A Messy Situation
I stepped out of the car.
I tripped and fell into a puddle and got very messy.
Across the road watching me fall was a seriously weird looking guy.
He was good looking except from the fact that he was wearing a chicken suit.
Under the mass of feathers was a perfect face which had been attacked by horrible acne- was this the man I was waiting to marry?
He ripped of his chicken suit and underneath he was wearing a lycra tracksuit.
I walked towards my teeny tiny friend Jessica and said;
"Who's that hot stud in the lycra tracksuit?"
Jessica stared at me bewildered
"Uh Bella you're supposed to be the heroin and is therefore in love with that juicy vampire Edward Cullen! You aren't supposed to fall for Edwin Callen!"
"He is so sexy with the chess set in his lovely hands!"
"Who is so sexy? Me? I knew it! I'm the sexiest of sexy sex bombs ever!" Edward the not so perfect said to me and Jess.
"Bella thinks Edwin is sexy Edward." Jessica said in awe at his lumberjack body.
I watched as his man boobs bobbed up and down in surprise.
"Is this the father of your mutatant baby, Bella?" He said in a low voice and chuckled.
"Ohh, I wish!" Bella said making cat noise in Edwin's direction.
"WHAT?! HOW COULD YOU BELLA SWAN YOU MADE YOUR CHILD EVEN MORE MUTATED THAN WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IF IT WAS MINE! DIDN'T YOU USE CONTRACEPTION?!"
"No I didn't because you told me not to Edward."
There was an explosion.
A baby flew through the air crying.
I stared at it when it hit the ground.
"Renéesplat…my baby, Renéesplat! Edward you killed her!"
"She's not mine."
"She is too."
"Is not"
"Is too"
"Is not"
"Is too"
….………
Yeah… weird.