Great Expectations

Part I

(31 January—1 February)

In truth, because I knew how to fly,
I feared the time when I had to flap my wings,
and forgot about the wind

—oblivious, Kalafina

Tuesday, 1 February 2005.

She's so beautiful.

That was my first thought upon laying my eyes on her.

The golden hair that fell loose on her shoulders shimmered lightly in the reddening afternoon sunlight. Her delicately-shaped green eyes were fixed upon the street, serene and dignified, while her slender hands curled elegantly around a plain coffee cup. Her plain clothing, which consisted of an oversized cream sweater, slim black leggings, and brown kitten-heeled sandals, only served to make her stand out all the more. She looked a tad more mature than the nearby group of teenaged girls who were giggling together, dressed in stylish, neon-colored mini-skirts and chunky high-heeled shoes. Her posture, seated as she was at the small round café table by the window, accentuated a calm self-assurance about herself, with her straight shoulders and relaxed arms.

I watched her drink coffee from across the street while I nibbled at my strawberry-and-cream crepe, my tongue carefully savoring the tangy-sweetness of the dessert as I stood on the curb. She was seated inside a café that I frequented after school whenever I had extra to spare, but the money I had left in my purse was just enough for my ride back home. Sighing, I admired her sense of fashion (how mature those dark colors were, how queenly, how elegant) and wondered if this beautiful foreigner won't think me strange if I walked up and suddenly engage her in a conversation.

Hm… does she even speak my language?

But then…

I catch myself. I might be going a bit too quickly about this. What am I—?

Quickly imagining a guffawing Ayako, I wonder what she would say if she caught me like this—

Monday, 31 January 2005.

"Oi, Tohsaka. You sure are early today."

I look up from my watch, perplexed, and espied the captain of the archery club, Mitsuzuri Ayako, gesturing at me from the doorway of the archery dojo. She was a person whom you might consider to be my friend and at the same time my rival—auburn-haired Ayako can perhaps be called someone who is well-rounded, having learned numerous martial arts. I'm not anything of a lightweight when it comes to athletics, myself.

Archery was of course her latest commitment, and her affinity for these kinds of sports had manifested in the fact that she was already captain of the club even though she was only a junior.

Our relationship was a bit more complicated than most friendships, but the first time we met, she immediately told me that she had a feeling that we'd probably end up this way. Thus, and perhaps as a by-product of an unspoken understanding between us, we have never addressed each other by our personal names. Ever.

"Oh, Mitsuzuri-san." I smiled a bit. "Might I ask you what time it is?"

"It's only a bit before seven… Are you still half-asleep?" Ayako's tone was tough, but amiable.

I mused. "Hmm… I might have set the alarm clock a bit too early. But then…"

The only thing that I can think of was that, before leaving on his trip yesterday, Father might have played a joke on me again. "Let's see if Rin notices this," or some other thing like that. Father never thinks like the next man. It is certainly an advantage for a person of his occupation to be creative, but then sometimes his energy spills over and prompts him to play pranks upon his own daughter.

"Ah." Mitsuzuri grinned and gestured toward the archery range. "Want to watch our morning practice? I've been trying to improve my performance so that we can attract some new recruits, but…"

"I wouldn't want to disturb anyone." I smiled slightly. "Especially your… rather impulsive vice-captain…"

"Oh, don't worry about Matou." Ayako chuckled. "Although, certainly, he does have this thing for you…"

I kept my smile on, never breaking stride, although inside I was frozen at the implications she was throwing at me. "Then all the more reason to avoid distracting him, no…?"

Ayako shrugged. "Hm, well, if you insist. Although now that I think about it, Tohsaka, you'd certainly distract all of the guys if you were to come watch them shoot." She laughed. "Our performance as a whole might suffer because of the school idol."

I sighed. "Well, that's that. I should probably go now."

As I turned to go, however—

"Wait, Tohsaka."

I raised my eyebrows at Ayako. "Do you need anything more from me?"

"Well, speaking of guys, I hope you haven't forgotten our agreement," she said, grinning.

"Of course not." I smirked slightly. "First one to get a boyfriend before graduation, right?"

"Yeah." Ayako nodded seriously. "Although at the rate we're going… You're surprising, though, Tohsaka. You're pretty popular, but you haven't found one yet. Are you trying to give me a handicap here?"

"That wasn't my intention at all, Mitsuzuri-san," I said in surprise. "Can't we just say that maybe I haven't found the 'right one' yet?"

She chuckled. "Right, right. Well, then, as long as you haven't forgotten."

As a general rule, the people who want to become school idols have never been school idols themselves. Of course. Humans never desire anything they already have in the first place. It's the exotic, the unknown, which whets our mental appetites for something stimulating. Being adored and petted by students and teachers alike—that is an ideal school life, one that the average student lusts for excessively.

But unlike them, I have never wished to occupy the position of the darling of Homurahara Academy.

It's because I already am one.

Imagine one seventeen-year-old Tohsaka Rin, walking along the hallways in her uniform and a lengthy red coat that adds a little bit of flashy, and which also contrasts well with her green eyes and wavy dark hair, done up with two little ribbons, her self-assured movements calculated and never unnecessary.

Well… not to brag, but… that's me.

Oops, I might have chuckled a bit too sinisterly there.

"Geh. Tohsaka."

"Oh." I smiled at the bespectacled guy whom I almost collided with, standing as he was in the middle of the hallway. "President, what are you doing here? Making the rounds of the clubrooms?"

"It's well within my duties," he grumbled. As the younger son of the head monk of Ryudou Temple on the outskirts of Miyama, student council president Ryudou Issei was someone who took matters too seriously—although, that was ideal for a student of his standing, I guess. However, I can never guess why he loathes me. Maybe because one time I sent the council treasurer home one time with a severe mental breakd—ahem. "In fact, it would be more suspicious for you to loiter around here. You don't even have a club."

"Just thought I'd pass my time before the bell rings." My smile was perfectly firm, letting him see that I don't have any openings at all.

The door that Ryudou was waiting at suddenly slid open, introducing a redheaded boy dragging a heater into the hallway. I recognized him as Emiya Shirou, from class 2-C.

He was saying, "I'm done, Issei… Is there more stuff to fix? We haven't much time, so tell me quickly…"

"Ah yeah. Well… follow me." Giving me a curt nod, Ryudou hurried to the other end of the corridor, while his friend glanced at me and bid me an uncertain "Good morning, Tohsaka," as he followed.

I was left watching after them in silence, and deciding that I have nothing important to do anyway, I headed to my homeroom.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully enough, and by the time the dismissal bell rang, I was ready to relax in the comfort of my home.

"Tohsaka, want to come with us to Shinto to see the new crepe store?" I heard Makidera Kaede call me. With a curt smile, I shook my head as I remembered the last time I hung out with her. The stoic Himuro Kane and the nervous Saegusa Yukika stood by impassively at her side.

"My apologies, but perhaps not today… I still have plans of my own."

"Oh." Makidera mulled over this for a bit, then thankfully let it go. "Can't be helped then, I guess. Let's go!"

I immediately set off once they had disappeared, relieved about having shaken off potential nuisances today. I needed my alone time.

The walk home wasn't terribly long, but all the same, I was exhausted once I've reached the well-kept gates that indicated the entrance to the Tohsaka home. Well, I say home, but it's more like those creepy haunted manors you see on television… With its intimidating, antiquated architecture and the impressive figure it cut across the sky upon its hill, it wasn't surprising that rumors about ghosts and sorcerers and other shady whatnot had spread to the kids of Miyama.

I don't really like the fact that parents sometimes use those rumors to scare their children from attempting to climb the hill, but since it preserved a modicum of tranquility to the place, I guess I don't mind all that much. I wasn't too good at dealing with kids.

I irritably flipped my hair as I dropped onto the couch, taking in the spacious living room of the Tohsaka manor as I caught my breath. The long shadows and the reddening sunlight indicated the lateness of the afternoon, but I was still too exhausted to go to my room and change out of my uniform. Anyone from school would probably try to knock the memory from their head if they saw me being a bit sloppier than my usual neat image.

"Ugh… So tired…"

I stretched lazily, like a cat, and looked around once more. The house was every inch a reflection of my father, the famous physicist Tohsaka Tokiomi. He promoted Western values and culture in the house, as was evidenced by the furniture and the architecture surrounding me—although even among the other Western houses this side of Miyama, the Tohsaka house stood out all the more because of the fact that the architecture was quite dated and that it was standing on the hill, effectively isolating us from the rest of the neighborhood.

Currently, he was in Turin with my mother, attending another summit or something. I'm starting to lose track. But no matter, since it means that I have full freedom of the house while they were gone.

Bong. Bong. Bong. Bong. Bong.

The clock struck six, and an average day in Tohsaka Rin's life finally came to an end.

Tuesday, 1 February 2005.

"Nine o'clock."

I stared groggily at the alarm clock in my hand, resigned.

"It's not even a question of being late anymore…" I stood up and stretched, feeling the hem of my nightgown fall past my knees. "Oh well. I guess that means I'll just have to stay at home and relax—"

"Tohsaka, want to come with us to Shinto to see the new crepe store?"—Makidera's words from yesterday suddenly rang in my head.

…On second thought, maybe I can go laze around the city for today. Hey, with all my hard work during the past few weeks, what with sorting out things for Ayako concerning the archery club budget and all, I deserved this.

Not that I needed any more convincing.

After breakfast, I quickly put together a casual outfit and picked my favorite red coat from my closet, the thought of walking around town just for fun already lightening my mood. Sometimes, the absence of my parents has rewards like this as well… And any remaining guilt that I had at skipping my classes was soon obliterated by the bright winter breeze that met me outside.

"Ah, what a nice day…"

Getting off the bus at Shinto, I looked around at the very different sight that met my eyes. In contrast to the residential district of Miyama, the skyscrapers and modern shops that surrounded me made me feel as if I'd just dropped off at a completely different location, rather than just on the other side of the Mion river.

"Now, let's see… What to do first?"

A typical girl has so many things to do in Shinto, from looking at the dainty and useful writing supplies at the stationery stores, the pastry shops with their colorful displays of cake and bread and everything in between, to the verdant brilliance of the flower shop, and of course, tons and tons of clothing stores, ranging from hats to shoes. Of course Verde, my favorite department store, had an amalgamation of all of these, but today, the sunlight beckoned me on the streets.

"It's been a while since I've walked around here so leisurely…"

As I saw a couple walk past me, I suddenly remembered the reason why.

"This isn't really the place for a person who's alone, huh…"

Sighing at the thought, I checked my watch and decided to have some lunch at a restaurant by the river, which afforded me with a beautiful glimpse of the sparkling waters, besides Miyama on the opposite bank. Devouring my Neapolitan pasta, ravenous after the healthy walk, I mentally planned on trying the creperie that Makidera mentioned—a stall across the street from Ahnenerbe, if I remember correctly…

Well, in any case, I had to get safely home before school lets out, or I'd be stuck trying to evade my classmates if I run into them.

Leisurely strolling toward the direction of Ahnenerbe, I let out a sigh as a disturbing thought struck me. I never was this eager to stroll around the city while cutting classes, let alone skip school altogether just to enjoy myself—after all, I liked to think that I was the one who decided not to just stay at home and instead lead an ordinary school life. Tohsaka Rin is happier when she's the one picking her life choices. Of course.

I liked studying, learning things even though I know that I might never use them when I become an adult. I liked being praised and gawked at for my superior performance at school, liked being dubbed the "school idol," the perfect, amiable Tohsaka Rin, the pampered princess of the Tohsaka family—

So why am I feeling so gratified today, neglecting the only thing that I've decided to do for myself? Even my joy at the fact that I've picked my own path through the city, unhindered by friends, was marred at this question. It felt almost indecent.

"Ah…"

It took me a while to realize that I had already walked past the crepe stall.

"How careless of me…" Chuckling softly, I traced my steps back to the store. Since it was still a bit early, the customers were mostly older or way younger than I was. Scanning the menu, I frowned and decided that since I had red food earlier, I might as well have something red for dessert as well. So I settled for the strawberry-and-cream crepe.

Sometimes, Tohsaka Rin can be really predictable when it comes to these things.

Hm, I'm sure only a select few even knew.

I took the first bite out of my crepe. "Mm… not bad… maybe I should frequent this place from now on."

I slowly ate my sweet treat as I stood on the sidewalk, idly watching the passersby and the flow of traffic on the road. The tinkling of the bell on Ahnenerbe's door is distinct in this distance.

The strawberries tasted tart on my tongue. And when I lifted my eyes from my crepe to watch my surroundings again, I caught it in the corner of my eye. A flash of the brightest gold—

And when I finally saw the owner of that effervescent color, a young foreign woman seated by the window of Ahnenerbe—

She's so beautiful.

…That was my first thought upon laying my eyes on her.

She looked like she could have walked out of the cover of a magazine or something. And even then, she didn't look much older than me—I could have placed her easily in her early twenties, if not younger, except that there was this quaint old-fashioned aura around her. She might be a young mistress of some rich family—

Oh wait. I'm a young mistress of some rich old-fashioned family too.

Well… t-that's neither here nor there!

But this girl… no, that might be wrong… this young woman is an entire world apart from me.

Thump. Thump.

My mouth felt very dry when I considered walking up to her and making her acquaintance.

Thump. Thump. Thump. My heart was pounding so hard that I'm quite sure the people walking behind me can hear it too.

Should I?

…Shouldn't I?

Heh. That's funny. Tohsaka Rin doesn't quibble about such simple stuff as this…

If I want something, I should just reach out… and grab it!

I move forward confidently. Yep. That's Tohsaka Tokiomi's daughter for you.

Except…

Pausing at only the second step, I gripped the food in my hand so hard that the filling oozed out from within the crepe. Man, this is frustrating. What's stopping me from just crossing the damn street and…?

And why am I even feeling this way? Normally, a beautiful person will only serve to catch my eye, but it shouldn't have elicited such a response from me as to want to make her acquaintance! I mean… seriously…

I can hear an imaginary Ayako laugh in my head.

"Seriously, Tohsaka, the way you're dallying, I'd think you're in love…"

Wh—! What are you saying, you—?

Argh, stop, stop, just stop thinking, Rin! I angrily stuffed the rest of the crepe in my mouth.

And afraid of any more hindrances from my snide inner-Ayako, I crossed the street at the green light and pushed the door to Ahnenerbe, seeming bolder than I felt. The warm coffee scent surrounded me, and thankful for the comfort from the winter wind, I turned to glance at the back of the girl's golden head. Amongst the sea of dark-haired people, it wasn't particularly hard.

"Haa…"

Letting out a sigh to calm my nerves, I started toward my goal, my footsteps matching my nervous, treacherous, thump-thump-thumping heart beat for beat.

What do I tell her?

"Hi, I'm sorry, but I saw you from outside and you just looked so pretty, can I have your name? And your e-mail too, if you have one—"

Eep. Even I sound like a creeper to myself. I'm a seventeen-year-old girl, not a middle-aged salaryman, for goodness sake.

"Hi miss, your outfit looks so pretty! Can I ask where you bought those sandals?"

That's a bit better, if not quite like a busybody which I totally am not, but… really… would she even—

Then, as if the universe was just intent upon reminding one Tohsaka Rin that she's destined to mess up on the last second—

"AH!"

Holy Mother of—

Bang—CRASHHH. It was an almighty sound.

No, really. Enough for me to start invoking the Virgin in my head.

And it was gloriously, impossibly embarrassing.

It was the sound of me tripping on someone's bag on the floor (really, who left it there?), and the resounding kerfuffle when I flung out my arm for balance, ended up grabbing the edge of a table, and tipping it over myself, including the objects on it—which were, incidentally, a saucer, the cup on it, and the coffee it contained—

Needless to say, the silence that fell afterwards was just mortifying. I just lay there on the floor on my face, while the other patrons presumably turned and stared, wide-eyed.

"…"

Drip. Drip. Drip.

My hair smelled of coffee. My neck, which had received the worst of the hot beverage, felt like it was on fire.

"Someone help!" I heard someone above me cry out.

Oof. I tried to sit up, and groaned as I instinctively felt the place where the cup hit me. Then, I felt a hand close on my upper arm, and I looked up to the face of my first sympathizer.

Emerald eyes… golden hair—

"Are you hurt anywhere? Oh, but the coffee… You're scalded—"

Her voice was a bell. And now that I was close enough to count her light eyelashes, I could say that she could show up with nothing but a rice sack on, and it'd look impossibly elegant. That's the kind of beauty she was.

It's quite alright, I tried to say, to reassure her, to wipe off that worried look in her eyes, but no sound came out. I must have looked like a fish out of water as I opened my mouth, just to close it again.

"Miss…?" She furrowed her brows, uncertain.

"I…"

You speak Japanese, I could have said, but my throat was too dry.

Ugh. Why am I unable to speak during important times like this?

"Well, we should clean you up first," she was saying, and the slight accent I can hear was really cute. Agh, I could just listen to her all day…

I let her help me struggle up on my feet, and as we stood there, just staring at each other (she had a confused smile on her face, while I might have a slightly awestruck look on mine), I—

"Seriously, Tohsaka… I'd think you're in love…"

I—

I—

Hang on. That's not…

NO.

Just…

It can't be—

"You look red. Might you be ill?" she said, tilting her head, and it was just so damn adorable that—

Oh God.

Love at first sight shouldn't even be a thing!

I shouldn't be feeling like… like I just ate up all the sweets in the world or something!

I'm definitely not "in love" or anyth—

"What's happening here?" a loud, authoritative voice suddenly echoed behind me, and a tall blond guy, clad in stylish clothing, pushed past me and put an arm around the beautiful girl's slender shoulders. He glared at me. "You picking a fight with my girlfriend?"

So… she has a boyfriend who looks like a model, and he's not only staring daggers at me—more like swords, I guess.

Ah. Just in time to make my day a bit better.

Part I END

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Oh look. My first yuri fic.