The team looked over the rotting heap of meat that had once been a God, her body and power destroyed by Souji's attack. "Amazing, senpai... truly..." Rise said breathlessly.
Souji smiled wearily. "It wasn't me. I could only accomplish this because all of you were with me..."
"No need for modesty, senpai." Naoto said. "Because of you, the true culprit has been laid low..." at this point, a strange light entered her eyes. "... and now, let's see who Izanami-no-Okami, Goddess of Death and Rebirth, really is!" Naoto reached out and pulled at the maggot-covered rotting skull, tugging it free by its stringy strands of blood-soaked hair...
Yosuke gasped in shock at the sight underneath, the head of a balding man in late middle age with a sour expression and dark, beady eyes. "Jinkies! It's Brickwell Bob, the real-estate agent!"
"Ruh-roh!" Teddie said.
Chie smiled. "All the clues added up. Brickwell Bob was notorious for never driving a car, but he still had receipts from the local gas station in his house! Why? Because he worked there in disguise!"
"He created the Midnight Channel through a computer graphics program, then projected it from the local TV station and faked the voices using that Guide to Ventriloquism book we found in his suitcase!" Rise chimed in. "Those were the shards of clay in his shoe… he'd made a mold to forge his own key to the studio door!"
"But that ain't all!" Kanji said. "First he constructed an elaborate series of tubes connecting every television in Inaba to a single spot, and made sure they were lined with hallucinogens so we'd all think we were falling into a magical world!"
"And to throw us off the trail, he manipulated Adachi into committing his crimes by subliminally inserting misogynist messages into his 'Learn While You Sleep' tapes for the last twelve years!" Yosuke said.
Naoto nodded. "And to frighten us off, he 'created' the Shadows after we started to investigate. Of course, they were really nothing but simple holograms, created using cheese and this flashlight!" She shone the light on a wedge of mozzarella, instantly projecting an image of Shadow Kanji on one of the far walls.
Yukiko said, "And Ameno-Sagiri was actually an elaborate puppet controlled using trained hamsters!" She dug behind a conveniently placed rock, revealing a gigantic robot eyeball. She opened a small hatch on the side and a group of hamsters ran out.
Souji nodded. "Yes… that all makes sense. The only thing I don't understand is… why did he do it?"
Brickwell Bob the real-estate agent sneered. "To drive out the locals, of course!"
Naoto smirked. "Naturally. Brickwell Bob is a real-estate agent, he sells and buys property. The supernatural terrors and horrible murders would make people move out of Inaba, and once the property values plummeted, he could move in and buy up all the land at a fraction of the price!"
Brickwell Bob nodded bitterly. "Then, once everyone was gone, Adachi would go off to be a jerkass somewhere else, and the prices would go back up! I could sell all the land and make a fortune! And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your stupid bear!"
"Don't worry, they still have real-estate where you're going. In fact, you'll be getting your own private residence… behind bars!" Souji said. The whole team broke out into laughter at his wit while Brickwell Bob sulked. They brought the man back to town and handed him over to Dojima, who sighed and muttered something like, "Man, this is almost as bad as that time Nyx turned out to be two old ladies looking for pirate treasure…"
"Roobie roobie roo!" Teddie said.