby over her shoulder. "Just so we're clear, the fact that you're the father of my child doesn't change anything."

Zack laughed. "That's an odd phrase."

"I want you to take this seriously." Maya said. "I really want to get a good grade on this project, so no goofing around."

"Relax." Zack reassured her. "I'll be a great father. Your lack of faith in me is hurtful."

"You're right, just because you're a straight-D student doesn't mean you won't get an A on this." Maya scoffed.

"Excuse me, I believe you mean straight-C minus." Zack corrected haughtily. "And you wanna bet?"

"Bet what?" Maya asked cautiously, although the idea obviously intrigued her.

"Well..." Zack considered. "If I get an A on my half of the project... you have to kiss me. A real kiss."

"What?" Maya sputtered. "No way! What's in it for me?"

"If I don't get an A, I'll stop hitting on you for a whole month." Zack offered. Seeing the unconvinced look on her face, he upped the stakes. "For the rest of the semester."

"Until graduation." Maya said finally.

Zack grinned. "You're on."

Along with several of their classmates', Bailey and Cody's baby simulators had already started wailing. Each teen was rocking one, making soothing noises to no avail. "What should we call them?" Cody asked Bailey over their cries.

"How about Thing 1 and Thing 2?" Bailey said sarcastically.

"Hey!" The offended expression Cody wore led her to believe that he'd been given one of those nicknames in the past... Thing 2 if she had to guess. "That's not nice."

"Okay..." Bailey put on a mischievous face. "How about Bert and Ernie? Tom and Jerry? Hall and Oates? Abbott and Costello?" At his exasperated look she grinned. "Pollux and Castor?"

Cody cracked a smile as well. "Nice astronomy reference, but I'm really not liking the famous-duo names."

"So I guess Zack and Cody's out." Bailey teased. "That would be way too confusing. Fine, so no famous pairs. Why not?"

Cody sat down next to her, rocking his baby. "I dunno, I guess because I feel like twins need to have their own identities. They're already going to be identified by each other, do they really need to be associated with some other famous people?"

"They're just dolls, Cody." Bailey said gently. "But I think I get it. How about you name one and I'll name one?"

"Sounds fair." Cody said. He studied his doll for a moment. "Joseph."

"Joseph." Bailey agreed. "I like it. And this is Caleb." They smiled at each other. Bailey looked away, blushing, and reached for a 'birth certificate'. Maybe this wasn't going to be as hard as she thought.

Maya handed the doll off to Zack. "Will you hold Julian for a minute while I go get his birth certificate?"

"Sure." Zack took the doll. "Wait a minute! Julian? We didn't agree on that!"

"What?" Maya looked wounded. "I really like that name. What's wrong with Julian?"

"Nothing, if you want the kid to get beat up on the playground." Zack said.

"Oh, and what would you name him?" Maya challenged, folding her arms across her chest.

Zack didn't hesitate. "Boomer." he said, completely straight-faced.

Just as he'd expected, Maya exploded. "Boomer? Are you serious?"

The doll in Zack's arms began to wail. "Maya, shh! Boomer hates it when Mommy and Daddy fight." He rocked the baby gently. "Shh, it's okay kiddo. I won't let Mommy name you Julian."

Maya glared at him. "We are not naming him Boomer. That's a dog's name."

"Uh, no... Fido, Spot... those are dog names." Zack frowned. "Actually... Spot Martin. Hmm."

"No."

Seeing Miss Tutweiller watching them, Zack grabbed a birth certificate sheet. "Okay, we need to compromise." In his messy scrawl he wrote on the name line: Julian Boomer Martin.

Maya looked halfway between laughing and crying. "He's got the stupidest name I've ever seen." she said, reluctantly acquiescing.

"Yeah," Zack grinned. "But he's ours."