Outlawed Pranking on the NX-01
By Keiji-Munch
Chappie 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Enterprise. I am imposing my character on this verse, though. These pranks are no longer allowed. We will keep a running list here. I'd like to thank Augusta for some ideas. You're welcome to add your own too.
When you spend several months with the same people on a starship you have to do something…
Do not put ink in senoir officers' drinks
T'pol's mouth still glows blue. It is rather obvious when she wants to speak. She has been planning to get Trip back for that one, even though Vulcans do not believe in revenge.
Putting small incendiary rounds in cups is highly dangerous
Lt Emily Ellesworth frowned. That was her favorite prank.
Malcolm wasn't much happier. Guess they're going to have to find something nonincendiary. That might be doable.
Whopee cusions…just don't go there
Archer is still trying to find the one in his bridge chair. The bridge officers cannot keep a straight face when the Captain makes his apperance. It's as equally as difficult to cunduct serious negotiations.
Custards and crème pies are not to become projectiles
Chef weaps when his food is used for such infatile events. It's definitely not pretty. Believe me. Sorry Hoshi, no more throwing food at the pigs of this ship.
There will be no crimescene tape allowed on this ship again
Lieutenant Ellesworth is tired of not being able to get into her ballistics lab Malcolm. Yes I know it's you because you're the only one on board that has access to the stuff.
The enviromental controls are strictly off limits to any unquallified officers.
I don't care how much you enjoy ice skateing.
Turning the hallways into a slip 'n' slide can land you on KP Duty for a week
Travis found out that if you plug up the sinks in the men's bathroom the corridor outside became a wonderful place to body surf very quickly…but it didn't drain as quickly.
Denobulan pepper is no longer considered an appropriate condiment.
Dr. Phlox thought he'd be nice and offer a replacement when the pepper at the captain's table ran out. The Captain and Trip swear they still can't taste anything and it's been two weeks.
Horror movies are no longer to be viewed right before overnight away missions.
T'pol will no longer deal with screaming Ensigns. Commander Tucker needs to stop hiding in the forests and jumping out at them. It is totally irrational.
Insulting Malcolm's heritage is a really bad idea.
Malcolm carries a phase pistol on him at all times. He also has fast access to a number of martial arts, photon torpedoes, torpedoes, phase cannons, and plasma rifles. Lest we not add incendiary devices as previously mentioned.
Cheesy pick-up lines involving angels that are directed at
Lieutenant Ellesworth is another bad idea.
Lieutenant Ellesworth has all the toys and abilities that Malcolm does except that she can go holier-than-thou on your ass. Her holy hand can be quite troturous.
Gremlins is not just a movie.
Some of the Engineers decided that Hoshi's rabbit that she brought back from a planet needed a bath. The bloody thing starting eating warp plasma.
Stay away from strange leaves.
If it looks like a leaf but smells funny or moves leave it be. Cammander Tucker is tired of taking them out of the ventillation ducts.
Don't feed the Tribble.
It will reproduce exponentially. You won't be able to force enough of them out an air hatch to recover. Phlox hates letting his bat loose to take care of said pranks.
Don't paper Engineering.
Commander tucker will find you. He will make you clean it up. He will make you scrub plarma conduits for three weeks straight.