Full Summary: New Moon AU. Bella/Riley and eventually Bella/Edward. Edward is gone leaving a devastated Bella in his wake. Riley Biers is recruited for Victoria's army but rather than waiting until Eclipse to go to her home he goes there while Edward is still gone. His human memories are ignited by Bella's presence and her love for Edward fixates itself onto the next best thing, another vampire. Can they keep each other tethered to humanity or will their needs and instincts cause them to destroy each other?

A/N: Beta'd by Aleeab4u and pre-read by latessitrice. Special thanks to latessitrice for helping me with the title. All characters property of Stephenie Meyer.

Just a short introductory chapter here for now. For those of you that normally read me I'm still in my slump so this doesn't necessarily mean that I'm back. I'm trying though. I am working on a couple of updates for A Different Forest and I did recently write a drabble/short short songfic inspired by the song Howl by Florence + The Machine. I haven't posted it yet because I'm honestly still very discouraged about writing fanfic. The only reason I'm posting this is because someone asked me to. If you'd be interested in my Howl piece let me know.

I know I'm behind on review replies and PMs and I promise I'm working my way through.

Fyi, I am now writing a weekly column for A Different Forest called Written In Blood. It goes up every Sunday. Two Sundays ago I did one called Why Vampires? and this past Sunday I did a piece on entitlement. This coming weekend I am making an appearance at a convention in Boston and will be doing a panel called Fanfiction As Writers Workshop. I intend to post the results of that panel in this Sunday's column.

Reviews are love. A banner for this would be awesome. And I'm going to be a whore and say if you like this spread the word? I need all the encouragement I can get right now.

Lastly, a quick rec: On the Banks of the Red Roses by kalimando. It needs love. Twilight AU. Vamp/human. Rated M.

Thanks for reading.

Chapter 1: Introduction

May 2005

It is a cool spring evening when Riley Biers steps out of Pike Place Market. Rain is pouring down and he flips up the collar of his jacket in a vain attempt at keeping dry.

He steps out into the empty street leaving behind the bright lights and the comfort of the people inside. His body is liquid warmth from the two beers he's had but the chill damp air begins to chip away at that warmth and settle into his bones. He stops midstride to look around for a cab but instead sees only a strange blur of black and red. He tries to focus, looks around some more, but all he sees are closed up shops and the occasional flash of headlights further up the road.

Something hard bumps into him and almost knocks him to the ground. He spins around but sees nothing. The hazy remnants of the alcohol are quickly wearing off. He knows on a primal level that somehow his life is suddenly in danger.

Another flash of red and his body is thrown against a nearby brick wall. Pain blossoms and the wind is knocked out of him. He stands on shaky feet and searches the street but still sees nothing. He coughs and sputters. The rain is getting in his eyes and he is now on high alert.

Fight or flight…fight or flight…fight or flight…

His body chooses flight.

He takes off down a dark alley that leads to the ocean front. It doesn't matter that this is a stupid idea. It doesn't matter that this is taking him farther away from the safety of people. All he can think is run and run he does right up to the water's edge. He nearly falls off the wooden pier into the cold water below.

"What do you want?" he screams but no one answers.

One last shove, marble against a soft body, razor sharp teeth across tender flesh, and then pain. Unbearable, unimaginable pain. And fire. Riley Biers is on fire and there's nothing in the world that can help him now.

December 2005

Pain. That's all she ever feels anymore. She thought maybe one day it would at least turn to numbness but she was not granted that small kindness.

I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human.

Didn't he understand that that didn't matter to her?

You're not good for me, Bella.

In her mind those words had twisted into "You're not good enough for me, Bella."

That was something she could believe. How could a creature as perfect as him ever love her? It had been a dream, a silly childish dream to think she could be with him; a vampire lover, immortal, beautiful, and never really hers. No more cold embraces. No more dizzying kisses. No more fantasies of all that was to come. Her future had been erased with a few simple words.

Now she sits in her room to pass the time. She stares out the window but doesn't really see anything. The leaves turn brilliant shades of red and orange, then the branches become bare, then they are covered in pure white snow, but she doesn't notice. She sits and stares out the window, immutable. As unchanging as the man she once loved.

People have tried to reach her. Her father has stood in the doorway watching her many times. Sometimes he's yelled at her. Sometimes he's made vague attempts to be affectionate. Other times he's threatened her. All to no avail. She speaks only when she absolutely needs to except for the times when she sleeps and her subconscious mind wreaks havoc, spilling forth all her secrets until she wakes screaming and crying.

Friends used to call. Her mother even showed up once. She crooned and rocked Bella and swore and cussed at the man who'd broken her daughter even though he wasn't there to hear her. She tried to tell Bella that there'd be others and that it wasn't the end of the world but that only served to piss Bella off.

"Shut up!" she yelled. She stood and walked over to the window. She ran her fingers over the ledge. She still left the window unlocked.

"Leave." She whispered without looking back. "I want you to leave."

Last but not least was Jacob Black, an old childhood friend. She'd hardly seen him since she'd returned to Forks. Poor boy. What could he possibly do in the face of such grief and anger? He shuffled his feet, made lame jokes, picked at loose threads on her blanket, and eventually he gave up. Finally, blessedly, she was truly alone.

Or so she thought.