A Fear of a Nightmare
Disclaimer- I own nothing I wish I did but I just get to play with the characters
Note: This is a one shot that takes place during the events at the end of Shadow Show.
Robert watched in horror as the faceless criminal plunged his knife deep into Sandra's stomach. With little concern for his actions the man then pulled the bloody weapon out leaving her to clutch her stomach in pain. The criminal didn't stay to see the results of his actions. The two passed each other as Robert rushed to her side. In that moment he didn't care about apprehending the would-be murder, all he could think about was getting to Sandra.
Robert reached her side just as Sandra's knees gave out and she began to collapse. He caught her in his arms and sank to the ground cradling her close.
"Sandra" he cried in fear and concern. There was a look of pure shock and agony on her face. Her eyes met his, she was trying to talk but was unable to form the words. His eyes shot down to the growing stain of red on her white shirt just beneath her hands. Immediately he placed his hands over hers applying pressure to her wound causing Sandra to release a cry of pain.
"It's okay, you're going to be okay" he assured her. Wildly he looked around desperate for someone to help them but the street was deserted.
"Sandra just hold on, you're going to be alright" he told her once more yet he no longer believed what he was saying. His heart was racing as panic swept over him, he needed to do something to save her.
His mind went completely blank, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't think what he could do or what he should do. All he knew was that he wanted her to live, he needed her to live.
"Sandra please stay with me, please" he begged her. A gasp of air escaped her lips along with a stream of blood. Deep down Robert knew he was losing her but he wouldn't accept it. He couldn't lose, her he needed her.
"Please you can't die, please I love you" he cried out in vain. As if in slow motion he watched her perfect blue eyes close and her body went limp in his arms.
"No" he screamed. "Sandra wake up please come back" he yelled shaking her lifeless body, but it did no good. "Please come back" he sobbed pulling her close to him.
"I love you please come back to me."
Robert Strickland bolted straight up in bed gasping for air. Sweat had drenched his t-shirt yet a shiver ran down his spine, taking several deep breaths he tried to control and calm his racing heart. The problem was he couldn't manage to get the image of Sandra's face—shock and surprised etched on it—out of his mind. This was the third nightmare he had suffered that week, all a variation on the same theme—Sandra dying in his arms. He had lost count of the number of nightmares like this he had experienced over the last six weeks.
In his mind he knew he had no right to be so overly concerned with Sandra Pullman's safety but his unconscious brain didn't seem to understand that fact. He was responsible for nearly 100 officers he should be concerned for all of them equally. Yet he knew full well that his feelings for Sandra were different from all the others. He wasn't supposed to have those feelings and desires but there didn't seem to be much he could do about them even in his sleep.
It didn't help that when he got to work that morning he had to make her upset. The murder team investigating the recent murder of David Snaith was short staffed and they needed help. They specifically wanted help from the UCOS team as they were already familiar with the case and the suspects. It might seem logical but he knew Sandra wouldn't see it that way. The Detective Superintendent was well schooled in playing well with other except when it came to her three pensioners. She was loyal and protective of them and she didn't trust other people with them almost as if they were her children. Though given how they often chose to behave they acted were just like her children as well.
Sandra also wouldn't like her team being pillaged in the middle of an investigation. Upon reflection he should have just requested the UCOS team handle the new murder as well. The murder team was so short staffed they probably would have agreed. But the time for that conversation had pasted and now Brian and Jack would be loaned out. And Sandra was going to be furious with him. She wouldn't care that he fought for her. The bottom line was he didn't win and she had to pay up—or that was how she would see it.
In an attempt to calm his racing mind and heart he forced himself to think of something other than the soon to be angry detective superintendent who he harbored feelings for. Naturally his thoughts shifted to his currently very sullen teenage daughter instead. Sandra was not the only woman in his life he had angered in the last few days. At the moment Hermione was very upset with both her parents. They were refusing to allow her to participate in a school trip to France, a punishment for her falling grades. That had been the deal she could go to France if she kept her grades up, she hadn't kept her part of the bargain and therefore couldn't do.
As predicted the teen accused them of ruining her life. He had little trouble telling her no, it was his job as a parent to hold her accountable, but he could do without her constant whinging. Normal teenagers got mad and refused to speak to their parents but Hermione went the other way. He would likely receive five or six text messages that day reminding him of the injustice he was inflicting upon her.
Thinking about his petulant child had helped chase away his lingering fears regarding Sandra's safety. Yet he let out a hollow laugh, soon the only woman in his life who wouldn't be upset with him would be the one who divorced him. While he was unmoved by upsetting his daughter, he was far less happy with the idea of upsetting Sandra. He didn't want to be the one who made her mad, he wanted to be the one who made her happy. Unfortunately that didn't seem to be in the cards for him. She would proceed to yell at him and then unlike Hermione she would give him the silent treatment. With another sigh he mentally tried to prepare himself for the day to come as he got out of the bed and headed to the shower.
sssSSSsss
"I have to tell you Jack I genuinely got scared when Radford pointed that sawed off shotgun in Sandra's face. And Brian didn't make it any better." Gerry admitted as the two men got drinks at the table filled with alcoholic beverages. Robert Strickland was waiting a few feet behind the two men and he couldn't help but over hear what Gerry has just said.
"I'm sorry what did you say?" He asked unable to hold his tongue.
"Oh sir…ah…it really wasn't anything" Gerry tried to brush off his earlier statements.
"You said he pointed his weapon at Sandra?" Strickland pushed unwilling to let it go.
"Well…yes…he did…technically he did it twice but the first was just at her back it was more of a threat when Brian arrived." Gerry told him quickly trying to assure him that nothing was amiss and doing a poor job at it.
"But then he pointed it at her face?" he pushed the older men once more. If only they would just tell him want he wanted to know without all the consternation.
"Yes and he threatened to kill her first, but Brian managed to talk him down." Gerry continued and one day Strickland was going to need to tell the man he was horrible at making a situation seem less serious than it actually was.
"She was in danger was she not" he said trying to control his emotions.
"For a minute yes but-" Jack tried to explain this time but Strickland cut the man off.
"Brian Lane is not a trained negotiator."
"No, but he did take a training course…which he did not pass" Gerry admitted reluctantly once he caught the glare Strickland was giving him.
"Do not let Sandra know that part" Jack ordered both men curtly shooting at look of warning at them using all the authority that came with his age and the two men quickly nodded their agreement. Neither of them wanted to risk Sandra's wraith.
"Really sir it was not that serious and it is over now, time to drink up" Gerry exclaimed with fake bravado.
"Is Sandra alright?" Strickland inquired trying to focus on what was truly important.
"Yes she is fine, better than fine, she should be here any minute." Jack assured him doing a far better job that Gerry had.
"If you will excuse us I see Emily" Gerry said quickly eager to get away from him and Robert nodded letting the two men escape his interrogation. He had learned what he needed to know from the men. Once they were gone he poured himself a large scotch and retired to a corner of the room to wait for Sandra.
Despite the two older men's assurance he did not believe them. If this man had pointed a gun at Sandra not once but twice then she had not been safe, she had been in danger. Grave Danger. She could have died.
It was as if his nightmares had come true, well part of them. Thankfully she had not been killed but that didn't change the fact that she could have been. He took a large drink of his scotch hoping it would calm the fear that was gnawing at his stomach. All he could see were his nightmares running on a loop through his mind. Soon he began to feel as if he might explode. And then when he thought he could bare it no longer Sandra entered the room. He watched as she walked straight to where her team had set up, right next to the drinks table. He couldn't take his eyes off her as she poured herself a drink and then found a spot against the nearby wall watching her team, listening to whatever it was they were saying.
From his place in the corner he could only just see her but Strickland couldn't tear his eyes or his attention away from her. He didn't even care if someone noticed. He was far past caring what anyone except Sandra though. The look of fear and shock from that morning's nightmare felt seared into his brain. Yet a new image had joined it. He was now imagining someone pointing a sawed off shotgun at her face. He couldn't help but imagine the terror on her face as she stared down the barred of a gun that could take her life away. The thought alone was enough to make his heart race.
For weeks he had been having horrible dreams of her being killed and now it had almost happened. True it hasn't come to pass but that was not enough to calm him. She might be alive drinking and laughing but she almost wasn't and that 'almost' haunted him. He wondered if somewhere there was an alternate earth where Sandra had died. A world where he had to live without her. He couldn't stand the idea of living in that reality, one where Sandra no longer existed. In that moment he made his decision, he needed to do something, he needed to say something, he felt he might explode if he didn't. Taking one finial drink he put his empty cup down and left his corner.
"Sandra can I have a word…privately?" Robert asked loudly as he approached her pulling her away from the celebration.
"Of course sir" she replied dutifully yet she shot him a confused look before she followed him out of the incident room and down the hall to one of the empty offices. It was far enough away that no one would see or hear them. Once inside he closed the door and shut the blinds to make sure they had complete privacy. If Sandra was taken aback by his actions she said nothing instead she stood in the middle of the office waiting for him to speak.
"Why am I only now hearing that Billy Radford held you specifically at gun point? I'm told he stuck the gun right in your face and threatened to kill you first before all the other." He demanded breaking the silence of the room. The deep breath he had taken to calm himself had done very little to curtail his emotions.
"Ah…well…I thought it was best to leave those details for my report. Puts a damper on the celebration, didn't want to ruin everyone's night." She responded playfully trying to lighten the mood.
"This is serious Sandra" he admonished her harshly. The idea of someone pointing a shotgun at her was enough to make his blood run cold. He was overcome with fear and he was using anger to compensate. Her flippant answer only made things worse and caused fury to rise up inside him. How dare she be so cavalier with her own life.
"I'm fine, there really wasn't any reason to say anything. The threat was over, it was hardly important anymore. I'm sorry for not informing you. I honestly didn't see the necessity" she admitted trying to calm him down but it wasn't helping.
"Not important? He pointed a gun in your face and was moments away from pulling the trigger, that is bloody important." He yelled at her letting his anger take over and he watched her take a small step backwards away from him. Her movement was like a splash of cold water in his face jolting him out of his fury. He didn't want her to be afraid of him he just wanted her to know how worried he was about her.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell at you." He quickly apologized running a hand through his hair trying to regain control.
"It was not my intention to upset you. I wasn't trying to hide anything from you, I simply didn't feel it was relevant enough at the time to share." She attempted to placate him once more.
"I'm not upset that you didn't tell me" he told her softly.
"Are you telling me you're mad at me for getting held at gun point?" She accused him becoming angry herself. "It was hardly under my control, Gerry and I were leaving when Radford showed up pointing a gun at us."
"I'm not mad at you for being threatened at gun point" he replied flatly.
"Right…then why are you mad?" she asked him confused one more.
"I'm mad that someone pointed a gun and threatened you. And I'm not mad" he clarified all his pent up anger and frustration had now been expelled.
"Could have folded me" she huffed folding her arms over her chest defensively.
"The thought of what that man did terrifies me. Knowing how close someone came to killing you scares the hell out of me." He informed her no longer able to hold eye contact with her as he admitted how he truly felt.
"Oh" she exclaimed softly surprised. "Well…I wasn't thrilled about it either. Scared the hell out of me too if I'm honest. They tell you not to show fear but feeling that gun on my back and then staring down the barrel is enough to rattle anyone's resolve." She admitted to him, his confession of emotions had clearly given her permission to share her own.
"Are you alright?" he asked looking up at her once more trying to let her know he was concerned.
"Yes I am now, not getting shot helped" she said with a small laugh. "Plus we did solve both cases and this party has helped to chase away my fears." She tried to assure him that she was fully recovered from her scare.
"That's good I'm glad…We should go back I shouldn't have pulled you away, I'm sorry." He apologized feeling incredibly awkward and no longer sure what possessed him to drag her away in the first place.
"No need to be sorry" she replied quickly.
"Yes there is, I had no right to yell at you or to feel the way I do. I'm sorry" he apologized to her once more not allowing her to absolve him so easily.
"You don't need to apologize for caring about my safety" she argued gently trying to make him feel better.
"I don't have the right to care as much as I do." He whispered, yet with the silence of the room he might as well have shouted it. He watched as the realization of what he meant hit Sandra and she stood there staring at him in disbelief. This was now the second of his nightmares of to come true that day.
"We should get back" he said once more turning towards the door. He had said too much now he need to escape.
"How long have you felt this way?" she asked him nervously. He slowly turned back towards her unsure how to answer her question.
"Honestly?" he asked.
"Yes please" she begged him.
"I'm not sure I remember a time in the last five years when I didn't care. But recently it has gotten worse." He admitted his secret to her.
"Why didn't you say anything?" she asked still slightly shocked by his admission.
"What could I say? You can't go to someone and say 'Sorry I keep having nightmares where you get killed, will you have dinner with me? Maybe then they will stop.' That sounds like a horrible chat up line." He moaned, when he heard the words out loud he realized how sounded pathetic and foolish they sounded.
"You've been having nightmares about me being murdered?" she pushed softly.
"Yes though I'm sure this conversation will replace them" he groaned. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this humiliated and all he wanted was to get as far away from her as possible.
"I don't think anyone has ever told me that before." She replied and he didn't understand why she hadn't run out of the room yet.
"I'm sure I'm not the first to give you a stalker vibe" he countered.
"You don't give me a stalker vibe" she corrected him.
"No? Just the stupid pathetic one then?"
"I don't feel that about you either. I will admit your lead up was not the best, I would have definitely dialed down the yelling but admitting to the nightmares just needs better phrasing." She told him playfully trying to lighten the mood once more.
"I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I really put my foot in it this time. I should go" he said sullenly turning towards the door for a second time.
"I think you should stay" she told him firmly.
"Why so I can humiliate both of us even further?" he argued reluctantly turning back around to face her.
"You caught me off guard but I don't feel humiliated and neither should you."
"Thank you but I think it is best if we just forget this meeting ever took place at all" he said practically begging her to let it go.
"But I don't want to forget, it means a lot to me that you feel this way about me. It makes me want to kiss you." She told him becoming slightly frustrated with him.
"Why would you want to kiss me?" he asked and it was his turn to be surprised.
"Don't you want to kiss me?" she countered moving closer to him.
"Yes but why would you want to kiss me?" he inquired confused.
"For much the same reason you want to kiss me."
"Seriously?" he cried out unwilling to believe what she had said.
"Yes thought I'm not having nightmares just feeling" she clarified with a smile.
"You never gave any indication" he exclaimed in shock.
"Neither did you, it's hard to walk out on the wire when you don't know if the other person is going to join you." She explained to him with a sigh.
"So is that why you are saying something now, a near death experience gave you the courage?" He asked trying to understand why this was all happening now.
"No it all hasn't really registered yet. It wasn't like I watched my life flash before me when he pointed that shot gun at me. All I could think about was how much I didn't want him to pull the trigger. There were other people there and I wanted to protect them as well. Then Brian talked him down, I questioned Eva and discovered she killed our dead producer. And now we're here at the celebration so it hasn't sunken in yet."
"So why now?"
"Because you said something, my near death has had more of an effect on you it seems. Generally speaking when someone you have feelings for admits they share those feelings it isn't nice to leave them hanging." She explained to him as a small grin spread across her face.
"I guess that's true" he was forced to agree.
"So are you going to kiss me or would you prefer to yell at me a bit more?" She asked him with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
"I think I would prefer to kiss you" he replied taking a step closer.
"Good choice" she smiled closing the remaining distance between them.
When she was close enough he pulled her against him and caught her lips with his. He started off gentle, tentative but Sandra was impatient she deepened the kiss almost immediately and he willingly went along eager for more. He soon got lost in the feel of her lips on his and the warmth of her body under his hands. They were both jolted back to reality when Sandra bumped into the desk. Reluctantly the two pulled apart breathing heavily.
"I think you should take me home" she panted to him.
"I completely agree" he replied giving her a quick second kiss before leading her out of the office.
sssSSSsss
"Hey Jack have you seen Sandra recently?" Gerry asked looking around the room.
"Not for a while last I saw her she was going somewhere with Strickland." The older man replied taking a drink of his scotch.
"Really? Well it's about time" Gerry exclaimed with a smirk.
"You think he is actually going to do something about his feelings?" Jack asked in disbelief.
"I hope so they have been dancing around each other for long enough" he whinged
"He certainly didn't look happy as they left" Jack reminded.
"And he was more than a little upset when we told him about Radford threatening to kill her. Sounds like it was just the push he needed to admit how he feels." Gerry added his smirk only growing.
"I thought they were already dating each other?" Brian commented confused as he wound his yo-yo back up.
"Why did you think that?" Gerry cried out. The man was usually not one to be observant when it came to matters of the heart.
"They have been arguing with each other all the time, seemed a bit of a pretense. I thought that meant they were in a relationship." Brian shrugged before attempting another trick with the toy.
"Is it possible Brian noticed more than we did?" Jack asked in dismay.
"Na, but it is possible he noticed more than Sandra and Strickland did" Gerry answered with a laugh.
sssSSSsss
"Good morning" Robert greeted Sandra when he noticed she was awake and smiling at him from her place next to him on the bed.
"Good morning" she replied before kissing him.
"Did you sleep alright?" he inquired slightly concerned.
"I had a wonderful night's sleep and I noticed you didn't have a single nightmare" she countered playfully.
"No I didn't you're right, must have been because I knew you were sleeping safely in my arms." He answered her unable to keep the grin off his face.
"I'll have to make sure I sleep there more often" she told him the playfulness no longer in her voice.
"I would like that very much" he agreed kissing her shoulder.
"Do we have to go to work this morning?" she moaned petulantly.
"I think we might have to show up eventually. Though I could phone Jack and tell him you are going to be late. That would buy us a few more hours." He offered her with a mischievous grin.
"And what reason would you give him for my tardiness?"
"You are helping a citizen in need" he replied simply.
"Who might this citizen in need be?" she asked trying hard not to laugh.
"Me, I will have you know I am in serious need of a bit of morning sex and you are without a doubt the only person who can help me with that." He informed her managing to keep a straight face as he propositioned her.
"Well I am a police officer how can I ignore someone when they are in need?" She asked playing along.
"I was hoping you might say that" he sighed happily before pulling her deeper into his embrace and capturing her lips in his.
the end
A/N So I realized that most of the stories I write are from Sandra's perspective about her feelings for Strickland and I wanted to mix things up and do this one from his point of view and his feeling. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed it, let me know what you think.