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MY WEBSITE: http/ The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
NOTE: This story is a PREQUEL to my story, "Empty."
Remember
Jedi Apprentice Ryin Cyr wandered the lounge. It was not a small room, but it was crowded. Commercial transports that ran between the Outer Rim and Coruscant were popular among the many races and beings of the galaxy, and it was not unusual to see the this particular room so packed. Ryin took everything in. Newly turned twelve years of age, he was almost two full years now as padawan to Master Taash Evram. The ginger-haired boy had learned much in a short time as a learner, but his teacher encouraged him to be curious and observant during their down time. Learn to read the body language of the different races. Learn interactions and reactions. The transport was filled with beings he'd never seen before. Some Jedi, some not. Young and old. Loud and boisterous. Shy and withdrawn.
Ryin smiled as his gaze followed a large furry blue creature cross the room and then watched as the creature greeted a Jedi that Ryin knew to be Knight Vasha Sohan. It didn't take experience in reading interactions to know that the Jedi and the furry beast were old friends as they clasped hands and pounded each other on the back. Ryin grinned mischievously as he secretly wondered if Master Taash knew anyone that blue and that hairy.
He observed them for a few moments and then proceeded to the bar area to grab a beverage for himself and his master. While he waited, he turned his ear to a conversation going on at the table closest to him. Three Jedi spoke in hushed tones, but with voices elevated enough so that if someone was listening carefully, they could be overheard. Ryin realized that he was eavesdropping on a private conversation, and was about to move further away when he heard one of the Jedi mention a familiar name. The padawan sat as quietly as he could. Trying to shut out all the noise around him. He needed to focus on who they were talking about.
"Qui-Gon Jinn. Three days ago. A Sith Lord is what they are saying. Jinn was slain before Kenobi could land the killing blow."
"Is all this official?"
"No, just what has been passed from Jedi to Jedi. So the details are sketchy. But the one fact is true. Jinn is dead."
"What about Kenobi?"
"From what I understand, he was unharmed. Beyond that, I can't tell you much."
Ryin could feel his breath quickening. His pulse beginning to race. Master Qui-Gon dead? He had just seen he and Obi-Wan a short time ago. Before their mission to Naboo in fact. He and Master Taash had joined them for dinner out at Dex's Diner. No. This couldn't be true. This couldn't have happened to someone like Qui-Gon Jinn.
In the short time Ryin had known Qui-Gon, he had grown very fond of him. And he knew how powerful a Jedi the man was. How in tune he was with the living Force. It just wasn't possible that he had been killed. Obi-Wan would have saved him. Yes. That was it. There was just confusion in the story from it being passed through so many different hands. Ryin knew how stories could start as one thing and by the time they hit the last person in the line, the story may not even resemble what it began as.
The bartender handed the drinks to Ryin and the boy exchanged them for credits. He shot a glance at the table of Jedi and then began a hurried walk back to the cabin that he and his master were sharing for the flight home.
By the time he'd reached the room on the third deck of the transport, he was almost in a dead run. The drinks splashed out of their containers as he hurried for the cabin. The further away he got from the news, the more the possible reality of it sank in. Shakily he pushed the button to open the door to his quarters and rushed in.
"Master! Master Taash!" He called out, breathing heavily from his sprint through the ship.
From the chair he'd taken residence in, Taash looked up from the old book he was reading just in time to see his apprentice skidding to a stop in front of him. The boy was panicked.
"Ryin, what's wrong? What happened?" The master was on his feet in seconds, taking the two drinks from the small, trembling hands. "Ryin. Sit down. Talk to me. What's going on?"
Ryin sat on the small sofa. Hands clenched tightly together. He worked hard for a moment to calm his breathing before he could speak to the man who now knelt before him. "Master. I was getting our drinks. I heard them. They were talking about what happened. Those Jedi said he was killed. That a Sith Lord killed him. They said three days ago. He can't be dead, Master. Can he? Jedi shouldn't gossip, should they, Master?"
Confusion washed over Taash and he shook his head to try and clear his mind. "What? Who are you talking about? A Sith Lord? Who's dead?"
"Master Qui-Gon," Ryin said in a whisper.
Time seemed to stop at that moment. Taash felt his heart drop as he stood and backed away from his apprentice.
"Master?"
But Taash did not respond to Ryin's call. His mind was being stung with raw emotion that was all to familiar to him. He closed his eyes. Throwing himself into the Force. Looking for the truth in what Ryin had told him. It was a few moments before he remembered that his padawan was still sitting on the couch trying desperately to look at anything other than the pained face of his master. Ryin chewed nervously on this bottom lip. It was the only way he could keep himself from giving in to all that he felt right now. When he saw Master Taash's reaction to the news, any hope that this story was simply an exaggerated fabrication was gone. He knew now that Qui-Gon was truly dead.
He next felt a hand on his knee. Taash was kneeling before him once more. "Ryin, where did you hear this? Who told you?"
Looking down at his hands, Ryin responded. "No one told me, Master. I heard the Jedi talking about it in the lounge. It's true, isn't it? He's dead. They weren't just telling stories."
"They would not joke about the death of a Master Jedi. Did they say anything about Obi-Wan?"
"The one Jedi said Obi-Wan killed the Sith. And that he's okay. But he's not okay. If his master is dead, he's not okay, is he?"
"No, he's not."
"Master. I don't like this feeling," he said as he let his chin sink down to touch his chest. "How could this have happened? I don't know what to do or what to say. Is this real? What do I say to Obi-Wan the next time I see him?"
Taash reflected back to his past. The days that followed after he'd lost his own master. He remembered how Obi-Wan had reached out to him. At the time they didn't know each other. They'd seen each other in passing a few times in the halls of the Temple. But they were strangers until Obi-Wan offered him friendship and support during a time when he so desperately needed it. And he'd been there for him ever since that day. The favor would now be returned. "You just tell him how you feel. Tell him that he's important to you. Let him know that you care about him."
The spiky head nodded several times as Ryin finally took his eyes away from the hands on his lap. "I can do that, Master. Will he be okay?"
"I think he will," Taash said as he tried to comfort his student, while he attempted to deal with the shock that he knew they both felt. "He's strong and stubborn. And filled with that damned Kenobi pride of his. He'll do okay."
Silence overtook the room for a long while. Ryin was dealing with emotions very new to him. Feelings that he'd never felt before. In the short time he'd known Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, he'd grown very close to them both. Master Qui-Gon was always helping Ryin with deep meditation as the boy fought to overcome the insomnia that had plagued him since he was an initiate. Qui-Gon was patient. Always patient. And Obi-Wan. A fellow apprentice. Despite their difference in age, Ryin felt a connection with the older padawan. Perhaps it was the profound friendship that Taash and Obi-Wan shared that drew the young apprentice to him. Or maybe it was the Force at work pulling the two students together for a reason that had not yet been revealed.
Ryin knew that life as he knew it was now changed. Things would never be as they were the night that the four of them had shared dinner together not long ago. He knew that the pain he felt in his heart would be there for some time to come.
A few hours passed. Taash was anxious. He had to know more than the small bit of information that Ryin had brought to him. "Ryin, come with me. I want to see if we can find out more about Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Do you know who the Jedi were at the table?"
"No, Master. But I did see Knight Sohan there. He was talking to someone, but I don't think it was about Master Qui-Gon."
"Perhaps he's heard something by now." Taash could feel his padawan's uncertainty as he watched him hesitate to move towards the door. The young, pale eyes glistened with unshed tears. The master berated himself for not seeing to the boy's needs after hearing such news about Qui-Gon. The master moved to Ryin and put a sympathetic hand on his head. "It's okay, Ryin. I know how much it hurts to hear something like this has happened. Master Qui-Gon meant a great deal to me. And I have observed how important he'd become to you. It's okay to cry for him."
"But you don't cry for him, Master."
"I will in time, Padawan."
"You have to be strong right now. Right? For me? For Obi-Wan?"
Taash smiled sadly and pulled the boy to him. Ryin wrapped his arms as far as he could around the older Jedi's chest. There he cried softly into his master's robe for many long and painful moments. Unable to find words for his apprentice, Taash could only hold him until the tears had passed, fully aware that they would soon return.
"I'm sorry, Master," Ryin said as he began to pull away.
"There's nothing wrong with feeling emotion, Ryin. I've taught you that in the past. There are times when you'll need to be strong. And times when it's okay to give into your pain. Now is a time when it's okay to hurt and to feel the pain that others feel."
"I'm ready to go now, Master." He straightened himself and wiped at his eyes.
Taash put an arm around the smaller shoulders of his student and together they ventured out to find Knight Vasha Sohan.
"Vasha!" Taash called to the Jedi from the end of the hall. He'd spotted him just as he and Ryin had come around the corner. Sohan was tall and lean with coal black hair draping well past his shoulders and pulled back in a single braid. The dark brown face was offset by shining aqua blue eyes. He carried an air of strength and intelligence about him at all times.
Vasha turned towards the voice and recognized the man behind it. Although he and Taash were not extremely close friends, they'd worked together a few times when they were padawans and had spoken as often as possible in the years since they had been knighted. Occasionally they would find time for dinner together to catch up with each other. Two years older than Taash, Vasha had not taken a padawan of his own.
"Hi, Taash." He offered a hand to his friend. "Ah, this must be Ryin. You've told me about him, but I've haven't had the opportunity to meet him. Good to see you, Ryin."
"Thank you." The response was whispered and Vasha could sense Ryin's somber mood and saw the sadness in his eyes. Feeling the padawan's unwillingness to be drawn into conversation, he redirected his attention at the master in front of him.
"Were you looking for me, Taash?"
"Actually we were. Ryin overheard talk about Qui-Gon Jinn."
The dark face of Vasha Sohan became suddenly solemn. "Yes, I've heard."
"It's true. He is dead." It was not a question.
"Once I heard the talk, I contacted the Temple. It took some time, but I finally got through to the council. They couldn't confirm much because they don't have all the information, but what news I can give you is probably what you already know. They were on Naboo escorting Queen Amidala. A battled ensued. Jinn was slain by what is reported to be a Sith Lord. Kenobi was then able to kill the attacker. As for this Chosen One thing, I can offer very little about that."
"Chosen One?"
"There were rumors about Qui-Gon finding a young boy. He believed him to be the Chosen One. The council won't say anything on it and if it's true, I don't know where the boy is or what will become of him. Kenobi may be seeing to him. That's all I know."
Taash nodded and exhaled a deep breath he'd been holding. He glanced down at Ryin who was staring hard at the floor. The pain was so obvious now in the young Jedi, even a non-Force user could feel it. He knew the eyes were on him and he felt himself losing the battle with his emotions yet again. The thought of never seeing Master Qui-Gon again and the images of Obi-Wan's pain at the loss were more than he was prepared to handle at such an age. Embarrassed for his inability to remain as calm as his master, Ryin took a step back from where he stood at Taash's side.
In all lives there was a time when one would have to deal with death. Now was Ryin's time. And Taash knew he had to be as patient as his own master had been with him long ago. The day when Taash had first lost a close friend. The memories came back easily even today. But it was necessary to push them aside for now. He had other concerns at the moment.
Once again, as he'd done in their cabin, Taash knelt before his apprentice. This time he took hold of the boy's hands and held them in his own. "Remember what I told you, Ryin. There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling and how you are reacting. It's perfectly normal. Don't be ashamed of those feelings."
Ryin's pale eyes bore into the darker ones of the older Jedi. There he saw compassion, but was unable to bring himself to reply to his master with words. He could only nod as stray tears drifted down his smooth face.
"I didn't realize," Vasha began as he moved closer to the pair, "that Ryin was so close to Master Jinn."
"Since Obi-Wan and I share such a close friendship, I thought Ryin might enjoy his company as well." Taash kept his position in front of Ryin as he continued. "Qui-Gon has been assisting him with mastering deep meditation these past two years. He's become dear to Ryin as a friend and mentor. This is the first time he's lost anyone close to him. You know what that feels like, Vasha. We've all been there."
"Yes. I've lost many cherished friends in my lifetime. Your master is right, Ryin. It's okay to hurt for Qui-Gon. For Obi-Wan. That only shows how much you love them." The dark-haired knight knelt beside Taash and gazed into Ryin's icy eyes. "As much as it hurts, you have to accept the loss. But you never forget it. Never. That is how you honor Qui-Gon. You don't ever forget him. What he meant to you."
The words impacted Ryin. He could feel the honesty in them. And he was comforted by them. Taash smiled at his apprentice. Then looked at Vasha and suddenly wondered why he hadn't opened his heart to training a student. Vasha in fact showed no interest in taking on a student of his own. The man was a natural teacher if there ever was one. Trained by one of the Orders most respected Jedi and pegged as a future member of the council. Yet no desire to pass on his wisdom and experience to a younger generation of Jedi. Taash made a mental note to bring that subject up the next time he and Vasha got the opportunity to talk.
With Ryin somewhat settled, Taash thought it best to get him out of the corridor of the ship and back to their quarters. With the planned delays that the commercial transport still had to make and the stopovers on several planets, arrival on Coruscant was still a few days off. And since he wasn't sure if Obi-Wan was back from Naboo, he would need to practice his patience until they arrived home.
The remaining days on the flight seemed to go on forever. Ryin was much quieter than normal. The smile that would normally light the boy's face was nowhere to be found. The energy that was usually so much a part of him was now lost. Taash kept a close eye on his apprentice, while also spending time with Vasha. The tragic news about Qui-Gon had brought them closer together as friends. And it gave Taash an outlet to talk so that he did not burden Ryin's pain any further.
In the last hours before touchdown on Coruscant, Taash and Vasha met at the lounge bar for a drink.
"How is Ryin?" The dark-haired Jedi asked as he greeted his friend.
"Quiet. He's had a problem with insomnia since he was very young. This has compounded that. The meditation exercises he'd been doing with Qui-Gon had enabled him to have some control over his sleeping habits, but...this..." he said, referring to the news of Jinn's death, "has thrown all he's learned into turmoil. He tries to remember what Qui-Gon taught him..."
"But all he can think about is Qui-Gon." Vasha completed the thought.
"Yes. Maybe once he gets home and into familiar settings. Sees Obi-Wan. That may help, but I fear that this mission we are returning from will soon be forgotten. And Ryin did so well. He's becoming quite a Jedi even at his young age. I was very proud of how he handled himself on our latest mission. You should have seen how his face lit up when I told him how proud I was of him. It was a difficult mission. A trying one. I think he had a feeling of really coming into his own as an apprentice." A pause. "Now this. And things are quickly forgotten." Taash sipped at his drink and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. It's times like this when I truly miss my old master. I could use Master Kem's advice right now."
"Ryin seems like a good apprentice. Willing and strong. Give him time. He'll do okay. That first loss is rough. Especially when it's so unexpected. Learn from your own experiences. Remember what you felt like during these periods. Apply that to your padawan."
"Yes. You're right. I must learn from what I have felt in the past." Taash paused for a moment and caught the older knight's gaze. "You have a very calming manner about you, Vasha. You do know that? You'd make a perfect master for a young apprentice. I'm surprised you haven't chosen one yet. Have you thought about it?"
It was a change of subject directed into an area that Vasha was uncomfortable with. The change in his mood was immediate. Taash felt him withdraw. "I've decided not to take an apprentice. It just...doesn't suit me. I prefer to work as I am."
"But you've got so much to offer..."
"Taash, please," he replied a bit more forcefully that he intended. "I don't wish to go into that. Just drop the subject. Please."
Realizing he had hit a nerve, Taash pulled back. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was a difficult area for you. I won't bring it up again."
Vasha looked down and shook his head. "It's...it's just something I'd rather not talk about." Now he was desperate to change direction of the conversation. "How are you doing with the news about Qui-Gon? I know you've told me in the past that he was a great help to you after Master Kem passed. And that you and Obi-Wan are good friends. Are you okay?"
"I think it's more shock than anything right now. Almost like it hasn't hit me. It will when we get home and I see Obi-Wan standing alone. No longer at Qui-Gon's side. I'm not too sure how I'll handle that even though I've been where he is now."
The conversation tailed off after that as the captain of the ship announced they were on final approach to Coruscant. Taash stood and took Vasha's hand. "Thank you for your companionship on this flight. It's been good to talk with you again. We'll have to get together for dinner soon."
Vasha smiled. "Yes. Perhaps in the death of one of our own, the two of us have been drawn together for a reason. We've formed a deeper relationship than we've ever had. I look forward to visiting with you and Ryin again."
They held each other's hands tightly for a moment to say goodbye. Then Taash headed for his room to check on his apprentice and to prepare their bags for landing.
Back in the small cabin that had been their home for these past days, Ryin had gathered their belongings together. He was anxious to get off the ship and back to his own quarters. He was also anxious to see Obi-Wan again, but Taash meant to make sure that Obi-Wan was well before he allowed Ryin to go to him. If he knew Kenobi, assuming he had returned from Naboo, his friend was most likely hiding from his feelings. Hiding from anything and anyone that might help him deal with what had happened.
"Ryin, once we land, I want you to take the bags to our quarters. I'd like to see if I can find Obi-Wan. I hope he's returned home by now."
"Yes, Master. Will you tell him that I'm sorry about Master Qui-Gon."
"I will. And I'm sure he'll want to see you soon. But right now, we don't want to crowd him."
"Yes, Master," the boy replied sadly. He looked up at his master as he felt the floor of the large vessel vibrate under his feet as the ship touched down. Together they left the room and departed the transport.
Five days after they'd returned home, Taash thought it okay that Ryin visit with Obi-Wan. It was now just short of two weeks since Qui-Gon's death. Ryin's mood had improved somewhat since returning from the mission, but he was still more reserved than usual. He'd been waiting anxiously for a chance to see Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan was sitting alone on one of the hidden balconies of the outside observation deck that overlooked the heart of the city below. From past experience, Taash had known to look there when his friend was nowhere else to be found. He sat with his eyes closed and Taash could feel him reaching out to the Force. Seeking comfort. Putting a hand on Ryin's shoulder, Taash signaled for him to not approach just yet.
"Let's not disturb him at the moment. He needs this connection with the Force."
Kenobi, however had already felt their presence as he opened his eyes and turned his head towards them. A small smile was offered. Ryin walked towards him. As he got closer, his steps quickened. He hesitated as he came closer, and then stopped when he stood in front the former padawan.
His voice was quiet as he spoke. "Hi, Obi-Wan."
"Hi, Ryin."
Without warning, Ryin threw his arms around Obi-Wan's neck. "I'm sorry about Master Qui-Gon." His words were muffled against Obi-Wan's shoulder, but clear enough to be understood. "I miss him."
"I miss him too," Obi-Wan said as he held Ryin away after a moment.
New tears came to the younger Jedi's eyes as he heard the heartbreak in the other's tone. "Your braid is gone," Ryin noted sadly.
Habit forced Obi-Wan to reach a hand to where his braid had once been. Where he had worn it so proudly for the twelve years he'd spent at Qui-Gon's side. "Yes. But yours had grown quite a bit in the last two years. Taash tells me what a fine apprentice you've become."
Ryin smiled as he remembered his master's words of pride expressed to him after their most recent mission. And he knew that Obi-Wan was trying to redirect the sorrow they both felt into something more positive. "He's a good master. Just like Master Qui-Gon was."
"He was..." the words came painfully. "He was a very good master. I'll always remember him."
"Just like Master Taash remembers his master."
"Yes. In much the same way."
"I was trying the deep meditation that he taught me," he began, sounding slightly desperate. "I tried it on the way home from our mission, because I wasn't sleeping very well after I heard about Master Qui-Gon. And I was worried about you. But I couldn't do it. When I tried to meditate, all I thought about was him. And it just made me feel worse than I already did. What if I can't do it anymore? What if all that time Master Qui-Gon spent with me...I have to remember what he taught me. I have to learn from it."
Obi-Wan put a hand on the padawan's arm in an effort to slow the words that were rushing from his mouth. "You'll learn from it, Ryin. It will stay with you forever. And one day you'll pass those teachings on to an apprentice of your own."
"Like you are doing now with your apprentice?"
The innocent mention of Anakin made Kenobi flinch. There was so much uncertainty and confusion surrounding the so-called Chosen One. That, in addition to the pain of losing Qui-Gon and promising to train Anakin was all weighing heavily on the newly turned Jedi Master. But Obi-Wan knew that Ryin only meant well. He was not intending to further the burden. Ryin did not know of the anger that he sometimes felt towards his new apprentice. Nor was he aware of the anger that the sandy-haired boy possessed within himself.
"Yes, Ryin. As I am doing with Anakin. I will teach him all that Qui-Gon taught me."
The morning was getting late and Taash needed to move his padawan along. They had a full schedule of training today. He'd been observing how Ryin handled his interaction with Obi-Wan. Again, he felt pride for his student in the way he'd dealt with the situation. He approached the pair who now stood together watching the hundreds of ships glide through the Coruscant skies. "Obi-Wan."
Both Jedi turned around. Taash was surprised when his friend stepped forward and greeted him a brief embrace. "Hi Taash. I was wondering when you'd make your way over here."
"I thought I'd let Ryin talk to you for a bit. He's been concerned."
Obi-Wan ruffled the boy's short, ginger hair. "And I appreciate that. From both of you. It means a great deal to me. Qui-Gon..." he paused to catch his voice. Even the mention of the man's name was still painful. "Qui-Gon was very fond of you, Ryin. He told me several times how much he could see the Force working between you two. And he was glad, Taash, that you found someone to help you move on from Master Kem's death. He always enjoyed the time he got to spend with both of you." He stopped to focus. To breathe deeply. It was all still too easy to get emotional over the loss.
Knowing it was time to move on, Taash motioned to his padawan. "Ryin, we've got to get your training in today. And I think Obi-Wan has things he needs to do. Come on."
"Yes, Master. Obi-Wan, will you be okay?"
"I think so. Thank you, Ryin for coming to see me. I've missed you."
"I've missed you too. Maybe I can meet your apprentice soon. We can have dinner or something."
With a sad smile, Obi-Wan acknowledged him. "Maybe so." He reached down and wrapped Ryin in a warm embrace and then grasped Taash's hand for a long moment. "I'll see you both soon."
Obi-Wan returned to his place on the bench. Once more he closed his eyes and reached for the Force. Behind him he heard the retreating footsteps of Taash and Ryin. Despite having Anakin in his life now, this short visit with this dear friends had reinforced to Obi-Wan just how alone he truly was. Alone in the battle he would face to keep his final promise to his beloved teacher.
Master and apprentice walked toward the sparring gym. Ryin's mood seemed a bit lighter now. He was happy to have had the chance to talk to Obi-Wan.
"Master, we need to make sure that Obi-Wan knows that he doesn't have to be alone. You told me before how alone you felt when your master died. We have to help Obi-Wan."
"We will, Padawan. But for now, lets give him some time to get used to his new life. A lot has changed for him in the last couple of weeks. We have to respect that. But don't worry. I don't intend to let him go through any of this alone."
Ryin smiled. Brighter than he had in a long time.
"Good. Now, I think you and I need a tough and tiring workout. It might even help you sleep better tonight. It will definitely help us to rid ourselves of some of this stress. You ready?"
"Yes, Master. I am."
"Let's go."
With thoughts of Obi-Wan in the back of their minds, Taash and Ryin hoped they could quickly work back into their regular daily routine. And in doing so, making promises to each other and to themselves that they would never forget their friend, Qui-Gon Jinn.
END