Title: The Darwin Awards

Summary: Tom Riddle fled Death. Ignotus Peverell hid until he reached a great age and greeted Death as an old friend. Others... hailed Death and demanded to be removed from the gene pool post-haste.

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Merely borrowing a few characters from J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter book and movie series.

In Harry Potter, there are numerous entries to the Darwin Awards. But the Grand Prize Winner is undoubtedly Harry Potter himself.

* 2 May 1998 - Somewhere between life and death *

Harry: I have to go back, haven't I?

Dumbledore: Oh, that's up to you.

Harry: I have a choice?

Dumbledore: Oh, yes. We're in King's Cross, you say? I think if you so desired, you'd be able to board a train.

Harry: And where would it take me?

Dumbledore: On.

(Quoted from the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2 movie)

Harry: (to himself) So, I can move on or go back.

*Death suddenly appears*

Death: Actually, no, you can't go back.

Harry: What?

Dumbledore: What!

Death: You are dead.

Dumbledore: B-but the prophesy said-

Death: "Either must die at the hand of the other". Which is exactly what happened. Prophesy fulfilled. Come along, Harry James Potter.

Dumbledore: But his whole life is ahead of him. He must go back.

Death: Yeah, well, whose fault is that? The people upstairs might have had big plans for him. But all the plans in the world are worthless when someone's this terminally stupid. I mean what did you expect? You stood in front of someone who wanted you dead, and asked him to cast a curse that's 99.999% lethal.

Harry: But I have to go back. I had plans. I'm going to go kill Voldemort. And then I'll marry Ginny. And have three children, and name them James Sirius, and Lily Luna, and Albus Severus and-

Death: Albus Severus? Good heavens. I'm doing the poor boy a favor. Off with you now.

Harry: Oh, alright.

Dumbledore: Wait, please, Death! Surely there must be some way to resolve this. Harry must go back.

Harry: Wait, what? You're the one who said I had a choice!

Dumbledore: Well, that was before, when I figured you'd do exactly what I wanted you to do anyway.

Harry: (sputters)

Death: (considering) Well, I suppose we can work something out. But only because Tom Riddle's really starting to annoy me.

*Later*

Voldemort: You're supposed to be dead!

Harry: I am dead. See? My body's over there. (singsong) I'm a Grim Reaper now! (smiles sinisterly) There's someone who really wants to meet you!

*Death appears*

FIN