A/N: It's me again! I'm still working on Chapter 3 of The Fight Before Christmas but I had a dream last night and when I woke up this morning, I just couldn't get it out of my head. I sat down to write it out and this, frankly huge oneshot at over ten thousand words, just poured out in a matter of three hours. It took longer to edit it than to write it lol. So if you find any mistakes, take pity on a poor girl!
But it is nearly Christmas, and we all love Rizzles so when I got the opportunity to write another Chrizzles oneshot, huge though it may be, I made sure I grabbed it with both hands.
This little fic has a bit of a special place in my heart and I'm hoping you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Oh, the italics signify a flashback, just in case anyone wonders :)
Christmas Eve
Maura shivered and drew her coat across her body as she hurried past crowds of last minute Christmas shoppers and those lucky enough to have already finished for the holidays. Shop windows glowed brightly in the already darkening afternoon, as shop assistants hovered over customers eager to make another sale before closing up to head home.
There was a nervous anticipation about this Christmas that Maura had never experienced before. Christmas was usually a stuffy affair, heavily scripted and laced with the sort of rich, self-entitled, boring snobs that her parents always invited for the festive season. They had been too busy entertaining friends to worry about Maura, who spent her childhood with nothing and nobody for company besides a baby tortoise she had named Bass and her collection of books.
The holidays had never really changed except for the fact that Maura was now an adult and was expected to participate when invited. Not that invites came along very often, only usually when there was a specific reason that her presence was required. Despite her social awkwardness, even Maura couldn't fail to notice that the invites has been much sparser since she had broken off her engagement with Garrett Fairfield several years before. It hadn't mattered to her parents that Garrett had cheated on her, rather publicly so, because he hadn't bothered to hide it or that he was the kind of loathsome individual who cared a great deal for himself and very little for others. Marrying a Fairfield had been an expected part of her duty to her parents and when she had refused, the only time in her life she had refused her parents anything, they had made it known that it was unacceptable. Maura had been tempted to point out that expecting your daughter to marry a man who had set out to deceive her as to his true nature, before bedding another woman in her apartment, indeed in her bed, was nothing short of cruel. But of course she hadn't said a word, merely apologised but remained steadfast that she wasn't going to marry him.
Since then, she had dated quite frequently and there had been one or two lovers here and there but nothing more than that. Her relationships tended to peter out after several weeks when she found herself losing interest. It was difficult to believe in love when she saw the result of it. Love meant cheating on somebody who cared for you, love meant leaving your child to fend for herself while you serve the finest champagne and canapés and make false conversation with people you really don't like all of the sake of your reputation. It was a love that shouldn't exist, a young Maura had thought. It was nothing like the love they spoke of in books, and yet it was the only kind she had ever known. She had longed to know what it was like for somebody to care so much that they wanted to wrap their arms around her, tell her stories, tuck her into bed at night. And as she had gotten older, she longed to know what it was like to have somebody fall in love with her, to fall in love with them so completely that it felt like the world was a magical place with so many wonders to explore. So it came as no surprise to Maura when she found herself jaded with the concept of love. Love, she was sure, didn't exist in that form for her. Nor was she entirely sure it existed for most other people either, she only had to look at what she did for a living every day, to see another body on her table to know that love hadn't been present in the minds of those who had taken their lives.
As Maura crossed over Beacon Street, picking her way through slushy snow and ice, she smiled when she saw the snowy expanse of Boston Common ahead of her and felt the urge to run through the fresh pristine snow that coated the ground. She decided that the sight of a thirty year old woman charging through the snow like a teenager didn't quite fit with her image, but the very fact that she had even wanted to in the first place was a marker of just how much she had changed recently.
As she approached a nearby bench and brushed the dusting of snow from it, she looked towards the sky and smiled. Milky clouds were heavy and full of snow, and if the forecasts were to be believed, the snow was going to get heavier and last right through Christmas. The temperature was already beginning to drop now that the sun was making its descent towards the horizon and her breath frosted out before her in white cloudy puffs that had always fascinated her as a child. The whole concept of winter had fascinated her, and though she knew the science behind it, and how everything could seemingly survive such cold conditions, she continued to be amazed at how nature thrived despite the icy chill.
That was part of the charm of living in Boston. Sure, the winters could be brutal and the summer heat could be hell, but it was the changing of the seasons that marked the passing of the year and each season brought with a sense of renewal, a change, a different hope for the future. And Maura's hopes were firmly pinned on this winter, for reasons she had never dreamed could exist.
A nearby squeal brought her from her reverie as a child went charging past with a giggle and turned around, only to land in a heap at her feet. When she saw that the little boy was okay, she laughed and reached out to help him to his feet. He turned a bright rosy cheeked smile on her and grabbed her hands with his tiny ones.
"Thank you, ma'am," he said respectfully, sounding much older than the four or five years of age that he appeared to be. "My Dad was chasing me and throwing snowballs and I slipped over."
"I see that," she smiled, watching as a man trotted towards them. "Are you hurt?"
"Oh no, thank you, ma'am. I'm fine." He smiled again, a tuft of dark hair poking out from under his hat and deep brown eyes sparkling at her from the cold. "Although, you can help me throw a snowball at my Dad if you'd like to?"
She was considering the request, unused to dealing with small children when a tall, lean man with similar hair and brown eyes to the boy approached her with a friendly smile. "Thank you for picking my son up. I'm sorry if he's been bothering you, he's such a chatterbox."
"He's been no trouble at all. He has wonderful manners, you and your wife have done such a wonderful job with him," Maura said truthfully, knowing that so many children she saw these days lacked even basic manners whilst their parents seemed happy to leave them to their own devices.
"Thank you so much," he said, his handsome face breaking out into a smile. "It's very sweet of you to say so. When I tell my wife, she'll be over the moon. I only hope the next one turns out as well behaved."
"When is your wife due?" Maura couldn't help smiling back, and the usual awkwardness she felt at talking to strangers was strangely absent. But then she knew exactly why that was.
"In the spring," he said proudly, rubbing his hands together briskly against the cold. "She's at home now, curled up with the dog and having a well deserved rest. I offered to bring the monster out here to give her some peace. So far I've had two snowballs in the face for my trouble, isn't that right, buddy?"
The little boy laughed as his father ruffled the hair poking out from beneath his hat. "Wanna help me make a snowball?"
"We've bothered this poor lady enough," his father smiled and encouraged him let her get back to her solitude.
"Please, Dad. Just one snowball?" He begged as his father shrugged and turned toward Maura.
"Then you better ask this nice lady if she won't mind you taking up even more of her time." He sent Maura an apologetic smile.
"I won't mind at all," she said with a smile. "My name is Maura, what's yours?"
"James, and this is my Dad. I call him Dad, but Mommy calls him Matt," he beamed proudly and grabbed her hand waiting for her to follow him to a nearby patch of undisturbed snow. "You ever made snowballs before?"
Maura never had and nor could she lie. "No, this is my first time."
Rather than express disbelief or make fun of her for it, he began to show her how to scoop the snow up and pat it into a ball with his hands, taking his job as her teacher very seriously. After a couple of practice shots at a nearby tree, James was certain Maura was ready to mash a snowball into his father's face.
"Come on, hit me with it," Matt grinned, knowing his son's aim was deadly.
James did as he was told and hit his father square in the face. When it was Maura's turn, he tugged on her hand and told her to throw it as hard as she could. Maura knew if she did that she may very well end up injuring the poor guy, so she aimed for his chest instead and put only a little force behind it, enough to make it splatter across his jacket as James squealed in delight. The antics of the small boy warmed her heart, and for a moment, she could see herself with a child of her own, something which she had never dared to dream about before now.
"That was awesome, Maura!" he jumped up and down with a squeal. "Let's do another one!"
Matt shook his head fondly. "Sorry buddy, we gotta go. Mommy will be wondering where we are. Thank Maura for playing with us and let's leave her in peace, huh?"
James turned to Maura sadly, not happy about leaving his new playmate behind. "Thank you for playing with us, Maura. I had so much fun. I hope you have a Merry Christmas and that Santa brings you lots of presents."
"You're very welcome, James. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your family, too," she smiled down at him and felt her heart melt when he grabbed as much of her leg as he could reach and hugged it fiercely. Reaching down, she patted him on the back and then smiled at him when he let go.
"Sorry to have bothered you," Matt shot her another smile. "We'll let you get back to your afternoon."
"Please, don't apologise. It was nice meeting you both. I'm just waiting for... somebody." She smiled again and felt excitement well up inside of her.
Matt smiled knowingly at the glowing look on her face. "Well then, I hope you have a lovely evening. He's a very lucky man."
Maura smiled back, tipping her head in a gracious nod at his compliment. "Thank you very much. Merry Christmas. Goodbye James."
"Goodbye Maura," he waved enthusiastically along with Matt until they began walking along the tree lined avenue and faded slowly into the heavier snow that was now swirling all round her.
The snow was much heavier now than before and had begun to build up around her feet in soft drifts. Maura shivered slightly from sitting still for so long, but in truth, the air was a little warmer now than it had been before due to the snow falling and she was wrapped warmly enough that she wouldn't catch cold. The sky began to grow a little darker and the crowd of people on the common began to thin out, as they rushed home to get warm and begin celebrating. In truth, Maura should have been indoors too, but had been eager to leave much earlier than she needed to because she had been unable to maintain her focus on work. Not that there had been much to do, as she'd spent the last few weeks clearing the backlog in readiness for the holiday, for tonight, when months and months of hope and anticipation would finally pay off.
Glancing at her watch, she frowned slightly and saw that it was later than she had thought. It was almost 4pm and already it was getting dark. She felt her heart skip a beat and realised that very soon, the thoughts that had been occupying her mind for the last few months whenever she lay awake at night, or had a few moments to herself at work, were all about to coalesce into real life. The thought brought a smile to her face and her mind travelled back to how it had started all those months ago.
"Hey Doc," Sergeant Detective Vince Korsak greet her with a smile as he walked into the morgue with Detective Frost in tow. "Got anything for us?"
"Hello detectives." She smiled at them with a friendly grin, having grown somewhat fond of them over the last few years she'd worked with them. An unlikely friendship had sprung up between the three of them and they sometimes ate lunch or dinner together with drinks. "I can tell you that I'm a hundred percent certain that this man's death wasn't a suicide. He has no soot in his airway, so when he was placed in that car, he was no longer breathing. It's my medical opinion that he was struck over the head, which by the way was definitely a near instant fatal blow. Whoever it was that hit him may have panicked, knowing that they had killed him and placed him in his car and rigged up a hosepipe to the exhaust to make us believe it was a suicide."
"Is the illustrious Doctor Isles making a guess?" Frost teased gently, and breathed a sigh of relief when Maura recognised it as such and smiled back at him.
"It was in fact a hypothesis, Detective Frost. I would never stoop so low as to do anything as unrefined as guessing," she teased back, pleased when he chuckled in response, because she was all too aware of how socially awkward she could be, how her humour never quite translated in a way that others could relate to. "I had one of the lab techs run the fingerprints that were retrieved from the scene and as soon as anything happens, I'll let you know."
Korsak rubbed his hands. "That's great, thank you, Doc. Doesn't look like there's anything more we can do tonight. I'll get to meet up with my buddies after all."
"What's the special occasion?" Frost teased. "You guys picking out retirement homes together?"
Korsak cuffed his younger partner around the ear. "If you must know, me and a group of my old army buddies are meeting up for a drink to discuss an idea we've been thinking about for a while. We've often said that being a soldier can be a lonely life, especially if you don't have family waiting for you at home. With Christmas approaching, some of the guys and gals out in Afghanistan might like to make another friend for Christmas. When I served in 'Nam, I had family to keep in touch with but some of these soldiers aren't so lucky. A lot of us would get letters off girls, who sent pictures and uhm, other things, and we thought that maybe we could set something up here in Boston. You know, get local people involved in writing to soldiers from Massachusetts so that they can keep up with what's going on back home. We heard that there's a few similar schemes running in other states and we decided it might be good to try."
"Not a bad idea, old man," Frost said, looking at his partner with a new respect. "Certainly sounds like it could work."
"I could have the Isles Foundation look into funding if that would help?" Maura offered, realising it was a very worthy cause. "Perhaps we could also send them some gifts? Try to brighten their holiday a little. The Isles Foundation could help with that, too. We've run many different kinds of schemes for years now."
Korsak's eyes lit up as he sent a warm smile to the young woman in front of him. "Wow, thank you, Doc. That's a great idea. I'm sure the guys will love to hear about that when I tell them. You think the Foundation will go for it?"
"It will be personally recommended by me, so they can hardly say no," Maura said with a wink and peeled her gloves off. "I wouldn't mind being involved personally with the scheme. I can do more than just fundraise. I think it would be quite rewarding to be a pen pal."
Korsak nodded and fished in his jacket. "You can start now if you like? I mean, it's not a very long list but my buddy's son is serving in Afghanistan and he got this list together. There's women on there too if you'd prefer a female pen pal. Thanks for this, Doc. You've been a wonderful help.
Maura gratefully accepted the list he held out to her and blushed when he leaned in and softly kissed her cheek in thanks before leaning back and giving a gruff cough. "You're very welcome, Sergeant Korsak. I'll keep you up to date on what's happening and the minute I hear anything definite, I'll let you know."
"Thanks, Doc."
"There's women on there?" Frost's young face creased into a cheeky grin. "I cannot resist a girl in uniform. Man, you can sign me up, too."
"Only place I'm gonna sign you up for is the funny farm," Korsak laughed and left Maura to get back to her work.
Maura sighed with a smile, thinking of the first time she had scanned the list of soldiers and decided it might be quite nice to choose a female pen pal. Maura didn't really have any female friends, didn't really have any friends at all besides Frost and Korsak. She had nobody she could tell her secrets too, or cry with, or laugh with, or even talk to about anything and everything. Her social abilities outside of her snobby, high society social circle was, she felt, painfully lacking and that had never helped friendships develop either. People usually found her strange, quirky, and far too intelligent for them to bother sticking around long to even try to get to know her.
Perhaps that was part of her decision to become a pen pal in the first place. Letters and e-mails were so much easier than spoken conversation. With the written word, her thoughts seemed to come together in a way that they didn't when she was speaking, almost as if her fingers became an extension of her brain when her mouth could not. She could censor her sometimes unwanted ability to spout facts or talk endlessly about a subject that fascinated her. She could edit the things she wished she hadn't said, add the things she wished she did, and ensure that she didn't bore the other person to death before they'd gotten to the end of the letter.
When she had scanned the list of names, one had stood out above all the rest. The short introduction to the soldier wasn't much information to go on, but Maura had felt drawn somehow. Even now, when Maura thought about it, she could recall the short paragraph word for word.
Name: Jane Rizzoli
Age: 32
Rank: Sergeant
Unit: Military Police Corps
Interests: Baseball, Crime novels, Guns and Music
About Me: Hi, my name is Jane. I was born in Boston, Massachusetts and I joined the army when I was eighteen. I'd always wanted to be a cop of some kind so when my friend suggested we join the army and see the world, it looked like the perfect idea. Look how that turned out! 42 degrees in Kandahar and rising. Good thing I have a swimsuit. I have plenty of buddies here in the army, and I have all my family back home and I miss them like crazy, but it would be nice to have a pen pal from back home, somebody I can talk to and be myself with. If you think you're crazy enough to give it a go then drop me a line. I look forward to hearing from you!
Contact: Jane,Rizzoli-at-us,army,mil
It had taken Maura several days to work up the courage to type out a short e-mail but eventually she'd managed to send one that she felt reasonably happy with and then waited eagerly for a reply. She hadn't had to wait long, there had been a message waiting for her in her inbox the very next night when she arrived home from work. She found herself falling into an easy correspondence with a soldier, which gradually became time spent online chatting with a friend, to time Skyping with a best friend. And then, to her greatest surprise, her fondness for a woman she had never met had gradually turned to love. Maura Isles had found herself in the unprecedented situation of being head over heels in love, and not only that, but for the very first time, that love was returned.
It had taken them a while to confess their feelings for each other, and Maura could still remember the night it had happened.
Hey, you busy? J xx
Maura glanced at her laptop and saw the instant message pop up on her screen as it bleeped. She smiled softly and typed her reply.
No, but even if I was, I'd never be too busy to speak to you xx
The dialog box telling her she had a video conference call popped up and she accepted with the same level of excitement that she always felt when talking to Jane. Her friend's face swam onto the screen and her heart skipped a beat when Jane smiled brightly at her.
"Hey you, how was your day?"
"Busy, we had a double homicide in Beacon Hill today. How was your day?" Maura noticed that Jane looked tired, in fact, worn out might be a better description.
"The worst day in a while. We were out on patrol and there was an IED, one of the guys didn't make it," Jane swallowed heavily, trying to keep her tears at bay.
"Oh sweetheart," Maura couldn't resist reaching out to touch the screen, even though she couldn't get near Jane. "I'm so sorry to hear that. Did you know him very well?"
"I uh yeah, I knew him pretty well. Captain Steve Sanner. He was a good buddy of Casey's."
Maura nodded. She had never met Steve Sanner, or Casey Jones, or any of the other soldiers that Jane talked about but she did feel as if she knew them by proxy, from all of the colourful stories that Jane had told about them.
"I won't pretend I know how you're feeling, Jane, but I know it isn't easy," Maura said sympathetically, wishing there was more she could do or say to make her friend feel better.
"Yeah, it's hard every time somebody gets hurt, even worse if you know them. But I feel much better now that I'm talking to you," the smile was back, the dimples in Jane's cheeks noticeable in the low level lighting of the room she was sitting in. "Guess you had a hell of a day too with a double homicide in Beacon Hill. Was it anywhere near your place?"
"A couple of blocks away. An elderly couple were murdered in what looks like a robbery gone wrong. The detectives working the case have several leads, but no suspect as yet."
"Sounds horrific," Jane shook her head, wondering what the world was coming to. "Korsak and Frost working your case?"
"Yes, in fact Korsak asked for me to say hello to you. Says he looks forward to meeting you when you're on leave."
"Yeah, about that," Jane rubbed the back of her neck and looked awkwardly at the camera. "I'm not gonna get home on leave next month. With what happened today, the Brass have decided that they're gonna ship more guys out here and keep us on for another tour of duty. The situation is getting out of hand."
Maura continued to look at Jane and didn't quite know what to say. They'd floated the idea of meeting up for months, joking around about it until they were sure that they both felt the same way about turning it into more than an online friendship. Since then, they'd discussed it regularly and were both excited about it to the point of even planning a weekend vacation together if they got on well enough when they first met up.
"Maura? Babe, talk to me."
"I'm sorry," she shook her head to clear it. "I guess I'm just really sad that you're not going to get back here this summer. I was really looking forward to it, but I know you're doing an important job over there, and you need to concentrate on it."
"I'm disappointed too, sweetheart, I really am. If I thought I'd get away with it, I'd go awol," she laughed huskily, hating herself for putting that look of sadness in Maura's eyes. "Guess you can't post yourself here, huh? Fucking FEDEX."
Maura laughed and wiped a tear away that had managed to escape. "If I thought it would work, I'd label myself now and wait outside the depot till morning."
"I hate this, Maura," Jane said, her voice suddenly cracking. Months of pent up feelings threatening to spill forth. "I'm beginning to hate my job; I think I started hating it a long time ago."
"It's understandable, Jane. You've been through a lot out there, especially today. Give it time; you'll feel differently when your emotions aren't quite so raw."
Jane shook her head. "I don't think so, Maura. I hate my job because it keeps me away from you."
Maura was stunned at the revelation, but knew by the look on Jane's face that it was the truth. "Jane, I..."
Jane held her hand up and smiled sadly, knowing that Maura probably didn't return her feelings but if she'd learned one thing, it was that life was short and she wasn't going to worry about losing a friendship over telling Maura how she felt when she was reasonably sure that it was safe to. She had an idea that Maura would let her down gently but promise to still be friends with her.
"It's okay, you don't have to say anything. I just needed to tell you how I feel. Today, when that IED went off, there was shouting and confusion and gunfire all over the place. I didn't have time to think about what was going on at the time, but afterward, on the way back to camp, all I could think about was you. That could've been me killed or injured today, and I would never have had the opportunity to tell you how much I care about you, how much of a great friend you are, how much I need you or how I'm completely head over heels in love with you. You make me laugh, and you make me smile and I don't think I've ever met a more kind, thoughtful, or intelligent woman than you. And as if that wasn't enough, you Doctor Maura Isles, are heart-achingly beautiful."
Maura felt her heart racing and knew tears were pouring from her eyes at Jane's admission. An admission she never thought she would hear, not after months of thinking that Jane would never feel the same. It had taken them less than nine months to go from being strangers to knowing she was deeply in love with the woman who was currently fidgeting self-consciously on her computer monitor, but nothing had ever felt so right. Nobody had ever been able to see past her quirkiness, or her intelligence to see the real Maura underneath, nobody except Jane that is and here she was, telling her she loved her for it and more besides.
"Maur'..."
"I love you, too, Jane." Maura suddenly blurted out, watching as Jane's eyebrows shot north. "I've been in love with you for months. You're everything I ever dreamed of, and being so far away from you is driving me crazy. You're absolutely gorgeous and I wish you wouldn't wear your uniform when you Skype me, I can't concentrate."
Jane suddenly burst out laughing, the sound musical as Maura blushed at her sudden admission. "You think you've got it bad? I had to look at you in scrubs last week. I can only imagine what you look like in your lab coat. You know, I never had a thing for doctors until I met you and now anytime I so much as think of a band aid I'm climbing the walls."
It was Maura's turn to burst out laughing. "There's me thinking you'd appreciate this sweater, or the dress I was wearing last week especially for you."
"Oh I do, Maura. But you're never more beautiful than when you're in scrubs. And you'll never be more beautiful than when you're wearing nothing more than skin."
Maura felt a violent shiver run through her body at the thought of it, and wished there and then that she could take Jane in her arms and show her exactly how she felt about her, even though they had yet to meet, or share their first kiss.
"Are we really doing this?" Maura asked suddenly, all of her self doubt creeping in again. How would they make it work? Relationships had never been her forte, especially not long distance ones.
"I'd understand if you didn't want to, sweetheart. You're in Boston and I'm here, thousands of miles away. I won't be there tomorrow morning to tell you how beautiful you are, or to hold onto you tonight as you fall asleep. I won't be there for months, and there's always a chance I won't be here tomorrow, or the week after that. I can't predict the future, and I know my job is dangerous and I'd completely understand if you didn't want to get involved like that. Whatever you decide, I just want you to know that I'll respect your decision. It won't change how I feel about you, I'll always love you."
"Jane, it doesn't matter. None of it matters, all that matters is I love you and you love me." Maura swallowed heavily and looked down at her hands. "I should be asking you if this is what you want, I mean we've never met, all we know about each other is what's on the screen. You know about my childhood, about the kind of woman I turned out to be, you know how weird I am. What if that isn't what you want? What if you decide somewhere down the line that you made a mistake, I don't want to put you in that position. I want you to be happy, I want that more than anything because you mean the world to me and I love you so much."
"Sweetheart," Jane's look was pained. She hated the way Maura put herself down, as if she wasn't good enough, when the truth was she was so much better than a lot of people out there because she cared, was always willing to help others and had such a kind heart. "I'm lucky to be able to call you my best friend. And if you want me, I'll be lucky enough to call you my girlfriend. Maura, you're so much more wonderful than you know, and I'm so privileged to be able to know the real Maura Isles, the one who is wickedly funny, friendly, clever, sweet, sexy, and many other things I could mention. I may never have met you face to face, but I know already that along with my family, you're the most important person in my life. Maura, I've had friends for years that I've been through so much shit with and I don't feel for them even half of what I feel for you, and if this isn't something special, something we've waited our whole lives for, then I don't know what is. I often think about how we were born in the same city, how we lived only a few miles apart until you went to Europe. Then when you were coming back I was leaving and we could have spent our entire existence never knowing that we were out there and I hate the thought of that. I'm so lucky to have met you and if Korsak hadn't mentioned his idea to you, I would never have known you existed."
"Doubtful," Maura scrunched up her nose and tried not to smile because then Jane would know she was about to tease her.
"How do you work that one out?"
"I'm the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, Jane. I'm always on the news or in the newspaper. Unless you live like a hermit, at some point you would have seen a news segment or a picture of me."
"Smart ass!" Jane chuckled. "Wait, you're always on the news?"
"Yes, why?"
Jane bounced around in her seat. "I never thought of that! I'm gonna do a search on Google and see if I can find any footage. Man, I wanna see you at a crime scene!"
"Jane, you know that's not normal, right?" Maura snorted with laughter. "I think you might want to book an appointment with a psychiatrist at some point."
"Funny! Maura?"
"Yeah?"
"I miss you. I miss you every day and I want to come home."
Maura's breath caught in her throat and she felt like she wanted to cry all over again. "I miss you too. If I told you how much I miss you, you'd think I'm the one needing therapy."
"Tell me," Jane whispered.
"I bought a Red Sox shirt because they're your favourite team and I sleep in it because it makes me feel closer to you. I put pillows on the other side of the bed, and when I lay with my back against them, I can almost pretend that it feels like you lying next to me if I try hard enough. I have your picture beside my bed so you're the first thing I see of a morning and the last thing I see of a night. I kiss your picture goodnight and I talk to you like you're there, and I tell you about my day even though I know you're too far away to hear me. I've never felt that way about anyone before Jane, I've never needed or wanted anyone as much as I want you. You're the most beautiful, gentle soul I've ever known."
Maura's words galvanised Jane and she spoke what was on her mind. "Will you wait for me? I mean, I know it's a lot to ask, and I know you're unsure, hell I can't blame you but at some point I'll be a civilian again and I want to know if you can wait until that happens."
Maura knew she should say that she couldn't make any promises. Jane could conceivably carry on in the army for many years to come but Maura wanted to believe that she could wait forever, because she needed the brunette like she needed air. "I can't make any promises, Jane, you know that, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to. If this is going to work, we're going to have to take it one day at a time, but it won't be easy."
"I know that, baby, I do. But you're worth fighting for, and I just want to see you so much. Can I visit you next time I'm on leave?"
"Of course you can. When will that be?"
"Christmas," Jane beamed. "We'll be together in time for Christmas."
Maura took a deep breath and felt the cold air tickle her lungs, as she blinked away the fresh set of tears running down her face. Every night since then had been filled with thoughts of Jane. Was she safe? Was she dreaming of Maura too? Could they get through it? So many thoughts, worries and fears crowded Maura's mind, jockeying for position with hopes, dreams and fantasies about what things would be like when she and Jane were finally together. They talked as often as they could, but it wasn't always easy. The soldiers weren't always allowed to have internet access, especially during certain times when operations required strict secrecy and the army couldn't take the risk of having their communications intercepted, or information unwittingly plastered across the internet for security reasons. Those times were hard, and it could be days, weeks even, before Jane's face popped up on her screen again, smiling the same way as she always did.
In fact, Maura hadn't heard from Jane in more than a month and she had been scared, wondering if she would ever get to see her again. She knew the communications blackout was to do with an important operation, which was as much as Jane had been able to tell her, but she hadn't expected it to last so long. Jane had promised in her last call that they would be together, that she would still be there for Christmas like she'd promised all along. Jane had been so excited about it then, that they only had several weeks to go before they finally got to be in the same room with each other, standing face to face without thousands of miles and a computer screen in-between them.
"Hey, baby!" Jane bounced in her seat, having missed Maura so acutely in the last few days that there was a constant ache in her stomach. "I miss you so much."
"I miss you too, sweetheart." Maura felt herself smiling back goofily at the woman she loved more than life itself. "I was beginning to think the love of my life had stood me up."
"Never! What's that you're drinking, honey?" Jane leaned closer to the screen for a better look.
"I thought I'd try some of that beer you're always talking about. I want to get used to the taste of it, before you get me drunk and take advantage of me," she said, laughing at the lust filled look on Jane's face.
"Sorry babe, but it has been ages and I need a decent beer. You'll have to get in the queue," Jane joked.
"You're in a good mood."
"I'm talking to you aren't I? I'm always in a great mood when I'm with the love of my life."
Maura put her hand to her chest and became suspiciously misty eyed at having the same sentiment she had used several minute ago returned. She had known that Jane thought of her as such, but it was always wonderful to be reminded and to remind Jane in return. "Oh, Jane. That's so sweet."
"Gross! Gimme the beer, you've had too much already," Jane waved her fingers and winked at the blonde, who looked as beautiful as ever.
"If you want it, you'll have to come and take it from me." Hazel eyes darkened as Maura's voice lowered in tone, her voice dripping with desire for the woman looking back at her.
"Oh I will, believe me, baby. Just do me a favour while you're talking and lean forward a bit will you, please?"
Maura did as she was told and then shot Jane a puzzled glance. "Why, what's the matter?"
"Oh, nothing. I'm just admiring the view down your t-shirt." She snorted with laughter as Maura sent her a mock outraged look.
"If you'd asked nicely, I might have shown you what you were missing but I don't think I will now that you've been eyeing me like a piece of meat." She attempted to keep up the pretence but couldn't help it when a naughty smile broke free.
"Maura, please," Jane whined and began pouting, not even knowing it was an option. If she'd known, she'd have been demanding flashes from the very beginning. "If you're quick, nobody will see."
"No," Maura shook her head. "That's what you said last week when you wanted me to tell you about the sexy dream I had. I was in the middle of telling you what I'd do to you when Casey materialises behind you and starts blowing kisses at me."
Jane almost fell off her chair snickering at the memory. "Although I think he regrets it now. He hasn't been able to look me in the face all week without going pink. Go on, just a quick flash. For me. I'd offer to flash you back but I reckon if I get caught flashing my tits online I'd be court-martialed, right after they'd pissed their pants laughing at me."
Maura rolled her eyes, not even being able to believe that she was about to actually do it. Knowing she didn't have the luxury of taking the time she'd otherwise take to tease Jane, she quickly undid her bra, slid it from under her shirt and then looked at the monitor, grinning widely when Jane looked as if she was about to pass out from the anticipation.
"Ready?"
"I am, but honey, if you really don't want to do it I won't force you. You know I'd never do that right? I'm not involved with you just to leer at you; you mean the world to me." Jane's tone was so sincere that it almost broke Maura's heart.
"I know, baby. But I want to show you what you're going to get when you come home. Get ready," Maura said as she tried not to blush and lifted her shirt up slowly, revealing full breasts with dusky pink nipples to Jane who was smiling with a slightly dreamy, slightly lusty look on her face. "Is that better?"
"It feels like Christmas already! I'm going to re-name your boobs the rack of God. I feel like they should be accompanied by several angels and their own choir."
Maura began laughing, and noticed the way Jane's eyes darkened as her breasts jiggled with the movement. Maura was more than content just to let Jane look, but a sudden noise made Jane jump and Maura quickly let her shirt drop, which was just as well as a group of soldiers immediately came into view, all waving at her and smiling at her like a bunch of fruitcakes.
"Hey Maura!" Casey's head appeared over Jane's shoulder and he blew her another cheeky kiss. "Great to see you again."
"Hi there. Good to see you too, Casey." Maura smiled, trying not to feel awkward in front of all these people who were jostling to get a good look at her. And then she realised that the feeling of sheer dread that once would have present was missing entirely and she knew then that loving Jane had already changed her for the better.
"Maura, don't mind these weirdos," Jane laughed and began point to various people as she introduced them. "You know Casey already. This is Gabe Dean, Joey Grant, and Riley Cooper."
"Wow, you never said she was this gorgeous Jane." Riley grinned at the screen and waved to Maura. "Hi Maura, nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too, Riley."
"You know she's gorgeous, I showed you her picture. Quit shit stirrin' Riley, she's mine," Jane laughed and elbowed the woman out of the way.
"Well I think she's fuckin' crazy," Joey Grant butted in with a grin. "I have no idea why you'd want to date Frog Face here, Maura, when you could have me."
"Because she has 20/20 vision and all of her own teeth, Joey," Jane said as Gabriel Dean nearly wet his pants from laughing and high-fived Jane as Joey scowled.
"Don't mind this bunch of hooligans, Maura; they're only out on licence until the asylum wants them back. It's great to meet you, Jane has told us such a lot about you, that we feel like we already know you." Dean smiled into the camera.
"I feel the same about all of you. Jane often talks about you all so much that I feel like I've already spent time in your company." Maura couldn't seem to stop smiling, and found it quite touching that Jane's friends were kind enough to say hello and want to include her in the conversation like she was a part of the group. Only Frost and Korsak had ever bothered to do that before and she felt overwhelmed with the sheer sweetness of it all.
"Aww, she's sweet, isn't she sweet?" Riley beamed. "You ready for Jane coming home on leave?"
"I'm very much looking forward to it. We've been talking about it for months and making plans."
"That makes a lot of sense," Casey chipped in with a wicked grin. "No wonder Jane's so frustrated."
There were whoops and catcalls and Jane flipped Casey the bird. "Excuse me, you're cutting into my time with my beautiful girlfriend. Why don't you all go and cover yourself in old spice and play with Gromit?"
"Who is Gromit?" Maura asked, puzzled when they all started laughing again.
"It's a stray dog that wandered into camp a couple days ago. Friendly little thing it is, licks everybody to death and wags its tail like mad. The Sergeant Major, we call him Skid, for reasons best left unexplained in polite company, practically takes a bath in Old Spice and stomps around and shouts a lot. Anyway, the SM wanders over to Gromit, tries to pet him and doesn't take the hint that the dog hates him as much as the rest of us do. He persists in scratching its ears, and it nearly bit his fucking arm off!" Jane snickered at the memory. "He ordered that the poor thing face the firing squad but he had a mutiny on his hands. Asshole."
"Is the dog okay?" Maura suddenly hated the Sergeant Major as much as the rest of them.
"Certainly is. The Sergeant Major is far from okay; the Colonel had him shipped out to Fort Irwin. Turns out the Colonel is fond of Gromit and not so fond of the Sergeant Major." Jane wasn't alone when she began laughing at the thought.
"Fort Irwin, that's in California isn't it?" Maura asked puzzled. "Why would that be a punishment, considering he was serving in Afghanistan on the front line?"
"Maura, Fort Irwin is the worst place on earth. Right in the middle of the Mojave Desert, it makes a hole in the ground look like the Ritz." Casey said with a grin. "If you can survive there, you can survive anywhere. Its hell on earth and this guy has just been posted there indefinitely. He knew he'd get out of Afghanistan, but he may never get out of Fort Irwin."
"Speaking which, you can all get out of my video call." Jane began shooing them away with her hand.
"Bye Maura, nice to see you!" Both Casey and Dean chorused and waved before they walked out, dragging a still grinning and waving Joey with them.
"Maybe Jane can introduce us sometime, Maura," Riley winked at her through the webcam. "It would be really nice to meet you properly."
"Keep walking, Cooper, before I shoot you in the ass," Jane said, pushing Riley in the direction of the door and giving her a kick up the rear to encourage her to keep moving. "Jesus, talk about trying to steal my girlfriend right out from under me."
"Baby, if I was under you, I wouldn't even know she was there," Maura winked and blew Jane a kiss which made her grin again.
"I've gotta stop all this smiling, my face is startin' to hurt. I love you, Maura. You know that right? I love you so much it hurts."
"I love you, too, Jane. So very much and I can't wait to hold you in my arms in just a few weeks time." Maura felt herself struggling against her tears again, her arms aching to hold Jane.
Jane knew she had some bad news to impart again, and hated to say it. "I won't be able to talk to you for a few weeks, baby, there's a big operation coming up and we're all being told there's no access to the outside world."
"Will we get to talk before you leave?"
"I certainly hope so, but if not, Maura, you know I'll be there. 4pm Christmas Eve we said, right by the Frog Pond at Boston Common. I'd move heaven and earth to be with you, Maura, I mean it."
Maura nodded, not trusting herself to speak, but knew she'd have to ask the question on her mind. "Will you be taking an active role in the operation?"
"It's all hands on deck," Jane nodded, knowing she couldn't give specifics anyway and she wouldn't want to because she didn't want Maura picturing it all in her head. "Maura, if anything happens to me, I wa..."
"Jane, don't." Maura held her hand up and shook her head desperately. "Don't say another word."
"I have to, Maura. If anything happens to me, I want you to know that I'll love you forever, and I'll always be with you, no matter where you are," Jane said, feeling the tears running down her face as she watched Maura's beautiful features crumple as her own tears fell. "I've written you a letter and arranged for some of my things to go to you should the worst happen."
"Jane," Maura sobbed, begging her to say nothing further.
"But I need you to know, Maura, that I'll do everything in my power to get home to you. I'll crawl over broke glass if I have to. I'll be where I said I would be, Boston Common, 4pm, Christmas Eve. Got it?"
"I got it. You promise me?"
Jane knew she couldn't promise everything would be okay, but she knew that Maura needed her to pretend that it would be, when there was the chance it might not. "I promise you, Maura. I'll be there, no matter what. I'll always find a way home to you."
It was now completely dark and the snow was falling much harder than ever before as the city began to quieten down for the night, most if its inhabitants tucked up at home where it was warm. Maura glanced at her watch, her heart clenching painfully when she saw that it was 5pm already and there was no sign of Jane. She didn't want to believe that Jane would break her promise, didn't want to believe that Jane wasn't okay, but an entire hour had passed and she still wasn't where she said she would be. The thought tore at Maura's insides and she fought the urge to sink to her knees and sob her heart out.
She had never met anyone like Jane, never loved anyone like Jane, and the thought of never knowing what it would be like to hold her, kiss her, sleep in her arms was more painful than anything else she had ever experienced in all her thirty years on the planet. Maura looked toward the heavens and felt the snowflakes brushing against her face like feathers, a chill running through her entire body. She'd sat for far too long in the cold and was freezing, but the cold was nothing compared to the way she felt without Jane. Cold didn't even begin to cover it.
She thought about turning for home, but she couldn't face going back to an empty house that had been prepared for Jane to be in it with her. She'd decorated the house for Christmas, and trimmed her tree, leaving a present for Jane underneath it to open the next morning. She had set the table for a dinner she would prepare for them both. There was champagne chilling in the fridge, and brand new silk sheets on her bed, all ready and waiting for the moment that Jane would take Maura in her arms and connect their bodies together finally as they made love to each other for the first time. She had even purchased the sports package on cable knowing that Jane loved baseball and hadn't managed to see a game in ages. She had a fridge full of food that she knew Jane loved, purely because she wanted to make things as comfortable for her as she could, to spoil her, to shower her with love and affection the same way she knew Jane would for her. The same way Jane always did, because she knew Jane wanted to give her everything she'd never had, desperately wanting to make up for a childhood so devoid of love that it broke Jane's heart.
"Excuse me, Miss. You got five minutes for an old soldier?"
Maura whipped around at the voice as her eyes widened. She would know that voice anywhere. "Jane!"
Jane dropped her kitbag and took off toward Maura at a run, meeting her in the middle and swinging her off her feet as she embraced her tightly. "I promised I'd be here. I'm so sorry I'm late. The flight was delayed because of the weather. I'm so happy you waited for me, I was so scared you wouldn't be here."
"Oh Jane," Maura gasped, holding onto Jane as tightly as she could. "I thought I'd lost you."
"Never, Maur'," Jane leaned back to gaze into the hazel eyes she loved so much. "And you never will. I'm home for good."
"What?" Maura felt herself getting dizzy.
"I'm home at last. I quit my job, sweetheart. I still believe in the army, we do an important job, and I will always love the time I spent being a soldier. But I love you so much more than that, Maura Isles. I can't put you through hell every time I leave and I can't put myself through it either. I have no idea what I'm going to do now I'm a civilian, but I wanna figure it out with you by my side. Is that okay?"
"Oh sweetheart, it's more than okay," Maura said, brushing her fingers reverently across Jane's cheekbones. "No matter what happens, we'll get through it together. I want you right here with me, I can't imagine you being anywhere else now I've held you in my arms."
Jane smiled tearfully, and reached across to wipe Maura's eyes gently with her thumb. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too, Jane. Always have, always will, so much more than I can say." Maura brushed a fingertip over Jane's soft lips and had the sudden urge to kiss her senseless.
"I want to kiss you, I've wanted to kiss you since the first moment I saw your picture." Jane breathed out in a rush, feeling a warmth in her body she had never known, despite the cold night air.
"Then do it, baby. Show me what I've been missing," Maura said seductively, knowing at last she was free to express her love for the woman in her arms.
That was all the encouragement Jane needed and she moved towards the smaller woman, taking her fully in her arms as she pressed her lips against Maura's. There was nothing chaste about the kiss, there was no mistaking the passion they had for each other when Maura opened her mouth, granting Jane's tongue access the minute it ghosted across her lips with a warm, wet insistence that Jane wanted to taste her. Hands roamed across faces and backs, touching, feeling, loving everything in reach because there was nothing holding them back at last.
"Oh god," Maura murmured as she opened her mouth and drew in air without even breaking the kiss.
Jane groaned in response, sucking Maura's bottom lip into her mouth as her hands found their way into silky soft blonde curls that she'd been dreaming of running her hands through for as long as she had known Maura existed. The thought of being able to do that every day was enough to nip at Jane's stomach, making it jump pleasantly. When she thought of all the other places she would be free to touch Maura, a sudden desperation overtook her soul, and she knew right then that she had never been mistaken in feeling that Maura was her soul mate.
"I love you," Maura groaned into the kiss, the heat of Jane's lips and the silky wetness of her tongue causing a flood in her lower regions and a racing gallop in her heart. "Oh god, Jane, do I love you."
Jane hummed into the kiss and smiled against her girlfriend's lips. "I love you, too, Maur'."
"Wait...minute." Maura pulled back breathlessly and clung to Jane with a laugh. "I can't breathe. My legs have turned to jelly and I can't feel my face."
Jane began laughing loudly at Maura's description. "You'll be telling me next that you've peed your pants."
"I haven't peed my pants but its soaking wet down there all the same," Maura blurted out, watching with satisfaction as Jane groaned with the pleasure of knowing that little nugget of information.
"If you can turn me on this much just by kissing me and saying stuff like that, I don't even wanna think of what state I'll be in tomorrow morning when you've had your wicked way with me."
"Well and truly fucked I would think," Maura said naughtily, knowing that Jane knew she didn't use cuss words, but it was worth it to see the flush on Jane's face that was brightly lit up by the snow.
"And I won't be the only one," she said, placing a loving kiss on Maura's lips. "I want to take you home to meet my ma tomorrow. I gotta warn you though, she'll scream her head off."
"Why, does she not approve?" Maura began to worry; Jane had led her to believe that her mother would be okay with their relationship.
"Oh she does, she just doesn't know we're coming yet. I haven't told her I'm even back in the States; she thinks I'm still away."
Maura was scandalised. "Jane! You should call your mother and tell her you're here. You should go and see her at least."
Jane rolled her eyes at Maura fondly, and kissed her again before leaning back slightly. "I've told you about my mother. If she knew I was here, she'd be yellin' down the phone for me to get my ass home and take you with me. She'd put you in my pink canopy bed and have me on the sofa and that's the last thing I want. Tonight is our time, we waited over a year for it, and you're going to take me home and we're going to have the night we planned on. Then tomorrow, I can take you with me to see my family and surprise them all. Ma will ask a million questions, stuff us full of food and hug us both to the point of fractured bones and bug us about marriage and grandkids. I want that, I really, really do because I miss my family so much. But I missed you too, and every ounce of my body ached for you the whole time we've known each other, while we've been apart. I want you and only you, Maur' and for tonight, the rest of the world doesn't exist."
Maura couldn't find the words to say exactly what she wanted to say, knowing that her brain couldn't comprehend the depth of feeling for this woman that she had only just technically met and yet it had felt already like they'd been together a lifetime. Instead, she pulled the brunette closer, her hands grabbing fistfuls of her uniform and pulling her in close as she placed her lips against Jane's and let her body say what her voice could not.
"I'll never get tired of that," Jane sighed when Maura pulled away and rested their foreheads together.
"I'll never get tired of anything we do together," Maura said, looking up at the woman she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
Maura recalled the little boy that she had played snowballs with earlier, and she suddenly understood why she had felt so drawn to him. Besides being so sweet, his hair and his eyes had reminded her of Jane, and sudden thoughts of being a mother filled her mind again, a thought she had never dared hope for until today. They had never talked about marriage and children, neither one of them wanted to move too quickly ahead, but standing here now, with Jane, the future and the promise of what it might hold for them already looked so much brighter.
"Should we get going?" Maura asked when she realised she had been lost in her thoughts.
"Yes." Jane nodded her head emphatically, placing a quick peck against Maura's lips. "I need beer, food, a shower and passionate sex with you and not necessarily in that order."
"Then allow me, Sergeant Rizzoli," Maura said seductively, "to take you home, feed you, bathe you, and rock your world by making love to you all night long."
"Lead the way, Doctor Isles," Jane said with a smile, taking her kit bag in one hand and Maura's hand in the other.
As they trudged back through the heavy snow toward Maura's car, both women knew that this Christmas, they'd finally found their way home.
The End
Aww, I love a happy ending even if I do say so myself :D I'd really love it if you sent me a review to let me know what you think, but if not then thank you very much anyway for reading, I always have and always will appreciate it :)