Author's Note:-
So this fic is pretty much my way of putting together a bunch of character interaction sketches I either wrote or thought of over the years… Some are better than others, but I hope you find all of them amusing! Please R&R!
N.B. Some of the humour contains adult themes that not everybody will find pleasant, so please do not read if you are offended by adult references or content.

XXX

It was early evening in the middle of summer, and the residents of Capsule Corps were getting ready to throw a summer party when there was a knock at the door, thirty minutes before the guests were due to arrive.
"Vegeta!" Bulma called from her bedroom. "Can you get the door? I'm still putting my makeup on!"
"What am, I your goddamn slave?" Vegeta yelled back. "Trunks! Get the door!" He drank his beer angrily; he was already not looking forward to the evening and he became even more enraged at the fact that the guests were arriving early. "Fucking party… Who the hell turns up thirty minutes early?" Vegeta muttered to himself. "Jackass."

Suddenly the eight-year-old Trunks appeared before him.
"Dad, it's Frieza." Trunks stated.
"Yeah whatever, stop joking around." Vegeta growled. "Who is it?"
"Frieza." Trunks repeated.
"Trunks!" Vegeta barked, glaring angrily at his son. "Stop joking around and answer me!"
"It's Frieza!" Trunks yelled.

Just as he said it Frieza appeared behind Trunks.
"Hi." He uttered. "Nice kid."
"Wha – what the hell are you doing here!" Vegeta gagged, wide-eyed. "Get out of my house!"
"Vegeta, that's no way to greet your guest." Frieza scolded. "Calm down, I'm not here to cause trouble. I got a day pass into the living world and I heard there was a party here. I just want to spend my one day alive getting drunk and taking advantage of vulnerable young slaves."
"A day pass?" Vegeta frowned. "You mean Hell just hand those things out!"
"No of course not, that would be irresponsible." Frieza replied. "You have to promise not to kill anyone."
"Right. Because people in hell are trustworthy?" Vegeta snarled. Frieza shrugged.
"I didn't make the rules." He said. "Anyway I thought things would be awkward with our history and everything, so I brought some of your old friends along to take the tension off me and you."
"Huh?" Vegeta looked up to see Nappa and Raditz stood behind Frieza.
"Hi Vegeta." Nappa uttered through gritted teeth, clenching his giant fist.
"Uh… hi." Vegeta sweat dropped.

At that moment Bulma emerged from the bedroom and joined the group.
"Hey, who was it? The party doesn't start for –" She stopped in mid-sentence and stared at Frieza. "Uh… is that…"

Frieza knelt down in front of Bulma and gently took hold of her hand, kissing it politely.
"My Dear, I don't think we had the pleasure on Namek…" He smoothly spoke.
"Right… you were too busy killing my friends at the time." Bulma sniped.
"¬_¬ And you were too busy eyeing up my right hand man, we all have history." Frieza growled.
"Whatever." Bulma huffed. "What the hell are you doing here? This party is invite only!"
"I understand," Frieza nodded. "But I only have one day of life and I thought I would spend it with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."
"Oh… really?" Bulma replied, blushing slightly.
"Huh! What!" Vegeta gasped, staring at her in shock.
"Of course if you want me to leave then I will…" Frieza said. "But I would like to point out that I have a five trillion zeni empire and as many planets as I could desire, but alas I've spent my existence alone…"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Vegeta snarled. "What about your kid's mother –" He was suddenly cut off by Frieza's tail around his throat.

Frieza continued to kneel at Bulma's feet as he hung his head and closed his eyes, speaking humbly.
"If someone could find it in their heart to take pity on a poor orphaned boy who lost his father many years ago and his way long before that… then maybe my existence wouldn't be wasted."
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me –" Vegeta was once again cut off as Frieza tightened his grip on the saiyan's throat.

Bulma stared at Frieza with shimmering eyes, touched by the sincerity of his words.
"You poor thing…" She uttered softly and pulled Frieza to his feet. "Would you like a glass of wine?"
"Yeah please, the bottle will do." Frieza answered bluntly. "Is it this way to the kitchen?" He casually walked past her, and Bulma followed.

Meanwhile Vegeta stood there in awe, completely immobilised by what he had just seen.
"I… can't believe it…" He choked.
"Yeah, she already fell for that pity me crap with you and look where that got her." Raditz snorted.
"What?" Vegeta snarled. "She ended up being the mother of a super saiyan, that's a pretty big achievement."
"… Shut the hell up, Vegeta." Raditz growled.
"Yeah, nobody likes you Vegeta!" Nappa yelled. "And me and you got a score to settle!" He pounded his fist into his open palm, and clenched it tightly, itching to battle.
"Huh." Vegeta looked at Nappa and Raditz, completely unfazed by their aggression. "Okay so here's how we're going to play this – you two morons are going to try to kill me, and then it'll become apparent that you weren't even strong enough to do that when you were alive, and I've got a couple more decades of training behind me now so it's even more pointless, and somewhere around that point of realisation I'm going to send you back to hell. Sound good?"
"Haha, nice try Vegeta!" Nappa smirked. "We got passes to last the whole day! Every time you kill us we're just going to come right on back."
"… Huh. Okay so I guess you'll spend your one day alive being repeatedly killed by me." Vegeta said, causing Nappa and Raditz to go quiet for a moment.
"… Nappa that sounds pretty lame." Raditz uttered.
"Yeah it does…" Nappa mumbled. "Hey Vegeta, how about we just forget about it and have a few beers like old times?"
"Yeah sounds good." Vegeta sighed. "I got a good reason to drink, my wife's gonna leave me for Frieza at some point tonight."

Raditz leaned in to put a supportive arm around Vegeta, squeezing the prince against him.
"Ah fuck her, there's plenty more where she came from!" He exclaimed. "Lead us to the beers?"
"Hey you got any low fat ones? I'm on a diet." Nappa said.
"Huh…" Vegeta looked at him. "You know I thought you looked different… You've really lost some weight there, Nappa."
"Thanks Vegeta!" Nappa grinned. "And you're looking a lot more muscular than you used to!"
"Thanks!" Vegeta grinned back.
"Yeah yeah, this party isn't an orgy is it? Beers!" Raditz growled impatiently.
"Shut up Raditz. Just because nobody says anything nice about you." Vegeta snapped.
"Yeah." Nappa grunted. "Jackass."

The three of them travelled into the kitchen, where Vegeta started talking to his wife.
"Bulma be a doll and get a couple of beers for my guy friends. These two are my guy friends. I have guy friends now. Guy friends. Guy friends!"
"Oh Vegeta get them yourself!" Bulma pouted. "Anyway what are you talking about? All of your friends are guys."
"No, they're all your friends that just happen to hang out with me." Vegeta argued. "These are my friends now. Real saiyan friends that can talk to me about saiyan stuff and what it's like to be a saiyan guy." Bulma rolled her eyes.
"Whatever Vegeta, I'm happy for you." She said dismissively, and turned back to Frieza. "Anyway so after I had Trunks I tried the Atkins diet but you know what? When it comes to losing weight fast you just have to go with good old fashioned throwing up."
"Oh yeah I totally agree. "Frieza nodded. "The only thing is with throwing up, you have to be careful it doesn't harm your teeth."
"Oh no that's cool – my family is one of the richest on the planet so I get the best dental care in the world." Bulma smiled.
"Oh, well then you're all set!" Frieza grinned. "Tell me – who does your hair?"
"I'll tell you if you tell me who does your nails?" Bulma winked.
"My nails? Well I have a guy to cut them for me but the colour isn't paint, it's natural." Frieza answered.
"Really?" Bulma gasped. "Your lips too?"
"Mm-hm." Frieza nodded.
"But…" Bulma uttered. "They're beautiful!"
"Oh they're nothing, you should see what's behind them." Frieza said with a smirk. He flicked his tongue and winked at her, causing Bulma to blush and giggle.

All of a sudden an enraged Vegeta launched himself between them.
"I can't decide which of you I'm going to kill first!" He roared, his power level rising as he glared at Bulma. "If you don't stop this right now I swear I am going to blow this entire place up!"
"Geez, is he always like this with you?" Frieza frowned.
"Yes!" Bulma protested. "And he's even worse when he loses a sparring match to Goku which is like, every day!"
"Well… Vegeta always was aggressive, even as a child. You shouldn't take it personally, it's not you it's him." Frieza said sympathetically.
"Oh my God… I do take it personally, thank you for saying that!" Bulma gasped in amazement. "Wow, you're so thoughtful! Vegeta always makes you out to be this awful tyrant that killed his family."
"Well in many ways I am… both metaphorically and physically." Frieza sighed.
"And it's so brave that you can admit that." Bulma smiled.

Vegeta was about to explode. He clenched his fists and powered up, his blood boiling with anger.
"You –" He didn't have time to speak another word before Nappa and Raditz grabbed him and pulled him away.
"Easy Veg, it's not worth it." Nappa said, trying to calm the saiyan prince.
"Yeah buddy just cool it, we're here for you." Raditz soothed, holding Vegeta's shoulder firmly. "We're your guy friends, remember?"
"Yeah, yeah… guy friends." Vegeta nodded. "Thanks guys. Guy friends…"

Bulma looked at Frieza with a smile.
"It's nice to see him get along with people." She said.
"Yeah, adorable." Frieza replied, smiling sweetly as he thought silently to himself, "I'm so going to rape you later."
Suddenly there was another knock at the door, and Bulma called out to her son.
"Oh – Trunks, can you get that?"

To be continued…