I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Cartman, I'm Your Boyfriend!
by cell12

Part 1

Kyle looked at the still form of Eric Cartman as he lay upon the hospital bed. He looked so quiet and still, almost peaceful, as he lay - covered only by the thin hospital sheet. Despite knowing that Cartman deserved everything that had happened to him, Kyle couldn't help but feel guilty. He had been the one who had resorted to violence. No, Cartman had pushed him to violence.

2 Weeks Earlier

It had been a fairly normal day for the town of South Park, the early summer weather was making everything seem so fresh and alive. Friday's were always a good day - whether you were at work or at school the week-end was always eagerly anticipated. It was a this fateful Friday that a teenage Kyle Broflovski had chosen to make his announcement.

After the home-room teacher had finished taking the register - Kyle had stood up and asked if he could speak to the class. Mr Garrison had waved Kyle on like he didn't give a shit and Kyle had taken that as permission.

Kyle had taken a deep breath and announced to the room, "I'm gay."

There was stunned silence for a few seconds and Kyle knew to let the news sink in, "I'm the same person and I'm OK with who I am. I don't want to be treated any differently."

Wendy Testaburger interrupted him with a question, "Have you told your parents yet?"

Kyle flashed her a smile, "I told my parents a couple of weeks ago," he raised his hand up to pre-empt a follow up question, "they were pretty OK about it. I told my closest friends a few days later."

Wendy cast Stan a 'why didn't you tell me' look. He just shrugged his shoulders.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Clyde asked.

"No," Kyle smirked, "Are you interested?" he said this to tease Clyde knowing full well that he was dating Bebe right now.

Clyde wilted under the laughs and a fierce glare from his girlfriend.

Sitting at his desk a few rows away was Eric Cartman, the fat-ass, the Hitler-loving jerk who made Kyle's life a misery on a daily basis. To all outward appearances he was bored to tears with the mornings surprise news but inside he was quietly seething. The sneaky Jew-rat had openly told everyone in class that his closest friends already knew about him being gay. Eric hadn't known, he had not been told anything, not even second hand from Kenny. How could he rip on the daywalker for this without everyone knowing that he wasn't considered one of Kyle's friends. He would look like a tool, a desperate kid who hung out with guys who didn't really want him there. A looser with no friends. And Kyle had probably planned it this way. The kike had probably worked out that he would have no options other than to quietly act like he knew all along and didn't have a problem with it.

Mr Garrison interrupted the questions flying at Kyle with his usual apathetic sarcasm, "Kyle if you've finished with your impromptue gay Q&A, then can I please have a quiet few minutes before the bell goes." Just as he finished speaking the bell rang, "Fuck," the teacher could be seen muttering under his breath.

Cartman somehow managed to keep his rage in check all day. He was polite to the teachers, respectful to the other students and he even managed to appear friendly to his three so-called friends. He cheerfully acted like nothing had happened - like they hadn't excluded him from their lives, again.

The day came to an end and everyone was glad when the final bell went. For Kyle, however, his tension had been building up all day. Why hadn't the Fat-ass said anything? Was he planning something truly horrible?

Kyle waited until they were walking home before he confronted the larger boy. It was just the two of them, Stan was at football practice and Kenny was either dead or hitting on some chick, "Aren't you going to rip on me, Fat-ass?"

Cartman paused and feigned surprise, "About what Jew?"

"Me being gay," Kyle turned and pushed himself up into Cartman's personal space.

Cartman looked down into Kyle's green eyes, "And why should I do that, Kahl?"

Kyle was steaming, "I've just come out to the whole class and you haven't said anything."

Cartman shrugged his shoulders, "I thought that you would like that."

Kyle stepped back - was Cartman behaving like a decent human being for once. No, it was Eric Cartman - ass-hole extraordinaire - he was incapable of kindness and decency.

"I think you're going to get plenty of insults and hate without me adding to it Kahl," Cartman paused - thinking quickly, "and besides, you've made it too easy."

Kyle looked confused, "Easy?"

"Yes, I've decided that you are no longer worth the effort," Cartman moved past Kyle to continue on his way home. He didn't even glance at the Jewish boy.

Kyle started to follow, seething he murmured under his breath, "Fat-ass."

Cartman heard the comment and turned back to face Kyle, "Unless."

"What?" Kyle braced himself for an expected homophobic barrage.

Cartman smirked, "You want me to insult you, in fact I think you like it - perhaps a little too much."

Kyle was stunned - this was not what he was expecting, "What are you saying fat boy?" He managed to splutter.

Cartman pushed himself into Kyle's face - his breath still warm as it hit the smaller boy's eyes, "What I'm saying is that you get a thrill off arguing with me."

Kyle was too stunned to speak so Cartman continued, "I wouldn't be surprised if you jerked off tonight while replaying this conversation in your head. You've always been a freak, Jew, but I guess now I know how much of a pervert you really are."

Kyle screamed and tried to jump at Cartman and bring him down but the years had been kinder to his enemy, who was now more than a head taller - with far more muscle and bulk. "I'll kill you Fat-ass," Kyle raged.

Cartman appeared unaffected by the Jew's assault, he just placed one hand onto Kyle's shoulder and pushed. The smaller boy was sent sprawling into the snow a few feet away.

Cartman knew he was winning and he decided to push Kyle even further, "Remember those haiku's you made up to insult me? Well I've thought up a fun rhyme about you Kahl - because I'm such a good friend." Cartman paused - a shit-eating grin on his face, "Kahl the kinky kike, you can never tell just what, weird sex shit he'll like."

Kyle's fists gripped into the snow, he hated Cartman so much right now that he could barely think.

"Do you like it Kahl? I sure do. In fact I like it so much that I think I''ll share it with all my friends - and by friends I mean everyone at school." Cartman tilted his head and smiled, "You know, I think it's so good that it might even make the morning announcements."

Kyle gathered himself and charged, screaming, at the larger boy. This time he kept low and hit Cartman's legs sending the Fat-ass tumbling over. Kyle's eyes were tight-shut so when he heard the screech of breaks and a thud he was shocked. Finally opening his eyes he saw his enemy draped across the bumper of a grey sedan. What had he done?