After Effects [explicit]
Why is it that every time it all comes down to paperwork? A never-ending stream. I can hear his shoes on the concrete steps. He thinks he is quiet, but I know this Hub and I know all the sounds. Most importantly, I know the sound of him. I know the smell of him. "This time tomorrow, he'll be back in 1918," I tell him. I can feel his presence behind me in the room; I keep at the papers, trying to look busy. "In his own time," Ianto agrees with me. "Would you go back to yours? If you could?" I pause, looking up at the wall, at nothing. Do I dissemble? Do I lie? I smile at the thought of honesty. "Why?" My voice drops a few octaves and I try to steady it, try not to give away how important his answer is to me. "Would you miss me?" Will he answer? Or will he, as with most of our conversations, dance around feelings, emotions and truths? I shouldn't have asked it but I want to know. After seeing the heartbreak on Tosh's face earlier and having to force her to confront losing someone she cares about, all I can think about is belonging. Where do I belong? In the future? In the past? Here? "Yep," he says in that delicious accent. Clipped and oh, so young. I can feel him come closer. I put down the paper work, but I can't look at him yet. I sigh. "I left home a long time ago. I don't really know where I really belong." If we are going for honesty here, I should go the whole way. I pick up the rest of the instructions for Tommy. The old parchment crackling in my hands, that familiar handwriting, how I miss Gerald and Harriet! Will he see the invite I am giving him? "Maybe that doesn't matter any more." I say as I look up. "I — know you get lonely," he tells me. There is my observant Welshman. He sits on the desk now as I close the folder. He is here; work is over for the night. I clasp my hands as I look at him. He is wearing that blank expression of his as he holds himself in check, tries to hide his emotions. "Going home wouldn't fix that." I look away now, I can't look at him, this is too raw. I shake my head. "Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see," this world is amazing and it is the people that I meet that make it so. "Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was." I look at him now. He isn't looking at me. Does he think he isn't on that list? Look at me, Ianto, with those clear blue eyes that see through my act on a regular basis. See me now, Ianto. See me for real. "And I wouldn't change that for the world," I tell him.
He looks at me for a heart beat or two, then, moving forward, takes my face between his hands… hands that I love… hands that I have longed to hold… and he kisses me. I put my hands on his shoulders, moving them to his face as those hands caress my face, my neck. His tongue enters my mouth, fighting with mine.
The feeling of warmth and love rushes through my body like a shock to my system.
It seems like we're kissing for an eternity, when I finally part us, looking up into those trusting, blue eyes. Those clear blue eyes - I love them - love him. Wanted him with all my very being. But would he want me? Was he just caught up in the moment?
Time to find out…..
I push back my chair and stand up. Ianto watched my every move. I touch his face with the back of my right hand and his eyes close.
"I love you," he whispers.
Did I hear right? He loves ME.
I move my hands to the top of his arms, making him stand. He is probably just under an inch smaller than me but our eyes meet and hold.
"I - love you." I reply, waiting for his reaction.
A smile slowly forms on his face - it takes my breath away. His eyes move to the hole in my office that leads to my bedroom.
I smile back. "Oh, yeah."
We move slowly at first, not wanting to fall off the ladder. When we reached the foot of the ladder, I took Ianto into my arms, holding him close, and whisper into his hair, "I want to love you."
I fell him swallow. Was he about to say no? Was this where my fantasy ends?
He puts a hand against my chest, making space between us. 'Here goes,' I thought. To my surprise, he begins to take off his jacket, then his waistcoat and that blood red tie I love seeing him in. I take his lead and begin to undress.
Within minutes, we are both naked. I let my eyes rove his entire body, head to foot then back up. Our eyes meet. He's blushing.
"You are beautiful," I manage to say.
"So are you," he replies.
I take his hand and lead him to the bed. He could still say no, but I was hoping he wouldn't. We kiss and move to lie on the bed. My right hand traced a line from his face to his flat stomach. I let it rest there for a few minutes, watching his expression. He smiled, nodded.
His penis was beginning to become erect, a few more minutes and we would both be lost in so much pleasure. Pleasure that I thought was only in my head. But here he was, on my bed, in my arms, letting me touch him in a way not other man had ever touched him. I wanted to be the only man ever to touch him this way.
The bed was only a single, but that's all we needed. His legs are apart, my right leg between them, while my right hand slowly brings him to climax. He throws his head back and I kiss his exposed throat. I can feel the pulse in his neck quicken, as his body stiffens and jerks as he cums. His face and chest flushed in the aftermath of sex.
As I look into his eyes, I see unshed tears. His smile assures me he is alright.
I want to lay with my lover like this for the rest of his life.
Him and only him…..