A/N: Happy Halloween everybody! Here's my Halloween special, or at least the start of it. I'm not actually done with it yet, but I wanted to upload it today... I've already completed five chapters and I've started work on the sixth (about halfway through the plot by now). I really need to be working on the next Janaverse fic, though...
Anyway, this was vaguely inspired by something super old on the kink meme. Also, scattered throughout this fic you're going to find a ton of references to vampire media and lore, and it can get pretty esoteric sometimes, so I helpfully explain all the references at the end of each chapter. You're welcome.
February 28, 7:47 PM, High Prosecutor's Office
There was literally no reason for Edgeworth to call Phoenix to his office at this time of day. There was a reason for Edgeworth to be here this late - it seemed as though the man never stopped working. In fact, he had been working harder than ever lately; he was definitely paler than when Phoenix had last seen him. Although that wasn't saying much. Edgeworth and sunlight appeared to be mutually exclusive.
"Did you need something?" Phoenix said lamely. He had been standing in front of Edgeworth's desk for what had to be at least fifteen minutes (okay, maybe thirty seconds) with Edgeworth ignoring him.
"Actually," Edgeworth said, shuffling his papers back into their neat little file without looking up at Phoenix, "there was something that I decided I need to tell you, Wright."
Instantly, Phoenix's heart was in his throat. He knew it would be ridiculous to hope that what Edgeworth had to say was what Phoenix hoped Edgeworth had to say but ah, dang, that's definitely not going to be it, Phoenix thought. With my luck, he's probably… straight or something. Despite the fact that Edgeworth was, well, Edgeworth and hey - what was Phoenix thinking, anyway?
Edgeworth was glaring at him, apparently wondering the same thing. "Finished staring off into space, Wright?"
"Sorry, what?" Phoenix said, feeling his face heat up. Great, only about three minutes into the meeting and he'd already made a fool of himself. At least Edgeworth was used to that.
Edgeworth put his file down and stood up, sighing. "Where to start with this," he muttered, mostly to himself, then said, "first off, Wright, you are aware that I do not joke around, correct?"
Phoenix stared at him blankly for a moment before slowly saying, "Yeeesss…?"
Edgeworth nodded once and said, "and do you agree to the stipulation that this conversation is not to leave this room?"
Phoenix blinked rapidly a few times before nodding. He didn't quite trust his mouth not to do something really stupid.
"What I am about to say is going to sound ridiculous, but please believe me," Edgeworth said, taking a deep breath. "Wright, I…"
He trailed off, looking to the side… embarrassed? Phoenix vaguely gesticulated a "go ahead" - he still didn't think he could say anything and have it not be really, really dumb. Or without his voice cracking. Whichever.
Edgeworth shifted uncomfortably, then looked Phoenix directly in the eyes. "Wright," he said, "I'm a vampire."
Now Phoenix found his voice. "You're a what."
"A vampire."
"You're ki-" Phoenix cut himself off. Edgeworth seemed way too serious about this. "A… a v-vampire?" he said, unsure if he heard him right.
"Yes," Edgeworth said simply, "a vampire."
"Wh…" Phoenix's brain appeared to be shutting down in self-defense. "Huh?"
Edgeworth sighed irritably, pulled his sleeve back slightly, and thrust his hand towards Phoenix. "Look," he said, "tell me if you feel a pulse."
Dumbfounded, Phoenix took Edgeworth's hand and pressed his fingers to the wrist. His skin was dead cool - well, not really a surprise; again: Edgeworth and human warmth were not concepts usually associated with each other - and it had that unnerving too-firm not-firm-enough feel of a fresh corpse - and sure enough, there was no pulse to be found. Startled by this, Phoenix forgot himself and practically threw himself at Edgeworth, pressing his ear against the latter's chest before he got the chance to respond. There was no heartbeat to be heard.
"Gg-! Get off of me!" Edgeworth shouted, shoving Phoenix roughly away.
"Sorry, sorry," Phoenix said, backing away as fast as he could, "but, like - a real vampire? Like in the movies?"
"…depends on what sort of movies you've been watching," Edgeworth said, peering at Phoenix warily. It was only now that Phoenix noticed, when Edgeworth talked, that his canine teeth had grown longer and sharper.
"Uh, you know, the classics," Phoenix said defensively. He probably shouldn't bring up Twilight. "I mean… vampires are pretty cool, so…" What was he saying? Shut up, Phoenix, he told himself.
"You only say that because you haven't had the privilege of being an undead abomination," Edgeworth said dryly, rolling his eyes.
"You could make me an undead abomination."
There was a brief pause, and Phoenix buried his face in his hands. He knew that was stupid as soon as the word "you" had passed his lips but his mouth didn't appear to be cooperating with his brain tonight. Edgeworth looked offended…
"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that," Edgeworth said stiffly, "anyway, Wright, when I set aside time for this meeting I did so with the assumption that you would have questions."
"Oh, right," Phoenix said, blinking. "Um…"
"Go ahead," Edgeworth said with an even glare.
Phoenix glanced around the room awkwardly for a second before saying, "How many of those old vampire-y legends are true, then?"
"Most of them," Edgeworth said mildly.
"Very helpful."
"I try."
"I mean, like, the stuff about garlic, wild rose, hawthorn plants, aloe vera, and mustard seeds," Phoenix clarified, "and being repelled by crosses, not being able to cross running water, burning or weakening in the sunlight, sleeping in coffins, being killed by stakes and beheading, being able to hypnotize people-"
"One at a time," Edgeworth snapped, "and why do you know so much about vampire legends?"
"…as I said, vampires are pretty cool," Phoenix said, then coughed to cover up the discomfiture.
Edgeworth rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said, "some of what you know is wrong but more than you'd probably think is accurate. For instance, the apotropiacs you mentioned don't necessarily repel a vampire, but it's not uncommon to develop an allergy to any or all of those plants upon being turned. Additionally, many vampires dislike how garlic and mustard make the blood taste."
"…blood tastes different depending on what you eat?" Phoenix said, tilting his head slightly, "what else effects the flavor? Just out of curiosity."
Edgeworth eyed him suspiciously, but said, "Mainly health and age. Someone like you - healthy, more or less, and in the prime of his life - would have very… desirable blood." He cleared his throat. "Another desirable trait would be virginity; virgins are purported to have the tastiest blood." He rushed on before Phoenix could make an inappropriate comment about the status of his innocence, which was probably for the best. "Different blood types taste different, with O negative being widely regarded as the best and AB positive as the worst."
"I'm B positive," Phoenix commented helpfully.
"Most vampires have a favorite blood type," Edgeworth said, ignoring Phoenix's help. "Blood diseases and the like taint the flavor of the blood, as does having a tattoo or regularly consuming alcohol, tobacco or anything with nicotine, or drugs, legal or not. Reputedly, though, the biggest factor in flavor is actually the relationship between the vampire and the… donor. The stronger the, for lack of a better word, bond between them, the better it tastes."
"So it depends on how much you love the donor?" Phoenix said, "…so do vampires just, I don't know, get a human family member or close friend to be some kind of snack donor?"
Edgeworth shifted slightly, frowning. "While preferred personal donors aren't uncommon, since the amount of blood required for a 'meal' is not a particularly dangerous amount as long as feedings are restrained to about twice a week or less, they're typically lovers, for… obvious reasons."
Phoenix blinked in confusion, then felt his face heat up - again! - as he realized the kind of nature vampiric feedings must have. "Do you… do you have a personal donor?"
"No," Edgeworth said flatly, "like most vampires around here, I subsist on blood packets helpfully collected and provided by the local Red Cross - and before you ask, no, we can't subsist on animal blood; it'd be akin to trying to survive on a diet of bread and water alone. Also, all of the information I just gave you about flavor is second hand, as I was only turned a few days ago." He sighed.
"Wait," Phoenix said, frowning, "'like most vampires around here'?"
"That will be explained later. Now, as for your other questions: being repelled by religious symbols is fairly subjective, as for the most part it depends on the faith of the person wielding the symbol, which can actually be from any religion," Edgeworth said, sounding very much as though he were reciting out of a textbook, "vampires cannot, in fact, cross running water, but only if it is relatively pure and directly from a natural source, so pipes and polluted rivers affect them - affect… us no more than they would a human."
"…how do you know so much about this?" Phoenix said, crossing his arms and giving Edgeworth a suspicious look, "you just said you'd only been turned a few days ago - and how come you accepted it so fast? Shouldn't you be in denial or something?"
"Again, that will be explained later," Edgeworth said, waving him off, "as I was saying, the legend about burning - or being weakened - in sunlight is partially true. Vampire skin is very photosensitive, so being in direct sunlight for even a short amount of time will result in severe sunburns that can, if exposure to the sun is prolonged, eventually kill the vampire through a process similar to heatstroke. Of course," he added, picking up on Phoenix's concern, "vampires such as I, who wish to continue living and working in the human world, have access to a special kind of sunblock… I was told it was invented about 25 years ago by a vampire who happened to have a human son whom he did not wish to abandon upon being turned."
"Interesting," Phoenix said, just to have something to say.
"Moving on. Sleeping in coffins is a complete falsehood, purely because vampires do not need to sleep. They - we can if we wish to, but most don't bother with it."
"Including you," Phoenix guessed.
Edgeworth nodded. "I have no time for it - during the day I continue my human life, but during the night I am forced to lead a vampiric life." He shifted uncomfortably again. "Or at least I will soon. A few days are given to adjust before… nevermind, that will also be explained later. Anyway, back to answering your questions-" Phoenix frowned at Edgeworth's poor attempt at a segue, so unlike him! "Beheading and staking are, while not technically the only way to kill a vampire, the easiest and most reliable ones, so they're a favorite of vampire slayers."
"Vampire slayers?" Phoenix said, stunned.
Edgeworth gave him a slightly sardonic smirk before answering, "of course. How else do you think the vampire population remains stable? We have no natural predators, no illnesses, and we recover from all other injuries - and once we're turned, we no longer age and die of natural causes. But you'll be hearing more about that later. Where was I?"
Phoenix looked over Edgeworth, carefully trying to memorize his features. No more aging, huh? It honestly sounded kind of awesome to Phoenix - to not have to worry about getting old and sick or even have to worry about getting hit by a bus. A vampiric reassurance of immortality would have come in handy at Hazakura temple! "So the not aging thing is because you're undead, right?"
"I'm not sure I like that term," Edgeworth said, frowning, "but yes, it is. We are undead… our hearts don't beat, our blood doesn't flow; we don't even breathe."
"You look like you're breathing to me."
"Pure habit - the same can be said for blinking," Edgeworth said dismissively, "plus, it's the only way to smell - a sense of smell is very important to a predator, so it's one of the things that is… augmented upon turning." Phoenix wondered if he was supposed to notice the sigh at the end of the sentence.
"Okay, what about hypnosis, turning into bats, super strength, switching your humanity 'on' and 'off'…"
"Where did you get that last one from?"
"Uh… nowhere."
Edgeworth's lips twitched in irritation before he answered. "A vampire is only slightly stronger than they were as a human, although their endurance increases exponentially. And it is true that some vampires - some very old vampires - have 'magical' powers like turning into mist or controlling packs of wolves, to use a famous example. I've heard that the only ability that can be satisfactorily grasped in less than a quarter-century is hypnosis."
"I see," Phoenix said at length.
"Any other questions?"
"Do you show up in mirrors?" Phoenix had already confirmed that he cast a shadow.
"Yes, assuming there is no silver involved."
"Is arithmomania common or what?" Edgeworth gave him a weird look. "What?"
"Anything else?"
"Yeah - how exactly do you turn a vampire, anyway?" As casual as possible. Phoenix smiled disarmingly.
"…in light of your previous stupid comment, I'm not going to answer that."
"Fine, be that way. Hmm… well, if you don't mind my asking, who… who turned you?"
Edgeworth was silent for a moment, then his usually blank face broke into that strangely adorable worried expression that Phoenix was much more used to seeing when Edgeworth's carefully-planned life was falling apart. Which, he supposed, it kind of was. "That… has yet to be proven."
"…huh?"
—
February 28, 11:30 PM, Wright and Co. Law Offices, Phoenix Wright's bedroom
Despite the repeated brushings-off of questions with the justification of "That will be explained later," Phoenix had been practically shoved out the door when Edgeworth decided that he wanted to go back to work. Or that he'd had enough Phoenix for one night. Frustrated, Phoenix had gone home and gone to bed without answering Maya or Pearls' questions about what Edgeworth had wanted, and he was now lying awake, staring at the ceiling, mulling over the unanswered questions and the implications thereof.
His vague fantasizing of being Edgeworth's personal donor and maybe (accidentally?) getting turned into a powerful, immortal vampire was interrupted by the sound of the window opening. Wait, what?
He jolted up and stared at the window that overlooked only the urine-stained alley right outside the Wright and Co. Law Offices. Yep, it was open, and sitting on the sill was a haughty-looking woman with an impassive expression. Her clothing practically screamed "von Karma" despite the tatters - and the fact that her brooch was shaped like teutonic cross, which Phoenix had never associated with the von Karmas - although he couldn't be sure if the dark-blue-and-black color scheme was just a trick of the moonlight or not, since the streetlamp that usually covered this side of the building was out again. Her hair was also an ambiguous color in the moonlight - perhaps blue-grey, like Franziska's? - and it was very long, pulled back in an unruly ponytail that mirrored the fringe that folded up over her forehead and trailed down over one shoulder. And she had a long, thin scar on the cheek not covered by her hair.
"Are you done staring at me?" she said in a clear, slightly German-accented voice.
"S-Sorry," Phoenix said, touching the back of his neck sheepishly, "you must be, uh, Manfred von Karma's older daughter, right? The one with the daughter?"
She smiled almost imperceptibly. "And you must be the fool who broke both of my younger siblings' perfect records." She bowed her head slightly. "Eva von Karma, vampire slayer, at your service."
"Phoenix Wright, defense attorney, at yours." He answered more out of habit than anything else. "…vampire slayer?"
She pulled an ash wood stake out from a sheath on her belt and toyed with it, running her thumb over the sharp end thoughtfully. "How much do you know about the family von Karma?"
"Uh. They're German, all prosecutors, and obsessed with perfection."
"Two and a half out of three - not bad," Eva said with another small smile. "For your information, Phoenix Wright, there are two favored professions in our family: prosecuting and slaying vampires. They're more similar than you think," she added, raising an eyebrow, presumably at Phoenix's confusion. Then she added again, as an afterthought: "Oh, and even though we are German, von Karmas have lived and worked in Los Angeles since its founding."
"…o-kay," Phoenix said slowly.
"You know both my younger sister and my adopted younger brother," Eva said, tilting her head, "but I don't suppose either of them ever told you they were trained from a young age in the science and art of policing and culling the vampire population in this city."
"…no."
She smirked briefly. "Figures. Miles, in the end, chose to become solely a prosecutor. Finding out at age nine that vampires were real was a bit of a shock to him, so he tried very hard to put that entire side of life behind him. Franziska also chose to focus on prosecuting, although unlike Miles she doesn't constrain it to human courts."
"Human… courts?" Phoenix's eyes widened. "So, there are vampire courts?"
"That's what I'm here for," Eva said lightly, "I'm sure you've heard a little of this already, but the vampires here aren't allowed to run wild like they are in other cities which I will not name. They have two major rules: do not kill, and do not turn. The penalties for breaking these rules is one and the same: death. To keep the population from growing, you understand."
"So you put them on trial first?"
"Of course we do. Actually, a trial for killing a human - or another vampire - and a trial for turning a human are very similar, as most new vampires don't actually remember their turning. This is at least partially because if a vampire is going to intentionally turn someone, they're going to try and make sure that the new vampire won't make an accusation."
"Did Edgeworth make an accusation?"
Eva shook her head. "He was asleep when turned - evidence suggests that he was actually smothered into unconsciousness before the act of turning itself. If vampires weren't involved, you would definitely have a premeditated murder on your hards."
Despite himself, Phoenix shivered. "Alright, so I guess the trial's coming up, then, right? Edgeworth mentioned 'a few days to adjust'…"
"Yes, that's actually what I'm here about," Eva said, "you were one of the first people that Miles told about his newfound vampirism. That means that you're invited to the trail." She smiled, and Phoenix was almost surprised to see that her teeth, while straight and white and perfect, were plainly human. "Actually, you're obligated to go."
Phoenix gave her an odd look. "As a witness or something?"
"No, no - the days leading up to the turning trial is the only time when the new vampire can tell as many people as they like about their species change. Then, whoever they tell has to come watch the trial so that they can learn a little bit about the vampire world that the new vampire is - in most cases, anyway - going to be spending the rest of their unnatural life in." She resheathed the stake, and stretched her shoulders a little, almost unnervingly casual. "They also have to watch the slaying at the end of it, if the accused is found guilty."
"Sounds brutal."
"I suppose. Vampires just skeletalize upon slaying, so you kind of get used to it."
"I guess. So when and where is the trial? Oh, and who else is 'invited'?"
"It's tomorrow night," Eva said, "someone will come collect you, don't worry. Perhaps even Miles - he knew all this in advance, of course. He's known for years. Be sure not to forget that." She brushed her hair out of her eyes and continued, "the only other person he bothered telling was that detective he hangs out with - Dick Gumshoe. He'll be there, too."
"One more thing," Phoenix said, glancing at the door of his room, "I figure I'm supposed to keep all this a secret, but-"
"Don't worry, there are no real consequences for 'revealing' that vampires exist to other humans as long as you don't try to involve them in the vampire community itself - not that your options there are wide, either," Eva said, "people will just think you're crazy, so it won't matter."
"You don't know Maya."
Eva frowned. "Maya… Maya Fey, oh yes - she's of the least concern. She already knows."
Phoenix did a double-take. "Wha-at?"
"You know how vampires are, technically speaking, dead?"
"Yes?"
"That means that they can be channelled - and we have to do that sometimes, so there's actually a branch of the Fey family that works very closely with we von Karmas in our investigations and law enforcement."
"…ah. I didn't think that she was serious about her scary vampire stories."
"I can't say how much she knows, honestly," Eva said with a shrug, "just that she should be aware of that particular branch and its function."
"Is she supposed to come to the trial with me?"
"Only if she wants to."
Phoenix nodded absently. It'd probably just be easier for everyone involved if he didn't mention the trial to her and just let her go to bed without knowing that 'someone' was coming to 'collect' Phoenix. "Can I ask just one more thing?"
"Do you always do that?"
"Yeah - who exactly is accused of turning Edgeworth, anyway?"
Eva leaned back slightly, with a smug, assured, accomplished look on her face. "Some woman who managed to get herself turned in prison - she only just got out and the first thing she does is turn an old colleague. What a bat."
Phoenix sat a little straighter at 'old colleague'. "Wait, don't tell me her name is…"
"Lana Skye."
—
Everything Phoenix asks about is a part of vampire mythologies from around the world. If you want to get more specific, look it up on Wikipedia. Edgeworth's responses are mostly my interpretations. And although I pull this in other fics sometimes, just know that Edgeworth is actually a reliable source of information and everything in the fic should be consistent with what he tells Phoenix, assuming I don't screw up my own fanon.
"Turning emotions on and off" is a thing in Vampire Diaries, apparently. (I don't watch Vampire Diaries, so I had to look it up.) Turning into mist and controlling wolves comes from Bram Stoker's Dracula.
Also, Eva has an ash wood stake in particular because ash wood is the preferred way to kill a vampire in Russia and the Baltics.