A/N: Alright, this is my first story. Be kind, but also let me know what you think. It may end up being a long one. I'm not 100% sure where it is going right now, buts its definitely going. After reading over what I have so far, its really angsty, but it should calm down later. Hopefully. The story has kind of morphed far away from what I had originally planned. But my new plan is so much better.

WARNINGS for this story: alcoholism/alcohol abuse, self harm, violence, explicit sexual content (between two men obviously), depression. if anyone catches anything else, let me know and I'll throw it up here.

Disclaimer - I do not own the characters, I'm just borrowing them for a bit.

Three polite knocks on the door.

No answer.

More knocking, a little harder this time. More silence.

"Oi, Zoro, we know you're in there! Open up! And answer your goddamn phone!"

Ace was starting to get worried. He hadn't heard anything from Zoro for about four days. None of them had. Its not like he hasn't gone off the radar before, but he would at least shoot someone a text to let them know he's alright, especially if they were texting him. He looked to Nami, "Well I guess we have no choice, get to work." He nods to the lock on the door.

In less than a minute the door is open and the two recoil from the strong smell of alcohol wafting from out of the apartment.

"Oh my god, what's he been doing bathing in it?" Nami scrunched up her nose and moves inside followed closely by Ace. She shouts into the apartment. "Sorry but you left us no choice, don't worry your locks aren't broken. Zoro?"

Littered around the small living area are empty bottles, some still containing liquid, a few seemed to be unopened. Stepping over a few broken bottles on the floor, Ace and Nami make their way over to the apartment's single bedroom and knock lightly on the closed door.

"Zoro? Hey, man, you in there?" Ace slowly tries the doorknob and it turns. The door opens to a sight they weren't quite expecting. Zoro is sprawled over his bed tangled in the sheets laying face down, but it looks like someone is underneath him, trapped.

"Oh, thank god, help me get him off me! He's too heavy, and I can't get him to wake up." There was definitely someone underneath him then. Nami and Ace exchange glances, they'll have to talk about this later.

They shake the man in question and slap at his face, but they get no response. He's out. Ace rolls him off to the side and makes sure he's still breathing, just in case. The small pink haired girl wearing too much makeup who was trapped under the green-haired man turns a dark red shade, dresses, thanks them again, and promptly exits.

Ace looks down at Zoro and shakes his head. "What the fuck man? Well, up you go," he puts his arms under Zoro's and lifts him up with a grunt, half dragging him to the bathroom. Zoro is placed in the bathtub and the shower is turned on, with very cold water. Nami pokes her head around the bathroom door.

"You need any help?"

"Nah, just give him a second, he should come to in-"

"Wha…," Ace is interrupted by incoherent grumbling from the naked man in the bath tub. His eyes crack open a bit and he's acting like his shitty bathroom lights are blinding.

"Good morning, Sunshine."

"He's up?"

"I wouldn't say up… I don't think he's actually all there yet. " More grumbling from Zoro proves Ace's theory. "I don't think we're going to get much more response than this. Can you grab me a towel, Nami?"

Ace turns the icy water off and Nami hands him a towel, "Its hard to tell if anything is clean in here, but here, it looks good enough."

"Thanks. How about you start cleaning up while I move him back to bed? Now that we know he's alive and all."

Drying off a large man who is pretty much dead weight is not an easy task, and not a task Ace would ever like to have to do again, though this is not the first time he's had to douse Zoro with cold water. But it hopefully will be the last.

Getting him as dry as he can, Ace lugs Zoro back over to his bed, drops him on it, and throws a blanket over him. This is definitely the worst they've found him. There have been other occasions when they find him passed out from drinking, but usually it's just in weird places, or he wakes up after some coaxing.

With a frown directed at Zoro, Ace pulls his phone out and sends a text to their friends to let them know Zoro is in fact alive. Then he moves on to cleaning with Nami. It looks like he hasn't cleaned up in quite a while.

About two hours later, the apartment looks decent, at least there's no more broken glass and the bottles have been recycled. They even went so far as to pour out the remaining alcohol left. They were not going to let Zoro near anything intoxicating if they could help it after this. At least not without supervision.

A low drawn out groan ends their cleaning tirade and Nami and Ace look to each other. It seems sleeping beauty is awake. They make their way back to the bedroom to see Zoro rolling over with his hands covering his face.

-:-

"Fuck," Drawing out the word as he turns, Zoro takes his hands off his eyes after hearing footsteps. "The fuck are you guys doing here?"

"The fuck are we doing? What the FUCK have you been doing? We have been trying to reach you for four goddamn days!"

Zoro's face scrunches into confusion. Four days? What day is it? Where'd his phone get to… Oh right he lost it. That's probably why they're so upset. "Oi, sorry guys. I lost my phone."

"Oh really? What is this?" From the doorway, Nami holds up a small rectangular object, squinting his eyes, Zoro can make out that it is indeed his missing phone.

"You found it! Where did you…"

"If you cleaned up once in a while it might not go missing so often… And maybe if you didn't throw a mountain of liquor bottles on top of it you wouldn't forget where you threw it. Yeah, I can tell you threw it, there's a phone shaped dent in the wall near where I found it."

Oh, that's right. That call did not go the way he wanted it to. He's surprised it didn't go through the wall now that he thinks about it. He threw that thing pretty damn hard. Zoro figures its best not to respond. He doesn't want to bring up questions about that. He's not in a sharing mood, especially not for that.

With a sigh, Ace moves closer to the bed and looks at him with an expression that is very difficult to read. What is that… concern, disappointment? Why the fuck would those be appropriate emotions if he just lost his stupid phone for a few days? Another sigh escapes Ace's lips. "What?"

"You really need to do something about this."

"About what?" Losing his phone? Does he want Zoro to glue the damned thing to his body? It's a handy thing to have, but it's not the end of the world if he doesn't have one. He didn't even want one to begin with.

"About your drinking. This is really getting out of hand."

"Ace, not this again. I'm fine. I can handle myself. I'm-"

"No you clearly can't. You were unconscious this morning so I don't expect you to remember what the fuck I had to deal with, but looking around this apartment you should have an idea of how bad this is getting. You had more bottles in here than you do anything else."

Had? What does he mean by had? Zoro hasn't cleaned up in over a week at least…"Wait, had?"

"Yes idiot, had. Past tense. We cleaned up in here; you can actually see the flat surfaces now. All the bottles are gone."

Worry starts to seep into Zoro's brain. He needs those. "What do you mean all the bottles are gone?"

"It means they're gone, Zoro. No more alcohol in this apartment. We're cleaning you up." Nami looks at him with, what, pity? Oh hell no. He rips back the blankets, uncaring that Nami sees his nakedness, she probably saw her fair share this morning going by what Ace mentioned earlier. Going to his drawers he grabs the first pair of pants he finds since nothing is easily within reach on the floor anymore, the fuckers. Pulling a shirt over his head, Zoro storms out of his room, grabs his wallet and keys and heads for the front door.

"Zoro! Where are you going? Get back here! We still need to talk to you!" Nami runs after him and grabs his arm in an attempt to stop him, a weak attempt if you ask Zoro. Her hand can barely make it halfway around his arm. He rips his arm out of her grip and turns enough to glare at the two of them.

"Fuck you guys." He rips open the front door and slams it hard enough to rattle the walls; he thinks he hears something fall off the wall. Whatever. He's doesn't need this. What the fuck do they know? Walking down the sidewalk, he realizes he should have grabbed a jacket. It's a little cold even for him. He walks into the first bar he comes across. He knows there is a closer bar, but he can never find it.

-:-

"Fuck you guys." SLAM. One of the few pictures Zoro has hanging on his walls falls and the glass shatters.

Ace stares at the closed door while Nami silently walks over to the picture and picks it up. It's a picture of the beginnings of their crew from a while back. They all look so young. This was probably 5 years ago when Zoro first moved here. They threw a little party once Ace's brother insisted that he's their friend; it was just Zoro, Nami, Ace, and his brother Luffy. They never got a whole lot of information on him from before they met, but she supposes that not that big of a deal. He must have moved away for a reason. She never even noticed he had hung this up. A sad smile tugs at her lips.

Zoro has had somewhat of a problem with alcohol for a while, but its just been getting worse. They all just thought he liked to drink at first, and yeah that's part of it he does genuinely like the taste, but there is definitely more to it than that now. They're really starting to worry about him. Nami and Ace have kept the worst of it to themselves. They're the ones who always go looking for him when he's been too quiet.

There was a stretch of time about two years ago when Zoro was so closed off to everyone, more than usual. He would barely see any one, make every excuse he could to avoid them. When he did see his friends, he seemed like he was trying too hard to be normal, and he seemed really paranoid. Then Nami noticed he took a turn for the worst.

She went to look for him after he disappeared for a week those two years ago and she found him much like she did today, minus the mysterious girl. Passed out on his couch with various bottles and cans spread around him, a half empty bottle in his hand spilling onto the couch and unresponsive. It really scared her, especially since she is much too small to move him if something was seriously wrong. Ever since then she has had Ace come with her to make sure he's ok when it's needed. Which thankfully hasn't been very often.

After his unusual behavior, Zoro recovered socially; he came back to his friends again. But he never did say what happened. No one ever asked. They knew he wouldn't say anyways. He would probably just wave it off and say something about how he was fine and its over so don't worry about him.

Nami doesn't want to alarm everyone, but maybe its time to let the rest of them know just how bad it has gotten. Everyone else seems to think drinking is just Zoro's thing, that yeah maybe he drinks a little too much, but they've never seen him in a situation that would give them reason to worry about him. Zoro doesn't seem like he wants to listen, but maybe if all of them can support him in this properly he can see that they have good intentions behind what they're doing.

Nami fetches a dustpan and cleans up the broken picture frame glass. Who knew Zoro would actually have a dustpan?

-:-

Sitting in the darkest corner in the bar but still managing to be at the counter, Zoro throws back his second drink. Its barely noon, and he thinks that maybe there is something to what Ace had said, but quickly shoves that down. No reason to make himself feel worse right now.

Once Nami brought up his phone he remembered the reason for his drop off the grid. He doesn't really want to start thinking about this again, but now that he's calmed down he really needs to.

Four days ago, has it really been four days already? Man, he must have blacked out for a few days then.

Blackouts aside, four days ago he received a call that he had been dreading ever since he moved.

After a long shift at his stupid part time job at some stupid department store because he can't get anything better at the moment, Zoro has a cold beer in hand, is flipping through TV channels, his feet propped up on his coffee table. His phone, that just so happens to be on the cushion next to him thankfully, starts buzzing. Perfect he doesn't even have to move. Without looking at the caller id, Zoro flips his phone open and answers.

"Hello?"

He is met with silence.

"Hello? Who is this?"

Zoro is starting to get annoyed and about to hang up when a voice breaks the silence. "You know exactly who this is Roronoa." Zoro pauses with his beer halfway poured into his mouth spilling onto his shirt. No. It can't be. "I have a job for you."

Zoro recovers from his shock quickly and is about to refuse and ask how THE FUCK did they get this number, but he was quickly cut off. "It is best that you do not refuse this one. We need you, and we are not above tracking down your friends now that we know how to find you."

Zoro's heart drops. That can't happen. It's too late notice to get out of this one. Fuck, he has to go through with this one. He's going to have to come up with a plan to shake them off. It might be time to move. Again. He really should start screening his calls, or get a new phone number.

A new drink is placed in front of him. Zoro stares at it. He should probably let up on the alcohol now that its passed, but he can't help it right now. He pulls the glass closer to himself.

After that call he had no choice but to accept the job. He's been hiding from these calls for the past 5 years. He moved to this city to get away from this. It was getting to be too much for him.

When he was a kid, he lived on the streets. That's all he really ever knew. He's not even really sure how it happened. The closest thing he had to family was the old man at a dojo that he weaseled his way into, and even then they weren't close. They had found him sneaking out one morning after crashing in the gym, and instead of telling them why he was really there, he lied and said he just really wanted to train there but couldn't afford it. Which, he supposes, isn't too far from the truth. He had looked in the windows before and watched kids sparring. Long story short, he was offered a place in the class and he became a kendo prodigy.

Zoro had never really gone to school, and he had a hard time finding somewhere that would hire a kid so he was always short on cash. He found an underground fighting league that offered money to the winners and he decided that was what he was going to make money off of. And he did for a while. He first entered at 16, and he became one of the best-known underground fighters in the league bringing in big money. This is where he got recruited.

They didn't have a name really; they were just kind of known as the organization. They didn't want to bring too much attention to themselves. And for good reason. They hired out hit men. And the hit men got a hefty pay. So of course this looked like a great option to Zoro. What 18 year old wouldn't accept an offer to get paid a hell of a lot more than he currently did and have more free time?

So Zoro the assassin was born. He started out doing it for the money, but after his first few kills, he stayed for the bloodshed. He had found his calling.

But after just 3 years, Zoro decided he needed to get out. He couldn't do this anymore. It was taking a toll on him. All he could think about was killing. He would get this incredible high after taking a life. It got to the point that he had to drown himself in alcohol after his hits to rid himself of the feeling. He felt disgusted with himself. Feeling dead inside was preferable to that dreadful bliss.

He decided to leave. He disappeared. Moved to a new city. Got a real job, well a few real jobs since people like to hire employees who have at least a high school degree and he didn't last very long anywhere. Made some friends. Started a normal life. Or as close to normal as he could get. He was happy. He still couldn't let go of the drinking, especially if a thought crept in from the recesses of his mind that he needs to find that high again.

His happy little life had to be put on hold for a few months though two years ago. He spotted someone from the organization way to close for his liking. He became a recluse so as not to draw attention to himself. He didn't want to be found. For the first time in his life he feels like a real person.

He couldn't stop thinking about letting himself be found though. About getting a taste of the euphoria when his blades let the life out of some poor sucker. So he did what he always did when he got a craving: he drank. And he drank. And drank. And he scared the shit out of Nami. That was hard to explain. How do you tell your best friend that you had to drink down the urge to kill?

He eventually deemed it safe enough to continue on like nothing happened. His friends seemed to understand enough that he didn't want to talk about what happened. They really are great people.

And then he got the call four days ago. His hand was forced and Zoro took the job. He had forgotten how good it felt. He immediately wanted to vomit after he had that thought. So he went to the liquor store and almost bought it out just so he could feel normal again. He had drunk away the euphoria. And Ace and Nami found him this morning in the aftermath. How do you tell your friends you had to drink away the enjoyment you got after killing someone?

They don't understand that he can't stop. They can't understand. If he stops drowning the urges, he doesn't know what could happen.

He finishes his drink and orders another. A double this time.

-:-

Ace and Nami figure its no use chasing Zoro down. It'll only piss him off more. And he's most likely gotten himself lost, and without his phone he will be impossible to find. So instead they decide to go have lunch, since it's that time of day and there really isn't anything else that they can do. They need to talk through what just happened anyways. No need to do that in Zoro's apartment.

After ordering they both fall silent. Where do they even begin?

"Before this gets serious, can we talk about that girl?" Nami had to bring it up. She looks at Ace with a barely concealed grin creeping onto her face, laughter not far behind.

"Oh man, that was… She was stuck under him! Oh my god I wonder how long she was awake…" Ace was fighting back a bought of giggles as he brought back the scene.

The duo look at each other in silence for a few seconds and break down in laughter. Well at least they can find humor somewhere in this situation. After wiping the tears from their eyes and they settle down, they get serious.

"What do we do about Zoro? This feels a lot like two years ago. I hope he doesn't start disappearing again." Nami had only ever told Ace about the first time she found him. Ace and Zoro were really close. Luffy may have forced him into being their friend, but Ace was closer with Zoro. Probably because Ace is the older sibling and Luffy acts like he's 12 half of the time.

"I don't know if there is a whole we can do if he doesn't want to listen. If there's a reason for this then maybe we should get that out of him. Though I highly doubt he's going to tell us willingly. Maybe he'll tell you. He might react a little better when you try to pry than if I do. And you were the one who found him the first time." He never understood how Zoro and Nami had gotten so close, but for all their bickering, she is definitely that man's best friend. Ace regrets that he wasn't there with Nami the first time this happened. She really could have used some support in that situation, even if only to move the man.

"Maybe. I feel bad bringing that up again, though"

"I'm sure it's all related. That's when it started, right?"

"Yeah. At least that I really noticed." With a sigh, Nami takes a drink from her water thinking over how to bring that up to Zoro. Their food arrives and they take a break from the topic to enjoy their meal.

It is probably the best meal they have ever had.

"Holy shit Nami, you have to try this! I know I say everything I eat is good, but this takes the cake. Actually, we should get their cake after this, I bet that's even better."

As their taste buds bliss out on their meal, they nearly forget what happened this morning. They decided to try a new restaurant that opened up in Zoro's end of town and they were not disappointed. This may be their new favorite place, its even priced reasonably. They will have to take Zoro here. And Luffy, who are they kidding he would have a fit if he knew they hadn't taken him to a new restaurant. Might as well bring everyone next time.

-:-

Zoro leaves the bar a few drinks later. He realizes that he's wasting money here when he should be saving it up. He only has so much from his piece of shit job, and he doesn't dare put his hit money in the bank. It's dwindling fast anyways; it has been 5 years after all. And he drank enough the past four days. Who knows how much money he spent. He doesn't even want to think about checking his bank account.

It takes him twice as long to get home from the bar than it did to get there. How does that even happen? What street is he on? It doesn't look familiar at all. He spots a gaudy blue sign hanging out over what looks to be a new restaurant, if the NOW OPEN sign is anything to go by. As he nears the establishment, two familiar heads pop out of the heavy looking double doors: Ace and Nami. Huh, well this is convenient. He can get the awkward 'Sorry I yelled at you guys when you were just trying to be helpful' thing over with.

"Zoro! Ace, look there he is!" Nami waves him over while Ace flashes him a warm smile.

"Hey, Nami, Ace." Zoro walks up to them with his hands in his pockets. He really shouldn't have stormed out like that. It's not their fault he's like this.

Nami takes a good look at him, and a good sniff it looks like. "Have you been at a bar?"

He takes a second to answer but Zoro sees no reason to lie about it and nods looking a little dejected while doing so.

Ace holds eye contact with Zoro, seemingly trying to see into his core, "Hey man, you ok?"

Zoro opens his mouth to respond that yes he is very much ok stop worrying, when someone comes rushing out the door.

"Hey you two! You forgot this on the table! It'd be a shame to forget it. I made it especially for Nami the divine goddess!"

Zoro is about the puke. Nami, a goddess? He turns around but any retort he had promptly disperses from his brain.

He can't take his eyes off of this blonde man who is twirling around Nami. Why can't he stop looking at him? Its like his brain turned to mush. He doesn't trust himself to form a coherent sentence. And are this guy's eyebrows… swirly? Maybe he really should dial back the drinking.

"Oh, Sanji! Thank you, I really appreciate it. This is our friend Zoro. Zoro, this is Sanji he owns the restaurant. Zoro?"

"Uh… Is he ok?"

"Zoro? Hey Zoro, you in there? Shit. We should probably get him home."

"Does he do this often?"

"Nah, he's just had a rough couple of days. He should probably lie down."

Ace steers him away from this strange blonde man and down the street. Towards his apartment probably, Zoro has no idea where he is.

What the fuck just happened to him?