Daisuke sat down in an empty folding chair and sighed heavily, staring up at the dancing lights above the dancing rush of female hormones.

How did he end up here again?

Oh... yeah...

His mother had made him; she was worried about Jun's mental and emotional state. That was rather funny to him. Jun had never been sane. But still, his mother had a point. Jun had been so torn up when she found out that her beloved Yamato-kun was planning on marrying Sora.He had to admit he was rather surprised as well.

He had always been so sure that Yamato and Taichi had something going on. Well... it wasn't the first time he had been wrong. Not the last either.

What was he trying to think about again...

Oh!! Yeah... how he had gotten here in the first place.

His mother was worried that Jun would do something stupid, like off herself in the name of true love... or something stupid like that. Daisuke thought she was right, Jun would pull something like that. So he was roped into playing babysitter. He didn't mind too much really. In some strange way, he did love his sister and would be heartbroken if she died.

Plus, it wasn't like he had anything better to do. And watching Jun look somewhat happy again was better then having his heart torn out every time he watched Miyako hang all over Ken. Stupid bitch. She needed to stop hanging all over his Ken-chan!!

No...

Not his... not anymore... never again...

Daisuke sighed again and leaned back on his chair, watching Jun as she danced around the floor with her friends to some unknown band. Most likely trying to win over some of the old fans of Yamato's band, who were all still in a state of shock over the band's break up.

Damn that Sora. She was making a mess out of everyone's life. Encouraging Miyako to ask Ken out right in front of his parents...

That was low. Very low. What was Ken supposed to do... he would never hurt his mother. If he had said no, he knew that she would know about him and Daisuke, so he said yes.

And told Daisuke two days later that there was no 'us' anymore.

That was it. Jun would be all right for a few moments without him. He needed some air.

Daisuke pushed himself off from the chair and started for the door. As he stepped out into the cool evening air he was startled by the sound of a sharp slap. Spinning around, his eyes landed on Sora and Yamato. Daisuke let out a small squeak and ducked behind the nearest tree. Daisuke knew that Yamato would kill him if he ever found out that Daisuke was spying on him... but, as they say, curiosity killed the cat.

Why would Sora slap Yamato anyway? What did he do?

"I want you to tell him to leave us alone." Sora stated, arms crossed over her chest, like she knew Yamato would cave at any moment. Yamato looked shocked, before his eyes hardened and he snarled, turning away from her.

"No. I told you there was nothing going on between us. Maybe in the past, but that is over now. Not that it matters. He is still my best friend, and I am not just going to dump him because you think I am going to cheat on you with him. Have a little faith in me, Sora!"

Sora made a soft huffing noise and started for the door. As she pulled it open she looked back with a cynical smile on her lips.

"Fine. Do what you want, but if you don't get that freak out of our life, I will dump you on the side of the road." With that Sora spun on her heel and flounced inside.

Daisuke watched as Yamato leaned against the wall heavily and dug a cigarette out of his pocket.

"Damn bitch." Yamato muttered as he lit up the cigarette and took a deep breath. Then his sharp blue eyes turned in Daisuke's direction.

"You can come out now you little pest. No need to hide anymore." Daisuke paled slightly and stepped out from behind the tree.

"Errr...Gomen nasai, Yamato-san. I didn't mean to eavesdrop." Yamato waved his hand in dismissal, then made a come closer gesture. Daisuke padded over and stood a good distance from Yamato, watching him as he tossed his cigarette on the ground and looked over at Daisuke.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Daisuke shrugged and smiled his normal cheerful smile.

"Babysitting Neechan." Yamato raised one elegant eyebrow in question as he lit up a new cigarette. Daisuke coughed and looked down at his shoes.

"Mama-san is worried that she will try to kill herself. As strange as she is, she really liked you." Yamato sighed and looked up at the stars.

"Too bad. I am sorry to hear that." Daisuke shook his head and took a place next to Yamato, watching him as he smoked. The beautiful blonde looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, and at a closer look there were purple rings under his eyes. His hair was falling out of place like it hadn't seen a bottle of gel in years. Every time Daisuke had seen Yamato, his hair had always been perfect. The clingy black outfit he wore did nothing to hide the fact that his ribs were showing... This was definitly not the boy of a fangirl's wet dreams that he remembered. Daisuke bit his lip, holding back his questions. Him and Yamato had never been really close. He had no right to ask about such things… but he was never one for tact.

"Yamato-san... you look like shit." Daisuke could have smacked himself on the forehead, he could have been more polite about it!!! Baka baka baka!!! But Yamato just looked at him, a small smile twitching at his chapped lips.

"Thanks. At least you tell the truth. If I have to hear one more person tell me I look great today, I swear to god almighty I will shoot myself." Yamato chuckled and watched Daisuke from the corner of his eye.

"You lost the goggles." Daisuke's hand trailed up to touch the place where his goggles normally sat.

"Yeah. I sorta grew out of them. They are at home, sitting on my desk waiting for my midlife crisis." This time Yamato let out a short bark of laughter and ruffled Daisuke's hair.

"Baka. I guess I'll talk to you later. I better get in there before Sora comes to look for me." Yamato tossed the cigarette to the ground with a graceful flick of his wrist.

"See you around, Motomiya-kun." Yamato smirked as he ground out the red head of his smoke with the heel of his shoe and pulled open to the door to the dance club. Daisuke watched the blonde leave, noting that some of the cockiness was gone from his walk. Daisuke sighed and sank to the ground. He hoped his sister would be ready to go home soon. He was suddenly feeling rather drained. Looks like not every one was happy with the choices they had made. Daisuke wondered if Ken was truly happy.

He hoped so.

///

Two weeks after his meeting with Yamato, Daisuke found himself sitting in a ramen shop, pondering the meaning of life. Ha! Yeah right. He didn't have time for that,he still had to figure out fractions. Without Ken around that much anymore, Daisuke was slowly failing and his parents were making him get a job, just in case, they said.

Daisuke pursed his lips, glaring down at the job application in front of him as he slurped up some noodles. 'Joe's ramen shop' it read at the very top in bright red letters. Well... it was start, maybe not the fanciest job a guy could get, but it would have to do. At least he didn't have to be finished with college to get this job. Hell, he wasn't even out of high school yet. Maybe he never would be. Damn school, it was such a bore. Daisuke really couldn't see where he would need to draw a pie chart in hislife after school. Or when he would need to know when America became a free country. He didn't even live in America, for crying out loud!

He was starting to think that eating and filling out the job application was not his best idea. Not that he was ever really paying any attention to the application or his ramen in the first place, his mind was elsewhere.

Yamato. He had become a pale shadow of the former Yamato that used to make Jun faint at the thought of him. It was like the life had been sucked out of him,and Daisuke was rather sad to see it go. He had never known Yamato like the older kids did, but he seemed to be the kind of person that attracted people to him like moths to light. People like that were few and far between. There was something about him that reminded Daisuke of Ken, the whole lone wolf thing. And just like Ken, Yamato had opened up to someone else and formed a friendship that saved the digiworld. But Yamato had chosen some bitch over Taichi, (Daisuke was damn well positive of something between them in the past now.) Just like his Ken-chan.

No. Not his. You need to stop torturing yourself Daisuke. Miyako won. She gets to keep Ken to herself.

Lucky bitch.

"Yo, Motomiya-kun." A soft tenor came from behind him, making Daisuke jump and drop his bowl of ramen to the table, spilling it. Tilting his head back, he scowled at Yamato from upside down.

"Bastard!" Yamato smiled down at him and flicked him sharply on the nose.

"Yeow!!! What the hell?!" Daisuke sat forward, rubbing on his nose, "Is that any way to treat a friend?!!" Yamato chuckled and pulled a chair out, flipping it around so he could sit backwards in it.

"When did we decided that we were friends, pest?"

Daisuke made a face and stuck out his tongue.

"Someone is PMSing."

Yamato shook his head and smiled. "Mou... not really, that is Sora-chan's job. I just went out for a walk so I wouldn't have to listen to her complain." Daisuke giggled softly at that, smiling broadly at Yamato as he moped up he spilt ramen.

"I was wondering why the great Yamato Ishida would grace me with his presence." Daisuke crumpled up his ramen stained application and tossed it into the earest trash bin. Yamato leaned back in his chair and studied Daisuke intently, smirking.

"Bad luck I guess. I was looking for Taichi..." Yamato trailed off, now refusing to meet Daisuke's eyes. Daisuke blinked, mouth working like a fish out of water. Yamato was going to do as Sora had told him?! Just blow Taichi off? Daisuke stood up suddenly, toppling his chair over and slamming his hands into the table.

"WHAT?!! You're not honestly thinking about doing what that bitch told you to do? How do you think Taichi is going to feel?!"

Yamato glared at him sharply and casually lifted himself from the chair.

"I don't know what you are talking about. Just mind your own business, Motomiya." Yamato's voice had a chilly air to it, making Daisuke pause for a moment. Baka! What the hell is wrong with you? It is none of your business... But Taichi...

"Don't do it Yamato-san." Daisuke pleaded softly, begging Yamato with his eyes, "Don't just throw Taichi-kun out of your life." Yamato paused at the door, and looked over his shoulder at Daisuke. There was a pained look in his eyes that vanished almost as fast as it had come.

"Mind your own business." Yamato pushed open the door and was gone.

Daisuke stared at the door for a few moments, before grabbing his jacket and pushing open the door himself. why was he planing to follow Yamato? Even he wasn't sure.

///

Yamato pulled up the collar of his coat and sighed. Damn that Daisuke. Who the hell did that little pest think he was?! 'Too bad he was right, ne?' Yamato snarled and picked up his pace. No! He had to do this, he loved Sora and Taichi wouldn't let him leave. He had cornered Yamato a few days ago, teary eyed, and begged him to say that it was all a joke, that this thing between him and Sora was just a sick joke.Yamato closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. He had to find Taichi now, before this tore him apart.

He couldn't choose Taichi over Sora. no matter how much he wanted to. It was Taichi or his family, and he needed his family.

Now. If he were Taichi, where would he be?

The soccer field.

Yamato paused for a moment looking up at the cloudless sky. He was stalling, and he knew it, but he didn't want to do this. He wanted Taichi in his life, he was his best friend. Yamato closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

I love you Yama-chan.

I love you too Tai.

Yamato cursed softly, pushing the memories back and started to walk.

He needed to get this over with as soon as possible.

///

Taichi wiped the sweat from his brow and smiled proudly. Hands were clapping on his back, but he couldn't feel them. He had touched heaven for a few seconds there, as he made that beautiful goal that had won his team the game. He had to come back to earth though, before his teammates thought he went into shock or something. He laughed happily and tackled some guy into the ground, rolling around in the mud, joyfully.

"Good game, Yagami." Taichi froze, the world moving in slow motion as he turned around to see Yamato,standing there with that cocky smirk on his lips.

"Yama-chan..." Yamato's eyes narrowed slightly,seeming a little displeased at the nickname, and he turned to walk away. Taichi panicked and scrambled to his feet, crying out Yamato's name again. Yamato stopped and look back at Taichi over his shoulder.

"I need to talk to you."

///

It hadn't taken long to find Taichi, he stuck out of a crowd. At least to Yamato he did. He knew the brown-eyed boy better then he knew himself. It had taken a lot of courage to walk up to Taichi, take the final step to end their friendship. The hopeful look in Taichi's eyes had hardened his resolve, he had to do this for Taichi. He had to help Taichi get on with his life.

Stupid. that is a lie and you know it. COWARD!!!

Yamato pointly ignored his inner-voice as he pulled Taichi to one side.

"Taichi. There is something I need to tell you."

Taichi's face brightened slightly, even though you could see that he was trying to wash his hope down,and failing. Yamato closed his eyes and sighed. Where was the bastard that was able to handle Taichi? The one who was able to punch him for no reason. He needed that part of himself again.

"You need to leave me and Sora alone. Our friendship is over." Taichi blinked, looking like Yamato had slapped him in the face. He recovered quickly, glaring at Yamato with a stubborn frown on his face.

"You can't mean that. You can't. I won't let you kick me out of your life. " Taichi shook his head and grabbed Yamato's hand, pressing it to his chest,right over his beating heart. Yamato gulped softly as Taichi's lips came closer to his. He is going to kiss me... he can't. Please don't do this to me, Taichi. Taichi's face stopped scant inches from Yamato's, brown eyes staring into blue.

"You're lying Yama-chan. I can see it in your eyes." Taichi whispered softly as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Yamato's.

Yamato froze as Taichi moved his mouth against his.His mind screamed at him to do something, RESPOND!!But his lips never moved, he just stood there,letting Taichi kiss him. Taichi... Yamato felt like crying now. None of the kisses that Sora gave him made him feel like this, like he was on fire. Only Taichi.Only Taichi had ever made him feel alive, made him see things that he had never seen before. Without Taichi, he was dead to the world...

No!!! Sora. He loved Sora. He was not gay! He did not love Taichi!!

Yamato snarled softly and pushed Taichi off of him and onto the ground. Taichi looked up at him, chocolate eyes filling with hurt tears.

"No..." Taichi shook his head, hand reaching out to pluck at Yamato's coat. Yamato growled and slapped Taichi's hand away.

"Look you fucking faggot. I don't ever want to see your face again. I love Sora. Not you. Get it through your thick head."

Lies. All of it. I can't lie to myself anymore. I love you and I don't want to hurt you... but I have to. I have to! Please don't look at me like that...understand, Taichi!! I don't want to lose my family.My father looks me in the eyes again... Mother lets me see Takeru... I need them… because of my engagement to Sora, they see me again. I am not just some fly on the wall that needs to be swatted.

"You actually thought I loved you? Sex is sex, Taichi, no matter where it comes from. You were a good fuck though."

Only with you.

It never felt that way before you. With you it wasn't just sex. it was making love, it meant something to me.

But I can't let you know that. You won't let me be unhappy, you won't let me choose Sora. I love that about you, you never give up, no matter how it hurts.But please. Please. Just get over us. Not everyone canbe happy...

"Oh. Is the poor little boy crying? Awww..." Yamato sneered and turned to walk away, "I tried to let you down easy at first. This is your own fault, you should have left us alone. The truth hurts, ne?"

I hope some day you can forgive me, Tai-chan. I love you. But I can't be with you. I am not strong enough,not like you. I am weak, so weak, Taichi. I don't deserve you. Ja ne, Taichi.

"Ja ne Taichi." Yamato walked off, not looking back. He knew he would break down if he looked back. He couldn't afford to turn back. Forward was the only direction. How black it looked. Empty, and alone. He welcomed it.

He needed a beer.

///

Daisuke sank to his knees, watching Yamato walk away from Taichi. How could he?!! Daisuke felt a rage burning up inside of him. Taichi was like a big brother to Daisuke. How could... why would...

Even his thoughts were upset. Fuck.

Daisuke got up off the ground and ran over to Taichi,touching the older boy on the shoulder.

"Tai-kun?" Taichi looked up at him with haunted eyes. Daisuke flinched at the lack of life in the normally warm brown eyes.

"Come on. Lets get you home."

///

"Taichi?" Daisuke pulled softly at Taichi's arm,trying to get him to respond. Taichi watched him, butmade no movement to get up.

"He was right. I should have just left him alone."

Daisuke stared at Taichi in horror.

"I don't believe this!!!! Snap out of it Taichi!" Daisuke growled, snapping his fingers in front of Taichi's face. A soft frown marred Taichi's face as he reached out and clasped Daisuke's hand in his own, stopping his finger snapping in mid snap.

"Knock it off." Taichi murmured as he started to stand up, wavering slightly as he turned to walk away.

"Oya!!! Matte Taichi!" Daisuke scrambled to his feet just in time to catch Taichi before he fell to the ground once again. Taichi flushed softly, smiling weakly at Daisuke.

"Must have twisted my ankle." Daisuke shook his head and wrapped an arm around Taichi's waist.

"Let's get you home." Taichi didn't say anything, just stared blankly ahead.

Daisuke sighed softly as he helped Taichi up the stairs, practically dragging him. He had never seen his hero like this before, and it damn near broke his heart. It was like he didn't have any purpose for living anymore. That was mostly why Daisuke was so fucking pissed off. He didn't know who he wanted to punch more. Yamato for being such an ass, or Taichi for just taking that shit lying down. Maybe Hikari would be able to snap him out of this… this… whatever hole he had climbed into.

Daisuke looked up at the remaining flights of stairs. Why hadn't he taken the elevator? Baka baka baka.

Daisuke knocked loudly on the door, listening for some sound that someone was inside, hoping that someone would be there. Someone had to be here!! He couldn't just leave Taichi here by himself.

The door creaked open lightly and a sleepy looking Hikari stuck her head out.

"Wha...? Daisuke?...Taichi?" Alert instantly she threw the door open and stood there with her hands on her hips, a worried look furrowing her brow.

"What the hell happened, Oniichan?" Taichi pushed himself from Daisuke and shook his head.

"Leave me alone." Taichi muttered as he pushed past Hikari and disappeared into the house. Hikari sighed softly and gave Daisuke an apologetic smile.

"Yamato?" Daisuke nodded as he leaned against the wall next to the door.

"Yeah." Hikari sighed, shut the door behind her and leaned against the wall next to Daisuke.

"Daisuke-kun?" Daisuke looked up from his shoes, meeting Hikari's worried brown eyes. She smiled and reached out to brush a strand of hair out of his eyes. Daisuke smiled weakly, knowing what she was thinking.

"How are you holding up?" Gods he loved Hikari some times. She was going through just as much, maybe even more pain then he was, and yet she still always made sure that he was doing fine.

"Good. Getting a job. Avoiding Ken at all costs..." Hikari shook her head and thumped him upside the head.

"Coward! Just because he is going out with Miyako doesn't mean he wants you out of his life. You're still his best friend."

Daisuke saw that pain that had crossed over Hikari's face at the mention of Miyako. So. She wanted a little comfort to. Well Daisuke was happy enough to provide it. Reaching out, Daisuke pulled Hikari into his arms and held her. He remembered the look of pure pain when Miyako and Ken had told all of them about their relationship. She had run out of the room and Daisuke had followed her, just because he had to get out of the room too and was glad to have an excuse. Finding Hikari crying her heart out, he had asked what was wrong, and she had told him everything. Her love for Miyako... just like his love for Ken, but Miyako just thought that she was just saying for the hell of it,and never took her seriously. Ever since then, Daisuke and Hikari had become very close, and he was glad for it. Who knows what he would have done if it weren't for her.

"Thank you Daisuke. But I had better get inside and see if Oniichan wants anything. Ja ne!"

Daisuke waved as Hikari pulled open her door and disappeared into her home. Daisuke closed his eyes and just stood there for a few moments before starting down the staircase.

He had something to do if he ever wanted to get any sleep tonight.

He needed to find Yamato.

///

Yamato set down the empty shot glass and looked up at the clock. After a few moments he was finally able to read the numbers. 9:45 PM. Shit! Sora was going to kill him, coming in this late and drunk as all hell.Maybe he would just find a nice bench to sleep on or something. Yamato pulled out his wallet and set a wad of bills down on the counter as pulled on his coat.

Taichi... I really hope you are all right. Shit. Maybe I should go apologize. Yamato paused, closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of a cool breeze as it brushed over his alcohol flushed cheeks.

'No. If I went to him like this, I would end up doing something I would regret.'

With a heavy sigh, Yamato started down the road.

///

Daisuke licked his dry lips, waiting for his stupid bus to come. He would have normally taken the train,but at this time of night there were far to many freaks down there. He had given up on finding Yamato,

which was most likely a good thing. Daisuke doubted his judgment when he was angry. He might end up doing something he would regret. Daisuke looked up at the sound of someone shouting 'Hey! Watch where you're going!!' Most likely a drunk.

A drunk Yamato.

Daisuke blinked, mouth dropping open. Well shit. Maybe god did want him to beat the shit out of Yamato after all. Daisuke walked across the road and pulled Yamato back by his collar.

"I need to talk to you, Ishida." Daisuke spun Yamato around and slammed his fist into Yamato's jaw, sending the other boy to the ground.

///

Yamato rubbed at his jaw, looking up at the one who had attacked him. A soft gasp fell from his lips.

"Taichi..." Yamato felt his breath catch in his throat as he started up at the brown eyed boy. It couldn't be. But it had to be. Taichi was the only one who had ever hit him like that.

"Taichi." Yamato pushed himself off the ground and wrapped his arms around Daisuke's body, cradling the smaller boy to his chest. Daisuke gasped softly trying to pull away. Yamato was so drunk he thought he was Taichi!!

"Yamato-san!! Stop it!! I am not Taichi!!"

Yamato didn't seem to hear him, as he traced Daisuke's cheek with his fingers, tears running down his own. Daisuke closed his eyes and sighed as he leaned into the touch. Poor Yamato-san. A minute ago he was ready to pound him to the ground... but now...

"Yamato-san..." This was wrong. He loved Ken, and Yamato thought he was someone else. But it had been so long since someone had held him like this.

"Taichi, I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I didn't mean it. I love you. It's just… my family. They love me again... please understand. Taichi..." Yamato nuzzled at him, pressing himself into Daisuke's body. Yamato's hands traced down Daisuke's sides as he pressed him to the wall behind them. Daisuke snapped out of his trance, realizing what Yamato was going to do.

He couldn't! Yamato didn't love him, he loved Taichi. And Ken... Daisuke loved Ken... but... Yamato was so warm...

"Taichi..." Yamato tipped up the sweet face of what he thought was his beloved and pressed his warm lips to Daisuke's.

Daisuke moaned softly, hands acting of their own free will and clutching themselves to Yamato's chest. So long... it had been so long since the last time Ken had held him. But this wasn't Ken, it was Yamato, who loved someone else!!!

...So... I... shouldn't... be... doing... this... you have to stop it... now... Yamato-san...

Yamato's tongue darted out, lapping at Daisuke's lips, begging for entrance. Without thinking Daisuke parted his lips, allowing Yamato's tongue inside. God,Yamato tasted so good... but he couldn't do this.

He couldn't!

But Yamato seemed to have a different idea. Daisuke felt his knee nudging his legs apart, and panicking,Daisuke started to writhe in Yamato's arms. He knew he was lost the moment Yamato's fingers rubbed at one of his nipples through his shirt. In that one moment of pure shock, Yamato managed to press his knee between Daisuke's thighs, rubbing it over the lump that had risen in Daisuke's jeans. Sobbing softly, Daisuke rubbed himself against Yamato's leg, clutching his hands against Yamato's shoulders. Smirking softly in triumph, Yamato bent his head and nibbled at the junction between Daisuke's throat and shoulder,wringing yet another strangled moan from the younger boy.

Ken-chan... gomen. I just don't want to be alone anymore... and you have Miyako...

Daisuke closed his eyes as a soft mewling noise escaped from between his lips. It felt so good to be held again...

"Taichi..." Yamato murmured as he pressed his lips to Daisuke's once again, mapping out the other's mouth with his tongue.

The blare of a horn and the sound of shouting snapped him out of the haze of lust that had taken him over.

"Yamato-san..." Daisuke chuckled softly, suddenly struck with how comical this all was. Here he was letting Yamato grope him against a wall in public. A drunk Yamato who had a fiancée and loved someone

else!! The Yamato who he was ready to kill about ten seconds ago!!

Tears of laughter ran down Daisuke's cheeks as he leaned on Yamato, unable to keep his balance. He had no idea why it was so funny to him, maybe that didn't matter. It felt good to laugh again.

"Come on Yamato. Let's get you home before we end up doing something we will regret." Daisuke pushed Yamato off of him, and dusted himself off. Looking over at Yamato, Daisuke was startled to see the happy smile on his face. "Yamato-san?"

Yamato giggled and shook his head. "I am glad you're not mad at me anymore, Taichi."

Daisuke sighed heavily. Oh. Yamato still thought he was Taichi. Great.

"Ahou." Daisuke tugged at Yamato's arm, dragging the drunken boy along the street. Yamato made a small sound of protest.

"Taichi!! I can't go home like this! Sora will kill me!!" Daisuke sweatdropped and looked over at Yamato with growing irritation. Just his luck. Yamato was a childish drunk.

"Fine. know of any place you can stay until you sober up?" Yamato's face screwed up as he thought, then a huge smile crossed over his face. "I'll come home with you!!!"

Daisuke sweatdropped. No. Not. Never.

What are you going to do with him then?!! You just can't leave him! He is your friend... errr... sort of... damn that little voice, why did it always have to be right? Daisuke couldn't just leave him here, that would be far too cruel, and no one was home at his house.

"Fine. Come on then."

///

Daisuke pulled out a spare blanket and an extra pillow and threw them at Yamato. "You sleep on the couch!"

Yamato pouted as he plopped himself down on the couch and stared at Daisuke with huge puppy dog eyes.

"But Tai-chaaaaaan... I always sleep with you when I stay over!!"

Daisuke's eyebrow twitched as he flipped off the lights.

"Good night, Yamato." Daisuke pulled shut the door to his room and flopped down on his bed.

Poor Yamato-san...

Daisuke rolled over on his side and buried himself under his blankets.

Morning was not something he looked forward to.

The sunlight slanted through the open window, hitting Yamato across the eyes. With a strangled moan, Yamato rolled over on his stomach and covered his head with the pillow. His head felt like Taichi was playing soccer with it...

Taichi!!

Yamato shot upwards, and immediately regretted it as a wave of nausea washed over him. Leaning back into the couch with a soft moan, Yamato looked around the apartment as small pieces of last night began to resurface. Yamato closed his eyes and tried to put them in order.

Pushing Taichi to the ground and saying all those fucking lies...

Sitting at the bar and buying drink after drink.

Someone punching him...

Pushing Taichi up to a wall and making out with him..

being forced to sleep on the couch...

Yamato opened his eyes and looked around. Wait. This wasn't Taichi's apartment..

A soft creak of a door and a loud yawn startled him,and turning his head around slowly, Yamato watched, horrified, as Daisuke padded out of his room,clothing rumpled and looking very much like a grumpy kitten.

"Ohayo Yamato-san. I hope your hangover isn't too bad." Daisuke chuckled softly before yawning again and walking into the kitchen.

"Ya need anything? Aspirin? Water?" Yamato just sat there, watching Daisuke.

No. NO. No fucking way!!! Yamato buried his face in his hands. what had he done? That wasn't Taichi he had made out with. It had been Daisuke.

"Yamato-san!! Stop it!! I am not Taichi!!"

Oh god... he had molested Daisuke against a wall ten feet from a bar.

Yamato stood up suddenly and rushed for the bathroom. What kind of a pervert was he? Daisuke was what, only 15? And he was 21.

So what if he was drunk. That didn't matter. Would it have been any better if he had assaulted Taichi like that? Yamato leaned against the toilet after emptying the contents of his stomach. He felt like crying again. He had made a fucking messed up life for himself. Yamato stood up shakily, feeling a little better then a few moments ago as he washed his mouth out with a little bit of water.Looking up at the mirror, Yamato flinched, running a hand through his hair. He looked like shit.

"Yamato-san?!!" A loud knock sounded at the door, followed by a very worried sounding voice. Why was Daisuke worried about him? Speaking of such, why had he been so nice and brought him back here after what he had done?

"Hai?" He heard a chuckle and a softly murmured 'baka'.

"Are you alright in there?"

Yamato sighed and pulled open the door. He frowned down at the rumpled looking Daisuke as the smaller boy beamed up at him. why was he acting like nothing had happened? Daisuke shook his head and turned around to go back to the kitchen

"Alright then. You sure you don't want any aspirin?" Yamato couldn't help the grin that bloomed on his face. Daisuke could be so sweet sometimes.

"I am fine. Erm... Daisuke?" Daisuke paused and looked back at him with a adorably confused look on his face.

"Hai?" Yamato took a few steps forward, watching his feet as he stopped a few inches from the other boy.

"Gomen nasai."

"For what?"

Yamato flinched, like he didn't know.

"Don't play dumb. I nearly raped you last night." Yamato was startled by Daisuke's hand on his shoulder.

"It's alright. You were drunk." Yamato shook his head, half-snarling.

"No it's not!" Yamato couldn't believe what he was hearing. Daisuke should be angry with him... hate him... anything but this. Yamato couldn't take it. He should be punished for what he did.

"How can you be so fucking nice to me after what I did, to you... to Taichi?!!"

Yamato dimly realized that he was getting a little carried away. But he couldn't believe any of this.

"Poor Yamato-san." Yamato looked at Daisuke with shock.

"Poor Yamato?! What the he..." Yamato was cut off by Daisuke wrapping

his arms around Yamato's neck and tugging him down for a kiss. It was short and very chaste... but... a kiss was a kiss.

After Daisuke pulled away, Yamato watched him with wide eyes trying to contemplate what exactly had happened. Daisuke blushed brightly and giggled.

"Sorry. But I didn't know how else to tell you. I wanted it." Daisuke leaned against Yamato, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's waist as he nuzzled Yamato's cheek. "It's been so long since someone has held me like that..." Yamato ran his hand through Daisuke's soft hair and chuckled.

"You have got to be kidding me..."

Daisuke smiled sweetly up at Yamato, licking at his lips, an action that made Yamato's heart flicker. What in the hell was Daisuke trying to pull here?! Yamato sighed softly as his hand continued to brush over the silky smooth hair of the little imp who held him.

"Why would I be kidding, Yamato-san?" Daisuke asked softly as he leaned his head into the hand that stroked his hair. Brown eyes stared up at him wickedly as delicate little fingers trailed over Yamato's back, wringing a startled gasp from his lips.

"I need something or I may explode...my Ken-chan...he chose Miyako and now I have no one to love me. Yamato-san, please!!" Daisuke's voice wavered softly at the mention of Ken. He looked up at Yamato with a hopeful expression. Yamato's tongue licked at his own dry lips. He could still taste the smaller boy on them.

"Please what Daisuke?"

Daisuke's eyes flashed as a small frown crossed over his passion flushed face. "Fuck me Yamato-san." Blue eyes widened in shock at the outright bluntness.Ooh...it was tempting, just screw over everyone and everything for one moment of pleasure.

No. He couldn't. No matter how much his body wanted him too. He would never forgive himself, to cheat on Sora...to cheat on Taichi...he could never sleep with another man, boy in Daisuke's case, again. Taichi was his first, and his last.

Daisuke whimpered softly, pressing his face into Yamato's chest as his clever hands rubbed at the tense muscles of his back. "Yamato-san?"

Blankly, Yamato looked down at the boy clutching his shoulders in an almost begging manner. He couldn't sleep with Daisuke.

He loved Taichi...

And was marrying Sora.

There would be no feeling behind it. Cold comfort,wasn't that what something like this was called?

"Who the hell do you think you are, Daisuke? I won't cheat on Sora with Taichi, so what makes you think that I would cheat on her with you?" Yamato pulled himself out of Daisuke's grip, ignoring the

soft plea that followed his leaving. It was hard to do so, but it would save them both a lot of mental and emotional anguish...they didn't need extra on top of all that they already had.

"Yamato-san!!"

Yamato froze, but did not turn around. He couldn't afford a look at the sweet boy, because he was so close to throwing every responsibility out the window already. He couldn't do it...

The soft rustling of cloth on cloth was the only warning he got before slim arms wrapped around his waist.

"Don't leave Yamato-san. We both need this, and you know it." Daisuke's lips pressed to the back of his neck, as little fingers played with the button to his jeans.

"..Stop it Daisuke..."

A soft peal of laughter was the only answer he got before a long moment of soft kisses pressed to his shoulder blades.

"No, Yamato-san. I know you love Taichi. I love my Ken-chan. But we can't have what we want, can we? You're too gutless to stay with Taichi and I...I lost to Miyako."

Yamato tensed in Daisuke's arms, glaring at the wall. Damn him. How *dare* he say those things to him. How dare he say the truth...

"Yamato-san... please. We both need this. It may not be with the ones we want it to be with... but I need someone to hold me again..." Daisuke's breath came out in soft sobbing gasps, and Yamato realized that the other boy was crying...

"Daisuke..." Yamato peeled the small arms from around his waist and watched as Daisuke dropped to the ground in defeat, tears streaming prettily down his cheeks. Yamato pressed his face to his hands, trying to gather back what was left of his wits, but he knew it was futile. Daisuke had won.

Yamato kneeled down in front of Daisuke, tipping the boy's face up to look him in the eyes.

"Fine, Daisuke. You win." Leaning forward, Yamato licked Daisuke's tears off of his cheeks, delighting in Daisuke's soft gasp of surprise.

"Y-yamato-san?" Daisuke's hands pressed into Yamato's chest as a small, hopeful smile spread across his face. Yamato chuckled softly and poked at Daisuke's wet cheek.

"Imp."

Daisuke laughed happily and launched himself into Yamato's arms, knocking them both to the ground.

///

Daisuke settled himself down in Yamato's lap and leaned forward to press a kiss to the blond man's lips. He couldn't believe he was doing something like this. Throwing himself at Yamato like some desperate fangirl...

'But Yamato-san is so handsome... and I haven't had any in months. I am sick of waiting for something that will never happen.'

Ken was gone. He would stay gone. And Yamato was here...Daisuke let out a small yelp as he felt Yamato push him lightly off his lap. With a wounded look in his eyes, Daisuke glared up at the tall man before him

"Yamato-san? What are you doing? You haven't changed your mind, have you?" Daisuke was almost begging, he wanted Yamato so much... Yamato just smiled warmly and gathered into Daisuke into his strong arms.

"Baka. I am not doing this on the floor."

Daisuke giggled, wrapping his arms around Yamato's neck.

"Good. Because I wouldn't have let you leave with out a fight." Yamato raised an eyebrow at Daisuke, smirking down at the boy in his arms.

"Hn." Yamato pushed open the door to Daisuke's room.

Daisuke sighed softly as Yamato placed him on his bed and crawled up next to him. The older boy didn't say much as he claimed Daisuke's lips once again. The older boy's movements were tense as he pulled Daisuke's shirt up to pull one of Daisuke's nipples into his mouth. Biting down on his lip to stifle the moan the threatened to break free, Daisuke stared up at the ceiling, an uncomfortable feeling churning in his stomach. Daisuke understood Yamato's need for silence, he was on-edge about this whole thing too. Maybe I should have just let him leave... if he doesn't want this, I shouldn't have talked him into it... With a dark growl, Daisuke pulled Yamato up for a kiss. Biting down lightly on Yamato's bottom lip, Daisuke wrapped his arms around the blonde, pulling him closer. He would not let Yamato regret this. He was not going to regret this either. Yamato was going to enjoy it if Daisuke had to be the one to do the fucking!

Yamato gasped softly at Daisuke's forcefulness, blue eyes widening.He guessed that Daisuke taking the lead was all right... he never liked being seme anyway. Finally, Yamato let his eyes side shut as he leaned into the kiss. Taichi had always been the forceful type, even if Yamato had to initiate it.Taichi... Yamato draped his arms around Daisuke's shoulders as the younger boy pushed him on to his back, nimble little fingers dancing over his chest. Yamato blinked, looking up at Daisuke as he broke their kiss he noted the evil little smirk and the mischievous glint in his chocolate brown eyes. Yamato opened his mouth to ask the little imp what exactly he was up to, not trusting the look in his eyes. But before his lips could form the question, Daisuke's hands had disappeared into his jeans, pressing into the bulge trapped in his underwear. Yamato cried out, back arching off the bed in his surprise.

"D-daisuke!" Yamato gripped at the sheets underneath his body, his breath coming in short gasps as Daisuke moved his hand between his legs.

"Hai, Yamato-san?" Blinking up at the innocent looking face that now hovered inches from his own, Yamato growled softly, arching his neck upwards to seal his lips over Daisuke's. The younger boy moaned softly in approval, as his fingers tightened around Yamato's erection.Reaching up Yamato started to undo the buttons of Daisuke's flannel pajamas. Too much clothing. Both of them were wearing far too much clothing! Daisuke giggled as he helped Yamato to get rid of their little problem. With a happy little giggle, Daisuke pounced, pushing Yamato back into the sheets.

///

Daisuke stared up at the ceiling, not noticing or caring that Yamato was still curled up against him. How could he? Daisuke rolled over, pulling out of Yamato's arms. Wrapping his own arms around his still naked chest, Daisuke sniffled softly. I am being silly. I should have known that was what he was thinking. Hell, I was thinking about Ken the whole time... I *knew* it meant nothing... But that doesn't take away the fact that it hurts... Daisuke whimpered softly. He just wanted to curl up in Ken's arms... that's were where he was at peace. In his Ken-chan's arms.

Beside him, Yamato stirred, lifting up his head to stare at Daisuke's back.

"Daisuke?" Daisuke laughed softly, the sudden urge to hurt someone as much as he was hurting surging through his body,making his words sharp.

"So. Now you remember my name, Yamato-san. Not so hard is it?" Yamato blinked as he sat up and rubbed at his eyes.

"What the hell are you talking about, baka?" Daisuke smirked, as he rolled over and poked Yamato in the gut.

"Do you recall whom you shouted out for this morning?" Yamato blinked, smacking Daisuke's hand away.

"...." Yamato flushed as he stared at Daisuke's smirking face. "Taichi... Daisuke, I am so..." Yamato was cut off by Daisuke reaching pulling him down and pressing his lips to Yamato's.

"Don't. I was thinking of someone else as well." Daisuke grumbled softly, anger at Yamato melting away as he leaned against Yamato with a sigh. "I just was lucky enough not to shout out his name in bed with someone else." Yamato flushed again, poking Daisuke in the forehead.

"What are you going to do about it?" Daisuke rolled over on his stomach and pulled a pillow over his head.

"Nothing. He loves Miyako." Yamato smiled, tugging on the pillow.

"Just as much as I love Sora. He just has a better time convincing himself other wise." Daisuke peered up at Yamato from under the white safety of his pillow.

"Is that so?" Yamato whapped Daisuke on the ass,making the other boy cry out sharply.

"Kisama!!!" Daisuke growled softly, scooting as far away from Yamato as he could, glaring at him darkly. Yamato laughed as he slipped out of Daisuke's bed and started to search for his clothing. Daisuke watched Yamato, looking much like a lost child.

"Y-yamato-san?" Yamato looked up from putting on his pants, smiling at Daisuke

"Hai?" Daisuke gulped softly.

"Should I go talk to him?" Yamato nodded as he slipped on his shirt.

"Yes." Daisuke smiled brightly as he watched Yamato leave. "Oh. And Daisuke?" Yamato paused at the door, hand on the knob. "Thank you." Daisuke blinked a few times, before throwing himself back on the bed. Thank you too, Yamato-san. i just hope you take your own advice... and talk to Taichi... Daisuke closed his eyes for a few seconds, before jumping out of bed and searching his room for something to wear.

He had just remembered that Miyako was out shopping with her sisters. Ken would be alone.

///

Ken looked up from his book, one eyebrow raised. He wasn't expecting anyone... Mama was out... Ken dog eared his book, uncurled his legs from underneath him and padded over to the door.

"Who is there?"

"Me." Ken's violet eyes flew wide as he threw open the door. Daisuke was standing there with a smirk on his face, brown eyes twinkling with glee.

"Yo, Ken-chan." Daisuke held up one hand in a greeting as he pushed past Ken and started for the kitchen, like he always had.

"D-daisuke-kun... what are you doing here?" Ken paused, flushing. "Don't call me 'chan'." Daisuke shrugged as he rummaged through Ken's fridge.

"I came to see how things are going with you and Miyako. I haven't been the best friend lately..." Daisuke smiled as he snapped open a can of pop. "Ken-*chan*." Ken glared at Daisuke, but he couldn't staymad at him for long. Especially when he was looking so cute as he glared at the can that refused to open. Walking over to his best friend, Ken took the can out of his hands, and snapped it open.

"There." Daisuke smiled, before he leaned over and pressed a kiss to Ken's forehead.

"What would I do without you?" Ken flushed darkly, glaring at the back of Daisuke's head as the taller boy made his way into the living room.

"What do you think you are doing?" Ken asked as he crossed his arms over his chest, and stood in front of Daisuke. Daisuke just smiled up at him, taking a sip of his pop.

"Nothing.Just thanking you for opening my pop, Ken-chan." Ken narrowed his eyes.

"Daisuke... I am sorry for breaking up with you so suddenly... but that was weeks ago... I love Miyako, and there is nothing that can change my mind." Daisuke chuckled, reaching up to grab Ken's wrist.

"What if I said I did not believe you?" Ken tried to tug his wrist out of Daisuke's grip, eyes wide.

"D-daisuke... let me go..." Ken felt his heart speed up, fluttering like a captured bird. What are you doing, Daisuke...? Daisuke stood up, his left hand touching Ken's cheek lightly. Ken took a step back, mouth going dry. He couldn't... he loved Miyako... Miyako...

"You're lying, Ken. I can see it in your eyes. You should know by now, you can't hide anything from me for forever." Ken tried to take another step back, but found he couldn't.. his back was pressed to a wall. He was trapped... Ken flushed as Daisuke pressed him gently against the wall, smiling warmly.

"Ken-chan no baka..." Daisuke lifted Ken's chin and pressed his lips to the other boy's lips. Ken moaned softly, reflexes kicking in. Ken had been in this position with Daisuke many times. It always ended the same... Ken under Daisuke, screaming out in pleasure. NO!! Not this time!! I don't love him... I don't!! Ken pushed Daisuke away from him, tears in his eyes. it hurt him to still say he loved Miyako after that... but he couldn't.. Mama-san was so happy...

"Pervert! What are you doing!? I said we were over!!" Daisuke licked at his lips, eyes filling with tears, not from pain... but from pity. Ken blinked as Daisuke took a few steps forward and brushed his dark hair out of his eyes, smiling sadly.

"I love you Ken-chan. Whenever you are man enough to admit the same, and do what you want... I'll still be waiting." Daisuke chuckled as he brushed his fingers over Ken's lips and turned to walk away.

"Sayonara, Ken-chan"

///

He couldn't remember when he had picked up the habit. He had always known that smoking was bad for you. Plus Miyako bitched at him every time he came home smelling like cigarettes. Maybe that was why he did it. If she was mad at him, she never slept in the same bed as him. So the couch had been his bed for the past month. Not that he minded...

The first few years, first few kids, he was able to convince himself that this was what he wanted.

What he needed.

But he had been wrong. Oh, how wrong he had been. She didn't want him, any more then he had wanted her.Both of them had made mistakes. Thought that what they had was love. Love. Ha! He had only felt true love for one person. Daisuke-chan...

His first.

First real friend.

First lover.

First love.

///

Ken sighed as he tossed his cigarette down to the ground with a practiced flick of his wrist. Grounding it out with the heel of his shoe, Ken stuffed his hands in his pockets and started down the street. It was almost time for dinner.

He had to at least seem to love Miyako... for his kids. He did love them, with all his heart. They kept him sane, he would suffer for them, he would stay with Miyako for them.

They were his world.

Ken told himself this every time he pushed open the door to his apartment. The things he did for those little imps.

"About time you got home Ken! You're ten minutes late!!" Miyako tossed her hair over her shoulder as smacked one sneaky little hand away from the cookies that sat cooling on the counter. Ken couldn't help but chuckle as she chased his youngest son out of the kitchen.

"Papa!! You're home!!" Ken smiled as his son launched himself into his arms. Lifting his son up and swinging him around, Ken laughed, forgetting about his depressing thoughts for one moment in time. Setting his child down, he swatted him lightly on the butt, sending him screeching into his room. Ken chuckled, pulling off his coat and hanging it up. Turning around, Ken was confronted by a angry Miyako.

"You're late again, Ken."

Ken nodded his head, not trusting the mood that Miyako was in.

"Sorry, Miyako. I had to clean up tonight." Ken lied. He hated lying... but Miyako would not like the truth, that he hated to come home to her... Miyako sniffed, placing her hands on her hips and glaring dangerously at Ken.

"YOU WERE SMOKING!!!!" *Whap* Miyako had whacked Ken over the head with her spoon, before retreating into the kitchen. Ken rubbed at the side of his head, glaring at Miyako as she served up dinner.

This was going to be a long night...

///

Ken lay in their bed, shaking, and his violet eyes over flowing with tears. He hadn't meant to... Really... It just came out... Miyako had convinced him to sleep with her tonight, and like the idiot he was, Ken had accepted...

Flinching at the memory of Miyako panting underneath him, Ken pressed his face to his pillow, ignoring the sounds of Miyako packing loudly, shouting at their children to hurry up, she wanted out of this hell hole as soon as possible. Ken moaned softly, burying himself deeper into the sheets. He wasn't going to stop her, she would be back... with divorce papers most likely.

He deserved it... but it wasn't his fault if he could no longer lie to himself... thinking about Daisuke had been the only thing that had gotten him up, as it always had been. But this time he had shouted out Daisuke's name, in bed with Miyako. He couldn't lie anymore, Miyako knew, and she was leaving him. Ken smiled a little, for the first time in hours. It was bound to happen sooner or later, he was just glad that Miyako did it and not him.

At the sound of a slamming door, Ken peeked out from under the blankets, laughing at how childish he was being. But a Miyako angry was scary!!! Padding into the kitchen, Ken opened the fridge and pulled out a can of soda, and froze, fingers poised to open it. Daisuke... Ken looked down at the can, tears filling his eyes. He had to see him...

///

Daisuke closed the door to his beloved ramen shop, grinning broadly as he looked inside for the last time for a week. He was going on a well-needed vacation of sleep and pigging out for a whole week.Maybe some bishounen hunting... he hadn't had a good lay in a long time. Chuckling to him self, Daisuke turned to walk down to the subway station.

"Daisuke?"

Daisuke laughed, not recognizing the voice.

"That would be me. How can I help you..." Daisuke trailed off, brown eyes widening as he beheld Ken, standing there with the sunset blazing behind him. Daisuke felt his mouth go dry, and licking his lips, he forced a smile onto his face.

"Ken!! Long time no see! What brings you around this part of town?"

Ken frowned softly, taking a few steps forward.

"I was watching you all day Daisuke..."

"KEN!!" Daisuke cried out mockingly, "Are you stalking me now?!!" Ken's frown deepened as he reached out to brush his hand across Daisuke's cheek.

"Baka. I... Miyako is divorcing me."

Daisuke blinked, not really sure about what he was hearing.

"I am sorry to hear that, Ken. What about your kids?"

Ken sighed, looking a little flustered.

"Don't you want to know why?" Ken whispered brokenly. Daisuke shrugged his shoulders, smirking at the shorter man.

"Not really. I know why."

Ken stiffened, narrowing his eyes.

"You're not going to let this be easy for me, are you?"

Daisuke smirkedas he ran his fingers through the blue silk of Ken's hair.

"Why should I? You come back to me after all these years, and expect me to just take you back with open arms?" Daisuke laughed, fingers tightening in Ken's hair. "What if I had found someone else? Did you think I was going to drop them to be with you?" Daisuke pulled away from Ken, shaking his head. Ken whimpered softly, tears welling up in his eyes. He knew Daisuke was going to reject him... Daisuke...

"Gomen... I-I should have thought this over... I just wanted to see you so bad... Gomen nasai... I'll leave you alone now..." Ken backed up, shaking his head from side to side, pressing his lips together in a thin line, trying in vain to keep his sobbing in.

Daisuke stood there, hands in his pockets as he watched Ken walking away A few more moments... Daisuke itched at his arms, impatient to chase after Ken. Just a little more.... Daisuke felt horrible for toying with Ken, even though Ken deserved it. He hadn't earned a happy ending. Not after what he did to Daisuke... Miyako... himself. But all the anger and pain at the stubborn man melted away as Ken turned around, a few feet away and smiled sadly.

"I still love you, Daisuke. I hope some day you will forgive me." It was like tugging on a leash. Ken found himself wrapped up in Daisuke's arms with in seconds, his mouth being ravished with Daisuke's own. Moaning, the shorter man pressed his body into Daisuke's, his heart fluttering wildly.

"Come home with me, my Ken-chan."

"For how long?"

No answer... Ken wasn't really expecting one.

///

Ken smiled as he kicked off his shoes at the door, slipping into a pair of house slippers. The apartment was rather small, and *messy*. Looking over his shoulder at Daisuke, Ken chuckled.

"You never change... do you?" Ken gestured to the mess, smirking at Daisuke's flushed face.

"Shut up, you."

Ken laughed walking over to Daisuke and draping himself over the taller man's shoulders.

"Make me." Ken heard the sharp intake of breath and felt Daisuke's fingers tighten their hold.

"My Ken-chan?" Daisuke suddenly was unsure of himself. Lots of his dreams started out like this... Ken coming back to him... then them screwing deep into the night... and then Daisuke waking up to a empty bed. Ken lifted up one pale hand, brushing it over Daisuke's dark face.

"I love you Daisuke. Zutto."

Daisuke smiled warmly, wrapping his arms around Ken's slim body as he lead the other man into his bedroom, leaving a trail of clothing behind them. Ken laughed happily as Daisuke pressed him to his bed and reclaimed his mouth. So long... Too long... Ken felt as if he was finally at peace, and closing his eyes, he arched into Daisuke's warm touch. Whispering Daisuke's name into the night, Ken was given back his soul as Daisuke took what belonged to him back. A moment of intense pain, a second of pure pleasure and it was over. Ken lay in Daisuke's arms, warm, sweaty and content. Daisuke murmured sleepily, nuzzling at Ken's hair happily. Ken's smile was sleepy, but happy, and snuggling as close to Daisuke as he could get, Ken let the first restful sleep in a long time overcome him.

///

Yamato adjusted his tie, blue eyes flashing as he waited outside the large door, sweating with worry. Why hadn't he paid more attention... it was his fault that Sakura-san had gotten hurt in the accident. He caused it after all... Now all he could do was sit here and hope... pray that he would still be able to work, that they wouldn't fire him, he wasn't sure he could handle a change of job at the moment. His oldest son was going to a private high school next year, and Sora had lost her job, her latest fashions had failed horribly and no one would hire her any more. So everything was riding on his job. As much as he hated it, he had to keep it...

He still couldn't remember how he had gotten mixed up in all of it... an astronaut. Even Yamato himself had not seen that one coming. He had always thought that he would be a singer or something...Just like you were so sure that you were going to be happy with Sora? Yamato growled softly, running his hand through his chopped hair. That voice never left him alone.NEVER. It liked so much to rub salt in his wounds. Taichi... Yamato had never forgiven himself for his betrayal of Taichi. He replayed it over and over in his head almost every day. That must be his punishment for hurting the other so long ago.

Digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, Yamato moaned softly, irritated at his weakness. Still! Even after all these years... I never talk much to him... I never said I was sorry... Yamato sat down on one of the plastic chairs in the stuffy office, leaning over his knees and starring at the ground, the reason he was here in the first place forgotten.

Being in such a deep trance, Yamato did not see the man who came into the waiting room... but the man saw him. Taichi pressed down the urge to break into tears, his automatic response every time Yamato was even mentioned... Working for the government meant that astronaut Ishida's latest accomplishment was often the main topic at the water coolers, opening the painful wound over and over again, almost every day. Taichi narrowed his eyes, fist clenching at his side as he set the papers on the desk of the secretary, the only other person in the room. Yamato still had not seen him. Good. Taichi wanted to surprise him... He was going to get the answers he wanted today. He could not go on living like this any more, longing for something he could never have... crying over something that happened so long ago. No more. Taichi would get his closure.

///

Yamato sighed in relief as he walked down the empty hallways, his own foot falls echoing the only sound. Yamato was glad for that... he wanted to be alone for a few moments. They had decided to keep him after all. Thank god, he could go home and tell Sora the good news. But he was in no hurry to get back to her. After a few years, she could no longer stay in denial over who his heart belonged to. She knew now that she had never truly had a chance, and she had become bitter. Going home was not a comforting thought for him. Once again Yamato was too caught up in his own thoughts, he did not hear the footsteps behind him... but the voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Hello Ishida-san." Yamato spun around, blue eyes impossibly wide.

"Taichi..." there he was... Taichi... beautiful, sweet Taichi. Yamato took a few steps forward, but stopped, inches from his goal. Taichi's eyes were hard, hatred flickering in their once warm depths. Yamato froze, his mouth falling open to speak when a fist came out of nowhere, hitting him so hard he fell back on his ass, papers flying out of his hands and on to the cold floor. Taichi shook his hand, still glaring at Yamato as the other man rubbed at his jaw.

"Taichi?" Yamato knew his voice was pleading, the moment Taichi's fist had slammed into his face he understood. Not hatred in those warm brown eyes... pain, hurt, longing. Yamato stared up at his once lover/best friend and felt like crying once he saw the tears of frustration streaming down Taichi's face.

"WHY?!!!!!" Taichi screamed, years of pain ripping loose from their confinement, "Why, Ishida? Why can't I hate you?! I want to... I want to hate you with every thing I am! But I can't... Why, damn it?!! Why do you still do this to me?!!" Taichi sobbed out, flinging himself down and into Yamato's arms, pressing his flushed face into the crook of Yamato's neck, muttering 'Why' over and over again.

Yamato whimpered softly, arms holding the weeping man close. He had done this... he knew it was his entire fault. Everything bad was his fault, one way or another...

"Gomen, Taichi... Gomen, gomen nasai... I was such a baka... I should have never said those things to you. I should have apologized the first time I saw you afterwards. Forgive me... please..."

Taichi shook his head as hard as he could. Never. He would never forgive him!

"No. No. No. Never! You... you don't deserve my forgiveness, Yama-chan." Taichi lifted his head, pressing his lips to Yamato's slack ones. Deeply, he kissed his Yama-chan, because he knew that this would be the last time... Taichi pulled away, fresh tears streaming down his face as he stood up. Touching Yamato's face gently, Taichi shook his head once again.

"I love you, Yama-chan. I always will. But I will never forgive you. Sayonara." Taichi smiled down at the shocked Yamato, turned to walk away, and was soon out of sight.

Yamato sat there, in that same spot for hours... seconds? Maybe only a few minutes... it didn't matter... nothing mattered...

Never...

///

Daisuke tossed his arm over his eyes, shielding them from the morning's light. Moaning softly, Daisuke rolled over on his side away from the warm sunshine. The angel beside him stirred softly, nuzzling closer to his warmth. Daisuke smiled sleepily, not opening his eyes for fear that Ken would disappear. He knew he wouldn't, this was too good to be a dream after all. Daisuke laughed softly, hugging the smaller man closer to his own body.

Zutto. That is how long, my Ken-chan. Zutto.