Faith walked home with a sick feeling of disappointment and pain in the pit of her stomach. The evening had been unbearably awkward and the conversation with Carson afterwards has been humiliating and heartbreaking. She had tried to convince herself for many months that Carson was just a well admired colleague and that contemplating a relationship would be pointless. They were colleagues and he was still grieving his wife and had shown no interest in her at all.
However, even though she had tried she could no longer deny that her feelings went deeper and she held inside herself a longing that she had never felt before. It had been hard over the last several months to deal with the fact that he didn't show any signs that his feeling where changing. It was harder still to hear him say it out loud.
She closed the door of the small rented room she called home and fell onto her bed. As she stared at the celling she willed herself not to cry. She was sick of feeling this way. She felt pathetic and ashamed that she had let these feelings overtake her life. Carson had now made his feelings clear the he had no intentions of pursuing her. It was time to move on. The only question now was how.
Carson couldn't pinpoint what was going on with Faith but she had been acting strange the last few days. She was usually so sweet and cheerful They had become such a good team that they worked in sync, anticipating each others next move. But suddenly everything was out of sync and his jokes didn't make her laugh anymore. In all the time they had worked together she had never once acted this way. He had this urge to fix it. Even after a few days he desperately missed her. He missed their banter. He missed her beautiful smile when she looked up at him. He realised how much he had come to rely on her and how much he loved being around her.
He looked up from where he was standing at Abigail's and could see her talking to the new saloon owner. Why was she laughing with him yet an hour ago he could barely get her to smile. As the newcomer leant over and touch her arm he felt a surge of feelings he couldn't quiet name but felt might be jealousy.
She looked up and caught him staring at her but he didn't look away. She smiled slightly but the smile didn't reach her eyes. She said goodbye to the man and slowly left the cafe. Carson began following her without thinking, he just desperately needed to be with her.
"Faith, wait up" he said as he got close to her.
She turned to face him and formally ask "Is there anything that I can help you with Carson?".
He was shocked at the coldness in her voice in comparison to the cheerfulness that was once there.
"I just wanted to make sure you are ok. You haven't been acting yourself lately" He stated trying desperately to show how much he cared.
The loving look in his eyes broke something in Faith and she felt her eyes begin to water.
He step forward and reach up to wipe away the tear slowly run down her cheek.
"Please tell me whats going on so I can fix it" He said softly.
She looked up at him as his hand still rested on her cheek. There eyes caught for a moment and it felt like everything else around them slipped away.
Carson felt a tenderness swell up inside him and wanted to wrap his arms around her and make her pain go away.
A loud noise in he street snapped them both out of their trance and he dropped his hand. She giggled awkwardly clearly embarrassed at the emotions she had showed.
"I'm fine Carson. I should go" she said as she turned and hurried off.
He watched as she walked away and realised he was imagining what life would be like if he was walking her home. Maybe to their home where he could hold her and know what was really going on.
"But how ridiculous would that be" he said to himself.
And that's when it hit him. The walk home after Rosemary's failed dinner. What a stupid thing to say to someone, especially when suddenly the thought didn't seem ridiculous at all.