Third Time's The Charm
Have you heard the expression, 'things come in threes'? No? Well then, allow Yami to educate you in a most...humorous fashion. Seto fans beware, because he takes a shameful beating. If you don't want to know what happens, we won't think any less of you. {Yami laughs in the background} Well, I won't think any less of you...
Author's Note: I recommend you don't eat while you read this. We don't want you suddenly bursting into laughter and messing up your screen with whatever snack you have there. Also, all the characters have all their perceived negative qualities played up so we can focus on their flaws. It's just a different perspective.
Disclaimer: How many times must I say, Yu-Gi-Oh! is the intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi, and don't forget it!
Rating: T
Chapter One
Seto Kaiba felt on top of the world.
He had just come from a meeting with a stubborn small game shop owner, who had refused to agree to his new orders for product positioning in all stores stocking Kaiba Duelling merchandise. Kaiba's orders were to put the merchandise in the front first shelves where they could be seen upon entering. After all, no one was going to buy what they couldn't see to be tempted by.
But this particular game shop owner had insisted on keeping things his own way, and hadn't returned the mandatory contract sent out by Kaiba Corp. For weeks there had been the same unresolved memo, 'downtown game shop 'Lucky Dice' is yet to return its signed agreement on the new product placement scheme', until it irritated Kaiba enough to go down there in person. If no one could make the owner come around, then he would do it himself. This was how you got business done.
And just now he had left the store, but not after looming over the frail shop owner and threatening to sue the man senseless, down to the dimes in his children's piggy banks. There was of course, the darker undertone hinted in his threat; the fact that he could reach all the way to the man's family was a nasty reminder of what kind of weight Kaiba carried in Domino City. Not to mention the fact that, standing there, he could have literally lifted this man out from behind his counter and sent him flying into the unsold Kaiba Duelling discs that lay stacked against the very back wall of the store.
Walking on the sunny pavement, he noticed his little brother looking up at him admiringly. That's right Mokuba, he thought. Your brother crushes spirit like it's no body's business. Mokuba was well aware that the busy crowds around them parted to make way for the unmissable CEO; the city was pretty much owned by his big brother, and therefore it was his playground. Mokuba skipped to catch up with his nii-san's fast walking pace.
They rounded a corner to reach their waiting limousine, but ahead of Kaiba who should he see but none other than Yugi Moto and Co.
"Bloody nerds," Kaiba muttered.
They were the only people not moving out of his way. How typical. Yugi had his scrawny back turned to him and the others were too busy hanging on the punk's every word to realise that their worst nightmare was coming their way. Well, Yugi would be shoved right out of the way if he didn't move it soon, because frankly, Kaiba would be damned if he was ever made to walk around them.
As Kaiba neared them, he heard Yugi say, "...and then I'll use Kuriboh to create an unstoppable defen-"
A nasal-sounding troll in the form of Tristan Taylor interrupted his idol, "Kuriboh? Haha, that monster's stu-pid!"
"Tristan, suck my Kuribohs." Kaiba did a double take. Since when was the pipsqueak that gutsy? Not to mention that he seemed taller again. Kaiba suspected that Yugi must wish he was somewhere closer to his own height, but was forgetting to put in the heel wedges on his shorter days.
"Haha, you got him there, Yuge!" The Wheeler-mutt was laughing moronically. Jesus, did he know how pathetic he looked, even in front of his thug-buddy Taylor?
Tea broke into girlish throes of amusement, rolling her head back. This finally allowed her to notice the dark shadow towering over them all. Kaiba grinned darkly. That's right, ditz. Someone with real balls has arrived.
"Oh look guys, it's Kaiba."
Yugi made an effort to stifle their giggles. Kaiba was too busy enjoying the effect he assumed his appearance has caused over the group, to notice Yami hiss, "Shh, shh, watch this!"
Kaiba decided to speak, as so to ease their frail nerves for the moment, "Well, if it isn't Yugi..."
Just then, Yami riffled with his deck belt, withdrawing a single card from a pouch separate to his main deck. He let it fall away carelessly from his hand like an old candy wrapper, and it came to rest at his feet. As it fluttered to the ground, Kaiba caught a glance of the card's picture; Slifer The Sky Dragon.
"...Ah," Kaiba was lost. What was just done? Was Yugi loosing brain cells along with height? This was insane. He had just dropped a GOD CARD to the filthy, petrol-blackened, cigarette-littered, gum-caked pavement. And now it was resting there, being flipped over by the forceful rushes of air created by passing traffic. People were bound to step on it soon. That was, unless it didn't fall into the gutter first...
Yami knew that the silent pause was due to his victim's speechlessness. His friends too, were confused. But not for long...Oh, if only Kaiba could see his dark smile at that moment. But Yami had his back turned, and his offending arm extended to his side, still in the position it had been when he dropped his bait. He was waiting.
"Whoops!" Yami timed in perfectly, sounding shocked.
But there were only three words on Kaiba's overloaded mind at that moment; EGYPTIAN-GOD-CARD!
He was dying to snatch up the card, but knew this was totally out of the question. He couldn't just...but, he could. He was Seto Kaiba. Taking from no one but the pavement. There was no harm in just...just clearing the street of litter...very valuable litter. Yes...it was not like Yugi still wanted this card...he would be doing everyone a giant favour by just...taking the goddamn god card already!
Kaiba broke the tension, lunging down wildly to swipe up the card. But immediately his action produced from Yami a terrible reaction. Bending over, Yami did something truly unexpected -and not to mention disgusting- he farted. Loudly. Directly into Kaiba's unshielded face.
But that was not all. We are talking about the king of Egypt here. So of course, it was a king-sized fart. Kaiba was thrown a few feet backwards to land on his behind, skidding back towards Mokuba. The surprise and disgust on his alarmed face was soon replaced by undeniable, cheek-reddening shame. Coughing, he covered his nose, his eyes thinned to angry slits.
"How...Yugi, you sick little bastard!"
Kaiba mustered all the threatening volume in his voice that he could, but it did nothing to end the incredibly loud laughter that Yugi's friends were making. They just couldn't hold themselves together. Kaiba looked over to his side - Mokuba was laughing too.
"Ahahaha! Ahaha!" Seto locked eyes with his brother, "Ha-ha-ha...haa..."
"Shut up, Mokuba."
"Yes, big brother," the boy reverted to his timid state.
Kaiba picked himself up and dusted himself off quickly, having to hold his breath to avoid inhaling the noxious fumes around him. He pushed past Yami, not daring to lower his eyes from their rigid forward stare. Humiliation had an incredibly hard sting for Kaiba, hard enough to make him walk right over the god card he wanted so desperately moments ago. He motioned for his brother to follow, and Mokuba stepped into line soundlessly.
It was only now that Yami went to bend over and retrieve Slifer The Sky Dragon to his belt. He stood to watch the defeated duellist reach his ride. Yami felt proud enough to strike his signature victory pose, and on seeing this, the gang once more erupted into laughter.
Kaiba's hand gripped the limousine door extra hard before he wrenched it open for Mokuba.
To Be Continued...
Note: It is always Yami who is present, but when observed from Kaiba's point of view he only knows Yami as albeit the taller, Yugi.
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