The following is a bit of a take on Video Game Confessions which belongs to the comedic genius of Doug Walker of Channel Awesome. Black Lagoon belongs to Rei Hiroe. And to make this more fun to you the reader, I suggest putting on the theme from Video Game Confessions ( /watch?v=tCrrZ1NnCuM )
A/N: Is it me or Ryo's clientele are dangerous women lately? Is this going to be a trend? Who knows? AU-ish due to the somewhat saner Gretel.
Anime Confessions – Gretel
You're introduced to a young Saya-jin/Endurion male of African descent about 5'9'' with a lean frame. His hair spiked and black with eyes of light gray. He wears a typical outfit of a bartender for a fancy restaurant.
"This is Ryo Nazo Blackthorn, a semi-retired Time Patroller. Ryo works in the seven-star restaurant known as the Tori Dragon Palace (which is two blocks away from the Pixel Palace). There, some of anime's most popular celebrities pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories, and even secrets. Because—as we all know—what the bartender hears is confidential... isn't it?"
Gretel
So here I was tending the bar and in walks in one of the "vampire" twins, Gretel. Now yes, she's a crazy fan, but ironically a harmless one. She's more obsessed with the legend then causing me bodily harm. So I made a deal with her to save my hair, she comes in for a confession. Now he usually seen with her brother, Hansel, everywhere. But Hansel was under a temporary ban here. Apparently, he axed a patron who was trying to hit on his "mother" Revy. So she sits down and she orders a zombie.
"Ryo, I wonder if you have ever felt dead inside." She asked me in her cheerily tone of voice.
"Sure, whenever I visit Konoha." I said snidely before getting serious. "But on a serious note, there are times in my past I have felt dead inside."
"The past." She said dearly. "I suppose you know what me and my brother went through, but there's more to the story."
Now part of me wanted to know and didn't want to at the same time. I, and by extension, the populace only knows their past up to the snuff films. To think, the snuff films with them in it are selling for millions.
I drink a small cup, but I was going to need a drink to hear this. Dawn was also curious and joined us. Now Dawn was fairly innocent coming from an anime meant for younger audiences. Of all the people to break that is someone from Black Lagoon. I pour Dawn and Gretel a heavy one of scotch. We'd need it.
"Well during the snuff films, Hansel and I developed better ways to kill people. We tried to kill them swiftly. Killers, we are, but we didn't enjoy killing children. That's a line we have." Gretel said between sips.
Dawn spat out her drink horrified saying, "Oh Arecus, those films. I knew I recognized you. Those killings were real?! I've been buying snuff films the entire time! The shady guy who sold me those told me they were horror flims!"
Gretel nodded. Dawn bolted for the nearest trashcan knocking down several patrons before violently retching into it. I had another one of the staff take her home. Poor kid.
"Her innocence is shot to pieces now." Gretel said. "But either way, we were able to kill our captors and leave Romania."
Ok, so they were able to leave Romania. Not surprising. I kept pouring her more liquor.
"Leaving the trap, we wandered from country to country. We started off as "toys" for a real sick politician in Serbia." She remarked coldly. "It's how we got educated and our trademark fashion style."
"That must have been terrible." I said with sympathy.
"Eh. It was. He was a really bad man with no morals, but there were good times. The days we went to the academy were happy ones, when we didn't have to worry of pleasant the dirty old man back home. Sadly, he was more into Hansel than me. He always had the tigh…" Gretel said before I cut her off.
"I get the picture on that." I said sadly.
"We would become wanted fugitives after we slaughtered him and left the country. We became known as Vampire twins, the Debauched Duo, and the Terrible Twins. There was a spree of violence and torture." Gretel said bored. "But at the end, I got just bored with it. I was more interested in sex and for Hansel, it was the violence. The high point for me was torturing some girl named Clara before getting plowed."
"That actually makes sense. An interplay of sex and violence." I said with a sigh.
"In the end, we died at Roanapour, but you know that story. After we were revived, there are a bit of defects in our minds." She said. "For once, we have some sense of sanity now. Thankfully, Hansel's stop trying use me as his tool to get off." Gretel said with a small smile.
"So where you two twins?" I asked. "I kind of want to clear that up."
"Nope. We're not related." Gretel said cheerfully. "That was just the writers adding a bit of shock value."
I sighed in relief and I asked what they were going to do with themselves now. Gretel remarked she had no clue. He was worried about Hansel. Apparently, sanity smashed him too hard. Unlike Gretel who doesn't really care about her crimes past, Hansel felt guilt. Gretel paid her drinks and was on her way. But I do tell her,
"Take it easy, kid."
She waves goodbye, and heads out. Next day, Revy and Rock both came to drink themselves stupid. When I ask why, I find out what happened.
Hansel offed himself. I would consider this is a good thing, but I keep my mouth shut. He can't be revived this time, and nobody knows how he died. Except me…Gretel has come up to be after I was closing the bar for that night. Seeing her, Dawn bolted.
"Hey kiddo. Sorry about your brother dying." I said trying to console her.
"Don't be." She said with that creepy sweetness. "I'm not even though I got good reason to be since I killed him."
I freeze.
"Before you say anything, no I won't kill you. Hansel would be my final kill as a serial killer. Hansel, he snapped. He wanted me to return to thrill killing, but I refused. He tried to…force me to have sex with him. So I snapped for the last time and ended his life with his own ax. I made everyone think it was suicide. But why do you think I did that?" Gretel asked.
"Well Gretel, I have a feeling it's a symbolic way of you tossing your past aside for the future." I said relaxed.
"Exactly. I can now move on with my life. Killing bastards like my mother." Gretel said cheerfully. "I'm even going under a new name."
"What would that be?" I asked.
"Annabelle." She said. "Thanks for the words, Ryo."
And she took off. Now that I think about it, the only way those twins were going to survive was if one of them died. It's sad, but true. At least Annabelle will have a "normal" life in Roanapour. Good thing, they don't get interdimensional cable. Or do they?
You see a lot of strange things as a bartender, see a lot strange things at the Tori Dragon. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Tori Dragon, and that isn't no lie. Swear to it!
(A/N: This has to be my darkest episode yet because Black Lagoon is a show you so black, you'll want to hug the main characters (mostly Revy and Rock). I always did find Hansel and Gretel's fates cruel, but I did find Gretel somewhat saner. Final Edit 10/13/17)