The MOTHER of All Turnabouts
May 30, 3:24 PM
Wright & Co. Law Offices
--
"Not guilty… not guilty… not guilty…" a deep, ethereal voice said.
"SHUT UP!" A very pissed off voice yelled back. "Geez, don't you ever stop talking?"
"Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick…"
Phoenix slammed his pen down in annoyance.
"Look, Giygas. If you want me to help clear your name, you're going to have to stop being so annoying while I go over your files. And I don't have any idea how I'm going to clear your name from this, as it's painfully obvious that you forced thousands of people to attack a 13-year old kid. So if you could seriously just shut up for like two minutes, I could find a loophole in the law here and get you back to doing whatever it is you were doing. 'Kay?"
"… I feel… g… o… o… d…"
Phoenix sighed and rested his head on the table. He knew Giygas was some sort of cosmic entity that really didn't have any tangible form, and yet here he was sitting across the table from him. Phoenix found this idea hard to grasp, and at the same time, it all made perfect sense. He was okay with this, as he has had stranger clients before.
"Okay, so the law specifically states that you can't brainwash humans. However, it says nothing about brainwashing animals, which you also did. Hmm… is it possible that after you brainwashed, say, a dog, the dog then had the power to brainwash humans? So, in effect, you yourself never would have brainwashed a single human?"
Giygas phased in and out of existence a few times.
"WORK WITH ME, DAMMIT!" Phoenix yelled in a frustrated fury. "Just tell me if this is even somewhat plausible!"
"… friends…"
Phoenix slammed his head on the table and wept silently.
--
May 31, 1:00 PM
Courtroom
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"Mr. Wright! Are you prepared, huh?" the Judge yelled at the defense bench.
"Ready, your honor."
"And you, Mr. Edgeworth?"
"Of course, your honor. The prosecution is prepared for anything."
"Well then, let's hurry up and hand down this guilty verdict. I have a splitting headache and I want to go home and soak in a nice bubble bath." The Judge said.
(…Too much info, your honor!) Phoenix thought.
"Well, Mr. Edgeworth, we'll start by hearing from your first witness."
"Well, I think the only person we will need to hear from is the defendant himself."
"Alright, then. Mr. Giygas, please take the stand."
Suddenly, everyone listened closely to barely make out an ear-splitting otherworldly noise as Giygas took the stand.
"Mr. Giygas, please begin your testimony."
Giygas remained silent.
"Don't be shy, just tell us exactly what you did that involved brainwashing thousands of citizens."
"It's not right… not right… not right… Edgey…"
Edgeworth could not grasp the true form of Giygas' testimony!
"OBJECTION!! What the heck is he even talking about?!" Edgeworth cried.
"Witness, I must ask you to revise your testimony to allow for actual comprehension of this story."
"…Yes…"
--WITNESS TESTIMONY--
"Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness…"
"Ness… friends… not right… not right…"
"I felt… h…a…p…p…y…"
"I felt… g…o…o…d…"
--
The Judge stared at Giygas' form and raised an eyebrow. "Is that… all… Mr. Giygas? If so, then I will ask the defense to begin the cross-examination."
"What? Are you crazy? There's no possible way to cross-examine that! (Plus, there's no possible way he contradicted anything in those statements...)"
"Are you insulting me, Mr. Wright?" The Judge asked. "Perhaps I should give you a penalty?"
"Alright! I'll do it! Please, begin again, Giygas."
--CROSS-EXAMINATION--
Phoenix Wright
Vs.
Miles Edgeworth
--
"Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness…"
"HOLD IT!!" Phoenix cried. "Who is this 'Ness' you speak of?"
"Ness… friend…"
(That… is completely false, and everyone here knows that. This is going to be even harder than I thought! And that's saying something!)
"Ness… friends… not right… not right…"
"HOLD IT!!" Phoenix yelled at the top of his lungs. "Not right, you say? What exactly did Ness and his friends do to you?"
"…"
"I- I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk about it, I shouldn't force you. (What am I saying? That's exactly what I'm here to do!)"
"I felt… h…a…p…p…y…"
"HOLD IT!!" Phoenix yelled… again. "So you claim being near Ness made you happy?"
"I felt… g…o…o…d…"
"Yes. Well, let me just check the court record here… aha! Here it is! A signed letter from one 'Ness'. It reads: 'Giygas is my mortal enemy and in no way my friend. Ness' Pretty conclusive evidence that you are lying to the court, right? Obviously this testimony is a bunch of bullcrap. (Whew, I think I got out of this one… somehow)"
The courtroom stirred. People left and right began muttering amongst themselves, creating a quiet murmur.
"OBJECTION!!" A cry rang out from the prosecution bench.
(N… no way…) Phoenix thought.
"A signed letter means nothing when it could have been forged." Edgeworth said matter-of-factly. "I think we're going to have to send this in to the experts to determine the validity of the signature."
"Yes, I agree." The Judge held out his hand. "Hand it over, Mr. Wright."
Phoenix walked over to the judge and handed him the envelope.
"I also think that it would be in the court's best interest to get Ness on the stand for questioning. God forbid he's anything like Giygas here…" the Judge said.
"Ness…" Giygas said.
"Alright then! The court will take a 60 minute recess. I expect to see Ness here for questioning when we come back."
(I hope he's not expecting me to fetch him…) Phoenix thought.
So, Ness will appear in the next chapter of "The Mother of All Turnabouts!" (But don't hold your breath waiting for it. )