Grey Matter
Sad CCS fic. A look into Sakura's mind.
CCS does not belong to me, even if I were to attack it with my evil puppets...sigh...
Sakura POV...
~
I lay on my bed, staring up at the seemingly blank ceiling. I have allowed yet another day to pass without revealing
the way I feel inside. Even though I put up a cheerful exterior, I must silently admit to myself, day after day,
that I am not truly happy. Certainly the contrary. The secrets I hide deep within myself make the magical disasters
and frivolous adventures pale in comparison. Yet somehow I know that I will never really find the courage to open
up the feelings that I have to anyone. Not even Syaoran, or Tomoyo, or onii-chan.
The world looks grey to me, but this is a familiar thought. Maybe to some artist. An artist who paints a picture
of despair within my mind. This artist is a cruel, cruel person, to alter my thoughts into a twisted picture of
grim reality.
I cannot breath, and the knowledge that I have causes my chest to tighten. The realization of some things paints a vivid
picture of what's real. I mentally hit myself, knowing that I am not causing just myself pain, but also Syaoran. He has
already confessed his love for me, and with what did I repay him? Nothing. I hid my interior. All I can do right now is
interrogate myself - why didn't I see it before? I could make my life better, I could open up to someone. He could be
my tree. But yet I know that I will never discover a courage strong enough to take a chance, take a risk. So I find myself
in a cold, cold place. The only thing I can see for miles and miles is grey matter.
I am drowning. Drowning in a sea of indifference, calling out to a savior - but no one's there. Only the rhythmic, angry
pulse of the water I am drowning in is able to comprehend me, and even then it is no comfort. For what is the water?
It is a flow. So eventually, the current will sweep my thoughts away, and then what will I be? Grey matter. A mass without
feeling.
I sigh inwardly, knowing that I must suffer more days, drowning, falling, and never dying. Never will my pain end. Only
the same world will greet me. Since I have long lost all hope of becoming successful, I can only hope to become a corpse,
or better yet, a ghost. I want to die, but I must suffer always, in my private hell. There is no use asking why, but I
will live here forever, knowing that my despairs are to cling to me. My punishment for ignorance is to live forever in
my own
private
hell.
~
Short, sweet, to the point.
R/R!
PK
Sad CCS fic. A look into Sakura's mind.
CCS does not belong to me, even if I were to attack it with my evil puppets...sigh...
Sakura POV...
~
I lay on my bed, staring up at the seemingly blank ceiling. I have allowed yet another day to pass without revealing
the way I feel inside. Even though I put up a cheerful exterior, I must silently admit to myself, day after day,
that I am not truly happy. Certainly the contrary. The secrets I hide deep within myself make the magical disasters
and frivolous adventures pale in comparison. Yet somehow I know that I will never really find the courage to open
up the feelings that I have to anyone. Not even Syaoran, or Tomoyo, or onii-chan.
The world looks grey to me, but this is a familiar thought. Maybe to some artist. An artist who paints a picture
of despair within my mind. This artist is a cruel, cruel person, to alter my thoughts into a twisted picture of
grim reality.
I cannot breath, and the knowledge that I have causes my chest to tighten. The realization of some things paints a vivid
picture of what's real. I mentally hit myself, knowing that I am not causing just myself pain, but also Syaoran. He has
already confessed his love for me, and with what did I repay him? Nothing. I hid my interior. All I can do right now is
interrogate myself - why didn't I see it before? I could make my life better, I could open up to someone. He could be
my tree. But yet I know that I will never discover a courage strong enough to take a chance, take a risk. So I find myself
in a cold, cold place. The only thing I can see for miles and miles is grey matter.
I am drowning. Drowning in a sea of indifference, calling out to a savior - but no one's there. Only the rhythmic, angry
pulse of the water I am drowning in is able to comprehend me, and even then it is no comfort. For what is the water?
It is a flow. So eventually, the current will sweep my thoughts away, and then what will I be? Grey matter. A mass without
feeling.
I sigh inwardly, knowing that I must suffer more days, drowning, falling, and never dying. Never will my pain end. Only
the same world will greet me. Since I have long lost all hope of becoming successful, I can only hope to become a corpse,
or better yet, a ghost. I want to die, but I must suffer always, in my private hell. There is no use asking why, but I
will live here forever, knowing that my despairs are to cling to me. My punishment for ignorance is to live forever in
my own
private
hell.
~
Short, sweet, to the point.
R/R!
PK