WARNING: The following is a product of hyper active slap happiness brought on by lack of sleep at a slumber party. Please take extreme caution.
DISCLAIMER: We don't own any of the "Ruroni Kenshin" characters. sigh We are also not responsible for the loss of sanity brought on by this fanfic, and we will not pay any medical bills you send us for the cost of your therapy. You have been warned. Continue at your own risk.
Lastly, this is an alternate Kenshin world, so the characters are in their teens. Kenshin is 15, Sano is 17, and Kaoru is also 15. Not accurate, but we don't care.
Evie wrote this, but Suki and Aya gave her most of her ideas. Thanks, guys!
Enjoy...
Birth of Battousai
by: Aya, Evie, and Suki
It was a sunny day at the Kamiya dojo. Kenshin Himura was happily chopping daikon radishes when suddenly...
"Hey, good lookin'. What'cha got cookin'?" came silky words spoken in an all-too-familiar voice. Kenshin could not place the words with that voice. However, he was momentarily put off balance when a strong arm twined its way around his slender waist. Kenshin gulped.
"Sanosuke..." he said, a little unnerved.
"Yeah?"
"Your arm is around my waist."
"I know. Does that bother you?"
"Slightly."
"Then what about this?"
The other arm found its way around the poor ruroni's waist.
"Better?" Sano asked.
If Kenshin's eyes got any wider, they would simply roll right out of his sockets. With no forthcoming response from Kenshin, Sano smoothly took the knife from the red-head's hand, pulled off the apron in one fluid motion, and twirled him around, facing him squarely and pinning him against the counter, his arms on either side of Kenshin's slim frame. There was no escape.
"Kenshin, I have to confess something to you."
Oh god, Kenshin thought.
"Kenshin...I...I'm...in love...with you."
WHAT? I can't be hearing this!
"You're all I think about. Every day and night. I can't get you out of my head."
Is he SERIOUS? No! It's not true! This is not happening!
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Oh god! He's serious! NO!
"To prove it..." Sano put one arm around Kenshin's back and then scooped him up at the knees. The street-fighter stared deep into the ruroni's violet eyes. "I'll whisk you away to my bedroom and make love to you all day!" Sano announced, his voice not the least bit hesitant.
It was all Kenshin could do to keep from screaming aloud.
"B-but, the laundry..." he tried to protest as Sano carried him off.
"Yahiko can take care of it."
"B-but, I-I have lunch to prepare!"
"Misao can handle that, I'm sure."
Once inside Sano's room, the street-fighter set the ruroni gently on his feet and pulled him close against him.
"You should think about yourself for once," Sano said. He turned to close the door. Kenshin backed up and away from the other, and tripped right onto the futon. His eyes widened even more, and Sano's did as well.
Crap, Kenshin thought. This is not a good spot to be in.
He darted for the window, but Sano's longer legs got him to the futon before Kenshin made it very far. He grabbed the lighter combatant around the knees and knocked him flat on his back, quickly straddling the ruroni's body and pinning his wrists to the ground. He brought his face close to Kenshin's-too close, in the red-head's opinion.
"Did you really think I'd let you get away? I've waited for too long..." Sano said in a playful voice. Kenshin shut his eyes and turned his head to the side.
"Sano, I think you should know that THIS IS NOT HOW I PLANNED ON LOSING MY VIRGINITY!"
A pause.
"Dude...you're still a virgin?"
Kenshin looked up at Sano in shock.
"Yeeeees...aren't you?"
Sano turned pink. Kenshin's eyes went huge.
"Oh God! You've had experience with this!" he cried.
Sano crossed an arm over his chest and stroked his chin.
"Well, you could ask Megumi...but she'd deny the whole thing...but that's not important right now!" He leaned close to Kenshin again. "You are."
No no no no no no no no no no no no! was what was running through Kenshin's head, but the only thing that could find its way out of his mouth was "Oro?"
Sano laughed at him. Kenshin searched the room for an escape route, but his eyes were drawn to the noticeable lump in Sano's pants.
"S-sano," he squeaked. "Pleeeeeease tell me that's a knife in your pocket."
"I don't have pockets in these pants," was not the reply the ruroni wanted to hear.
Sano looked down. Kenshin didn't see his eyes get wide.
Shit! the street fighter thought. Bad boy! Get down!
Sano looked back at the horror-stricken Kenshin.
Out on the dojo grounds, Kaoru and Yahiko heard Kenshin's cry of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" echo through the yard.
Many townspeople stared in the direction of the Kamiya dojo and wondered if they really wanted to know what exactly went on in that place.
Sano managed to cut off the rest of Kenshin's screams by clamping a hand over the ruroni's mouth.
"Shhhhh," he said. "It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you."
Yet, he thought as he hissed in pain when Kenshin bit down on his palm. He gritted his teeth. Kaoru better make this worth my while...
Kenshin managed to wrench his right hand free from under Sano's elbow and smash it against the bigger man's face. Sano reeled back and slackened his grip, and the ruroni nearly broke free, but the street fighter recovered quicker than Kenshin could register and grabbed the dashing ruroni before he could get away. The two wrestled around, Kenshin fighting like a wounded tiger, and Sano easily maintaining control, and eventually Sano somehow managed to get Kenshin's gi off. Just to push the already freaked out red-head a little further over the edge, he rolled onto his back, pulling the lighter combatant on top of him and placing a hand on Kenshin's rump.
"Mmmm," he said, taking great pleasure out of Kenshin's terrified expression. "You look better than I imagined. No wonder Kaoru goes ga-ga over you."
Kenshin wriggled madly, finally getting a hand free and slapping Sano across the face. He squirmed some more, trying to climb over Sano and get out the door.
"Let me go!" he cried. He stubbornly broke free and made a quick dash for the door, but the equally stubborn Sano grabbed him around the waist and threw him back down, once again straddling the ruroni's tiny frame. He put both arms on either side of Kenshin, cutting off all avenues of escape.
Kenshin threw his arms up over his face, as if to hide himself from the inevitable conclusion.
"Sessha is a kept man!" he shrieked desperately. "He belongs to Miss Kaoru!"
This is too easy, Sano thought, biting back laughter.
Suddenly, the shoji door to Sano's room opened.
"Okay, Sano. That's good. I think you've freaked him out quite enough," Kaoru said. Kenshin threw his arms desperately in Kaoru's direction.
"Miss Kaoru! Save me! I will do the laundry and other chores!"
"Kenshin...you already do."
"Oh...well...I will do whatever you want, just save me!"
Sano couldn't hold it in anymore. He rolled away from Kenshin and burst into laughter. Too distracted by his own discomfort, Kenshin ignored it. He curled into a ball in the corner of the futon and brought the blankets up over his face.
"I have been tainted!" he wailed. "I will never be able to do the laundry again! It is clean, and I am unclean, and I will soil the perfect whiteness of the laundry! Oh woe is me! Why must these things happen to sessha? He did not ask to be so cute! What does God think this unworthy one did to deserve this? Whatever it was, sessha is sorry!"
Kaoru joined Sano's laughter, and sat down beside Kenshin. She patted his back.
"It's okay, Kenshin," she said, struggling to stem her giggles. "I told Sano to do this."
Kenshin shot up and jumped away from her as if she was scalding hot.
"Wha?" he squeaked out.
"It's true. I paid him."
"Why?"
She shrugged.
"Had to prove you weren't gay. It's a little freaky how you're always so into doing the laundry and such."
Kenshin turned to look out the window. Sano struggled to a sitting position, wiping the tears out of his eyes.
"Oh, missy, you should have seen the look on his face! It was classic!"
"Sano, you didn't do anything to him that I should know about, did you?"
"Well...the little man had a little trouble staying down..."
"Oh, Sano! You didn't!"
"Hey! It's not my fault! He looks like a damned woman! It made the little guy think of Megumi...and you know I can't always control him!"
Kaoru shook her head.
"Here's your money."
Kenshin's reversed blade sword slid from its sheath. Kaoru and Sano stared at him in shock, and he slowly turned around. His eyes were burning golden and he did not look happy.
"You shall pay for the crimes you committed against me!" he said in a husky voice. His tone was deadly serious.
"Did he...just say...'me'?" Kaoru asked. She and Sano looked at each other, then back at Kenshin. They both let out a scream.
"It's the Battousai!" Sano cried, running out of the room. "Run!"
Kaoru darted after him, and the Battousai followed.
"Get back here!" he shouted, racing after them.
And that is how Kenshin Himura became known the Hitokiri Battousai throughout the land of Japan.
FIN
Battousai: waves reversed blade sword around Beware my homophobic wrath!
Ruroni: sweatdrop Be nice, Battousai.
Battousai: glares at Ruroni That's YOUR job. MY job is to kill people and be bad ass! strikes a pose
Almighty Author Evie: hits Battousai with an iron skillet Bad Battousai!
Almighty Author Aya: hands on hips Yeah!
Almighty Author Suki: glomps Ruroni CUTIE!
A.A. Evie and Aya: sweatdrop
Now... Click on the little review button thingy and tell us what you think-