Hakuna Matata

Simba had collapsed from heat exhaustion while running away from home, and was getting surrounded by a flock pf buzzards.

Meanwhile in the Oasis, Timon jumped on Pumbaa's head behind Shenzi. "Aw, why not? One more run won't change our lives!" He smiled before they charged out into the desert.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaahh!" He and Shenzi yelled as they headed for the buzzards.

"Get out!"

"Get out!" The pint-sized hyena yelled.

"Get outta here!"

"Whoo!"

"I love it! Bowlin' for Buzzards!" Pumbaa smiled.

"Gets 'em every time," Timon laughed as he dusted himself off. Shenzi did the same to herself as she was giggling.

"Uh oh," Pumbaa noticed an unconscious Simba, "Hey guys, you better come look; I think it's still alive."

"Ewww…" Timon grimaced as he and Shenzi walked over to them. Simba had one paw in front of his face. "All righty, what have we got here?" He sniffed at him before lifting his paw up with a struggle, before dropping it, and jumping back in fright, tripping backwards over it. "Jeez, it's a lion!" He exclaimed, before he grabbed Shenzi's little paw, and pulled her up with him on the warthog's head and pulled his ears back. "Run, Pumbaa! Move it!"

"Hey Timon, he's just a little lion," Pumbaa smiled at the cub, and Shenzi smiled at him as well. "Look at him. He's so cute, and all alone!"

"Could we keep him?" He and Shenzi asked Timon.

"You guys, are you nuts?!" He yelled in their ears simultaneously, with Shenzi cringing, "We're talking about a lion. Lions eat guys, and girls, like us."

"But he's so little," Shenzi pointed out, as Pumbaa leaned closer to him, accidentally dumping his pint-sized friends on the ground.

"He's gonna get bigger," Timon retorted, as he and the hyena was under the warthog's nose.

"Maybe he'll be on our side," Pumbaa said.

"A-huh!" Timon laughed, "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. Maybe he'll b… Hey, I got it! What if he's on our side?" Shenzi raised an eyebrow at him, but it came unnoticed. "You know, having a lion around might not be such a bad idea." He and Shenzi climbed back up on the warthog's head.

"So we're keepin' him?"

"Pbb, of course," Timon scoffed, "Who's the brains of this outfit?"

Pumbaa carefully lifted Simba up on his tusks. "Uhhh…"

"My point exactly," Timon said before Shenzi could get a word in, "Jeez, I'm fried," He wiped some sweat off his forehead, "Let's get out of here, and find some shade."

Once they found a shady spot, Timon splashed some water on the cub's face, as he came to.

"You okay, kid?" Timon asked him.

"I guess so," Simba replied.

"You nearly died," Pumbaa told him.

"I saved ya," Timon claimed. Pumbaa snorted at, and Shenzi glared daggers at him, "Well uh, they helped. A little."

"Thanks for the help," Simba said dully before walking away.

"Hey, where're you going?" Timon asked him.

"Nowhere," The cub replied dully.

"Gee, he looks blue," Timon remarked as he, Pumbaa, and Shenzi watched him.

"I'd say brownish-gold," The warthog said, misunderstanding the meerkat's statement.

"No, no, no, he means he's depressed," Shenzi told him.

"Oh." Pumbaa trotted up to Simba, with Timon and Shenzi following. "Kid, what's eatin' ya?"

"Nothin', he's on top of the food chain!" Timon joked, "Ahhhhhhha ha haaa!"He elbowed Simba's side as he cracked up, "The food cha-haain!" Pumbaa and Simba stared at him silently, while Shenzi had an eyebrow raised at him. "Ehe he… ehem," He slowly stopped, realizing his joke flopped. "So, where're you from?" He asked Simba.

"Who cares? I can't go back."

"Ahh, you're an outcast!" Timon smiled, "That's great, so are we."

"What'd you do?" Shenzi asked Simba.

"Something terrible; but I don't want to talk about it."

"Good, we don't want to hear about it," Timon said, before Shenzi nudged him in the ribs harshly in exasperation, scowling at him, "D'ow!" He yelled in pain, holding his now sore ribs.

"Anything we can do?" Pumbaa asked Simba.

"Not unless you can change the past." Shenzi's heart ached for him.

"You know, kid, in times like this, my buddies Timon and Shenzi here say, "You got to put your behind in your past,"" He misquoted.

"No, no, no," Timon waved his arms around as Shenzi shook her head.

"I mean…"

"Amateur; Lie down before you hurt yourself." Pumbaa sat down, looking disappointed, "It's "you got to put your past behind you." Look kid, bad things happen, and you can't do anything about it, right?"

"Right."

"Wrong!" Timon suddenly poked Simba's nose, surprising him, "When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world."

"That's not what I was taught."

"Then maybe you need a new lesson. Repeat after me," Timon cleared his throat, "Hakuna Matata."

"What?"

"Ha-ku-na Ma-ta-ta," Pumbaa repeated more slowly, "It means "No worries.""

"Hakuna Matata, what a wonderful phrase!" Timon started singing.

"Hakuna Matata, ain't no passing craze!" Pumbaa started as well.

"It means no worries, for the rest of your days," Shenzi started singing. They led Simba over to a green bush, which he leaned into like it was a cushion.

"It's our problem-free… philosophy," The whole trio sang together.

"Hakuna Matata," Timon filed down one of Simba's claws.

"Hakuna Matata?"

"Yeah, it's our motto," Pumbaa told him.

"What's a motto?" Simba asked them.

"Nothin', what's a-motto with you?" Timon joked, "Ahh haha!" He laughed, as Pumbaa and Shenzi laughed with him.

"You know, kid- These two words will solve all your problems," Pumbaa told Simba.

"That's right! Take Pumbaa for example," Timon said before he started singing, "Why, when he was a young warthog."

"When I was a young wartho-o-o-og!"

"Very nice."

"Thanks!"

"He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal," Timon continued,
"He could clear the savannah after every meal."

"I'm a sensitive soul," Pumbaa chimed in,
"Though I seem thick-skinned.
And it hurt that my friends never stood downwind.
And oh, the shame!"

"He was ashamed!" Timon chimed in.

"Thoughta changing my name."

"Oh, what's in a name?" Shenzi chimed in.

"And I got downhearted."

"How did you feel?" (Timon)

"Every time that I…"

"Pumbaa! Not in front of the kids!" Timon and Shenzi stopped him.

"Oh, sorry," He said sheepishly. Simba furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Hakuna Matata!
What a wonderful phrase," The whole trio sang together, as Timon and Shenzi hoisted Pumbaa up to a vine, which he started swinging on, as Simba watched with interest.
"Hakuna Matata!
Ain't no passing craze."

"It means no worries, for the rest of your days," Simba started singing with them, becoming more enthusiastic.

"Yeah, sing it, kid!" Timon did a vaudeville knee-slide up to him.

"It's our problem-free…" The cub, meerkat, and hyena sang together, before Pumbaa landed next to them.

"… philosophy!" He finished.

"Hakuna Matata!"

"Welcome… to our humble home," Timon pulled back a large fern leaf, revealing their home to Simba, who stared in awe.

"You live here?"

"We live wherever we want," Shenzi shrugged.

"Yep, home is where your rump rests," Pumbaa chuckled.

"It's beautiful," Simba smiled.

Later, as they walked through the oasis, Pumbaa let out a loud, raunchy burp. "I'm starved."

"I'm so hungry I could eat a whole zebra," Simba remarked.

Timon stopped walking, "Eeeahhah, we're fresh out of zebra."

"Any antelope?"

"Na-ah," Shenzi shook her head.

"Hippo?"

"Nope," Timon said, "Listen, kid; if you live with us, you have to eat like us." He then spotted a stray log, and he, Pumbaa, and Shenzi walked up to it, "Hey, this looks like a good spot to rustle up some grub." Pumbaa forced the log up with his snout, revealing a bunch of grubs and bugs, one of which Timon grabs.

"Eeew, what's that?"

"A grub. What's it look like?"

"Eeew, gross!" Simba grimaced in disgust, while Timon ate the bug.

"Tastes like chicken," The meerkat remarked.

Pumbaa slurped up a large worm, as the trio started feasting on bugs. "Slimy, yet satisfying."

"These are rare delicacies," Timon grabbed a bug, and ate it, "Piquant… with a very pleasant crunch," He remarked before eating another.

"You'll learn to love 'em," Pumbaa told the cub, with his mouth full.

"I'm telling you, kid, this is the great life; no rules, no responsibilities," Timon poked his hand into a knothole, making many bugs scramble out, as he pulled one out, "Oooh! The little cream-filled kind." He ate it before placing another bug on a leaf he was carrying, that had a bunch of other bugs on it. "And best of all, no worries." He offered the bugs to Simba, "Well kid?"

Simba grabbed a grub from the pile, "Oh well, Hakuna Matata," He shrugged, before slowly slurping it up. At first, he looked sick, but then he started becoming more cheerful. "Slimy, yet satisfying."

"That's it," Timon smiled.

Years later… "Hakuna Matata, Hakuna Matata, Hakuna Matata…" Timon, Pumbaa, and Shenzi chanted to the beat.

"It means no worries," A now adult Simba chimed in, "For the rest of your days."

"It's our problem-free… philosophy," They all sang together. "Hakuna Matata."

They dove down in the pond in turn, with Timon going first, then Shenzi, then Pumbaa, all of them making small splashes. When Simba jumped down, he grabbed a vine with his teeth, it broke under his weight, so he fell in the pond, resulting in a splash big enough to wash the trio ashore. The foursome repeated the two words together as they boogied off into the oasis.

Stars

That night, the foursome were relaxing outside, gazing at the stars, when one of them let out a monstrous burp.

"Whoa, nice one, Shenzi," Timon remarked.

"Thanks," Shenzi giggled sheepishly.

"Man, I'm stuffed," Simba said.

"Me too," Pumbaa said, "I ate like a pig."

"Pumbaa, you are a pig," Simba reminded him.

"Oh… right." They all sighed deeply and simultaneously in relaxation. "… Timon?" Pumbaa spoke up after a few seconds of silence.

"Yeah?"

"Ever wonder what those sparkly dots up there are?"

"Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know."

"Oh. What are they?"

"They're fireflies." Shenzi furrowed her eyebrows and smirked in amusement at Timon's statement, "Fireflies that uh… got stuck up on that big.. bluish black… thing." Shenzi rolled her eyes.

"Oh. Gee. I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away," Pumbaa said. Shenzi raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Pumbaa, wit' you, everything is gas," Timon remarked.

"Simba, what do you think?" Shenzi asked the lion.

"Well, I don't know…" Simba hesitated.

"Aw come on," Shenzi insisted.

"Give, give, give," Pumbaa said, "Well, come on, Simba, we told you ours. Ple-e-e-ease?"

"Come on, come on… give, give," Timon insisted.

"Well, somebody once told me that the great kings of the past are up there, watching over us," Simba told them reluctantly.

"Really?" Pumbaa said in awe.

"You mean a bunch of royal dead guys are watching us?" Timon asked Simba, before he burst into hysterical laughter, "Pbbb! Ohohohahaha!" Pumbaa joined in, as Shenzi couldn't help but laugh at the impossibility. Simba laughed with them, but it was half-hearted. "Who told you something like that? What mook made that up?"

"Yeah, pretty dumb, huh?" Simba laughed half-heartedly, before he stopped. He gazed back up at the stars sadly, as the others were still cracking up.

"Aw, you're killing me, Simba," Timon laughed. The lion eventually, and quietly stood up, and left sadly. "Was it something I said?" Timon wondered aloud.

In the Jungle

Quite a while later, Timon, Pumbaa, and Shenzi were singing together in the oasis.

"Ohi'mbube
Ohi'mbube." (Pumbaa)

"In the jungle,
the mighty jungle,
the lion sleeps too-night!
In the jungle,
the mighty jungle,
the lion sleeps too-night!" Timon and Shenzi were singing together. Unknown to them, Pumbaa spotted a beetle, and started stalking it.
"In the jungle,
the mighty jungle,
the lion sleeps…" They stopped when they didn't hear the warthog.

"I can't hear you, buddy, back us up!" Timon exclaimed, "A-WEEEE-ee-EE-ee! ba-Pum-ba-bum-ba-way!" Shenzi cringed at his voice's volume. 'Sing a little louder, why don't ya?' She thought. "A-Pumbaa?" Timon stopped singing.

"Pumbaa?" Shenzi called out.

Meanwhile the said warthog was still stalking the beetle, until he heard rustling behind him. "Timon? Shenzi?" He said, feeling spooked, but there was no answer. Suddenly, the beetle flew away, revealing a lion's eyes. And they weren't Simba's. "EEEEAAAHHH!" He screamed, before running away, as the lioness was in hot pursuit, before he got stuck under a tree root, while trying to squeeze through the space.

"Pumbaa?" Timon and Shenzi heard the noises from the chase, and went to investigate, where they saw the warthog stuck.

"Pumbaa!" Shenzi tried to get his attention.

"Pumbaa!" Timon succeeded in doing so, "Hey, what's goin' on?"

"SHE'S GONNA EAT ME!" Pumbaa screamed, blowing their fur and hair back like a gust of wind.

"What?"

"Huh?" Timon and Shenzi jumped on the tree root, and saw the lioness charging towards them at full speed. "Whoa!" They jumped down, and tried to shove Pumbaa through the opening, "Jeez, why do we always have to save your… AAAAAA!" They both screamed simultaneously.

Suddenly, Simba jumped above them, and caught the lioness' head at full force, before a savage fight broke out.

"Don't worry, buddy, we're here for ya," Timon assured him, rubbing his backside.

"Everything's gonna be okay," Shenzi assured him in turn.

"Get her! Bite her head!" Timon cheered to Simba, "Go for the jugular! The jugular!" He turned to Shenzi and Pumbaa, "See, I told you he'd come in handy."

Soon, the fight became nothing more than a wrestling match, as the lioness pinned Simba on his back, in a way that was all too familiar to him.

"… Nala?" He breathed out in awe. She immediately backed off in surprise, as he stood up. "Is it really you?"

"Who are you?" She asked him.

"It's me… Simba," He told her.

"Simba?" He nodded, confirming her question. "Whoa!" She exclaimed happily.

"Whoaa!" Simba exclaimed happily as well.

"Well, how did you…?"

"How did you…?"

"Where did you come from…?"

"Who…!"

"Wow…!"

"This is cool…!"

"It's great to see you…!"

"It's great to see you…!"

Timon and Shenzi stared in bafflement at the sudden change. "Hey, what's goin' on here?" Timon wondered aloud as he and Shenzi walked to the scene.

"What are you doing here?" Simba asked Nala, not noticing his pint-sized pals.

"What do you mean, "What am I doing here?" What are you doing here?" Nala replied.

"HEY! WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE!?" Timon yelled loudly, finally getting their attention.

"Timon, Shenzi, this is Nala," Simba introduced them, "She's my best friend!"

"Friend?!" Timon was thoroughly confused.

"Yeah," Simba nodded, "Hey, Pumbaa, come over here." The warthog got himself unstuck, and walked over to them. "Nala, this is Pumbaa. Pumbaa, Nala," Simba introduced them.

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance," Pumbaa smiled, as Shenzi nodded in agreement.

"The pleasure's all mine," Nala smiled back.

"How do you do…" Timon started, "Whoa! Whoa, time out. Lemme get this straight; You know her, she knows you, but she wants to eat him. And everybody's… okay with this?" He then jumped up in the air, waving his arms around, "DID I MISS SOMETHING?!" He yelled.

"Relax Timon," Shenzi told him.

"Wait 'til everybody finds out you've been here all this time!" Nala thought aloud, "And your mother… what will she think?"

"She doesn't have to know," Simba told her, thinking she was referring to the years-old tragedy, "Nobody has to know."

"Well, of course they do. Everyone thinks you're dead."

"They do?"

"Yeah," Nala said, "Scar told us about the stampede."

"He did? Well… what else did he tell you?"

"What else matters? You're alive. And that means… you're the king."

"King? Pbbb!" Timon scoffed, "Lady, have you got your lions crossed."

"King? Your Majesty! I gravel at your feet," Pumbaa started noisily kissing Simba's paw in respect.

"Stop it," He pulled his paw away.

"It's not "gravel," it's "grovel,"" Timon told him, "And don't- he's not the king." He turned to Simba, "Are ya?"

"No," Simba replied.

"Simba?"

"No, I'm not the king. Maybe I was gonna be, but… that was a long time ago."

"Let me get this straight," Timon started, "You're the king? And you never told us?"

"Look, I'm still the same guy."

"But with power!" Shenzi said enthusiastically.

"Could you guys… excuse us for a few minutes?" Nala asked them apologetically.

"Hey, whatever she has to say, she can say in front of us. Right, guys?" Timon insisted.

"Hmm… maybe you better go," Simba decided.

Timon was aghast, then gave up. "It starts. You think you know a guy…" He, Pumbaa, and Shenzi padded away.

"Timon, Pumbaa, and Shenzi… you learn to love 'em," Simba remarked.

Can You Feel The Love Tonight?

Timon sighed heavily as he, Pumbaa, and Shenzi watched the romantic scene between the two lions from the bushes. "I tell you, guys, this stinks."

"Oh, sorry," Pumbaa apologized.

"Not you. Them!" Timon corrected him, "Him. Her. Alone."

"What's wrong with that?" Shenzi wondered aloud.

"I can see what's happening," Timon started singing.

"What?" Pumbaa was clueless.

"And they don't have a clue."

"Who?"

"They'll fall in love, and here's the bottom line; our foursome is down to three."

"Oh."

"Ze sweet caress of twilight," Timon used a mocking French accent, before he used his normal voice, sounding sarcastic,
"There's magic everywhere.
And with all this romantic atmosphere.
Disaster's in the air!"

Later, they finished the song. "And if he falls in love tonight," Timon sang tearfully, as Pumbaa sniffled, "It can be assumed." He hugged Pumbaa tearfully, and Shenzi hugged Timon in the same way.

"His carefree days with us, are history," Pumbaa chimed in sadly.

"In short, our pal… is doomed!" The boys finished simultaneously, before they burst into sobs.

Next Morning

The next morning, the now threesome were sleeping together, with Timon and Shenzi closely next to each other on Pumbaa's stomach, and both boys snoring. Nala walked up to them quietly.

"Hey," She whispered, "Hey, wake up." She nudged Timon and Shenzi, and they woke up to see her eyes up close.

"AAAA!" They screamed simultaneously, before Pumbaa joined them.

"It's OK! Whoa, whoa! It's OK, it's me," She assured them, as they calmed down.

"Don't ever do that again!" Timon told her desperately, "Carnivores, oy!"

"Have you guys seen Simba?"

"I thought he was with you," Timon had one hand on his head.

"He was, but now I can't find him. Where is he?"

"Ho, ho, ho, ho!" A familiar monkey laughed, "You won't find him here. The king… has returned."

"I can't believe it… he's gone back," Nala said in awe.

"Gone back? What do you mean…" Timon started, and looked up at the tree, but Rafiki was gone, "Hey! What's goin' on here? Who's the monkey?"

"Simba's gone to challenge Scar," Nala told them.

"Who?" Shenzi furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. 'Who names their kid Scar?' She thought.

"Scar," Nala said again.

"Who's got a scar?" Pumbaa asked her, misunderstanding.

"No, no, no, it's his uncle."

"The monkey's his uncle?"

"No!" The lioness exclaimed, "Simba's gone back to challenge his uncle to take his place as king."

"Ohhh," The trio said simultaneously, finally getting it.

The trio came up to the two lions gazing upon the Pridelands, and they heard Nala laughing about something.

"I see nothing funny about this," Timon remarked.

"Timon? Pumbaa? Shenzi? What are you doing here?" Simba asked them in surprise, as he and Nala looked down at them.

"At your service, my liege," Pumbaa bowed down on one foreleg in respect, as Shenzi nodded in agreement.

"Uh, we're gonna fight your uncle… for this?" Timon wondered aloud, referring to the drought-savaged lands. Shenzi nudged him again, but not quite as hard as other times. "Ow," He muttered, rubbing his sore upper arm.

"Yes, Timon," Simba replied, "This is my home.

"Ffh, talk about your fixer-upper," He muttered, "Well, Simba, if it's important to you," He and Shenzi bowed down in respect, "we're with you to the end." Simba appreciatively down at them.

Hula

A short time later, they were hiding behind a log, observing hordes of jackals, each doing their own thing.

"Jackals; I hate jackals," Timon quietly remarked, "So what's your plan for gettin' past those guys?" He whispered to Simba.

"Live bait," He replied, looking at his two pint-sized guardians.

"Good idea," Timon nodded, before realizing he was talking about him and Shenzi.

"Heeey," They sneered simultaneously.

"Come on- you guys have to create a diversion," Simba persisted.

"What do you want me to do? Dress in drag and do the hula?"

And indeed, he did just that. He had a purple Hawaiian lei, a green hula skirt, and a pink flower behind one ear. Shenzi had a green hula skirt as well, along with a black lei and matching band, and a black flower on one ear. Pumbaa was set up like a roast pig, even with an apple in his mouth.

The jackals shot their heads up upon hearing drums in a Hawaiian beat.

"Luau!" Timon exclaimed, whipping around, before he started singing with Shenzi.

"If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat,
Eat our buddy Pumbaa here because he is a treat,
Come on down and dine
On this tasty swine,
All you have to do is get in line." The jackals started slowly advancing on them, mad with hunger.

Soon, Pumbaa started singing with them, the apple at his feet.

"A-a-a-are you achin'…"

"Yup, yup."

"Fo-o-o-or some bacon?"

"Yup, yup."

"He-e-e-e's a big pig." The jackals started getting closer, as Simba and Nala sneaked away behind them.

"Yup, yup."

"You can be a big pig too, oy!" They finished before they screamed and ran off, the jackals in hot pursuit.

After Scar grudgingly confessed his crime, the jackals started attacking Simba. "Heeey-yaaaaah!" The trio screamed out, as they shoved the jackals away, just like when they bowled for buzzards.

"'Scuse me, pardon me, comin' through, hot stuff. Whoo!"

Later, Timon and Shenzi were running away from a jackal named Bruno, into the cave where Zazu was kept in a bone cage by Scar.

"Let me out! Let me out!" Zazu yelled out.

"Let me in! Let me in!" Timon and Shenzi yelled as they ran into the cage, just as Shelly, a female jackal, and Bruno caught up.

"Plehehease, don't eat us," Timon pleaded.

"Problem?" Pumbaa's voice came from the entrance, where he was standing.

"Hey, who's the pig?" Bruno wondered aloud.

"Are you talking to me?" Pumbaa replied, sounding intimidating.

"Uh oh, he called him a pig," Timon pointed out, as Shelly gazed down at him.

"Are you talking to me?!"

"Shouldn't have done that," Shenzi remarked.

"ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!"

"Now they're in for it," Timon and Shenzi said simultaneously.

"They CALL me… MI-I-ISTER PIG! AAAAAHHH…!" Pumbaa charged at the two now scared jackals, and the third one, Bin, watched as his two comrades were beaten up by the warthog, before they scrambled out.

The trio and Zazu came out soon after, as Timon and Pumbaa did the Arsenio Hall "Ooh ooh" chant.

The next day, Simba had claimed his place as king of the Pridelands. He, Nala, Timon, Pumbaa, and Shenzi were on the promontory of Pride Rock, where Timon was shaking his arms in a classic victory way.

(A/N: The original movie and its characters don't belong to me. I decided to do this a while after finishing my rewrite of The Lion King 1 1/2. Soon, I'll do the sequel.)