Mummy in a Sarcophagus
Title: Mummy in a Sarcophgus
Author: Raz Gaiale
Category: Parody/Humor
Disclaimer: I don't own The Mummy, a fact which causes me much pain. Universal does, 'cause they're just that special. I don't own the rights to Genie in a Bottle, by Christina What's-her-name. I don't know who does, but I'm sure their mothers are very proud. I don't know Gwen or Mobey. They seem like cool people. Anyway, I have about $2, so good luck trying to sue me. J
(We open with Imhotep, still in his Sarcophagus. The Juicy One begins to sing to the tune of Christina Augilira's Genie in a Bottle.)
I feel like I've been locked up tight, for a few millennia of lonely nights,
Waiting for someone to resurrect me.
You're lookin' like my dead girlfriend all right,
I wanna kiss you and rip out your organs tonight,
Evie, Evie, Evieeee
If you wanna bring me back, baby, there's a price to pay.
I'm a mummy in a sarcophagus,
I'm gonna bring back the ten plagues.
If you wanna bring me back, I can make a princess of you.
All I need is your soul and a tongue and eyes too.
You've found me here where the lights are low,
I may be decaying but I'm ready to go,
Waiting for some fool to release me.
The Med-jai guard the city day and night,
But that don't mean they can stop my might,
From conquering the world, ooo baby.
If you wanna bring me back, baby, there's a price to pay.
I'm a mummy in a sarcophagus,
I'm gonna bring back the ten plagues.
If you wanna bring me back, I can make a princess of you.
All I need is your soul and a little destruction too.
(By this time, Imhotep is almost fully regenerated. He gently sits on the edge of Evelyn's bed. He gazes at her face, so serene in slumber. He looks up for a moment. Wistfully, he whispers "Anck-su-namun" into the air. He leans down and kisses her. His lips decay from the touch of a mortal, but he pays no attention.
Suddenly, Imhotep feels something wet on the back of his head. He turns to see Gwen Stefani, her tongue still hanging out. Gwen freezes for a moment. "Oh, I'm sorry" she says. "I thought you were Mobey."
Then she notices his teeth. "Oh, sorry. I thought I had the wrong set for a minute there, Mobey. It's obviously you, though." Imhotep buries his face in his hands and groans as Gwen resumes her licking of his head.)