iTangled
Warning: Foul language and, with any luck, plenty of confusion straight ahead.
A/N: I've been getting into Faulkner recently, so this is my angsty Seddie take on him. Please enjoy? :)
carlyi'msosorrybut
This is wrong. I know this is wrong. I know the difference between right and wrong and I know this is wrong but I'm doing it anyway why I don't know I can stop I have stopped I don't want to stop I like it.
"We're being bad," you say, running your hand down my chest.
"I know," I reply, and kiss you.
And then we're kissing and fireworks are going off in my head like it's a fucking movie boom what the hell?
I pull away first idon'twantto and shake my head idont'twanttostop fiercely. "We've got to stop this. I don't want to, but we have to. This is gonna hurt more people than it should." wealwayssayweshouldstop
Sigh. Who sighed? I don't know if it was you or me or both or neither or if I imagined it does it matter not really a sigh is a sigh and it's all the same in the long run isn't it no but unless you know what the sigh meant it's irrelevant
You don't love me; you love Carly
That's a lie and you know it
You're dating her
You don't want to date me
No
It's wrong. We're cheating. And I'm trying to focus on that but your hands are in my hair and my mind is going blank of anything except you and this and now.
I don't believe in love
idon'tbelieveinlove
love love love is a word it's just another four-letter word that doesn't mean anything
that's a lie and you know it
this is a lie
"Why do we do this?" you ask me, sighing there's that sigh again but this time it was you it was definitely you I think deeply. You touch my face. "We both know it isn't right. We both have morals."
Morals mean nothing when it's you and it's me and it's heat and there's nothing but you and me and heat and time time time what is time worth all you ever lose is time you never gain it it's only lost and once it's gone you can't get it back
"I can't." thisisnotright
ican'tstopithoughticouldbutidon'tthinkicannow
"Can't what?"
"Stop."
You step away from me. Stop that. Come back. Don't. Stay away.
"No." Groan. "Come back. Not stop as in stop, stop as in I can't stop."
I wish this would end. We're tangled in this web of lies and oh my God it sounds so overdramatic it's gotten so that I can't find my way out; my ball of yarn is just as twisted up in this maze as I am and as you are and as she is she doesn't even know she's in a maze
"What happened to you, Freddie?"
"What do you mean?"
"You were always the good one."
"I was."
"Well, what happened?"
"You happened."
I don't know anymore I don't know anything what happened to you what do you mean you were always the good one I was well what happened you happened you happened are you blaming me for what we're doing of course not it's just as much me as it is you then what are you saying I'm saying I wouldn't be me if it weren't for you you sound like such a sap I don't think it's sappy in the circumstance considering considering considering what considering this what this what do you think this what is this you tell me I don't know neither do I why are we here why are we here why are you you and why am I me what is the why what's the use of wondering whys and wheres and whos I don't know so what do we do we should stop we should but we never do and you keep on stop don't say it why not because saying it makes it true does it more so than not saying it carly carly carly
She doesn't know. She can't know. You and I are illicit oh God keeping secrets again. This one is worse than before and she would just die if she knew even a hint of illicit oh God what's been happening.
"This isn't normal."
"I don't believe in normalcy."
"What are we doing?" What are we doing? There's no way this can end well. I step back, push your arms away from me, look at you. Brown eyes meet blue until I don't remember if I am you or if I am me and whose eyes I'm looking at.
this isn't love
idon'tbelieveinlove
this is purely carnal
right
Does that make it okay? We're satisfying our base animal needs with each other Carly Carly I'm sorry I can't stop and because it isn't an emotional connection, just a physical one, does that make it okay?
no
Does that make it less wrong?
nononononoitdoesn't
thisisalie
Then why don't you stop?
Just say the word and it's over.
I can't you know I can't you know I won't
Neither will I
In this we hurt more than ourselves. You know it and I know it and yet we are still doing this whenever we can but you're dating Carly but you're Carly's best friend you're her best friend too and even though we know it's wrong and we keep saying it's wrong we are still doing this whenever we can.
I've heard it said that forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest it's so bittersweet but it leaves a bitter taste in my throat afterwards. It's like drinking saltwater; it just leaves me thirstier. And it's like it's all I have to drink; I drink you like I'm drowning I'm drowning in this maze in saltwater.
"Sam, Sam."
"Don't say my name. It makes this real."
It's real I don't want to believe it's real because how can you pretend it isn't real when I believe it and give into the idea of you and me and this it is real it is real whatever it is exactly, that's when this deception and these lies become a reality don't try to pretend anymore and it's sickening but at the same time it's so fucking good it's so fucking good that when we're together I can block out the world it's just us and nothing else when it's anything else I feel sick because I remember that she
"I don't want to think about you cheating on Carly. You're dating Carly. You're with Carly."
You don't want to date me
No
I don't believe in love
idon'tbelievinlove
that's a lie and you know it
this is a lie
"And Carly's your best friend. I know, Sam. I know. You don't think I know? You don't think I feel sick after we do what we do because I'm with Carly but you're - "
"Stop it. Stop talking. Just kiss me again."
When we're together we're an us and there's nothing else
ihatethis
The world disappears
CarlyCarlyCarly I'm sorry i'msosorrybut
I can't help myself. I want to help myself, but then I see you and my resolve dies and even though I know the difference between right and wrong and there is no grey here this is wrong it's the forbidden fruit and I can't fucking help myself and even though we should stop, even though I should stop
idon'twanttostop
And when we're together it feels so right this is wrong even though I know it isn't. I want to believe it's right this is wrong so I block out the world because I don't want to stop this is wrong
I want you more than I've ever wanted anything.
This isn't love
idon'tbelieveinlove
that's a lie and you know it
this is a lie
It doesn't make any sense and it's so unbelievably twisted, because it's you and it's me and it's wrong and it's cheating and it's lying and it's heated iwantittobelove and it's wrong and I know it's wrong but I want it to be right idon'tbelieveinlove and I know it isn't and I know we should stop but I know we won't.
carlyi'msosorrybut
Soooo…what did you think? And what'd you think about iOMG?