You know what's stupid..? I thought I had a chance. I thought just for 1 stupid little second, that she might, just might, love me back. I've loved Katniss for as long as I can remember, from the first moment I saw her in the woods, I thought she was trying to steal my rabbits, can you imagine? If I had just screamed at her, chased her off like I would some hungry little predator, eyeing my kill, my food, none of this would have happened! I just don't get it you know? In her Victor's interview, she beamed at the fact that her precious little baker boy saved her life, well that's not breaking news to me! We saved each other in the woods more times than I could count! No... I can't blame Peeta for this. He's just like me in a way, he's just another guy, lost in those beautiful, grey eyes. I always hated him, even before Katniss really knew him, I'd see him at Lunch and break at school staring at her. I always wanted to go over and ask him who he thinks he is! But now I think about it, you know what? He's nothing like me... he could never hurt her like I did, but she has to understand why I left 12. There's no way I could stay there! To see the best friend I've ever had, the one person I've ever been in love with grow old, get married, and have kids... but not with me. I thought about coming back all the time. Leaving behind my home in District 2, my job, even my fiancé, because I would.. for Katniss, I'm pretty sure that she'll never leave my thoughts, but that's all right, a lifetime of hiding everything I feel pays off eventually. I tried calling once, just after Prim's funeral. The phone rang 6 times, but my heart must have beat 6000, and when she picked up the phone and her immaculate, sultry voice answered "Mellark residence!", that was it. That was when I knew there was no going back. I hung up the phone without uttering a word. It was the most cowardly thing I've ever done, I couldn't even tell her how sorry I am about Prim's death, because the more I think about it, the more I realise... it was my fault. Not directly, but Coin used me. She took my years in the woods, and turned me into her weapon. My first few months in 2 were terrible, it's all I thought about, constantly obsessing over it, you have no idea how many times I would close my eyes, and hope everything would just stop, time would go back, and none of this had ever happened, of course that was never the case. One time everything got really bad, I tried to end it all, I went down to Everdeen bridge, the bridge they named in Katniss' honour when they redeveloped District 2, the perfect place I thought, as I was standing on the edge, I looked around for one last look at Panem, and that's when I saw Madge. I ran straight up to her, and screamed "YOU DIED, THEY FOUND YOUR FAMILY DEAD IN YOUR HOUSE!". Once she explained, it seemed almost feasible, but I still couldn't believe it! It turns out her father had found out about the bombings before they happened, and his family managed to escape to 2, leaving his servants to perish in the fires. That's who they found dead in the house. We talked everyday for months, and soon enough we were engaged! But she's nothing compared to Katniss. But she has a life with Peeta now, and from what I hear he never lets up on the baby issue. She wouldn't have to change what she wants with me! She wouldn't be forced to have children, because I know she never did want them. But I guess... if she's happy, I should be too... right?