The rating for this fic is subject to change. For now it is slowburn though. Enjoy!
It's the same as it has been for weeks, as soon as Izaya wakes up the pain starts; flooding his brain like a break in a dam. It feels like his head will split in two and he clutches at it with a hissed breath, fumbling for his pain meds to at least make it something he can live with.
Half an hour curled beneath the blanket, nearly in tears but that's easy to deny really, as the pain ebbs away so slowly it might as well not be leaving at all. He feels pathetic and helpless during it but he's already doing all he pain is debilitating at the best of times but it's always worse when he first wakes up.
Slowly, after what feels like an eternity, he pushes himself up. A pained grimace plastered across his lips. His apartment used to be bright and open but since this all started he's had dark, heavy blackout curtains installed over every window. He regrets the need but any sunlight that slips through will pierce right through his sensitive eyes like a dagger and set off an even worse headache that no amount of pain pills will sooth.
He's been checked out multiple times, first by Shinra, then by other doctors. All have said that physically there's nothing wrong, no tumors or other causes of his extreme headaches. Shinra had suggested the possibility of them being cluster headaches and that had given Izaya some hope for some treatment but then Shinra had followed up with how hard they are to diagnose and even harder to cure to the point that many doctors didn't even believe cluster headaches were a real thing. All Shinra could do was slip him his strongest pain medicine. It barely helped.
Izaya sighs softly, closing his eyes for a moment to prepare himself, then pushes himself out of bed; hissing again and staggering dizzily at the immediate throb of pain that lights up his brain. He has to brace himself on his side table, eyes unfocused and chest heaving with sharp breaths as he tries not to puke at the brilliant pain. Sometimes he wonders if death would be better than this but the thought always slips away quickly.
It's not just the headaches though, his moods have been unpredictable lately as well. Sometimes he'll feel vicious; angry like he hasn't felt in years, other times he'll feel lost, needy and almost scared, more emotions he'd rather forget he's ever felt. The mood swings have been much more frequent lately and he can't stop them. When he'd told Shinra about them he just brushed them off as a symptom of the headaches and maybe he's right but Izaya can't help but feel like they're something else.
He waits till the pain eases back as much as it can and stands up straight, rubbing at his temples despite the effort being futile. He makes his agonized journey downstairs with several stops along the way to lean against the wall or railing to rest. Finally, he manages to reach his couch and he falls onto it happily, letting out a shuddering breath. He'll rest here till he can find the energy to get breakfast, if he finds it at all.
Izaya has never dealt well with pain; he has neither patience nor tolerance for it whether it's physical or otherwise. Pain this bad is something he's never experienced before, even the knife to his gut had hurt less and had certainly hurt for less time.
No, this was hell. Headache seemed too innocent a word for it but that's all they could be. He scoffs lightly as one of his moods starts to rise back up. He always try to ignore it but he can't. He just wishes someone was there to help him, maybe comfort him… the thought repulses him despite how he aches for it.
He's tried his whole life to throw out those sorts of useless feelings, it's a side of himself he detests; all his weakness packed away into that neat box that he buries deeper and deeper in frantic hope it never opens but these mood swings dig it right back up.
It's similar to his own personal Pandora's box, once opened it's phenomenally hard to do damage control; old memories that he'd much rather forget shoving for turns at the forefront of his mind. It's near torture really.
Izaya wouldn't say he hates himself but… there's definitely parts of himself he can never accept. Those are the parts that disgust and scare him in equal measures because the fact that they remain means Izaya has never truly let go of his own past. He can't stand it.
A sudden spike of pain cuts off his musings and he yelps, ducking his head as his eyes shut tightly. It doesn't help, in fact it seems like it's getting worse; worse than he's ever felt it get. He loses focus on anything but the pain, shaky sobbing breaths force themselves from his chest as what feels like a spike drives itself right into the center of his brain.
His thoughts are forced blank and different emotions rage inside him. He writhes on the couch, tears flowing freely as the pain seems to take over his entire body, numbing him to anything else. It goes on for what seems like hours before, suddenly, it stops. Every last bit of pain fading away for the first time in weeks. All he can do is whimper in relief before he passes out.
When he wakes up it's to something heavy weighing him down but… it's warm and it feels nice actually so he doesn't mind. He's just happy the pain is gone. He blinks his eyes open very slowly as if one wrong move will bring it all rushing back but when he sees exactly what the weight is he freezes, shock the only thing running through him.
It's him , or at least a very convincing copy. They have the exact same facial features and Izaya's caught up in a strange sort of fascination for a moment before he remembers that this is not normal. Whoever this is it's not him and just because they're fast asleep on top of him doesn't mean they aren't a threat.
Cautiously, Izaya tries to slide out from under his copy but at the first attempt to shift him the other's eyes snap open, there's a moment of confusion in his eyes before they lock on Izaya with pinpoint accuracy. Those eyes are definitely not friendly. Something in Izaya quells under that look.
"I know I have fans but this is a bit far isn't it?"
His own silky voice comes out of the other's mouth and Izaya doesn't know how that could be possible. There's barely hidden malice in his tone and the copy has shifted subtly on top of him to pin him in place.
"What do you mean? Who are you?"
He sneers, trying to cover up how helpless he feels. It's weird… usually he wouldn't feel like this, even in a bad situation… did the moodswings not fade away with the pain?
The copy raises his eyebrow, looking unimpressed.
"I think you know who I am considering you snuck into my home just to sleep with me. The plastic surgery is a nice touch though. Very unique."
Izaya jolts a bit in surprise. He has no idea what the other's motive for lying could even be.
"No, this is my home. I was asleep on the couch because of a headache, you're the one who broke in."
He keeps his voice firm but inside he's confused.
His copy glares, a hand at his throat suddenly, cutting off his air a bit.
"How do you know about the headaches."
He hisses, tightening his grip just enough to hurt. Izaya swallows, scared despite himself. He could, should, try to fight him off but something inside is stopping him, freezing him in place.
"Because I've lived with them for weeks!"
He snarls, adrenaline giving him back some of his fight. The copy gives him an appraising look, curiosity starting to bleed into his eyes.
"What a coincidence, so have I."
He releases Izaya's throat and, ignoring Izaya's coughs, says.
"Tell me, right now, something only you would know about yourself."
Izaya's eyes widen, still just as confused as ever.
"Why should I do that?"
The copy frowned at him.
"Just do it."
His hand presses over Izaya's throat again but he doesn't put much pressure on it. Izaya shifts uncomfortably.
"What should I say?"
The copy grinned tauntingly.
"Who was your first kiss~"
Izaya paled a little before blushing and averting his eyes. It's something he swore never to reveal but for some reason he feels compelled to now.
"It… In high school I found Shizu-chan asleep on a desk at lunch… I couldn't resist. Nobody has ever known."
The copy nods.
"Of course. It was nothing more than a peck and he woke up just as you were leaving the room, right?"
Izaya's breath hitches, his thoughts reeling in shock.
"How did you know?"
The copy rolls his eyes.
"Because we're the same person with the same memories though… no doubt different personalities."
He looked victorious as he said it, like he was glad this was happening. For a second Izaya couldn't believe it but… it made sense, and really if dullahans could be real why not this?
"Well then we need to find a way to fix it, obviously."
The copy's expression changed.
"Fix it? Why would we want to do that? Two heads are better than one really and it seems all our weakness is stuck in you anyway."
Izaya frowned, that explained a lot. They'd split in two based on emotions and Izaya got the short end of the stick, the entirety of Pandora's box. Well, it's possible he didn't get all of it but it feels like all the confidence and self-assurance he's tried to build up over the years has faded away. It's an incredibly disturbing feeling.
"I think we should try. Despite the… disadvantages it may not be healthy for us to remain separate."
It's simple logic to him but the copy seems unconvinced.
"If symptoms begin to show I'll consider it."
He deadpans, seeming to enjoy the glare Izaya gives him in return.
"Until then I want to enjoy finally being rid of you "
Here his voice fills with disdain as if Izaya is worth less than dirt. Izaya huffs.
"Just because I got all the stuff we don't like doesn't mean you're better than me. We're essentially the same person."
The copy raises his eyebrow, a dubious look on his face.
"A person is their mind and unfortunately for you, your mind is dead weight. Also, I don't think both of should be called Izaya anymore, it'll get confusing for sure. I'll take over the name."
Izaya glared slightly.
"Why you?"
The copy grinned a bit maliciously.
"I'm the person we wanted to be, the true Izaya if you will. You're all the parts we wish we could forget. I'll call you Chrome."
'Chrome' huffed again. Deciding to let that slide for now, there's bigger issues.
"Why Chrome?"
'Izaya' just smirked.
"Just be glad I didn't choose Nakura or Kanra."
His smile turned serious.
"You aren't allowed to leave the apartment anymore either, I'll find a way to lock you in if I have to."
Chrome's eyes widened.
"You aren't serious?"
Izaya's eyes are hard and unsympathetic.
"Completely. It's for both of our safety, of course, I'm sure you didn't lose any of our self defense skills, or the ability to run away, but you are the embodiment of our weakness. That's been increasingly obvious from the moment we woke up. If you get caught, things will end badly for both of us."
It makes some sense, he admits reluctantly, but not enough for him to accept it. For now though he just nods, teeth clenched on anger. Izaya's face lights up in one of their regular fake smiles.
"Good."
He pats Chrome's cheek condescendingly.
"Just stay out of my way and be a good boy and I won't have to punish you at all~"
Chrome glares petulantly to hide his flush at those words. It's embarrassing and patronizing but the phrasing…
"Whatever."
He mutters and Izaya's gaze turns sharp.
"Push your luck and you'll receive no kindness from me."
Chrome sighs and nods, waiting patiently for Izaya to get off of him and ignores the immediate feeling of loss once he does.
"Stay inside and don't bother me while I'm working."
Izaya repeats and turns away, leaving Chrome alone to sort through his thoughts.
Izaya settles in at his desk but he doesn't start work right away; instead he lets his mind linger on the new situation… Chrome. He doesn't really know what to think about him. He could turn into a very useful tool or a dangerous weakness. If any of his many enemies discovered Chrome they could pull out all the information they'd need to hurt him. However, Chrome should still be just as intelligent as him and if he can mold Chrome into something useful.
Still, the thought of Chrome's existence leaves a bad taste in his mouth. The open vulnerability in his eyes, the way every emotion played over his face… it's disgusting! And dangerous. Chrome can never go out in public for more reasons than just protecting their secrets, he shudders at the thought of anyone else seeing his face like that
The main thing is if Chrome has any of the same spirit they had together he won't be compliant for long, Izaya needs to start breaking him down before he acts up, not after. Even if Izaya is the clear superior it's only natural for Chrome to fight back, Izaya won't blame him for it but he definitely won't let it slide either.
Plans form in his brain for multiple scenarios, punishments, and just regular ways to keep Chrome weak and underfoot. It shouldn't be hard. After all, Chrome is so very weak and Izaya's overjoyed to have that part of himself gone.
With Chrome gone he can let go of his past, the memories don't hurt anymore. It's better this way, despite whatever Chrome might think. Izaya has no sympathy for weakness. He smiles then and stands, finally pushing aside the heavy curtains to let sunlight in again. The view of the city is gorgeous even more so after a week without seeing it.
He can hear the soft pad of Chrome's feet as he steps forward to help open the rest of the curtains, a soft sound of appreciation falling past his lips. Chrome seems to enjoy the sight even more than he does. He tries not to let that annoy him.
"Chrome. Go make breakfast."
He orders, a bit harsher than he meant to and Chrome does as he's told, despite the petulant look. Izaya smiles, happy to have cut Chrome's enjoyment short although watching his body be so obedient is so repulsive. The only consolation is that he surely won't be seeing Chrome as any version of himself soon enough. He sits back at his desk as the smell of food starts from the kitchen.
He signs into his computer and starts to catch himself up on all the information he's missed. Most of it is little bits of gossip but there's a few bigger things that he adds to a file on his computer. By the time Chrome brings him is plate he's halfway through reading all the new emails he's received throughout his absence.
"Here."
The attitude is clear in Chrome's voice but Izaya smiles at him like he didn't hear it.
"Good boy."
There's that strange look again, flashing over Chrome's face quickly before annoyance takes back over. Izaya's starting to form a theory and he's not sure he likes it at all.
Chrome leaves to, Izaya presumes, eat his own breakfast. Good, no more interruptions.