Cherry Blossoms in Winter
[冬の桜]
By Kem'Ajiana
Summary: Soon. Very, very soon. What would she see when her time was through? Who?
A/N: For some god awful reason, I love to torture myself with this anime/Otome. My main OTP is definitely Hijiru, but I have a soft spot for Hajiru and Soujiru (Sanoru is adorable, too). I do wish someone would write a Yamiru. I hope you enjoy this; it was...fun to write. And please review, if you've got the time. I'm kicking around a one-shot series revolving around each individual pairing. Thank you!
How many, many things
They call to mind
These cherry-blossoms!
Kyoto, Japan -1921
[京都日本 – 1921]
The light that filtered in through the rice-paper sliding doors was weak, the steady tip tap, tip tap of water hitting the dark clay roofing filling the sickroom with a soft ambience. Heavily scented incense and burning sage clouded the room with pale smoke. Upon the tatami mats, laid out on a slightly raised futon bed, an elderly woman choked in a breath, her chest rising and falling slowly.
There came the soft sound of footsteps, and the gentle murmuring of voices, from outside the sliding door.
"Not much longer, I should think," came a soft male's voice.
There was the sound of a tinkering of cups and the gentle pouring of hot tea and a woman said, "The poor woman. She has no family to be here for her...I could not imagine."
"You mean she never married?" the man sounded surprised. "No children, or grandchildren?"
"No. None, Hamamoto-san. My father said she refused every man who ever asked." Silence fell over the quaint house as the two visitors sipped their tea. "Though, I do remember there being two men who visited rather frequently until a few years ago. I only asked once, but I think they were called...Nagakura Shinpachi and Saito Hajime – "
" – No way!" the man spluttered, setting his cup down rather forcefully. "The Nagakura and Saito?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Kotone-chan! How do you not know of them? The Shinsengumi!"
"Shin-sen-gumi?"
"Aye…I forget you are so young, sometimes. Only fifteen," Hamamoto sounded slightly exasperated at the girl. "Old men like myself still remember them, however. We thought them villains, until the Ikedaya Inn incident so many years ago…It still feels like yesterday, at times, but it has been nearly sixty years."
There came the sound of ragged coughing, the old woman's chest heaving as she fought for breath, and her clouded brown eyes snapped open as Hamamoto and the girl threw open the shoji door, eager to be at her side.
"Yukimura-chan," he murmured to her. "do you remember who I am?"
Her eyes snapped to appraise him. "I'm not dead yet, Hamamoto -san. Almost…almost." Her age-worn voice was scarcely above a whisper as she addressed him, wagging a frail finger at him as if in reprimand. "Ah, Kotone-chan. Have you come to visit this dying old woman, again?"
The brown-haired teen girl chuckled softly, blue eyes shining, reaching out to hold the elder woman's hand in her much smaller, softer one. The old woman had work-weathered hands, calloused and rough from working in the fields long past the age she should have retired to her home. There were rumors of men and women having seen her swinging a small kodachi in her gardens, at times. Before she had taken to her bed ill. "Of course, Yukimura-san. Anything for you."
"You are too sweet, child. You should be out with your friends, not wasting away here with me."
"Nonsense, Yukimura-san," Hamamoto admonished. "You need someone to take care of you."
Her eyes, though dull, fixated on him with a sharp glint that reminded him that, old and dying she may be, but she still had her wits about her. "That's what I have you for, doctor."
He chuckled at her, broad hands taking hers and pressing two fingers to her pulse-point. She waved him off. "Oh, stop it, Doctor Hamamoto-san. We all know my time is almost up. No use in poking or prodding my arms or any other piece of me, at this point. Just give an old woman her pain medication and some tea and leave it at that, shall we?"
Kotone went about pouring a small cup of tea for the old woman, stirring in the bitter herbs that the doctor handed her and adding a dollop of honey to sweeten it. Tilting her head back, she helped Yukimura drink, lifting the small cup to her lips and pouring it into her mouth when her old hands could not manage the task. The elderly woman did not even grimace, merely sighed as the girl wiped at the corners of her pale lips to dispel any trace of the bitter tea before laying her head back flat.
As Kotone moved to pull the coverlet up around Yukimura's shoulders, the old woman stopped her with a simple shake of the head. "No, please. I would like to sit outside, if I may."
"I don't know if that –"
"- Doctor Hamamoto-san," she interrupted with a bite. "I am a dying old woman. What is one or two hours or days less on this earth when I am living by merely lying about in my futon?" She sighed softly. "I should like to see the cherry blossoms once more. Just this once."
"But, Yukimura-san," Kotone objected quietly. "It's –"
"- alright, Yukimura-san. Just for a little while, however," the doctor interrupted, shaking his head at the young girl.
Together, they helped the elderly woman to sit upright, and then out the sliding shoji door to her long walkway. There, in the center of her courtyard, was a solitary cherry tree, still leafless. Yukimura's wish to see the blossoms, it seemed, would not be fulfilled. The rain continued to patter against the rooftops, streaming down the eaves and onto the grass below.
"Ah," she breathed. "This is quite nice."
"Nice?" Kotone exclaimed. "It is wet and cold!"
The elder woman chuckled, patting the girl's cheek feebly. "To feel the cold means you are alive, Kotone-chan. Embrace it, while you can."
For a while, the three sat in near-silence, only the sound of her heavy, labored breathing and the sound of rain between them. When she began to chuckle, the kindly doctor worried she may need to return indoors, but she waved his concern off easily.
"I was simply remembering," she told him.
Hamamoto sat slowly, leaning lightly against the rice-paper door as he watched the old woman's face alight with a small smile. "Remembering what, might I ask?"
That made her beam with joy. "Ah. The many men I knew during my time with the Shinsengumi. What lively men! Always filled with joy and laughter!"
Confusion marred his face. "I did not know that any women served alongside the Shinsengumi, Yukimura-san."
She gave a fond laugh. "No. None. Just me."
For a second, he thought her brain must be muddled, but instead of correcting her, he just smiled, patting her frail hand with his much larger one. "Tell us, Yukimura-san."
For a long moment, the silence drifted over them again, and for a second, Kotone thought that, perhaps, the old woman had drifted off to sleep – it would not be the first time – but when she spoke, both the doctor and the girl were astounded at just how strong her voice sounded.
"Hajime-kun and Shinpachi-kun helped me to settle here, after the war. We all lost so much, perhaps more than most." Hamamoto's jaw dropped at the familiarity with which she spoke of the two former captains of the Shinsengumi guard; legends, in their own right. "They lived with me, here, for some time, while we healed – our hearts, our heads, and our bodily wounds.
"Shinpachi-kun…he married first. A lovely woman, Asa-chan. We became fast friends, her and I. He changed his name, after a time, to Sugimura Yoshie. I think – and so did Hajime-kun – that it was more to leave the painful past in the past." She paused a moment, smiling softly. "Now, Hajime-kun, he was a man of many names to begin with, but, like Shinpachi-kun, he changed his name to Fujita Goro. That was more to not be pestered on the street, however, than to forget. He did not stick around for very long; he had met a girl in the Aomori Prefecture named Shinoda Yaso. I never did like that woman." Her words were practically a snarl, and it made Katone fidget uncomfortably for a moment. "They married in…1871? But, when he left for Tokyo in 1874…well, she did not want to come. Thank goodness for that," she hummed.
"It sounds as though you were all very close, Yukimura-san," Hamamoto smiled.
She nodded with a brilliant smile. "Oh, yes. And, please, doctor Hamamoto-san, Chizuru is fine." She gave a series of violent coughs, then, which wracked her frail body with spasms, and Kotone fetched her a small cup of water, which soothed her dry throat.
"What happened, then, Yukimura-san? After Saito-san left for Tokyo?" the girl asked.
Chizuru thought for a moment, as if confused, before her memory came to her once more. "Ah, yes. He married a woman Takagi Tokio, the daughter of an Aizu retainer that Hajime-kun had served. She was a friendly enough woman, and she gave him three sons. Both Hajime-kun and Shinpachi-kun would visit me frequently enough when they could, but once the babies began to come…well. Family first. And I told them as much," she stated firmly.
The doctor gave a low whistle. "Amazing, Yuki – forgive me – Chizuru-chan. I only grew up hearing stories of these men. I cannot believe you knew them."
She gave a mournful sigh, looking upwards, as if to the sky. "And, of course, Hajime-kun died as stiff as he lived: in a full seiza. That man…and then Shinpachi-kun died not long after he did. The last two true Shinsengumi. Honorable until the very end."
Kotone looked tearfully towards the old woman at her side, heart breaking. "It must have been so very hard, Yukimura-san."
"Yes, well. I have known great loss in my time. Those days ran heavy with strife and death, but I do not believe I would trade a single moment of my years with them for all the happiness in the world." She fixated the young woman with a wise stare. "Everything we do in life – the good, the painful, all of it – we should be grateful for every miserable, joyful moment of it."
Chizuru shifted the conversation suddenly. "I remember, when I was sixteen, I volunteered to be a spy in Shimabara for a night. Oh, the looks I got! I had dressed as a boy for so many months, you see," her voice was low; conspiratorial. "Hijikata-kun and Hajime-kun were utterly beside themselves! Speechless! Of course, as the naïve child I was, I had no idea just why they were flustered. Looking back, however, I must laugh! Ah, Hijikata-kun, the ever-stoic Demon Vice-Commander, blushing like a schoolboy!"
"My goodness, Chizuru-chan! You knew Hijikata-san, as well?" Homotome exclaimed.
Laughing, Chizuru patted his knee in amusement. "Oh, doctor, I knew them all. Kondō-san, and Heisuke-kun, and Sanosuke-kun. Even Sōji-kun, though…he threatened to kill me more than once in the beginning. It was painful, his illness, and still he braved through it as best he could."
For a while, as the rain fell on, Chizuru told them stories of her time among the Shinsengumi, her tales capturing the imagination of the young woman at her right, and riveting the old man who only vaguely remembered the wars. She told them of her brother, Kaoru, and of Inoue giving his life to save hers when she was cornered by Choshū ronin. Of patching wounds and the brotherly banter during meals when Shinpachi would steal away Haisuke's food from right under his nose. Of Hijikata's secret love of Haiku, and Kondō's bravery in his final sacrifice.
For hours, her stories tumbled from her, like a great storm breaking upon the shore. Neither the Doctor nor the young woman cared or had the heart to stop her.
Finally, as her voice began to fade to a mere whisper, she turned her eyes to the two of them. "I fear I'm in need of a cup of hot tea and some more medication. Would you be so kind, Doctor Hamomoto-san?"
"Of course, Chizuru-chan. I'll be right back."
"Oh, and Katone-chan, would you be so kind as to fetch something for me?" she asked quietly. "There are two books upon my desk, in my room. They are wrapped in a handkerchief. Could you, please?"
The girl smiled kindly, practically leaping to her feet to do so. Chizuru smiled as they went to do her bidding, fondly remembering the times she had done just the same – running about like a wild chicken to attend Hijikata's whims while he worked himself to the bone, night and day. Oh, how she missed those days. Painfully, she rubbed at her chest, feeling the familiar ache there building.
Heartache.
Oh, how she missed them all. How she wished she could see them all once more.
"Soon," she whispered to herself. "Very soon."
The branches of the cherry tree rattled as the wind sook them. They were still mostly bare, the green shoots only just beginning to bloom. It would be a while, yet, before the branches would be heavy once more with the vibrant pink blossoms that she loved. Too late, would the air be filled with their sweet scent, falling about her like soft petals of snow.
She knew, deep down, she would not live to see the coming bloom. A sadness filled her heart, but she reminded herself, 'soon. Very, very soon.'
"How many, many things
they call to mind,
these cherry blossoms." She murmured to herself.
"What was that, Yukimura-san," Katone asked as she returned with the small bundle in her hands.
"Oh, nothing, child. Just more reminiscing. Ah, thank you." She took the bundle, opening it slowly – like a flower, blooming to the world for the first time. "I have kept these for many, many years. Before my hands began to shake, and my eyesight began to fail." She caressed the top of the small, bound book, trailing her fingers over the long-dried ink.
The doctor returned, then, and she drank the medicinal tea with a strength she normally did not possess.
"Hijikata-kun loved haiku. He wrote them frequently, when he thought we did not know it. Of course," she chuckled, "Souji-kun loved to tease him now an again, and we all loved to listen to them, good or bad. He is renowned for being the Demon Vice-Commander, but…there was a softness in him, as well. A fondness for his men, and for me. A love of the small things. He was a great man…"
Almost reluctantly, she set the book aside, revealing another larger booklet. "And this is a collection of..well, the history of the Shinsengumi as I saw it."
The doctor hummed in appreciation, taking the proffered book from her hands and flipping through it almost reverently. The pain was beginning to build in her chest, again. Odd, she thought to herself. Had she not just taken the medicine the good doctor gave her? It lasted only for a minute, and she rubbed her chest absent-mindedly, letting her weakening arms drop back into her lap and leaning her head back against the shoji door as he eyelids began to become burdensome.
Soon. Very, very soon.
It was like a chant. A promise to herself.
What would she see when her time was through? Who?
The doctor was saying something to her, then, but the pain had begun to build once more, and she found her ears simply could not make out his words, as though he were speaking to from far away or from behind a heavy door. Even a slight hum of question seemed too much for the woman as her eyes fixated on the leafless cherry tree. The pain crested again, and she blinked, and then…
When did the cherry tree bloom?
As if in a burst of energy, Chizuru stood, stepping to the edge of the walkway. The rain had stopped, as well, she realized, but the blossoms were falling about her like drifting snow, caressing her face and her hair, and filling the air with soft perfume. Had she fallen asleep? How long had she slept?
"Chizuru-chan! Hey!"
Her heart stopped, and she whipped around to see the heartbreakingly familiar child-like face of Heisuke, his long hair tied back just as she remembered.
"H…Heisuke-kun?" She almost feared the hallucination would disappear, taking a hesitant step forward until, suddenly, she was flying towards him, forgetting her ancient weariness in her joyfulness.
They collided like boulders, their bodies mashing together as he swept her up in a jubilant hug, spinning her about and setting her down to look her up and down. "Beautiful as always, Chizaru-chan!"
She smacked him playfully, laughing gleefully. "Stop it. I'm old."
Heisuke scoffed at her as he took her arm in his. "Hardly. And you look like a girl! What's up with that?"
"I am..?" Last she had seen of herself, she'd been wearing a simple yukata; nothing special, seeing as she'd been practically bedridden for the better parts of six months - since the onslaugt of her illness had all but crippled her. But she looked down she found she was, indeed, wearing women's clothing. A simple, pale pink kimono and golden obi; it reminded her of the kimono she had long ago seen Kaoru wear upon their initial meeting. "I am!"
Heisuke chuckled, patting the hand he held in the crook of his arm. "It sure is nice to see you, Chizuru-chan. It's been a while."
"Fifty-four years," she murmured, more to herself than to him. She gave a somewhat tearful smile up at him, and he blushed, glancing away.
"Yeah. You would know. Time moves...differently here."
They were moving slowly through the courtyard, and Chizaru was struck by just how familiar it all looked. From the well, to the bathhouse, to the trees overlooking the pond. "Heisuke-kun," she began. "Where exactly are we?"
He shrugged as if feigning nonchalance. "I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be Mibu-dera Temple."
"Mibu...dera..." her chocolate eyes went wide in shock, and her small hand flirted to her mouth. "Oh!"
They meandered about the temple for a while, Chizuru painstakingly absorbing all of the long-lost nooks and crannies, drinking in the sight like a starving woman. Her fingers trailed over the soft, worn wood, and fond memories leapt to the surface of her mind's eye: There, she had broken a screen after running into it, here Heisuke had fallen into the bushes, over there Shinpachi and Sanosuke had pummeled Hajime with snowballs...The tears flowed like a wellspring, pouring down her cheeks in great rivulets.
"Hey, now!" Heisuke cried. "Come on!"
"I- I'm sorry," she cried softly. "I just...I can't help it."
Heisuke flushed crimson, pulling her in tightly for a hug. "Well, I can't take you to see the others all gross like that."
She turned her face up to him, chin tucked into his chest as he looked deliberately away. "The others?"
He gave a selfish grin, then, eyes sparkling. "Well, yeah. What did you expect? Just me?"
It was her turn to flush crimson, the heat burning the very tips of her ears in embarassment. "I, well I -"
"Relax, Chizuru-chan! I'm kidding!" He grabbed her hand in him larger one suddenly, tugging her forward. "Now come on!"
Just as they had when they were relatively carefree teenagers, they ran through the wide courtyard, laughing as she hobbled as quickly as the kimono would allow her. To be so free once more, it was as though she'd thrown off heavy, cumbersome chains!
They rounded the corner, and her heart leaped to her throat. There, at the entrance to the Mibu-dera Temple, stood her long lost - but not forgotten - friends. Shinpachi and Sanosuke were waving, brilliant grins lighting their faces when they saw her, arms thrown about each other's shoulders in brotherly companionship. When news of Harada's death had reached Shinpachi, he had been heartbroken; here, now, that sadness had evidently lifted from his frame, and he stood tall beside his brother just as he had in life.
Kondō And Hijikata stood side by side, looking just as they had the last time she had seen them, but the weariness of battles fought did not mar their youthful faces here. Even Hajime, whom she had watched grow old over time, looked as youthful as she remembered from their first chaotic meeting. He flashed a rare smile, waving faintly. Ever the serious one, Chizuru could not help but laugh. Souji was there, too, a fox-like grin spread across his face, standing tall and uncrippled by the disease that had killed him slowly. Even Yamizaki, Sannan and Genzaborou stood waiting.
She took first one hesitant step towards them, and then another, before Heisuke gave a barking laugh and shoved her forward playfully. "Go on, Chizuru-chan!"
Almost of their own accord, her legs carried her forward, her feet practically gliding over the dusty surface until she was flinging herself into the arms of Hijikata, tears streaming down her cheeks as her hair fell around her shoulders. His strong arms caught her firmly, even as he staggered back a step in surprise. She tucked her face into the folds of his purple haori, fisting the fabric in her small hands. His initial surprise faded into a deep laugh and he hugged her tightly for a second, and he lifted her chin.
"You have not said or done anything wrong, Chizuru-chan. Bow your head for nothing." The familiar words echoed in her mind, and she nodded fervently with a tear-stained smile.
"Of course, Hijikata-san."
"Psht," she heard Shinpachi scoff from her left. "What are Hajime-kun and I? Fried tempura?"
"It has been a much longer wait for them, Shinpachi-kun," Hajime chastised quietly. "Give her a moment to catch up with them, first."
Chizuru swiped at her cheeks, planting her fists on her hips in mock anger as she faced the broad-shouldered man. "I am mad at you, Shinpachi-kun," she declared. His teal eyes widened a bit.
"What? Why?"
"You and Hajime-kun went and left me all alone!"
Heisuke laughed at the raw fear in the big man's face. "Yeah, Shinpachi-kun. How could you just up and die like that?"
"Hey! Shut it, pipsqueak!"
"Who you calling 'pipsqueak'? I bet I could kick your ass here and now!"
"Bring it, small-fry!"
Chizuru could not feign anger, and found herself wrapping her friend in her small arms. It was a comforting familiar gesture as he returned the hug with one of his own, stroking her hair fondly. "Hey, there, little girl," he murmured to her. "It's been a while. You look good."
Kondō cleared his throat from where he stood beside Hijikata, procuring a wrapped bundle. "Chizuru-chan, I have something for you. A gift."
Her brown eyes widened a fraction as she took the rice-paper wrapped package from him. "You did not need to do that, Kondō-san. Just being here with you all is gift enough."
The man scratched the back of his head is if from embarrassment. "Ah, well, yes. Think nothing of it! You've been deserving of this gift for many, many years."
Her brows furrowed in confusion. Deserving? Her fingers nimbly tore away at the paper, and she stared reverently at the sky blue fabric that flowed over her hands. The paper fell away, and she fingered the material with reverent appreciation, glancing up at her friends with a slack has. "I...I..."
Yukimura chuckled a bit at her expression, and Sanosuke ruffled her hair as Hijikata plucked it from her hands. "Welcome to the club, kid!" The redhead crowed.
She felt the haori drape itself over her shoulders, and she pushed her arms through the sleeves.
"After the years you stood beside us on the battlefields...after the sacrifices you made to ensure our safety...you are more than deserving and welcome among us, Chizuru-san," Hijikata murmured as she stared mutely at the men gathered around her. "I can think of no one more deserving, in fact."
Her chin quivered as the tears threatened to fall ince again, and Kondō pulled her into a tight, fatherly embrace as he kissed the top of her head.
All around them, like pink snow, fell the soft petals of the cherry trees. They caressed her face like velvet fingers, dappled her hair like pink ornaments, and the air was filled with the scent of sakura blooms.
"Welcome home, Chizuru," she whispered to herself as she closed her eyes, allowing herself to be swept up by the outpouring of love and affection the men around her bestowed upon her. The years of fatigue and illness, death and sadness lifted at last, and the blood washed away from behind her chocolate eyes. "I'm finally here."
Terminology and Honorifics:
-san: basically the English equivalent of Mr or Ms/Mrs (Mr Hijikata. Mr Kondo.)
-chan: endearing female honorific. Most commonly used among children, but also among friends and family. (Chizuru-chan)
-kun: male equivalent of '-chan'. Used between children, peers, and friends. (Heisuke-kun)
*Tatami: typical flooring used in traditional Japanese homes.
*Shoji: a door, window, or room divider consisting of translucent paper over a wood frame.
*Futon: traditional Japanese bedding consisting of a quilted mattress (shikibuton) laid upon the floor and a duvet (kakebuton). The mattress is pliable enough to be foldes and stored away during the day
*Seiza: literally translated to "[正座 or 正坐, "proper sitting"]" A formal, upright sitting position where one kneels upon the floor, feet tucked beneath their buttocks with ankles turned outwards, back straight, and hands folded modestly or placed palm down upon the upper thighs. Men will sit with their knees slightly apart, and women with their knees touching.