It was a wet and dreary day at Bikini Bottom and Spongebob was watching a VH1 biography about Hugh Heffner. As Playboy bunnies flashed across the screen, Spongebob's eyes swelled with horror and confusion. Spongebob knew he had but one choice: to call his most intelligent and reliable friend, PATRICK!

RRRRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGGGG

"Uh, hello?"

"Hey Pat, what's a Playboy?"

Patrick snorted with laughter at his friend's negligence. "Well, duh, Spongebob! It's a boy who plays in the playground!"

The light of false intelligence radiated through Spongebob's eyes as he asked, "So, am I a Playboy then?"

"Of course, Spongebob!"

"Wow, thanks a million, Pat! I gotta go out and tell everybody to call me by my new nickname! Playboy!"

"Ok then, bye Sponge- I mean Playboy!" As Patrick hung up the phone, a smile of satisfaction rested upon his face, knowing he had spread his wisdom around, yet again.

Spongebob bounded out of his door shouting, "HEY SQUIDWARD!"

Squidward grunted with frustration at being interrupted of his "beautiful" clarinet practice. "What do you want, you low life bottom feeder!"

"HEY SQUIDWARD! GUESS WHAT? I'M A PLAYBOY!" hollered Spongebob through an overly large mega phone.

Squidward's jaw dropped with shock and horror as images of a Playboy Spongebob flashed through his mind. "GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He cried with absolute and utter revulsion.

Spongebob skipped down the road, shouting to all innocent bystanders of his new nickname, Many dropped dead flabbergasted at this news. Others turned to cold stone while trying to visualize this horrendous sight.

But Spongebob was still blissfully unaware of what a "Playboy" really was. He continued his quest to the Krusty Krab, oblivious to the mass mob gathering behind him, ready to avenge their loved ones deaths.

Finally, he arrived at the Krusty Krab. Spongebob eagerly burst through the doors, and began shouting for all inside to hear: "ATTENTION COSTUMERS AND CREW OF THE KRUSTY KRAB! I HAVE AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT! I , SPONGEBOB E. SQUAREPANTS, AM TO FOREVER BE CALLED (drum roll)…….. PLAYBOY!!!!!!!!"

Shrieks of disgust and one single cry of delight flooded the old Krusty Krab. Mr.Krabs forcefully scuttled through the crowd/mob of terrified creatures.

"Aye! Spongebob, me boy! What be meaning of this! You're killing off my money- I mean.. Customers!"

"Oh, hi, Mr. Krabs. I'm just telling everybody about my new nickname!"

"What?! Boy, that ain't a nickname!"

"It's not? Well, then what is the true meaning of Playboy, Mr. Krabs?"

Mr. Krabs shifted uncomfortably from claw to claw, pondering the question.

2 HOURS LATER

Sweat streamed down Mr. Krab's red face as he strained his feeble brain to come up with a suitable answer….

"I've got it!" shouted Mr. Krabs.

But it was too late. His hollow voice echoed off the empty, bare walls. Spongebob and the mob weren't there anymore.

"Spongebob! Where are you, me bucko! I've got an answer to your (coughs) question!"

He wandered outside and soon saw what happened to Spongebob. A mob of vengeful sea creatures had tied him to a stake and had set it ablaze.

"But wait!" shouted one mob member, "If we're underwater, how can there be any-----" And the fire poofed out.

"SPONGEBOB!" shouted a desperate Mr. Krabs as he clawed his way through the rioters. "A Playboy is…" But he was abruptly cut off…. Literally, when a giant Viking's axe sliced through the water and Mr. Krab's head.

"The Sponge is cursed! Let us leave before we too end up like the red one!" cried the mob leader. A roar of agreement rose from the crowd as they dashed off like chickens.

And Spongebob was left tied to the stake forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever………. and ever and ever and ever and ever