A/N: Hello there =) just a quick insight into my rather uneventful life before I get on with the writing. I was subject to a rather rude awakening at some unearthly hour by a random phone call one day this week and because it was British summertime, naturally it was freezing cold and raining. So of course, the only thing to do was settle down on the sofa with a cosy hoodie and my Series 1 and 2 DVDs, I didn't have a lot of relaxation time left, it was the first day of school today after all so it's taken me a little while to post. This one came to me after Gene's rather ambiguous comment in Episode 4 of Series 2 and I, of course, twisted it to include as much Galex as possible. Hope you enjoy, please drop me a review letting me know what you think.

This piece takes place in the last scene of the episode at Luigi's and for continuity purposes I excluded the scene at the bus station (no one like Jackie anyway =P).

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the BBC's Ashes to Ashes; I'm just borrowing much of it – including settings, characters and lines. Anything recognisable is theirs, anything else is mine.

The Only Thing I Ever Loved

He felt numb. It was a cliché but it was true – he could be sure of it from the way the whiskey barely stung as it slid down his throat. He refused to believe that he had become desensitised to it. It was because he was numb. Because of Supermac.

Yes he had been as bent as a weirdo-beardo gender bender and yes, that still made Gene angry. Yes, Mac had been taking bribes and giving in to funny handshakes and feathering his own nest at the cost of the Metropolitan Police Force. And yes, worst of all, he had a lot of blood on his hands; particularly that of innocent young people and that was as close to unforgivable as he could get. But Gene knew that he had been scared and had gotten in so deep he didn't know how to get out again.

He was D.S.I. Charlie Mackintosh; he was Supermac; he was the legend. He'd been his friend. And Gene had really looked up to him, tried to be like him. What's more, Gene really did forgive him, they hadn't just been empty words to a dying man. He forgave him everything. Well, almost. There was one wound that would smart a while longer than the rest. One betrayal he'd always remember above the others – because Gene Hunt did not forget what he could not lightly forgive.

But at that moment, he was numb. He didn't know what words his apparently rousing speech consisted of, but they must have been good because the others all nodded and smiled throughout and finally clapped when he was finished.

But all he really saw and felt and heard was the undignified death of the man he'd idolised and admired so much – laid out like a dusty carpet on the cold, hard floor of Fenchurch East for all to see. He was detuned to all but the feel of her cool fingers settling in the crook of his arm, the stubbornness of her body as she nudged him out of doors, down corridors, across the road and into Luigi's and called for their drinks.

And it was then that it hit him that she cared. She really, really cared. It wasn't just this time, either. It had been like this when they were chasing after that bum-boy Simon Neary last year and the bastard had killed 'Reeks' his informant; strung him up like an animal. Gene knew it was his fault – he'd used the guy and put him in danger and he couldn't hide from the fact that he didn't even know for sure what Reeks' first name had been. That bloody awful day she had stood with him in his office, she didn't say anything, she didn't have to. It was enough that she knew better than to think that he was alright, she knew that he needed someone there. And she was there with him right now too.

They drank in silence while she watched his every move like a tigress watches her cubs, and probably her prey.

"Well he died like a man," she said frankly but somehow still softly, "that must mean something."

Gene looked at her, bemused at her instant forgiveness; the way she seemed to have forgotten Mac's attempt to send her down; his willingness to leave her to rot in a cell for his own ends, because it suited him. The memory of it awakened his synapses and relieved the numbness a little. All he could see was the way he had had to stand by and let Mac's crony bastards tear apart Alex's flat and plant money and drugs and stolen goods on her. He could do nothing while they ripped apart the life that she had finally managed to build there. She threatened to leave often enough, an unthinkable possibility for Gene, and yet she had stayed and constructed a life around her. Having it all shattered should have been enough to make her leave there and then. But she'd stayed.

And then there was the interview Mac had insisted on conducting. Gene had hated every second of it; he had grown so accustomed to standing beside her while they both fought to get the necessary information out of some piece of scum and sitting the other side of her, the table forming a barrier between them, had felt so wrong. All the while he had known without any shadow of a doubt that she was innocent.

Had she really forgotten all that as well as forgiven?

"He tried to destroy the only thing I ever loved," he said ambiguously hoping that she wouldn't guess what he was implying and that she didn't ask him to elucidate. "He means nothing, not anymore," he said and in the weighty pause that followed he saw enough in her hazel eyes to tell him that she didn't believe that for a second. Bugger it, she knew him too well. It unnerved him to know that he could be so exposed to someone, rather than preserving his usual watertight exterior, so he changed the subject. "What's Operation Rose?"

She looked weary, tired of fighting. "I don't know," she sighed, "I don't think it's over though."

Gene didn't think he wanted to face more corruption – he didn't want to see deeper into what the Met had become. But he didn't want the dishonesty to win either and if he had to fight them all singlehandedly then he sure as hell would.

"Then I'll keep knocking them down until it is over," he said vehemently, knowing that she would be right there next him to him, fighting too, never wavering from the same team as him – he didn't know how, or why, but he knew he could trust her and that she wouldn't let him down. It felt weird to actually trust a woman the way he trusted Bolly, usually it went about as deep as enough sweet nothings to get a bird on side, a quick shag and maybe a few awkward niceties the morning after the night before. Even his relationship with his wife had felt awkward and detached, like they never really communicated with each other. But Alex Drake, she was under his skin.

"We did it Alex, we stood tall and we stared 'em down," he added, clinking his glass against hers. He always startled himself when he used her given name. It felt safe to call her Bolly or Bolls, no matter how affectionate the nickname had become. It felt like he was distancing himself from her, not getting too close and tainting her with himself, but when he slipped up and called her Alex it felt intense and intimate, like sacred ground or snow first thing in the morning when no one had walked across it and made it dirty and brown. "Yes, we did," she replied quietly, pensively – he was unsure what she was thinking of, maybe it was Mac and Operation Rose and the case they'd just put to bed or maybe, just maybe, she too had noticed the use of her given name. Maybe it made her think just as much as it did him.

He took another gulp of drink and the alcohol helped him drift away from thinking about Mac. He knew it wouldn't just disappear but he didn't want to dwell on it right now, he wanted to run away and escape like the little boy who had fled from an angry, violent, intoxicated father and the punches he threw and crouched and cowered under the bed. And he could think of the perfect way to do that.

"So, what did Jackie mean by ...err," he faltered, unsure of whether he should go there but it was too late now, he was most certainly going there fast, "by 'are you absolutely sure there's nothing going on?'?"

Honestly, he thought he knew, he could certainly guess. And the woman, nosy cow she was, had every right to question: to an outsider how must it have seemed? The awkward attempts to make it seem as if they were leaving Luigi's separately or that they were 'both-working-late-tonight-but-not-together-of-course'. The whispered conversations and shared looks when something was said and the way they sloped off to his office, locked the door, closed the blinds and turned the radio up loud. Of course, the only thing on her mind was nailing Mac and it was necessary that they keep it a secret, but Gene knew he could have made it a more covert operation than he did. But if the truth was known, he rather liked the coy questions and knowing looks and the fact that half of Fenchurch East was asking whether Gene Hunt and that D.I. Drake were together. It made him feel weird, kind of happy and warm inside. He had no idea what that feeling was or whether he was meant to feel like that – it just kind of made him feel a bit of poof sometimes so he kept it from everyone as much as possible, even himself.

"Oh, she um...she just had this ridiculous idea," she muttered and Gene found he was questioning himself a little: was it just me or does she seem embarrassed? Is she tryin' to 'ide somethin'? He felt a little flutter sprouting, just a tiny one and not in his chest either, just somewhere right smack bang in his middle – so nothing to worry about.

He exhaled and waited, knowing she wasn't going to go on.

"What idea?"

She swallowed her wine and Gene watched her throat constrict, it was one of his guilty pleasures – he wanted to pepper kisses on the soft, tender flesh there and feel the thud of her pulse and the warmth of her blood telling him she was real. He wanted to nip – just gently – at the skin and smell her perfume and feel the tickle of her hair and run his – wait, is she talking? Yep, yep her mouth is definitely moving. He needed to stop having these thoughts while she spoke; it made her think he wasn't concentrating on her (which he most certainly bloody well was) and that he wasn't interested in her (which he most certainly bloody well was).

"You know," she spoke-whispered, in that way she managed to do. It played havoc with those concentration-based skills he was thinking about, "just silly girly, girly stuff," she said and blushed rather adorably, knowing that her explanation wasn't working. Fortunately for her, however, Gene had to blink for a second while he reminded himself what she was talking about: girly stuff? Her...and...Shaz, maybe? Had I asked about her and Shaz? Don't think so. Who else would she have had to talk about girly stuff with? Chris? He can be a bit of a nance. Nahhh. Girls, think Gene, girls. Actually I've 'ad enough bloody trouble with girls at the minute with this case about – ah! Ah-ha! Jackie!"

Still, all that didn't mean he had a hope in hell of understanding what girly bollocks she was actually talking about.

"No I don't know, tell me," he said as he leaned forward and realised that there he was again, flirting with her as if it was his natural state of being.

She opened her mouth but was interrupted by Luigi who came to tell her that there was phone call for her, which was funny because Gene didn't remember the phone ringing and there was no one else there with the three of them, so the sound couldn't have been drowned out. That was how absorbed he was by her, no wonder he got distracted at work. But either way, it didn't change the fact that Luigi was an absolute ridiculous twat when he wanted to be – couldn't he see that they were having a conversation? How many times had Gene told him on the quiet that when he and Alex were chatting, could he please pretend that she wasn't there if the phone rang? Not a difficult instruction. Bloody Italian fool.

He watched her wander off, willing himself not to stare at her arse. But resistance was futile, it was just begging to be stared at and fantasised about. It wouldn't do any harm, she was on the phone after all, so he wouldn't be risking a verbal tirade for not listening to her, because she wasn't talking to him. But then again, she was on the phone. He fancied listening in on her conversation, depending on who it seemed to be. Maybe it was that Evan bloke but he hadn't been on the scene for a while, probably taking care of that Alex Price, poor kid. Or, perhaps it was that Boris Johnson, whoever he was. Although Alex had said she wasn't seeing him again. Maybe he was still after her though. Clingy bastard, he could jog on as far as Gene was concerned.

-/-/-

As Alex wandered off she thought about what Gene had said. He seemed pretty keen to stick to the topic of what she and Jackie had been chatting about, he probably knew it made her uncomfortable the cheeky git. She didn't mind though, not really. On the other hand she couldn't help but muse over what he had said about Mac destroying the only thing he ever loved, whatever that had meant. She knew he was passionate about the job and the Met but was it really the only thing he had ever loved? As in properly loved? She wasn't sure, it was sad if it was true though. And she was a bit disappointed to be honest. But she'd enjoyed all the speculation about the two of them while it had lasted – she liked the idea of people thinking they were a couple, but she knew that Gene was only interested in nailing Mac and was trying to keep it a secret. She wasn't sure if it couldn't have been a bit more covert though if Gene had tried.

Walking to the bar felt like a walk to the gallows. She knew who it would be. There were only two people she thought about more than Martin Summers. Molly and Gene. And she didn't want to try and work out which one of those she thought about the most.

She picked up the receiver and put it to her ear, "hello?"

"You might be right Alex, maybe we can help each other, you and me..." came the voice, expected as it was by now, it still caused a jolt to rip through her. Words failed her, she didn't know what to say to him. She wanted him to help her, more than anything, but she would never help him – it was something she'd never even consider. Part of her ever wondered if this Summers guy could even help her, part of her thought he was lying and that working with him would land her in an ever worse position than she was in now. How could she trust a man that put an immoral price on something so important? If he was such a good guy, he wouldn't have demanded payment.

"Who is this? What do you want?" she asked, well aware that this wasn't really what she wanted to know. It was more along the lines of 'why are you doing this to me?'

"...Not Hunt, not Mackintosh, just you and me," he went on before hanging up. Her heart jolted as she turned, put the phone down and then saw a drawing of a rose in chalk on the Specials board.

"Pretty isn't it, Signorina?" Luigi asked from behind her, making her jump again. She nodded.

"Did you draw it?"

"Me?" the man looked flattered. "No of course not Signorina, I cannot draw. I did not see who it was, they are very talented whoever they are," he muttered as he bustled off to meet some diners who had just walked in.

She stared at it a moment longer before walking back to the table, smiling weakly at Gene as she approached.

"What was that about?" he asked in a concerned voice as soon as she sat back down, easing herself into her chair. She felt cold and weak. She felt all trembly. It was that feeling you got when you were physically exhausted after some kind of exertion, like a full marathon or cliff-hike.

"Oh, nothing," she lied; making up things yet again. She couldn't think of an excuse and she knew she couldn't tell him the truth. It wasn't that she liked lying to him or didn't trust him but she knew he wouldn't believe her. She didn't blame him though; heck she wouldn't believe her so why should he?

"S'everything alright?" he enquired, evidently worried about her. She felt almost flattered by his show of emotion.

"Yes, course. Everything's great, perfect," she said unconvincingly.

"That Boris bloke still bothering you?" he asserted. Yes, that'll do, she thought.

"Something like that, he doesn't get that we're over," she sighed in what she hoped was a convincing way.

"You want me to, er, give 'im the message for yer?" he asked protectively and Alex began to wonder what his agenda was. Was he just trying to be helpful and concerned or did he really care...?

"No, no," she insisted, "it's much better if we just steer well clear, don't make any effort to make contact with him so he gets the message that way,"

"Yer sure?" he checked, his brows furrowed.

"Completely, but thank you for the...er...for the gesture," she smiled, sipping from her newly refilled glass, the alcohol soothing her nerves a little. "And thanks for the wine,"

"No problem, Bolly. T'all goes on the tab."

At this Luigi glared as he passed by, "which you still have not paid Mister Hunt," he hinted sulkily as he walked into the kitchen,

"Well that's the point of a bloody tab isn't it, Luigi?" Gene called after him, "to pay for yer drinks when you want ter,"

"Yes, but you never seem to 'want to', Mister Hunt," came the reply as the waiter whizzed past again to attend to his customers.

"No I bloody don't you poncy Italian criminal, it's daylight bloody robbery what you charge in 'ere,"

Luigi sighed dramatically in his customary way and Alex cut Gene off with a look as he opened his mouth to reply. The two diners looked rather scandalised.

"Leave him alone," she mouthed and Gene pouted irritably.

"Fine. Bloody woman."

They drank in silence for what Gene obviously felt was an appropriate amount of time before he spoke.

"Right, well c'mon then Bollinger Knickers," he said matter-of-factly as he sat up a bit.

She looked up at him and blinked. "What?"

"Well, unless I'm very much mistaken – something I seldom am – you have so far avoided answerin' the question I asked yer before," he announced rather more grandly than was necessary.

Oh bugger.

"Which was?"

"Which was 'what exactly did Jackie mean when she asked you if you're absolutely sure there's nothing going on?'"

"Well, she had this idea in her head that, we were well, you know," she answered coyly, strangely embarrassed about the prospect of telling Gene that someone (among many) thought they were sleeping together.

"We were what, Bolls?" he asked, a satisfied Genehunt smile slowly creeping across his face.

"Oh for goodness sake, you're loving this aren't you?" she cried.

His grin widened as he knotted his arms across his chest and fell back against his seat.

"No comment, Detective Inspector, please answer the question,"

She propped her head up on her arm in an attempt to look sulky and unimpressed.

"Well, as you seem to want it in Lehman's terms: she thought that we were shagging like rabbits in your office, Guv,"

"Bloody 'ell Bolls. You really are startin' ter sound like me!" he seemed genuinely shocked and if she wasn't mistaken, uncomfortable.

"Well I'm told that if you can't beat them, it's advisable to join them Guv."

-/-/-

"Christ on a bike Bolls, did we drink that much?" Gene asked as the floor spun beneath him.

"Yes, apparently," she answered. They weren't at the point of slurring and falling over in heap on the floor yet but she certainly did feel a bit unsteady on her feet – that was the trouble with sitting down and drinking; you didn't realise how drunk you felt until you tried to stand up (and nearly toppled over).

They shouted 'goodnight' to Luigi as they stepped out the bar and clambered up the stairs.

"I 'ope you don't think you'll be getting any fresh air out 'ere Bolls," Gene called over his shoulder, having realised his crucial mistake only after he'd gone up the stairs first – if he'd have gone second he could have had the perfect view.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked as they ducked out the door one after the other.

"It means 'don't think that just because you 'elped me out today with Mac that I'm not going to 'ave a last fag tonight.'"

She let out a sound that was something between a laugh and a sigh.

"What?" he asked indignantly, cigarette already lit and burning away happily.

"Like that'll be your last," she exclaimed, "you'll have about six in the Quattro, two walking up to your flat and one either side of you taking a shower," she estimated and Gene was rather taken aback by how accurate she was, the only exaggeration being how many he'd have in the Quattro.

"Bloody cheek!" he cried and deliberately took a step closer to where she was leaning against the wall, ensuring that he was facing her, the cigarette between his fingers sending smoke curling around her face. She fanned at the grey tendrils with her hand irritably, "not that it's got anything to do with you anyway, you posh nagging tart," he said forcefully, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile he hastily concealed. She too had to hide a grin.

"And this is the treatment I get after I've actually done something nice for you today, it's a good job I don't piss you off too often," she said grumpily, refusing to meet his eye.

"What are you talking about, woman? You piss me off daily," he grinned and the hand that was fanning smoke darted out and slapped him on the arm.

They smiled at each other for a moment, before Gene said, "listen Bolls, seriously for a minute. I 'aven't...er...thanked yer yet for today."

"There's nothing to thank me for," she said softly, looking up at him.

"No, Bolls, there is. You were there right by me side yesterday when Jackie was around, despite 'ow rude she was and that I might've got 'er pregnant. And not just that, you were 'ere today, after Mac...well...you were there, you know what 'appened. You didn't 'ave to stay with me while I was with Mac or sit and drink with me tonight," he said and he looked almost shy. Alex found it rather endearing. She found it rather attractive too.

"You know I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to. Anytime you need it Guv," she answered truthfully and he felt flattered.

He stared at her for a second, thinking about all the things he felt. He didn't lock eyes with her, or rove her face or anything like that. He just...watched her as she fiddled with her necklace. He'd known as soon as he saw her that she was something special, anyone could tell that, she was bloody beautiful. But back then, he'd fancied her, nothing more or less. A year on and she had infuriated him more times than he could remember, terrified him a fair bit, made him smile more or less every day and been one of the only constants he could rely on. People changed or acted weirdly, people came and people went but she was always Alex Drake. He'd loved his wife, she was a good woman, but he hadn't been in love with her. He hadn't known there was a difference at the time. You loved someone and, if you could live with them, you married them, wasn't that how it went? And if some nance had told him back then that there was a difference between loving and being in love, dating and a relationship, sex and making love he would have given them a smack in the face and told them to grow a pair. But now, he knew it wasn't soft to feel that way. He'd thought that it was, but he could be sure that he'd been wrong because he knew he hadn't gone soft – he hadn't suddenly grown a fondness for musicals or cute little animals and he hadn't suddenly 'gone off' beating up any filth or scum he needed to, but he most certainly was in love with Alex Drake. He'd tried fighting it. He'd tried denying it. He'd tried forgetting about it. And then, he'd tried something really radical. He'd tried embracing it. And it was the best thing he'd ever done. He didn't feel like less of a man when he had given in to the feeling, he felt the most complete he had ever been. And it was great. Oh, and he'd learnt that it wasn't about you could live with, but who you couldn't live without.

And when he snapped out of his reverie he focussed back on her and she was still there, like he knew she would be. She hadn't disappeared and ripped the rug from beneath him like others had. Gene Hunt, for all his bravado and grandeur, liked and needed to feel secure and safe and love had uprooted him for a while. But Alex Drake felt safe now.

She was watching him, not questioningly or looking at him as if he was insane. She was just watching and waiting like she knew he was engrossed in something important and that he'd be done soon.

Then he kissed her. That was it. He leaned forward and caught her lips between his. There was no prolonged deep staring into her eyes, although he wouldn't have minded it. There was no deafening silence and slow-mo scene while their lips inched ever closer, although he wouldn't have minded it. There was no soppy music or beautiful scenery, but he probably would have minded that. All that was there was him and her, a still smouldering, barely smoked cigarette on the floor where he'd dropped it, the light of the street lamp, the sound of the traffic and night-dew dampness of the wall behind her.

He hadn't thought about it, considered that it might have been the last thing she wanted. Part of him couldn't believe he'd been so stupid. What if she'd pulled away and told him to get lost? What if he'd ruined it all? It had been so sudden.

But it didn't matter.

She'd squeaked in shock and hadn't responded at first. But then she leaned forward into him and her lips began to move fluidly against his, her arms looped under his, her hands coming to rest on his shoulders. His own found her waist, then her hips, then (rather unsurprisingly) her arse. He skimmed them up her back, tangling them in her hair. She moaned against his lips as he broke away, leaning forward and planting light, soft kisses on her collar, her neck, her throat – the place he had been daydreaming about since Godknowswhen. And it didn't disappoint. Nothing did. Not the strength of the kiss, the way she held him and let him hold her, the way their bodies bent together nor the way she smiled against his cheek or mewled gently when he ran his hand across the back of her neck.

It was all softer and gentler than he could have ever expected this moment to be. So this was love was it?

-/-/-

The door to her flat swung shut as they awkwardly two-stepped inside, trying not to break their lips apart. They'd kissed outside for a while, getting to know the feel of the other, until it got too cold and the catcalls from people in their cars got a bit too irritating.

Soon, once she'd nudged the door shut, she began guiding him across the kitchen, through a door and towards her bedroom, unbuttoning the top of his shirt and removing his tie as she did so.

He caught his knee on an end table just as they approached the bed and she laughed a little, breaking their lips apart. He dipped his head slightly, his breathing heavy.

"Are yer...are yer sure, Bolls, about this?" he asked, his catching his breath. He didn't want her to feel like she had to go the whole hog, not tonight anyway.

"After today? Everything's so volatile, I've never been more sure of anything in my life Gene, only that we should have been brave enough to get to this point sooner," she answered in a breathy whisper. So she had wanted this too.

"I know, Bolls. The rest of today 'as been a nightmare. I thought 'e'd destroyed you, Alex," he murmured against her pulse. He felt her tense, just for a second and heard her breath catch. He realised that he'd given himself away. He realised he'd revealed what he'd meant when he tried to be ambiguous earlier.

"Gene was that what you...? Before, what you said about Mac...you were talking about...were you talking about me?"

He stepped back and faced her for a second, his hands resting on her waist.

"Of course I bloody was, you dozy mare, what did you think I meant?"

"I don't know!" she exclaimed, "the job, the station. The Met in general,"

"I thought you were meant to be intelligent and good at that psychological shite," he answered, leaning in again towards her hair, pressing a kiss there and thanking his lucky stars she hadn't punched him when he first kissed her outside. She nestled against his shoulder.

"That doesn't mean I understand you most of the time," she smiled, glad he wasn't calling it psychiatry as much anymore.

"Well isn't that what you're trained to do? Get into people's minds?"

"No one could ever get into your mind, Gene," she joked, "they'd never get back out again."

"Oi, watch yerself, Bolls, I could still leave y'know," he said as he pretended to walk away. He found out that she was stronger than he expected when she kept her arms locked around him. He may have underestimated her, but still, she wouldn't have been a match for him, and that made him feel odd, like he had to protect her, like she needed it.

She craned her neck to kiss him again and his lips welcomed her happily. "You'd be back before I'd even put the kettle on," she murmured just before their lips locked together, caressing gently and he couldn't help but think how right she was.

"Gene," she said, breaking the kiss as soon as she'd started it when a sudden thought hit her. He groaned slightly.

"Yes Bolls," he said quickly, evidently eager to get back to business.

"Now I think about what you said before, I'd quite like to know how exactly I'm supposed to take the sentence; 'the only thing I ever loved," she asked frostily, crossing her arms between them, breaking the contact between their bodies, extracting another moan from Gene.

He paused for the briefest of seconds, wondering how much he could get away with now.

"'Owever you like Bolly, 'owever you like," he replied, pushing her onto the bed with a proper, genuine smile - the first in a long time.

Fin.

A/N: Well thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Please feel free to deliver any concric or general opinions – I absolutely love getting reviews, they generally make my life (not just my day) so thanks in advance!