Medium at Large
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, it'd be nice though.
'Every man is the architect of his own fortune.' Appius Claudius.
Penelope Garcia wanted to shake things up. In a good way of course. Saying the previous ten months had been hard was an understatement. It began with Hotch being viciously attacked by Foyet, Reid being shot and ended with Haley's tragic death. There was no shortage of heartbreak this year. She herself had witnessed a murder up close and personal while in Alaska. There was a pall over everything.
Life at the BAU went on seemingly the same and yet, not the same. Her babies, as she affectionately called the profilers, were worn out and exhausted. They needed some lightness thrown into their lives and she was determined to give it to them; even if it was something as simple as having the whole team over for brunch at her apartment. kevin would cook and she would provide the mimosas and sunshine. She wanted her 'babies' to laugh, talk, get tipsy and make some happy memories.
On a whim she thought a little entertainment might add to the fun. She hired a palm reader, a highly recommended one. The palmist's name was Madame Elsa. Garcia had even emailed the woman with minute details of everyones life, nothing too intrusive, just enough to spice things up. Garcia warned the woman there was to be no bad fortunes told, only happy ones. No one wanted to hear dire prophesies; this was for the purposes of entertainment only. The woman emailed back assuring her she understood perfectly and that she would be there promptly at 3:00 Sunday afternoon.
The team arrived around 1:30 and the brunch went better than Garcia expected. Even Hotch almost managed to crack a smile. Everyone complimented Kevin on his onion frittatta, except for Morgan who couldn't resist teasing him abiout his "kiss the Geek" apron. Rossi had been unable to resist assisting in the kitchen while the ladies of the BAU sat back and relaxed with their cocktails. Reid sat, contentantly clutching his third cup of coffee with Henry in his lap.
When Garcia announced a palm reader was coming as her special guest, she received the collective groan she fully expected.
All except from Will who shrugged his shoulders and said his Grandma used to read palms. Morgan was about to launch into a lecture about con artists and frauds when the doorbell rang.
Garcia jumped up excitedly, she looked at the clook." That's her" She practically squealed and dashed to her front door.
"Oh man Kevin, are you in on this?" asked Morgan with a trace of wearinesss in hs voice.
Kevin smirked. "Sorta, Pen thinks it'll be fun. I'd go along with it if I were you." He warned.
"Doesn't matter to me, It's all a bunch a crap anyway." Said Rossi as he sippd his campari.
Garcia answered her door prepared to meet a colourful gypsy creature with bright scarves and loads of bling. Instead there was a dour middle aged woman wearing a tired looking beige suit.
"Are you the palm reader?" Garcia asked, unsure of whether this was the palmist or a worn out Avon lady.
"Yes I am." She replied in a dull monotone.
Penelope opened the door wider."Please come in," She said. She felt slightly disappointed. This woman looked about as much fun as a tax audit.
Before Garcia could even introduce her. The dour faced woman strode into her apartment and made a beeline for the dining room and sat down at the head of the table. She cast her eyes around the room.
"Who's first?" She asked.
The team sat there staring blankly at each other. Garcia realized nobody wanted to be first
"Oh for heavens sake!" She said "I'll go" She pulled up a chair across from the woman and held out her palm.
She gently took Penelopes hand and peered down at it.
"You are a vibrant colourful woman." She stated.
JJ rolled her eyes at Will, who shook his head and frowned.
"You are in love with a strong, tall, dark and handsome man." she continued.
Kevin grinned and puffed up with pride. Garcia beamed at him.
"Yes, he is in love with you, but many things will keep you apart."
"What?" said Kevin losing his grin.
"Do not worry, you will find happiness together and have a beautiful child"
Garcia gave Kevin a wink.
"The child will have golden hair and lovely brown skin."
"What the hell!" Exclaimed Kevin. The team burst into laughter.
Garcia stood up, her eyes sparkling. She sat beside Kevin.
"Penelope, what is she talking about?" whispered Kevin.
"Shh honey, It's just for fun. Look, Rossi's next."
Rossi sat down and handed over his palm. The woman squinted intently as if he were difficult to read.
"Ahh, I see you have been involved with many women, married ,one, two, three times"
Rossi nodded.
"I told her that" whispered Garcia to a still fuming Kevin.
"You will be married one more time!" She announced.
"Whoa!" Rossi exclaimed as he pulled his hand back. "Lady, I don't need that kind of fortune."
"I have nothing to do with it, It is written in your palm," She stated sternly.
Rossi noticed JJ's shoulders shaking "Ok missy, you go" He said to her.
"Fine, no problem" JJ composed herself and sat down in front of the woman and offered her hand.
This time Will leaned forward with interest.
The reader wasted no time. "There will be another baby in your future. You will be happy with your family,"
"Great" said Will with a smile and a wink at JJ.
The woman leaned close to JJ and looked her straight in the eye. "Very soon you will be called on to make a great sacrifice. It will be painful but it must be done... for your family"
'That's not so funny' thought Garcia as she noticed the fleeting look of alarm on JJ's face.
The woman let go of JJ's hand "Next!" She said stonily.
"C'mon Hotch, you're next," Said Morgan.
Hotch sighed and replaced a now rather subdued looking JJ. He held out his left hand. The woman reached over and took his right hand as well.
"You are ambidexterus," She stated.
She peered down at his calloused hands. Her voice was now quieter when she spoke.
"You have tried to live two lives. It didn't work and the loss you have suffered is great"
"Pen, did you tell her that?" Kevin hissed in Garcia's ear. The room was now so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
"No, of course not...what is she doing?" said Penelope alarmed at the subject matter.
Garcia saw the palmist look at Hotch with great sadness in her eyes.
"You will live a long life as a single man, unfettered by a mate." She continued.
Garcia was horrified. She wanted this person to leave. Hotch made no comment, his expression did not change. The reader let go of one of his hands.
"One thing will sustain you and give you joy if you let it, your family. Your son will grow up to be your best friend. He will work by your side until you can no longer work. You will have the love of his children."
She dropped his hand abruptly. Hotch politely thanked the woman and went back to his seat on the couch. Rossi leaned over to his friend.
"Hey Aaron, don't believe any of this crap," Rossi consoled "You actually think I'd get married again?"
Hotch smiled."It's ok Dave."
Garcia didn't like the turn this was taking and wondered if she could cut this short, when Prentiss suddenly said."Read me,"
The profilers looked at one another, surprised their no nonsense Emily wanted her fortune told.
The reader motioned for her to sit down. She took Emily's hand and traced the fine lines on her palm.
"You are your own worst enemy. What you desire could be yours,"
"And what do I desire," Asked Emily.
"True love," The woman said.
"Emily smiled. "So, where is it?"
The palm reader smiled back at her. "Where it's always been, right in front of you. You know this and yet you wont allow yourself to believe it."
"Why?" Emily was intrigued as were the other eight people watching.
The woman heaved a sigh."Your brain will not allow yourself to see. It tells you this person is completely wrong for you. You must listen to your heart instead. This man could be your future,"
Emily pulled her hand away. "Thanks" She mumbled as she stood she eyeballed Morgan smirking at her,"Morgan why dont you try it?"
Morgan held up his hands in front of himself. "No thanks, but how about Reid, he seems pretty quiet."
Spencer peered at them over his coffee cup.
"No thank you, I don't believe in palm reading," He said.
"Neither does anybody else," Countered Morgan.
With a sigh Reid got up and moved in front of the woman. He gave her his hand and waited.
"Did you know that palmistry dates back thousands of years. The modern day practice of the art originates from India?" Reid said.
"Yes I do," she replied.
She held Reid's hand and peered at it closely.
"This is interesting" She muttered.
Reid bent down trying to see what captured her interest."that's a scar I got in high schoo,l " He supplied.
"An unhappy time for you," The woman stated.
Reid did not respond.
"I see there is someone in your life who loves you very much,"
"Ok," Said Reid nonplussed.
"An older woman."
"That must be your mom Reid. " said Morgan.
"You love her too," The woman continued.
Reid shrugged and nodded and wondered where she was going with this.
"She wants to share a bed with you."
Morgan hooted. "Go Reid!"
"You better hope that's not your mom." Rossi exclaimed. Reid began to blush
"Who is she?" asked Garcia, momentarily forgetting she was annoyed with this woman.
The woman stared directly into Spencers eyes. "He already knows."
Like all the others Reid withdrew his hand and went back to his seat.
"Anyone else?" she asked the silent room.
Garcia decided she had enough of Madame Elsa. This was not going the way she had planned.
"Thank you, I think that's all " she said with a forced cheerfulness "Thank you for coming"
Before Garcia could escort her out. the woman turned on her heel and was out the door. Everyone seemed to exhale all at once.
"Baby girl, the next time you want to entertain us, hire a singer," said Morgan.
"Or a stripper," joked Rossi. This elicted some laughter from the group who were starting to relax again.
"How about another drink and...," Garcia's offer was interupted by her doorbell. She turned to Kevin." Sweetie will you get that, I bet it's Madame Elsa wanting her money."
"Sure " He gave his girlfriend a kiss and hurried to the door with his wallet in his hand.
Penelope went to the kitchen and began to put on more coffee." She made a mental note never to hire anyone like that again and she had a word or two for the person that recommended her. She heard Kevin calling her from the front door. His voice sounded strange.
She walked to the front door to see kevin standing with a strange woman in a long flowing dress and purple headdress.
"Can I help you?" She asked the woman.
"Ah Miss Garcia, I am Madame Elsa, Please forgive me. I am so sorry I'm late. I was held up by traffic. But if you would like, I can begin reading the palms of your guests right away."
Fin
An. Just a silly little oneshot to try to break out of my writers block. I'm working on the other stories and hope to have a update soon Thanks for your patience. Please read and review.