The Ibiki Morino Tales!
One: Day in the Life!
Author's Note: To all Naruto fans, do not be offended by anything I write in this series, its mainly just for laughter more then for actual sense. But it is about Ibiki Morino, and yes I am a FANGIRL for him, but I do not fall under the category of the kind of fan-girl that likes Gaara, Kakashi, Itachi, or so on and so forth. You can probably tell this by my writing. So please enjoy, and as a note of Disclaimer-ship, I don't own anything linked to Naruto.
Imagine the most intimidating figure in the ANBU of Konoha, smashing his great knuckles into a pale fleshy substance with the sound of thud. Imagine Ibiki Morino's home filled with dangerous equipment and yet kept strictly clean as if it were a sin to leave a speck of dirt around. Imagine the house as being quite dark on the exterior and interior, now imagine the kind of animal that Mr Morino might have wandering around his gardens, let alone what kind of neighbours he could have.
The think again….
Ibiki was gently knuckling and kneading a fine pale dough that he had produced himself in the hopes of making a nice bread to give to his neighbours, who had invited him to their house party that evening, but that he would not be attending. Then notice the clothes he wears in his leisure as he cooks, not the heavy leather coat and the uniform, which would get covered in flour! Imagine him instead in a plain white shirt, a pair of pale slacks and wearing a white apron with no silly phrases but just simple. Then re-check his head and not the remaining black cap, covering the hair that might be within as he continued to make bread. Imagine also what his house looks like, not dark or threatening, but small, quaint, and reasonably peaceful with a gentle air about it. Imagine how pale in colour the furniture is, and yet still how clean the house remains, but the dangerous items are all securely hidden or locked in cabinets or drawers. Ibiki is sensible, and not as flashy about his job as some ninja, though his weight lifting and exercise equipment are still obviously poking from a divot in the wall from his hallway.
Ibiki stopped the kneading and gently laid the dough out on a slab and neatly cut it into three strips, and then he twirled in a tight twist around itself, making a lovely rope-like knot amongst the bread. Then he popped it gently into the oven, and cleaned up the marble counter-tops. Ibiki had a mission that evening, if only and interrogatory one, so he was unable to attend a general get together, not that his neighbours friends might appreciate the great bulky figure standing on the side lines like a patient scarred spider. But Ibiki was not above thanking them for the invitation, and they seemed to like the bread a lot. So now finished and waiting for it to bake, Ibiki took a children's storybook from his nearest bookshelf and sat down on a comfortable lounge chair, noting briefly the time on the clock. He flicked through to a story he had enjoyed often but then had never reflected on for a long, long time. He was going to have to do a special program the next evening for some young children, it involved reading them something, so Ibiki was not above making children happy, though they were often scared of him.
As he re-read it to himself, Morino's pets appeared to lavish him with attention. But unlike the ideal pet for such a threatening creature, these animals were not dogs, snakes, lizards, killer rats, or anything even remarkably similar; they were just a trio of sweet little kittens. These kittens, Ibiki had pulled from a bag that had been hanging from a tree on one of his missions. He had wondered on the mission why it had been moving, and when it had been complete he'd returned to find them completely blind and helpless, newborn, but unwanted. They were two months old now, weaned, lovely, and completely obsessed with their "daddy".
The two biggest kittens were both tabbies with splashes of white over their bodies, the eldest being a ginger coloured male, and the second his big brown tabby sister, but in truth his favourite was the runty one. This little kitten he called Mite, if only because it was black with a few white points on its body, and so tiny. The others were called Hougen and Neko. They were all scrabbling toward the chair with squeaks and mews of surprise and delight at having finished their outside adventure. Neko bounded along with Hougen right at her dark tail, and straight away both kittens raced to climb up heavy trousers to get onto Ibiki's lap, and he merely smiled at them. But little Mite waddled over a little limply, he had fallen and bashed his back leg, it was only stunned and he never complained about pain, so he waddled slowly and happily toward his daddy. But Ibiki placed the two bigger kits on his shoulders, where they hung by the claws in delight, and then he stepped to the little creature that purred like mad at his approach and then he bent and scooped the little animal up. Mite purred like a rocket engine and he rubbed around the scars on Ibiki's face. Then he checked over the leg, settled them all upon his lap, and then he began to read them the story for practice.
Shikamaru sat nervously watching his predecessor waiting for his order to arrive. He had been sitting with Ibiki for about half an hour now, and was wondering what Ibiki's "Usual" order from the coffee place would be. He could imagine the most possibly un-edible thing on earth being ordered up, or possibly a very large vat of Saki. There were so many possibilities, but Shikamaru was not one that got surprised easily. Though the small pair of items on the waitress's tray made his eyebrows knot and his face droop into a bored stare.
"Seriously, can I ask you something?" He mused; hardly taking his eyes from the cup of tea in its delicate little china shape that sat steaming in front of the Anbu's hands. The black gloves scooped it delicately and Ibiki took a sip of it. At least the fact that it was indeed boiling hot and would have scalded anyone else whose face was not made up of scar tissue, seemed a little normal.
"Proceed." Ibiki snorted gently as he placed the cup down gently and raised a small cake fork to attack his small slice of chocolate cake. Shikamaru blinked gently at him and then placed his cheek on his shoulder. He had already "bored" Ibiki with several questions about what kind of questions were suitable for the Chuunin exams. But he had already eaten and had noticed that Ibiki was trying to stall for time before he had to go on TV. Out of all the other ninjas around the Leaf Village, Shikamaru was probably the most trusted by Ibiki, apart from Anko of course.
"Well, how come you're ordering tea and cake? I would have expected you to order something like spicy foods or maybe a large amount of Saki? In all honesty, you're not the kind of person other people would see as nervous around kids, sensitive, or really into his dieting." Shikamaru murmured, after all he knew everything about Ibiki, especially the dieting that the man had been on to make sure he was in good shape for running charity races and marathons. He was a do-gooder, when he wasn't interrogating someone or running as the examiner.
"In all honestly, I do not see the point in poisoning yourself with wines and alcohols, or fatty foods that could be made of all sorts of things, even poisonous materials. I used to be into all that when I was still training, you'd never think I was once as big as your former teammate Choji, if not bigger then him. But the tea refreshes me much better then any medicine or alcohol, but the cake is cheating on my diet a bit. It's just an extra little treat." He grinned, though the scars around his mouth seemed to stretch with it so that Shikamaru winced. Though Shikamaru could have been wincing about the idea of Ibiki's head, including the black bandana-head band thing, on Choji's body!
"Right…" He muttered gently under his breath.
"Now Ibiki Morino will read 'Goldy-Ninja and the Three Rogue Ninjas' for our five-year-olds 'Story-Time' tonight." An announcer's voice echoed around a nice cosy and yet fake room within a studio somewhere on the outskirts of the Leaf Village. It was a pretty corny looking place, with brick walls and glass windows looking out into a fake snowfall and an odd burning fire that was not spitting embers at the children. Already Ibiki Morino was beginning to regret this little venture of his, wishing he could be back home with his kittens, or clothes-shopping with Anko (as that was quite a simple excursion in comparison to shoe-shopping), or maybe even interrogating some rogue ninja with the help of a locust! Anything was better then having eight random women admiring your muscles when you pick up half the set to help out or one cheek-pinching woman smothering his face with blusher!
Ibiki's eyes peered around at the children that bustled around him ignorantly. They were more interested in pulling up the carpet and poking each other in the eye. They seemed threatening to him, if only because they were still so delicate and easily made moody. He could remember his own little brother wailing at all hours of the night and especially when he had to share a bunk bed and his little brother used to wet himself at night. Ibiki still had nightmares of being suddenly flooded! But the producers and the staff had handed him the big red book and turned it to the page. The camera lights were blinking and the giant bright lights of the studio were light up, though one was vibrating quite irritably. Ibiki had no choice; he must now read to the children…
"Once upon a time, long-ago when there were fewer Ninjas around and Kohnoha was not even heard of, there lived a little girl Ninja, who had gained the rank foolishly. She had hair as gold as golden and…." It was then that he noticed something truly terrifying about the children. They had suddenly paused to look at him, and at first it seemed that they might just explode into tears, but then the evil grins, giggles, and gurgles emerged, and they began to crawl toward Ibiki. Ibiki closed the book as the children crowded toward him and he became very nervous. Especially when a child suddenly emerged at the back of the rocking chair, grasping at his ears. There was a somewhat strangled scream, and then everything for the viewers went black.
The TV signals for Kohnoha TV were cut off into blurry bits and then there came a picture of a Kunai sitting on some sparking wires near a plug. It was the general sign that there were technical difficulties, but it was very worrying. The parents and the watchers were all quite terrified that the screen would come back and show their children all tied to chairs and gagged to make sure they'd listen. Though friends of Ibiki feared that it would reveal the opposite, or him standing at the top of the chair trying to shoo the children away. Instead, it returned to show Ibiki sitting comfortably on the rocking chair with children all over his body, some clasped around his ankles and one clasped to his head. He was reading happily to them, even though one child on his shoulders was prodding his facial scars and making him wince as it tried to then gauge out one of his eyes. But Ibiki looked like he was reasonably contented.