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FFX: A documentary
Cid: Hello, and welcome to Final Fantasy Ten: A Documentary. I'm Cid, and I will be hosting tonight's show. Join me now as we go back to where it all began…
Scene: Zanarkand. Tidus is signing little kids' blitzballs.
Cid's voice: It was just like any other day… One moment, Tidus was in his hometown of Zanarkand, getting ready for a blitzball game, and the next, he was 1,000 years into the future.
Tidus is magically sucked into a black hole and spat out onto the shores of Besaid. He is hit in the head with a blitzball.
Tidus: Ow!
Wakka: Hey, watch it, ya!
Tidus: I remember when I first met Wakka… we didn't get off to a very good start.
Tidus: Hi, I'm Tidus. Who are you?
Wakka: Your mom! Now get out of my way, ya?
Wakka: Yeah, I was a little mean to him at first, but if you ask me, I'd say he deserved it, with the way he started hitting on Yuna.
Yuna: Hey babe, you're kinda hot. What's your name?
Tidus: Uh… My mom says I'm not supposed to talk to strange women.
Yuna: I think I came on a little too strong with Tidus at first. But eventually he warmed up to me.
Scene: Tidus and Yuna are making out in the Moonflow
Tidus: Yeah, Yuna and I had our moments. I remember that night at the Moonflow, especially, because Wakka seemed to take it really well when he found out about it.
Scene: Wakka is strangling Tidus
Wakka: He's lucky to be alive, ya?
Cid: But while Wakka was only trying to protect Yuna, perhaps he wasn't protective enough. One day, Yuna was forced to marry Seymour Guado, and both Tidus and Wakka had to rescue her.
Yuna: Yeah, Tidus and Wakka crashed my wedding. But they saved me from that awful Seymour!
Scene: a bedroom. Yuna has Seymour handcuffed to the bed when Wakka and Tidus burst in.
Yuna: Tidus! Wakka! I can explain!
Wakka: That damn Seymour thought he could take advantage of Yuna!
Seymour: Hey, I couldn't help it if she was a whore! That was the best damn night of my life! Too bad those two idiots had to go and ruin it.
Tidus: Yeah, Seymour got pretty pissed when we saved Yuna from him. After that, he kept attacking us and wouldn't leave us alone. It's like he wouldn't die! Oh, what? He was dead already? Well that explains a lot…
Cid: Yuna wasn't, of course, in any real danger from Seymour. But that was before the Al Bhed kidnapped her.
Scene: Al Bhed kidnap Yuna.
Yuna: help!
She looks at one of the Al Bhed men
Yuna: Hey, you're hot!
Rikku: Yeah, my dad kidnapped Yunie, but only so she wouldn't die summoning the final aeon!
Yuna: Being held captive by the Al Bhed was just horrible! They tortured me!
Scene: Yuna is making out with hot Al Bhed guy
Cid: I don't know what she's talking about. There was no torture involved.
Yuna: Actually, I remember specifically seeing gas chambers, and electric chairs….
Cid: LIES!
Yuna: …Oh, and don't forget Uncle Cid's boyfriends.
Cid: What? I'm not gay!
Cid's Boyfriend: Oui pedlr! Walks away
Cid: Wait! Don't leave me, Emilio!
… That's all the time we have for today…
Emilio! Come back!
3ND
- "Oui Pedlr" means "you bitch" in Al Bhed