He Needs Me

I sigh and look down at my lap, brushing away that one curl that never stays put, no matter how hard he tries.

Why do you have to be so cute Mattie? Any why do I have to be so... Me?

Slowly, I move his head out of my lap and prop it up with a pillow. I need air. Air that doesn't smell like what we've only done about twice. Twice together, that is. I've done it more, but I was his first. I feel terrible. I can't forget tonight, but two nights ago sears in my mind. I can't help but recall that girl. I can't even remember her name. But I can remember how digusted I was with myself.

Finally, I open the balcony door and stumble into the cool spring air. I think of Matthew. Our first night. It was amazing. He was so beautiful. Still is. But that night. It was his birthday. Sixteenth, to be exact. July 1, 2012. 9:58 PM. Weird that I can remember little things like the time. He was scared. But that's normal. For awhile, we held each other on my bed. No one was there to hear anything. Luddy was on a date. Parents' out for the weekend. It felt weird, having someone other than myself in my room. After that, it was a bit of a blur. We were kissing one moment, laying down the next. Suddenly, our clothes were gone. And from then on, I can only remember the heat. He was so warm. Oh, so warm. But that's all. I can't remember anything else. Except that we woke up together the next morning.

I shake the memory from my head. I can't think of that right now. I'll just want him again. Mattie's so cute though! And I'm just me... Awesome, awkward, crazy... obnoxious... childish...Damn, not again. The therapist said I shouldn't play myself down. I'm me. Awesome and awkward me. And Mattie likes that about me... Yeah... Atleast, I think he does. He must, if we've been together so long. Honestly, I love him too. He's amazing. Very awesome, too. Plus, he's majorly cute. I like cute things. But Mattie's my favorite cute thing. He's funny and shy. He's got nice, blonde, wavy hair. But not like Franny's. Shorter, and that makes it cuter. It comes right above him shoulder. And that stray curl is really cute, too.

What's wrong with me? I try to stop thinking about him, and I end up listing everything I like about him! I'm not even supposed to like him like this in general! He's sixteen, I'm twenty-four. It's s illegal, the only thing that could make it worse is if he were Luddy! I mean, Luddy's okay. But like a brother. Not like a lo- eh.. a fu-... No... What is Mattie to me? Not a sex buddy... Not a lover... I wanna call him my forever-babe, but that sounds awkward... I'll ask Lizzy later. She'll know.

My thoughts are cut short by a pair of arms around my waist. I look back at the sleepy Canadian and smile. "Hey Mattie. I didn't think you'd wake up so soon." He looks up at me with a sad fae. Did he think I'd left him? I hope not.

"I woke up alone... And then I saw you out here, and I though you might...jump..."

I jump in shock. Jump? Me? Why? Never! I pull him around and hug him close. "Mattie, I wouldn't jump. Then I wouldn't get to see your smile anymore! Your beautiful smile. And your gorgeous violet eyes. I'd miss 'em too much if I jumped. I'd miss you, Mattie."

He nods and lays his head on my chest, seemingly satisfied with my answer. His hair takes on a silvery glow in the full moon. It's pretty damn ethe- ethre-... Magical. I tilt his head up to find tears in his eyes. "Mattie, what's wrong? I didn't say something wrong, did I?"

His head shakes again, waves crash against the rocks under our balcony and send a cold, salty spray against our legs. I shiver as he speaks, half from the water and half from what he's just told me. He had another dream about Lars, his old Dutch boyfriend. If you can use that word. He was more of a creeper forcing Mattie to say 'I love you' and 'I need you'. He had stupid hair too. All spiked up and not-awesome, unlike mine. I stroke Mattie's hair and kiss away his tears. They're extra salty because of the sea-water.

When the tears are gone, I kiss his forhead, nose, and lips. His sweet lips. Not even sea salt could take the syrupy taste of Matthew away. I smile into his lips when his press back before picking him up and taking him back to bed. "Sleep, Mattie. We've gotta go home tomorrow."

He nods and curls up to me. I close my eyes and try to get a few fleeting hours of sleep.

Tommorrow is going to be a long. Long. LONG day.

[[Author's Note]] Hey everyone! It's good ol' Darxetta back with a new name and a new flavor! I've missed you all and I'm so glad to be back!