I kept my eyes on the road, seated in my small black car headed to another world meeting, taking place in Warsaw, Poland. I was a bit irritated because of the location... Oh how I hate that cross dressing idiot...

I was at least an hour away from the capital, however, and my patience was already going past it's breaking point from all of this damn traffic. Seriously, how many people live in Poland?!

After a while of just listening to the rumble of cars, I began to grow even more irritated and looked down at the iPod mini my big brother gave to me a few years ago as a birthday present. I might as well put on a few songs, that might put me in a better mood. I selected one of my favorite songs, Alphabet Aerobics by Blackalicious.

Yes, I like rap. Surprised? Well, if you actually knew me, then you shouldn't be surprised. I like rap music. And looking at the stars. And cardboard.

As the music began playing, I took a breath to sing along.

"Artificial amateurs, aren't at all amazing

Analytically, I assault, animate things

Broken barriers bounded by the bomb heat

Buildings are broken, basically I'm bombarding,"

I sang along as best as I could, trying to keep up with pace without stumbling on the words. It may look easy, but trying to do it to the rythym, to the speed, and the pace, is actually a lot harder than it looks.

"Casually create catastrophes, casualties

Cancelling cats got their canopies collapsing

Detonate a dime by- uh..."

I lost track for a moment, having stumbled on the words. I told you, this song was hard.

I rolled down the windows because it was getting a bit hot in here and I cranked up the music so I could hear it over the whipping wind that was blowing through my hair. I listened to the song for a few seconds then resumed once I had caught on-

"Hit him high, hella height, historical

Hey Holocaust hints hear 'em holler at your homeboy

Imitators idolize, I intimidate

In an instant, I'll rise in an irate state,"

As I drove, I thought back to the days when Ukraine would be driving us to the meeting, because she didn't trust Vanya to drive with all of that vodka in his system and I myself wasn't too fond of cars back then. She would always put on some loud, popular American music and smile at us as she tried to sing along. It was always so hilarious, when she didn't understand the words so she would replace them with funny ones, like,

"It's the eye of the tiger, the frills of the flight,

Risin' up to the challenge of our rumbles!"

I had learned a while ago those were not the actual lyrics, but I didn't ever bother to correct Yekaterina, I thought it was very funny. It got kind of annoying after a while, though. However Eye of the Tiger is still one of my favorite songs.

"Let me live a long life, lyrically lesson is

Learned lame louses just lose to my livery

My mind makes marvelous moves, masses

Marvel and move, many mock what I've mastered,"

Yekaterina has such a deep voice when she sings it only makes things funnier. I think I have a video on my phone of her attempting to sing I'm Bad by Michael Jackson.

I lost track of the song once again as I switched onto a faster lane, adjusting my bow which was almost blown away by the wind.

"Perfect poem, powerful punchlines

Pummeling petty powder puffs in my prime,"

I thought about my own singing voice. It is very good. Or, at least, Russia and Ukraine don't burst into fits of giggles when they hear me singing, like we do to that cat shit Lithuania, and to Ukraine.

I finished singing the song, and my iPod automatically started playing the next song on my playlist.

"Sweet dreams are made of this

Who am I to

Disagree?

I travel the world

And the seven seas,

Everybody's

Looking for something,"

I forgot I even had that song...

That was Yekaterina's favorite song. I don't remember why she liked it, she just did.

"Some of them want to use you,

Some of them want to be used by you,

Some of them want to abuse you,

Some of them want to be abused,"

Abused... I hated that word. So many memories. It was depressing for me to think about. Just hearing the word made my stomach drop and my heart beat fast.

When I was young, only a few decades after being formed, I was sent to live with The Bad Man. I called him The Bad Man because I could never pronounce his name properly. I had only lived at his house for maybe six months, but the memory of him was sharp in my mind.

Anyways, the Bad Man made me work outside, bare footed. I got cuts and bruises and the bottom of my feet were swollen. The wounds became infected and I got sick. The Bad Man would hit me very hard. I still have the bruises on my neck. I always cried myself to sleep and I thought I would never be free.

But one day, big brother came to my house. The last time I saw him, he had not been much older than I, but he seemed to have suddenly aged ten years in only a few months. It kind of reminds me of America, but different.

When brother Russia can me to my house that day, he looked very mad and told me to go outside and he would deal with The Bad Man. Vanya was very angry, he was emitting a dark aura that scares me and be kept glowering at The Bad Man. That was the first, and last, time I had seen Vanya like that.

The Bad Man tried to stop me from leaving. And he almost whipped me again, but big brother attacked him with a pipe. I ran outside like he told me to and later Vanya came out smiling and he took me home. I never wondered what happened to The Bad Man, but...

Now that I think of it, nobody really ever saw The Bad Man again...Eh. Whatever.

The song finished playing and I picked up my iPod and selected a new one, Rap God by Eminem.

I sang as best as I could and got lost in my own thoughts. I wonder if big brother will let me sit next to him today? I would like that very much. I don't want to sit next to that annoying Italy again. He was too talkative for his own good. But his brother is alright. He's kind of snappy to everybody else, but he's nice to me and my friend Liechtenstein, and Ukraine. And Hungary. And basically all of the girls. But he is kinda scared of me. Haha.

After a while, I finally arrived at the meeting. I parked my car and got out only to hear a voice say,

"You have a good singing voice, Bel!"

I turned to see that annoying America. I looked at his car and realized that it had been the one right next to me that last twenty minutes of the trip. He must have heard me singing...

I turned away from his annoying happy face and rushed into the building, wanting to get a seat next to big brother. When I got there, though, that stupid Chinese man was sitting on his left and that little cat shit Lithuania was on his right!

"That's my seat," I informed the Chinese one. He gave me a strange look but I gave him a threatening one. I wasn't going to tell him twice. Maybe I did my job a little too well, because he whimpered and scrambled out of the chair.

I smiled and plopped down next to Vanya, hugging his arm and saying,

"Good morning, brother Russia!"

"H-Hello Belarus," Big brother said nervously, sweat dripping down his forehead. I frowned. What, he wasn't happy to see me?

"Guess what I did, Nii-San?" I asked, smiling again.

"Um..."

"I made you lunch!" I held up a plastic container, which had a ham sandwhich inside, a potato salad, and some chocolate cake that I had added vodka into it. I might have overdone the vodka, though, because the cake looked a bit too moist...But besides that it looked good! I had spent all morning icing it perfectly in his favorite color, purple. I even did a pink accent to match his scarf!

"Oh...Um, th-thank you B-Belarus," Vanya said, giving the box a fearful look. I handed it to him but he didn't take it. I frowned. I spent all morning on that! Doesn't he know how hard I try? I even asked that stupid cross dresser for advice on the cake, do you know how hard it is to talk to him?

"Take it, Vanya!"

"I...Um..."

Now that hurt. It really hurt. It's not like I poisoned it or anything! Doesn't he know how hard I worked on this? I could have been reading that book, um, what was it called with this child of that ocean God that goes on some sort of quest with a goat and some girl...? Eh. I could have been reading that instead of making him a lunch!

I sighed and shoved the homemade lunch into his chest. Well, he was gonna eat it no matter what, I'm not letting good food go to waste. Vanya shook his head, looking at me with fear.

"Take it," I said forcefully. Vanya whimpered but did as he was told. I smiled and snuggled up to him. It was cold in here, but big brother was very warm. I enjoyed the split second I had against his warmth before he jerked his arm away from me, looking terrified.

I was very much used to this treatment, but for some reason it really stung me today. I looked up at him, but he wasn't even looking at me!

I turned away and walked over to Italy. As much as I hate to do it, I need some advice on how to get somebody to like you, and he seemed rather skilled when it came to the ladies.

"You!" I said loudly, pointing a finger at him and marching over. I remembered his other name apart from his brother's so I said loudly still,

"Hey! Veneziano!"

Veniziano gave me a terrified look and hid behind his blonde friend, what was his name?...Doesn't matter now. I strode over to Italy and picked him up by the collar so he wouldn't run away. I needed his advice, and I needed it now!

"Tell me something! How do I-" I began, but his blonde friend wrenched him from my hands and yanked him away from me, giving me a strange look. I just sighed and shrugged. Well, who else could I ask?...Well, there was France. I could ask him!

I strode over to France, the importance of my mission causing me to walk faster towards him. He looked up from his conversation with that albino man, the sort-of-cute one that acted like a fool and a dork, saw me, and freaked out, and backed away, falling over in the process.

"You!" I said, jabbing a finger in his direction. "Tell me-"

"Please don't kill me! I'll do anything! Anything!" He begged, cowering under the table.

What? What is he talking about? I wasn't going to kill him! I just wanted to ask him a damn question!

I looked around for somebody else to ask and saw everybody recoil when I cast my glance over at them. I stood there, feeling horrible. Why was everybody looking at me like that? Did I have another zit on my nose?

I looked at all of the fear in their eyes.

Fear?

I felt like screaming. Why were they all afraid of me? I let out a frustrated growl that caused others to leap back in fright. I stormed out of the meeting room, and into the bathroom, where I locked the door and sank to the ground.

That is when I stated crying. It's been a very long time since I last cried. I don't cry much. It's weak.

But today I felt the need to let the tears flow. So I let them.

I'm tired of everybody being scared of me. I don't try to be scary. Or do I? I must admit, I get a bit territorial when it comes to my big brother, but...

Am I really just a scary freak? Am I only viewed as an obsessed fangirl to Russia?

One could say I always had a knife in my hand, and that was a reason to be scared, but I only carry one around to defend myself! I just let the others get a nice good glimpse at it so that they know if it's a fight they want, then I'm prepared.

I buried my face in my hands. Maybe I just was really scary. What's my point of existence now that I realize that? People will think I am scary and stay away from me, and I will be very lonely. Eventually Vanya will get tired of me and find a way to keep me away from him. Then I will truly be lonely. I won't have anybody to laugh with, to cry with, to share triumphs with, or anything like that.

My life sucks, and I hate it. I felt like just going home so I could crawl under a rock and die, but there was a knock on the door and a voice said,

"Bel? Are you alright?"

I was wrong. I was not their completely alone. I forgot about one person. I opened the door and looked down at the younger nation, forcing my face into a smile.

"Hey Lili."

"Hello, Natalia!"

I forgot about Liechtenstein. Even if sometimes she was a bit annoying, she was always there to listen to my ranting of how Vanya doing should pay more attention to me.

She was like me in a way. She loves her big brother a lot, like me. We are very good friends, and while sometimes she can be a little scared of me, she's still there for me.

"You have been in there for a while, so I came to check on you."

"Thanks."

There was silence for a few minutes before Liechtenstein said,

"Why were you crying?"

I pondered on how to answer for a few minutes while Lili waited patiently for my answer. Finally, I asked,

"Do you think there is a point to my existence?"

Lili looked surprised.

"Of course I do!" She said. I was shocked. That wasn't the answer I was expecting.

"You have several reasons to live! Your big brother may be a bit, um, frightened of you, but that doesn't he mean he doesn't love you!" Liechtenstein said, looking up at me with wide eyes. "And think about your country! You weren't going to commit suicide, were you?!"

"I wasn't," I said, sinking to the floor; Liechtenstein did the same, staring at me.

"Please tell me what is the point of my existence." I asked, looking at her.

"Well, like I said, your brother loves you, and so does your sister. I bet there's a lot of people who will miss you if you were to go away ," Lili told me. "And you have to stay alive for your country. They value your life."

That, and their lives sorta depend on me, I thought.

"And maybe in the future something good will happen, and make your existsence more important." Lili smiled. "Lithuania and I will miss you very much. Big brother likes training with you."

"He can't hold a knife to save his life," I smiled back.

"And you can't shoot a gun without shooting yourself in the bun," Lili teased. I laughed and I realized that maybe I had something to live for, even if it was small and almost next to nothing. I wasn't sure what it was yet, but...

"That," Lili the said, "And you have a few admirers."

"Me?" I asked. She nodded.

"Your pretty, but, uh...Well, your pretty! But you get kinda scary."

"I'll work on that." I laughed, smiling. She's one of the few people who can make smile or laugh, even if it's fake. She's so small and innocent and depends on her big brother...

She reminds me of me...

Liechtenstein smiled and took my hand and began pulling me to the meeting room.

"Come on, the meeting is waiting for you!"

I followed one of my only friends into the meeting room and as I walked in, I looked at all of the people waiting and realized maybe there was a point for me existing. I had friends. America, even if he was annoying. That cat shit doesn't count for much, but he's something, right? Liechtenstein was my close friend. Hungary was okay, we sometimes trained together. I spent some time with target practice with Switzerland, a result of me going over to Liechtenstein's house a lot.

I smiled, and I didn't care if the others flinched at it's slight creepiness.

I did have a point in existing.

And it wasn't just Vanya.