"What You Cannot Have"
A Whovengers One-Shot
He sees it out of the corner of his eye. A flash of gold. Gleaming in all its brilliance in this place of heat and sand and death that he has submerged himself in. He can't say he's surprised that she's found him once again. In fact, he'd been hoping that she would show up. As she always did. Unexpected but always welcome.
He wonders, vaguely, what she is doing here this time. Normally she pops in for a quick chat. Sometimes she talks about her baby brother who is her most favorite little boy in the world, even if she's hard pressed to admit it. Sometimes she babbles on about the stars going out (an event that he still denies ever happened). Sometimes she says nothing at all.
In those moments, he knows that she is just as vulnerable and just as volatile as he is prone to be. She silently seethes in her seat and he doesn't know what she thinks about. He imagines that her thoughts in those moments are plagued entirely with memories and what ifs about her mad doctor. Of course, he's never summoned enough courage to ask her directly. He's content to sit next to her and stew over his own internal meanderings. He has a lot to think about. Especially since all he has now is his work and her infrequent visits.
That last thought is tinged with bitterness. As much as he loves her visits, he also despises them. He's reminded of his humanity. He's reminded that there is a bigger world out there. Just waiting for him. But he can't go back, no matter how much he wants to. He can't because going back would mean living in his own personal Hell every single day. It was hard enough trying to control himself when he'd been used to that environment. Now that he's spent the last two years in India, he has no idea what a big city teeming with life, will do to him. Or the other guy.
And suddenly he is furious. Without realizing it, the words are tumbling out of his mouth in a rush. They scald his throat and he knows he can't ever take them back, "If you're here to torture me, why don't you just go back. I'm tired of this, Rose."
The silence that follows is pregnant with regret. He closes his eyes, knowing that something between them might have changed. He's never raised his voice to her. Never been anything but compassionate, patient, and kind. He wants to take the cruel words back. He honestly does. But maybe it's better that they're out in the open now.
He loves seeing her and somewhere deep down, he knows what he's really admitting to himself when he says that. But he's so tired and he knows that something has to give soon. She reminds him of everything he'd loved and lost. She reminds him that there is something bigger out there than himself. Most of all, she reminds him of the fact that he can't go back. He can never go back to the life he had once had. Because the other guy can't be controlled.
He feels her hand close around his forearm and he shudders at the whisper of her touch. He's never wanted her more than he does in this moment and just like his old life, he knows that he can never have her. That, more than anything else, is why he has to let her go.
She presses her lips to his cheek once before stepping away in resignation.
"I understand, Bruce, and I'm so sorry. I-I never meant to hurt you," she mutters. Before he has the chance to reply, she is gone. The Dimension Canon has taken her back to her world.
He will never see her again.
So I'm not really sure what this is. I've been stewing over my Whovengers crossover feelings for the past four or five days. This just sort of came to me and since I'm desperate to write, I decided to go with it. I know it is a bit confusing, but it's meant to be that way. I hope you like it enough to maybe review? Or hell if you hate it, you can review too. Either way. :)
I do not own the Avengers or Doctor Who. This was written purely for my own entertainment and the entertainment of my fellow Whovengers fans. No money was made from this fic.