A/N: My first Gundam Wing fic. A 1+2 shonen-ai songfic, filled with angsty goodness.
I thought I really wanted it this way
I thought I really meant the words that I said
I had so many reasons in my head
But all I really wanted was a little time and space
All that was just a face
Heero lay staring at the ceiling in his room. Duo was gone. Out of his life. Well, more like out of his reach. He still saw Duo all the time, but the ohter pilot no longer talked to him, whenever he was aroud Duo always became cold and distant, speaking only to him if it was absolutely necessary. And it was all Heero's fault. He'd thought it would be the best for both of them if he left. Duo could find someone else and Heero could go back to being the perfect, emotionless soldier. But the weeks apart hadn't gotten rid of the dull aching in his heart whenever he saw Duo. He'd wake up in the middle of the night, forgetting for a moment that Duo was gone. Then he'd look down at the pillow that he was holding so tightly and his thoughts would be flung back to that night five weeks ago.
//Flashback//
Heero heard the door slam, announcing Duo's arrival at the safehouse. He shutdown his laptop, steeling himself for what he knew he had to do.
It's now or never Yuy, you can't go on like this. It's a danger to both of you and to the missions Despite that thought, he was dreading what he was going to do.
He heard Duo's footsteps coming towards the room they shared and a minute later the door was flung open and Heero was grabbed from behind.
Hey Hee-chan! Didya miss me?' Duo laughed, pulling Heero up and kissing him. Heero relaxed into the kiss, cherishing what he knew would be their last, then abrubtly tensed and pulled away.
Duo's eyes betrayed his confusion. What's wrong Heero?'
We have to end this Duo'
What?'
We've got to stop this'
W-why?' Duo asked, his eyes filling with tears. Why Heero? What did I do?'
Heero turned and picked up his laptop and bags. It's better this way' he said It's too risky for us to be together. We need to think about the missions.'
Fuck the bloody missions Heero! I love you! I need you!'
I'm sorry Duo'
Duo seemed to collapse into himself, sitting down suddenly on the floor. No, Heero-please don'go' tears were falling freely down his face now, and Heero had to use every inch of discipline that he'd had drilled into him over the years to stop from going over and comforting Duo. Instead he simply turned and walked to the door. Pausing he turned slightly.
Goodbye Duo.'
And walked out of the other pilots life.
//End Flashback//
He'd never really wanted to do that, and now he wondered if he could ever have Duo back.
Now it's an empty room without you,
Without you, it's an empty room,
To come home to, to come home to,
It's an empty room without you, without you,
And this empty room just isn't home,
Isn't home without you.
Damn it all, damn it all to hell!' Heero said, kicking his bed. They'd just got back from a mission and he was sore, tired and hungry. And he missed Duo. Coming back only reminded him of past missions, where both of them would come back together, and they'd spend the night either screwing like rabbits or just enjoying eachother's company. That wasn't going to happen though, it was never going to happen again, and Heero wished that he could get that through to his heart. No matter how often he tried to put memories of his times with Duo out of his head, they'd always come flying back. He'd hear Duo talking to one of the other pilots, see him at dinner, or just remember one of the many things about Duo that he loved.
I need him here. Everything's so empty without him.
Well I guess I'm out of sorts
Yeah I must have been completely out of my head
Cause I feel like a stranger in my own bed
And all the walls and ornaments
They seem to offend me
Won't you forgive me
I can't stand this room. I must have been crazy to want to leave you. Everything felt wrong to Heero now that Duo was gone. He'd reach for Duo at night, then pull back, remembering that he wasn't there, he'd wake up and think that he must be in someone elses room. If he was in his then where was Duo? Even after five weeks he still expected to see him come bouncing through the door. He looked around the room, it seemed too bare. He wanted to see the pile of clothes on the floor from where Duo had thrown him, need the other pilots touch. A tear fell slowly down his cheek.
He was a baka, but he was my baka. I need him back. Heero got up dertminedly, heading for Duo's room, where he knew the braided pilot was now.
He paused in front of the door, hand raised to knock. Heero took a deep breath, feeling like he had when he'd broken up with Duo. This is different though, this time I'm asking him to forgive me. I only hope he can He knocked twice.
Just a sec' Duo's voice was muffled, it sounded like he was already in bed. The door opened and Duo stood framed in the light from the corridor. Wearing nothing but his black silk boxers. Heero's heart leapt at the sight, and his throat seemed to seize up.
Heero.' Duo said coldly
Duo-'Heero croaked out I-I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking back then. I-I-I love you. P-please forgive me-'
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