Boxers or Briefs?
By Goover
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An idea me and my best friend Shyro Foxfeather came up with during PE. We have an odd sense of humor.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kaitou Kid or any other character in this story, as much as I'd like to. I also don't own the Grinch, Furbys, Hakuba's underwear, or any Junior Mints as of the moment. As much as I would like some Junior Mints, I ate them all and have none. So I am Junior Mint-less. Too bad for me.
On with the fic!
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It was a most unusual heist. It left even Nakamori confused. It would go down in Kid history.
Here's the story.
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It was an uneventful day. There was a test in English, everyone blew up gummy bears in Science, no one did anything during PE, two kids were hung by their toenails by the flagpole that didn't exist and never did, people made mashed potato sculptures that looked oddly like Hakuba's left ankle, and Furbys took over the school during the pirate and ninja monkey battle, lead by Johnny the Savage Pirate, who was really an ape with an eye patch. Nothing much happened.
Except for later that night, with the note. It was a usual note in all aspects. Well, unless you knew what to look for, you would just assume it was, well, a piece of paper. Which it was, but not to Nakamori.
The note was written on an index card. A bright pink one. And it had an odd little caricature on it. A little chibi head wearing a top hat and a monocle. That's what was so special about it.
Nakamori danced around the room like Charlie in his chocolate factory singing about absolutely nothing any sane person would care about with a bunch of green and orange midgets. But Nakamori-chan lacked the chocolate factory, the singing, and the multi-colored diminutive munchkins. He was happy because of the note.
But he was quickly more confused then happy once he turned the card over.
It said in the same scrawl the Kid always used "Dressers." That was it. Nothing more. One word. "Dressers" could mean anything, especially when dealing with the Phantom Thief.
Nakamori pondered what this could mean. And puzzled. And puzzed. Just like the old Grinch. But unlike the Grinch, the poor detective was trying to find out what the hell "dressers" meant. He was no closer to finding the answer then he was to growing wings out of his forehead or turning into a penguin in a guppy suit. So, decided to get some help.
"Yeah, Hakuba? We got another Kid note. Yup. It's really confusing." Pause. "I know we've dealt with odd ones before… It says "dressers." Yeah. That's all. Ok. See ya then." Nakamori hung up the phone and proceeded to leave.
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When he reached the young detective's house, he was quickly met with an odd problem.
"Sooo….. You say all your underwear is missing?"
"Yup." The blonde boy answered.
"All of it?"
"Yes."
"May I see where you keep them?"
"Oooookay…"
"It's for the crime investigation."
"I know."
Hakuba showed the detective where he kept his unmentionables. "There's a note too."
Nakamori quickly snatched it up. Once again, on a note card. Signed with the same symbol, only this one said "Will return later. Took the dirty magazine too. Will prove wonderful blackmail." The last comment received a raised eyebrow.
"I don't know what he's talking about." Hakuba said with a blush. "Anyway, what do you think he's doing with my boxers?"
"No idea…"
Just then, the phone rang. It was a rather peeved sounding Akako. "My underwear is missing."
"Riiiiight… Uh, we'll send someone over there." Nakamori had a rare brain blast. "I have had a brain blast!" he announced. "Meet me back at my house in a ½ hour" and with that he left.
Hakuba's brain hurt.
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Nakamori stealthily crept into his daughter's bedroom. Quietly in the dark he snuck towards the big dresser in the corner. He slid the drawer open with an ease most burglars would envy. He reached in and pulled out something he was very glad was in there. He stood up and stretched the Unmentionable out so he could see it, and make sure it wasn't some sort of trick. "Good. Just where it's supposed to be." He whispered to himself. "Wait… Where did Aoko get a thong?" WACK
And Nakamori was down with a nasty blow to head by a certain citrus desert named cleaning utensil. Lemon Sherbet struck again! The lights flicked on.
"AAAIIIIEEE! DADDY! OMG! I'M SO SORRY! I THOUGHT IT WAS A PERVERT, OR A BURGLAR, OR A NINJA!OWAII!" Aoko sobbed while uncontrollably shaking the poor, unconscious Nakamori-chan.
"I…. Like… Spoons…" he mumbled.
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Once Nakamori regained consiousness, he went back to Aoko's unmentionables drawer, only to find the contents gone.
"Drat! That Kid has beaten me again!" he shouted, slaming his fist into the wall, which I don't highly recommend because it only leads to sore knuckles and never really solves anything. Cursing and binge drinking, however, does. Which was exactly what Nakamori was about to do when he received another call.
"20 houses robbed completely of their undergarments. What next?" Nakamori sighed and flopped onto the couch. He looked up at the ceiling. "And I have no idea what's going on… Why do you hate me, God?"
"Daddy, maybe you're thinking to hard." Aoko suggested, who herself had no idea what Kaito was planning. He normally filled her in on what he was doing, usually I it was as interesting as this.
"Your right. I'm going to bed." And with that, nothing more happened that night. That went noticed, at least.
A sly shadow fluttered passed the window and bounded off into the night.
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The next day, everyone was disgruntled. They mysteriously could not find any of their clean underwear and had to wear dirty ones, which is quite an unpleasant experience. You could lay siege on a castle and they would surrender in mere days if you left everyone with only one pair of boxers each and no means to clean them.
So, as you would probly figure out, no one was in a very good mood that day. Except for one person. The one person who never arrived at school early if he could help it, who was sitting happily on a bench in front of the school. And he wasn't letting anyone in.
"One moment, one moment!" he shouted into the crowd. "Wait for it… Wait.." The bell rang. "Ok. Now you can go. He cut the caution tape ribbon that wasn't there a second ago, and ushered people inside the gates like he just opened a new carnival. He was dressed like it too, with an insanely tall Dr. Suess striped hat and a red and white pinstriped suit. And balloons. He gave people balloons.
But no one cared about how he was dressed. Or about the balloons. They were more interested in what was in the courtyard.
It was a huge sculpture of the Kaitou Kid, striking a Superman-ish pose with a fluttering cape. It was oddly colored, too. Mottled looking with thousands of different colors and patterns. And it was completely covered in ice. On closer inspection, one could tell it was made of…
"Hey! My lucky Detective Ducky boxers! What are they doing there!" shouted Hakuba, pointing up at the giant monocle. It was made of five pairs of Hakuba's underwear. Duckies, deerstalker caps, Sherlock Holmes, magnifying glasses, and potatoes decorated the boxers.
People stared. No one knew wheather to be more surprised that Hakuba wore funky boxers or the fact that they were staring at a giant, frozen stature of the Kid in the middle of the school. Most decided on Hakuba's boxers.
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Life continued pretty much normally for a while. Kaito misjudged how much ice he should use, and it took the whole summer for the underwear to thaw out, even with the happy, whistling dwarves with pickaxes helping. Hakuba never forgave him. Although, he really didn't know it was Kaito who did it. He never forgave the Phantom Thief, who watched him fume and cuss dramatically for at least three hours after finding his favorite underwear frozen to a giant statue of his least favorite person.
But other then that, life was good. And full of exploding nuns and such.
FIN
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This fic has been brought to you by: Me. Deal with it.