-"King Asgore Dreemurr is DEAD."- Is what Undyne told us once she saw all the Underground was reunited in the capital. Did I hear right? Did Undyne say Asgore was dead? My mind was quickly taken to the day I talked to him; his smile telling me those words "I know you'll be the King Sans…"
I didn't even thought that day would be the last day I would see him. I didn't thought that conversation would be the last one… I called him crazy. And despite that, he still wanted me to be his successor.
The question was written in my head once more: "WHY ME?"
My thoughts were turned apart when I felt the heaviness of my brother's head in my shoulder. He was crying uncontrollably. I couldn't blame him, he loved Asgore as much as everyone did. It took me just one minute to see all the kingdom was into pieces. The hope in them was taken away. How would I be able to return that to them?
Undyne was the only one who was trying to hide her own grief and show strength in this moment of sorrow. I could see her eyes doing their best to hold the tears that were trying to run through her face. It must had been painful for her: to watch the king become dust in front of her eyes. In fact, her armor was stained with some of it. What was worse then? The last smile I could see of Asgore? The last moment Undyne lived with him? Or Alphy's thought of believing she KILLED him instead of saving him? Who knows…?
A sepulchral silence flooded the capital. Just the sobs and cries of the monsters could be heard. There were some who were crying loudly, including Papyrus. And as for me, I didn't cry and I didn't sob neither, I was just… there, or at least my body. My mind for the first time I believe was floating on somewhere else that was nothing related to the resets or the kiddo, and at the same time it wasn't related to something in general. It was basically wandering in the void… Until I realized there was still someone who didn't know about this.
-"Asgore… However, told me his last words."- Said Undyne once again breaking the silence, her voice cracking in the process. –"One of us is going to be the successor. He said he had already said who would be, and that one would eventually come to me."-
Now I could feel two pair of hands holding my shoulders, like a proud father would hold his son's, but when I turned my head there were nobody behind. That just made me think one more question: How Asgore was that sure? Is he going to flip a switch I don't know I have in the suitable moment? Or had he already flipped it?
I don't know.
After said words the meeting was finally over, obviously with another moment of silence. I think it was for giving the successor the time to prepare himself, raise his hand and say "I am the successor"… But no, that didn't happen, because I didn't want to do it. I stayed in silence, still hearing how my brother's crying was turning into soft sobs. He was falling asleep.
So, when everybody were making their way back home I was carrying Papyrus in my back and thinking about all that had just happened. Thinking about all that I had seen in there and in Asgore's last words. Sure the old man knew how to get in my mind that hard. At least in that moment I still had my position of not being the king of the Underground.
I knew this was going to be hard, but I didn't expect them to be that hard. Maybe they would had been a little bit easier if I hadn't this debate in my head, if Asgore wouldn't had named me his successor. But "if" in this matter doesn't exist and I have a certain time limit to decide what I'm gonna do.
Welp…
Once I arrived to Snowdin and accommodated my brother in our house I went to this huge purple door to give the bad news to the lady behind it. She was the only one who didn't know about Asgore's death and since I am the only one who talks to her I felt I had the duty to tell her about it. However, I tried to be friendly as always, I tried to not sound thoughtful like I've been the entire day, but I failed. Soon as she heard my "knock knock" she realized my mind was not with my body. How did she found out? I don't know, usually it takes Papyrus 5 or 6 minutes to realize my head is floating, but it only took this woman 1 minute or even seconds to see I was distracted.
Sure she's like a Mother. Or maybe it's true that women had this little sense of identifying uncommon behaviors on people they know for so long.
-"What's wrong my child?"- She said, and I doubted for some seconds, but then I just sighed. –"Something happened…"- I answered, kind of preparing her for the news. –"What happened?"- She asked once more, and then I could heard her voice was bathed with consternation. I stayed quiet for some minutes, and when she called my name is when I spitted out. –"Asgore is dead."-
A very quiet "What?" is what I received as an answer, but I decided to not repeat it. For me it was heavy to do it. Although, after a few seconds of silence she talked again, a cracking voice infiltrated in her throat –"How…? When…?"-
-"This morning I guess. The head of the Royal Guard didn't go into details… Being honest I wouldn't either."- And after I said that she burst in tears, so I just silenced myself.
I didn't have anything to say to comfort her, and I felt helpless. I wished to open the door and hugged her, or at least giving her some pats in her back, but no, I was sitting in there watching the road that once the kid walked.
For a moment however, I think I heard she said "I didn't even forgive him..." but I couldn't say exactly since it was more a whisper than anything else. I didn't want to ask, it wasn't the moment. I'm a funny guy, but I know when to be prudent and when not. And with that thought I decided it was better to give her some space, some time. Like everyone. –"Later Tori…"- I said and without waiting an answer I returned to Snowdin.
The town looked so quiet, so blue. Sure it really hit the king's death to everybody's soul. I can't blame anything of that, I can't blame their behaviors. Asgore had the hopes and dreams of every single monster in the Underground, and now without him, what will happen?
I needed to talk with someone, I needed to finally let someone know what is consuming my mind even before Asgore died. And as cruel as it sounds I couldn't let Papyrus know about this. I know what he thinks of me, and he would really remind me of my biggest flaw of them all: my laziness. I know it either though, so that's why I am having this debate in the first place.
After thinking in my brother and his possible "advices" the second coming to my mind was Grillby. Despite he also knew about ALL of my flaws he would give me some neutral advices, and once I concluded that I went to his place.
When I entered I was greeted with a very empty bar. There were just one or two monsters in there. Not paying too much attention to that I put my hands in the pockets of my jacket and walked to my seat. Grillby could see there was something in my mind and as soon as I sat down he asked to me directly –"What's wrong Sans?"-
-"Hah, you know me buddy. Indeed, there's something I'd like to tell you… It's something it had been in my mind for a while."- I answered. At the same time Grillby served me the drink I always ask.
-"You're not going to tell me you're in love with me isn't it?"-
-"Hahah, no you dingus, it's something different…"- There it was, my first laugh in all the day. I needed it anyways. This dude knew how to cheer me up, even if it is just a little. That's why he's my best friend.
Although it took me a few seconds to actually tell him what was all the fuzz. When I was that doubtful he knew it was something of much weight, so he had the patience to wait until I could say it. I gave three sips to my drink and then I finally spitted it out. –"I'm the successor."-
Grillby looked at me pretty surprised. How could I say when he was surprised since he actually doesn't have a face to show at all? Well, I know my friend, and I can sense every single gesture of his. Eight years are not in vain.
-"Asgore talked to me last week, and he asked me to be his successor. I refused but despite that he insisted. I didn't say anything at the last moment, I was about to leave when he smiled at me. It was such a… Warmth smile…"- In all that moment I was talking to Grillby I didn't look at him in the face, in fact I was looking at my reflection in the drink. I gave other three sips and continued.
-"I kept my position of not accepting the throne. It's such a heavy bag I must carry if I do… But now that Asgore's dead… I don't know what do…"-
Soon, I could feel something wet running through my cheekbone and when I cleaned that I realized I was crying. In all the moment I was speaking I was crying. Maybe it was my turn. In all the day I saw sadness everywhere, I watched my brother crying, I heard Tori crying, I saw Undyne trying to stomach her grief just for the kingdom, I saw Alphys destroyed and feeling all the guilt in her back… And I also stomached everything I felt just to be strong in front of everyone. But I'm not a stone, and I'm allowed to cry too, isn't it?
With my hands I covered my face and let my tears run. Grillby didn't say anything, he just moved from being in front of me to be next to me, giving pats in my back. –"Do what you think is correct…"- He said once he saw I could calm down for a moment. –"And what is the correct thing…?"- I asked, mostly knowing what he was trying to tell me.
-"You'll know Sans…"-
After that there were just silence. I drank all the glass and asked for more, and my whole night was spent in that way, getting drunk and trying to joke. When I couldn't keep my eye sockets opened anymore Grillby called my brother to take me home as always.
It would be my last night after all. It would be my last night arriving at home pretty late and waking up by Papyrus' yelling. It would be my last night being me.
Tomorrow, a new one would be born. And I'm not sure if this would end right.
How I wish I would had kept my last sentence in that conversation… "No, I don't want to be the king of the Underground and I'll never be…"